When I was a wee chile, tryin’ to survive in Fremont CA, Mother dragged me to theater, to screen “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”
I was NOT properly impressed.
Fu*k u Mom! Just Kiddin’!! I LOVED My Mother–Very Dearly–And As Previously Reported: My Mother Was The Original ‘Hippy-Chick’– She called herself a “Christian” But In Reality, She was an Atheist. Precisely why I Loved my Mother; I was an atheist, since I was first born, or hatched, Your choice.
I Was Endeavoring to Take-A-Much-Needed Nap But, Oh Hell No! They Would Not, Or Could Not… Be Sated. So, What Did This Cowboy Do? Decided To Fu*K Wid Dem!
Yet, I Aswered their Much needed / Heeded Call–Might Have Been a Damsel-in-Distress–For All I Knew…
Oh, Hell No!
Just two Morons!
“Oh Lord, Please Forgive Them—For They Know Not What They Do, Nor Who They Were Fukken With”
And of course I was Respectful–I am NOT a Complete Moron! Had They Been Mormons From Utah, I would have introduced them to the under-side of my boots, but these were Texans, and being same, deserved some semblance of my respect. I invited them in…
I AM Only a Half-Way Moron.
And Let Me ‘En-Lighten Y’all:
Neither One Looked Even Remotely Like Emmy Lou.
If’n They Had,
Things May have Gone Off Some-What Smoother for Them…
But, Alas.
I DID Try To Explain to These Two Idiots How Much I Respected Folks of Faith.
But I am an Atheist.
“Forever how long?” One inquired.
“Ever since I learned to read,” I responded.
Our ‘Conversation’ kinda went South after that.
FAITH:
There’s a Hallelujah on The Lips Of All Good Dyin’ Men
The High-Women
“Heaven is a Honky-Tonk”
My Relationship with ‘God’ is rather, shall we say, ‘Complicated’
Flew, Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Right Over Their Heads…
Again, Alas. I gave Up
And then I Cordially Invited Them to Go Get Fu*kd
Emmylou!
I love You!
For You and You Alone,
I would go to Church
FAITH
Bull-Shit Department:
Cred: Carlin
****
Story at Eleven
To Be Continued.
I Have Only Scratched the Surface of
This Holy Encounter
Stray Tuned
Only A Reminder That You’re Just Not Good Enough
“The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Sold” With My Humble (cough cough) Opinion
Joni Love Letter Thrown in at the End.
Tread Softly. And I’m sorry the text don’t line up properly with the images. WordPress is Stupid. I cannot fix stupid.
****
Cast of Characters:
Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.
Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.
Ya gotta love Joe. Ya just gotta.
Baby Jesus, aka Baby Hey Zeus, aka, Christmas… Pre-sents
Not even gonna comment on this one, but, be my guest.
Saint Peter
Jesus Playing with the Mothers of Immaculate Conception, circa 0014 AD
You Really Didn’t Believe That “Rode Into Town on an Ass” bit did you?
“I’m There Dude!”
Brother Failwell
Then Dad said, “Go Preach Your Ass Off!
And Jesus Said, “We’re there Dude! Just look at ‘em!”
Case Rested
Yay! Jesus!
“They’re eatin’ this shit up!
Hey! Judas! Come check this out!
Judas: Enema needing to Happen. “Nothing to see here; move along…”
“Ah shit!
Here come those Romanians Again! Don’t these people ever give up? Gotta go!”
I love the smell of burnt Jesus in the morning
“As God as My Wit-less-ness, I shall never be hungry again! (As long as I have these radishes)”
Last Toke, I mean Last Munchies
Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!
In The Bullshit Department…
***
Bonus
Just for Fun:
CSN & Young
JONI!
Woodstock
She Wrote it
Didn’t ‘Physically’ live it
But as much as anybody
Embodied it
Duh
***
I can count on one hand and one toe
All the ways I can be made to be pissed off
I will not list all six
But
Know this:
At the top
Is
Being disrespectful
To
Joni
Do Not Go
There
Trust me
You will not like me
I will
Hurt
You
I was ‘Moved’ in Jerusalem, but not by God.
Mostly ‘Moved’ by the Arab Street Vendors
Peddling their
‘Jesus Trinkets’
***
This Shall Be A WIP. I was Once a Christian in My Youth–Then I Grew Up. And Learned to Read. I Have Been to The ‘Holy’ Land! Have You?
R.E.M. – Losing My Religion
“That Was Just a Dream”
Then I Woke Up.
Cred for Vid Share: remhq
Give Me Some Time.
“You Are Not Me”
Don’t Even Try
***
P.S. I LOVE Jerusalem.
Been There too many Times to Re-count
“NO Way To Hold My Head That Didn’t Hurt”
My Life!
Isn’t it Sad?
Notes From A Moron:
****
Cast of Characters:
Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.
Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.
Ya gotta love Joe. Ya just gotta.
Baby Jesus, aka Baby Hey Zeus, aka, Christmas… Pre-sents
Not even gonna comment on this one, but, be my guest.
Saint Peter
Jesus Playing with the Mothers of Immaculate Conception, circa 0014 AD
You Really Didn’t Believe That “Rode Into Town on an Ass” bit did you?
“I’m There Dude!”
Brother Failwell
Then Dad said, “Go Preach Your Ass Off!
And Jesus Said, “We’re there Dude! Just look at ‘em!”
Case Rested
Yay! Jesus!
“They’re eatin’ this shit up!
Hey! Judas! Come check this out!
Judas: Enema needing to Happen. “Nothing to see here; move along…”
“Ah shit!
Here come those Romanians Again! Don’t these people ever give up? Gotta go!”
I love the smell of burnt Jesus in the morning
“As God as My Wit-less-ness, I shall never be hungry again! (As long as I have these radishes)”
Last Toke, I mean Last Munchies
Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!
