I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Yes, I’m In-Love With Courtney Love.

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Redundant?

Yes, I Know

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn My Sister (step-sister)

“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?”

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading

So, The Commerce PD Just Arrested ME. Arrested Me & Returned me to the Hospitably Hos-spittal -al. And All that Magical Magic Would Entail For Me: The Commerce, American Hospital.

Long story ‘Bout Me–

Maybee Later I’ll Tell The Story.

Trust Me: It Ain’t Easy Being Me.

True  Story

At least I got me a souvenir:

Get Well Soon!

Cred for vid: =


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Hadassah

Kinda, Slightly, Up-Dated. And Y’all Just Know, I Am Inherently Lyin’…. “How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn, My Sis,

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading

Uh… Just for Fun Re-Run. “An’ We Drank a lot of Whiskey” And Once Again, I Cannot Proper Edit This. Thank You WordPress! (Assholes) As An Aside: Texans Are Bat-Shit Crazy. Watch Yer Ass If You ever Approach One.Yeah, ‘Red-Neck’ is My Middle-Name. Git Over It!

I saw Willie live and in color, Commerce, ETSU Gym, Circa 1976.

David Allen Coe opened the show… for three hours.

(He ‘Almost’ Ran Outta Material)

Willie was late.

Once Again.

Didn’t Matter None: I would have waited all night.

He opened (as always) with “Whiskey River”

The crowd went nuts and I spilled my Wild Turkey Ace-Oh-Ace…

“Gee Ain’t it Funny How time Slips Away”

Me an’ Paul

“Don’t Rain Shit On My Parade”

“If someone takes a spin it’s me and not you.”

I Adore Barbara. (But You Faithful, Regular Readers Already Know This)

The version I wanted, but WordPress is stupid.

“Three A.M., it’s me again.”

Three A.M. and I was in the middle of a dream about ‘Shit River’ in Ologapo City, Philippines. (Freud would’ve loved me)

Then I woke up.

Woke up to a very un-dreamy-like smell of real shit. Real potent shit. Horrible smelling shit. Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon smelling shit.

I was living in an old two-story house in Commerce. Just outside my bedroom was the walk-in closet where I kept all the clothes I owned. I have never owned much in the way of clothes, by the way.

I heard something dripping like rain behind the door, but it wasn’t raining outside. I opened the door and sure as shit, shit was raining down from the ceiling.  All over my clothes. Spattering on the floor. My Chow Mix doggie, Tizzy, was obviously responsible.

Chow

I went around the corner, and there  he was  in that dog-taking-a-shit posture at the top of the stairway: Obviously with a really bad case of the doggie drizzling shits.

Took me until seven a.m. to clean up the shit and wash all my clothes.

I called in sick to work telling my boss,

“I feel like shit.”

WIP I Love The Commerce PD

Watcha Gonna do when they come for yu?

Scared shitless

Over my lack of health

What to do?

Call The Police

They will take care of me

Or throw me under the jail.

***

Yes. I Have ‘Frequent Flyer’ Miles. We Are All On ‘First Name Basis’ At The Commerce Cop Shop

Whut to do?

Punt?

Been there.

Tried That

Did That

Didn’t Work ‘fore’ me

me

(I Love Them)

They look after me

Bonus Own Us:

You’ll Some Soon Day See

Cred: I Suppose, Maddy