I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Redundant?

Yes, I Know

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn My Sister (step-sister)

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

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Lance, You Lie: End

This is The ‘Living End’

Cred For Vid Share: VirtualVisitor999

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Previous Chapters Here:

One Two Three Four Five Six

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I went through the plan with Kim in great detail for what was to happen once he and John landed. He was not to look for me, shout, or do anything that might look unusual.

It was going to look unusual enough just having a private plane touching down behind the sheriff’s headquarters. I made Kim repeat all the steps back to me about a million times.

John assured me he could land the plane and stop quickly. He and Kim would throw the duffel bags out and Kim and I could have them in the car in less than thirty seconds. John would begin his take off as soon as the last bag left the plane.

Total time on the ground: less than one minute. “Beautiful. I hoped it actually turns out that way,” I remember saying to them both. If you’re wondering what happened to Kirk, well he’d had enough of the Lance and Kim Show, and decided to hang it up. No problem; we really didn’t need him anyway. Ditto for Joe after his release from hospital and we returned his car to him.

The day before the flight, I made Kim take the Impala to the shop and purchase new tires. He balked at this, but I explained to him that I did not want to be driving around Lake Charles with over a hundred pounds of pot and have a blowout.

He took the car and bought the tires. I had satisfied myself that all was in order and had made several final recons of the landing site just to make sure someone had not decided to begin a construction project in the middle of my runway. No one had. We were set.

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Yet Another Re-RuM: “How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment…”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Street Cred: Courtney

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Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn, My Sis,

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading

Uh… Just for Fun Re-Run. “An’ We Drank a lot of Whiskey” And Once Again, I Cannot Proper Edit This. Thank You WordPress! (Assholes) As An Aside: Texans Are Bat-Shit Crazy. Watch Yer Ass If You ever Approach One.

I saw Willie live and in color, Commerce, ETSU Gym, Circa 1976.

David Allen Coe opened the show… for three hours.

(He ‘Almost’ Ran Outta Material)

Willie was late.

Once Again.

Didn’t Matter None: I would have waited all night.

He opened (as always) with “Whiskey River”

The crowd went nuts and I spilled my Wild Turkey Ace-Oh-Ace…

“Gee Ain’t it Funny How time Slips Away”

Me an’ Paul

Yes! I am Stupid Getting Back In-Touch With My Inner-Alcoholic. I’d Like to Share This Stagger Down Memory Lane: Still “Madelyn Related”—This Post is all over som place— sort thru it I cannot see again!

“How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment” Oh, and PS, Fuck You WordPress!

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

I am beyond Fake!

Getting to Know Me:

Cred: Rodgers & Hammerstein

Marni Nixon (dubbing Deborah Kerr) and Chorus sing “Getting To Know You” from the 1956 film version of THE KING AND I

And WP is STUPID!!! I cannot arrange this shit in proper order!

Figure it out if you can!

And Fuck YOU WordPress!

***

For Ref Regarding Marni Nixon: 

Natalie Would, If She Could… Have Me! How Many times Have I Re-Posted This One? Screw it! Read It Again. I am Over-Proud of it! “Tonight Tonight!” (Tried to Edit it. But Guess What? WordPress is STUPID!!)

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn, My Sis,

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading

Just for Fun Re-Run. “An’ We Drank a lot of Whiskey”

I saw Willie live and in color, Commerce, ETSU Gym, Circa 1976.

David Allen Coe opened the show… for three hours.

Willie was late.

Again.

Didn’t Matter None: I would have waited all night.

He opened (as always) with “Whiskey River”

The crowd went nuts and I spilled my Wild Turkey Ace-Oh-Ace…

Me an’ Paul