Just Got Re-Re-Leased–Once Again, Out Of Hospital / Jail Few Days Ago–Oh Well! I HATE Doctors–

X They Are All Too Fake Of A Kind–

‘Specially’

The Female Ones–

Never-Mind.

****

Joni

You Know,

I’ve been to sea before

“If You Want Me, I’ll Be In The Bar”

“Joni, I’d Give Up My Life To Join You There.”

I HATE Doctors!

Even Thou My Daddy

And Gran-daddy

Were—

Doctors,

I Was ‘Born Free’.

Been Payin’

Off That Debt Ever Since,

So I was ‘born free’—

Don’t you see?

Don’t Know What Went Wrong With Me—

I Went Astray.

So I Joined The Navy.

Shite!

Hahahaha!

C’est Moi:

Female Doc Informed Me that My Liver Was fukked

They did their due-diligence–lots of tests

They Showed Me Photos

Imagine My Surprise

“I Asked The She Doc, But How? Why?”

She informed me that if I did not stop drinking, I was gonna die

“Hell! Everybody Gotta Die over something”

(I need no doctor come to tell me that)

She Doc Was Not Amused

***

Tom Waits – “Bad Liver And A Broken Heart”

“It Ain’t A Purchase; It’s A Rental”

“I’ve Got Me A Bottle & A Dream.”

I wasn’t in Hospital for my liver–something quite un-related–My Liver was Just Collateral Damage.

Embarrassing in-fact—Perhaps I’ll tell Y’all Later

Or Not

Just Got Out Of Hospital Few Days ago–I HATE Doctors–Even tho My Daddy And Grandaddy Were—Doctors. So I was ‘born free’—Don’t you see? Don’t Know What Went Wrong With Me—I Went Astray. So I Joined The Navy.

Hahahaha!

C’est Moi:

Female Doc Informed Me that My Liver Was fukked

They did their due-diligence–lots of tests

They Showed Me Photos

Imagine My Surprise

“I Asked The She Doc, But How? Why?”

She informed me that if I did not stop drinking, I was gonna die

“Hell! Everybody Gotta Die over something”

(I need no doctor come to tell me that)

She Doc Was Not Amused

***

Tom Waits – “Bad Liver And A Broken Heart”

“It Ain’t A Purchase; It’s A Rental”

I wasn’t in Hospital for my liver–something quite un-related–My Liver was Just Collateral Damage.

Embarrassing in-fact—Perhaps I’ll tell Y’all Later

Or Not

Doctors Piss Me Off

While I was ‘out-processing’ in Fort Worth Texas to go to Kandahar back in 2011, I had this conversation with the DynCorp Doc. It was on a Monday morning:

Doctor asked me, “Did you attend a big drinking ‘going away party’ last night?”

“Nope” I lied. (I never need an excuse to drink me under the table)

“Well that is a shame, because your liver is inflamed. You sure you did not drink last night?”

“Yep. Quite sure,” I lied again.

“Well, you also have enlarged red blood cells. Do you realize what this means?”

“Yessir, I do. It means my red blood cells are capable of carrying more O2, and therefore, this is a good thing.”

*heavy sigh* from the doc. “That means they stick to each other. A bad thing.”

“Yeah, we all stick together… So doc, just sign the papers, ummm kay?”

“But… your BP… is off the chart. One-eighty over one-thirty-five”

“Ya, ain’t that cool? I have always been an over-achiever. High numbers fascinate me. Now please sign me off so I can go to the bar before going to Afghanistan to get shot at.”

stethoscope

True story. There are many more…

I don’t think that doc liked me. But he did sign ze papers like a good little DynCorp sycophant.

Eighteen hours later:

Wheels Down at KAF

And Lance a Happy Camper.

And this, of course… that last is a Bold-Faced LIE

(Just call it ‘Creative License.’)

TRUTH:

I had to ‘cool’ my heels in Dubai for almost ten days before I made it to Afghanistan.

I amused me by renting Russian Prostitutes.

(Putting a few of them through college in the process)

This is a TRUE story.

I do NOT  write FICTION.

(Not smart enuff)

 

Doctors Piss Me Off

While I was ‘out-processing’ in Fort Worth Texas to go to Kandahar back in 2011, I had this conversation with the DynCorp Doc:

Doctor asked me, “Did you attend a big drinking ‘going away party’ last night?”

“Nope” I lied. (I never need an excuse to drink me under the table)

“Well that is a shame, because your liver is inflamed. You sure you did not drink last night?”

“Yep. Quite sure,” I lied again.

“Well, you also have enlarged red blood cells. Do you realize what this means?”

“Yessir, I do. It means my red blood cells are capable of carrying more O2, and therefore, this is a good thing.”

*heavy sigh* from the doc. “That means they stick to each other. A bad thing.”

“Yeah, we all stick together… So doc, just sign the papers, ummm kay?”

“But… your BP… is off the chart. One-eighty over one-thirty-five”

“Ya, ain’t that cool? I have always been an over-achiever. High numbers fascinate me. Now please sign me off so I can go to the bar before going to Afghanistan to get shot at.”

stethoscope

True story. There are many more…

I don’t think that doc liked me. But he did sign ze papers like a good little DynCorp sycophant.

Eighteen hours later:

Wheels Down at KAF

And Lance a Happy Camper.

And this, of course… that last is a Bold-Faced LIE

(Just call it ‘Creative License.’)

TRUTH:

I had to ‘cool’ my heels in Dubai for almost ten days before I made it to Afghanistan.

I amused me by renting Russian Prostitutes.

(And put a few of them through college in the process)

This is a TRUE story.

I do NOT  write FICTION.

(Not smart enuff)