In My Continuing Vane Saga of Vain Stupidity: This Post Requires Mo’ Luv: It is All About Alcohol-hisem’es “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”

My childhood was kinda messed up.

***

“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”

-Janis Ian

This post is for Teela

 

******************

My grandfather beat his wife. He was a jealous man. He was a boxer in his youth, and his beatings were top-notch.

He could beat:

This man. That man. Any man. (He could beat women too)

And he did; he beat my grandmother.

For fifty years.

He was a jealous man.

He hated me, but more important, he hated the spring I had sprung from.

He hated those “Marcoms.”

“Who the hell do they think they are, Boy? Doctors, lawyers? Scum! That’s what they are!”

“Yes, gran-dad, they are scum.”

“That old Doc Marcom… he is communisss.”

“Yes, Grand-dad, surely”

“If’n you sass me Boy, I gonna send you there to live among ‘em.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

“Go on in there and do yer homework.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

That conversation happened in 1969, if memory serves.

In 1974, when I had ‘matured’ and I was spending a summer there (in Winnsboro), late one night, my Grandmother came flying through my room:

“Lance! Lance! He’s trying to kill me! Help me!”

I jumped out of bed, followed them onto the porch, and confronted my so old nemesis:

“Hey! You son of a bitch! Don’t be hittin’ my grandmother!,” I shouted.

He took a swing and a miss.

I countered and decked him. Knocked him off the porch actually.

He gathered his wits and said,

“Boy! I am gonna shoot your ass!” And  I believed him.

He ran into the house, as I was grabbing my Grandmother by the arm and dragging her to the road. He reappeared with his deer rifle and shot at us. We dived into the bar ditch, an’ cowered.

He missed.

But he did not miss the mark that I would have some difficulties lookin’ at him as ‘Gran-dad” anymore.

But… we forgave him.

We should not have.

(I know this now)

****

OK

Just to try to tie this one up since some have wanted to know the ‘ending’.

Somewhere about sunrise Gran-Ma an’ me made our way back home.

Granddaddy was up (kinda). I warily looked at him.

He had sobered up by this point.

I said something profound like “Good Day Sir”—I used to be a smart-ass kid—guess I still am.

Anyway,

Grand-Ma packed some clothing into a suitcase.

I grabbed all my books.

We loaded ourselves and all our stuff into the car and headed south.

To Houston where my mom lived (she was more crazy than her father, but if you have ‘read’ me, you already know this)

But at least she was usually ‘un-armed.’

***

“You who are so good with words….”

Diamonds & RUST

Vid Cred: Dave Bing

And, once again Dave!

I don’t need the fuckin’ words!

I have Functional EARS!

You ‘Almost’ Ruined The Vid

Asshole!

This Reeely Happened: I Do Not Write Fiction. “Ever So Blithely (Is that a word?) Expanded. “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”

“Between The Lines of Photo-Graphs I’ve Seen The Past–

It isn’t Pleasing”

“Don’t spoil it all; I can’t recall a time when you were stuck without an answer”

“It isn’t Pleasing”

–Janis I (Me? The Narcissist? Yeah, That Me. C’est Moi)

“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”

-Janis Ian

This post is for Teela

Teela

******************

My grandfather beat his wife. He was a jealous man. He was a boxer in his youth, and his beatings were top-notch.

 

***

Don’t Spoil it all

I can’t recall when you were stuck without an answer

He could beat:

This man. That man. Any man. (He could beat women too)

And he did; he beat my grandmother.

For fifty years.

He was a jealous man.

He hated me, but more important, he hated the spring I had sprung from.

He hated those “Marcoms.”

“Who the hell do they think they are, Boy? Doctors, lawyers? Scum! That’s what they are!”

“Yes, gran-dad, they are scum.”

“That old Doc Marcom… he is communisss.”

“Yes, Grand-dad, surely”

“It was a Good Year then; We All Remember”

***

“If’n you sass me Boy, I gonna send you there to live among ‘em.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

“Go on in there and do yer homework.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

That conversation happened in 1969, if memory serves.

In 1974, when I had ‘matured’ and I was spending a summer there (in Winnsboro), late one night, my Grandmother came flying through my room:

“Lance! Lance! He’s trying to kill me! Help me!”

I jumped out of bed, followed them onto the porch, and confronted my so old nemesis:

“Hey! You son of a bitch! Don’t be hittin’ my grandmother!,” I shouted.

He took a swing and a miss.

I countered and decked him. Knocked him off the porch actually.

He gathered his wits and said,

“Boy! I am gonna shoot your ass!” And  I believed him.

He ran into the house. As he was doing that, I  grabbed my Grandmother by the arm and dragged her to the road. He reappeared with his deer rifle and shot at us once again. We dived into a bar ditch, an’ cowered.

He went back into the house, to re-load, I suppose…

Yet, He had missed. Thank Baby Hey Zeus.

But he did not miss the mark bvy much that I would have some difficulties lookin’ at him as ‘Dear Ol’ Gran-daddy” Anymore–Nevermore.

We eventually got back to the house, very early morning.. Grandma packed some Grandma shit. I went lookin’ ’bout the porch. Discovered many expended rifle shells… Granddaddy was a crack shot. He could’s kilt us if he was a wanna to, He apparently was not of a want-to. Apparently.

But… we forgave him.

We should not have.

(I know this now)

****

OK

Just to try to tie this one up since some have wanted to know the ‘ending’.

Somewhere about sunrise Gran-Ma an’ me made our way back home.

Granddaddy was up (kinda). I warily looked at him.

He had sobered up by this point.

I said something profound like “Good Day Sir”—I used to be a smart-ass kid—guess I still am.

Anyway,

Grand-Ma packed some clothing into a suitcase.

I grabbed all my books.

We loaded ourselves and all our stuff into the car and headed south.

To Houston where my mom lived (she was more crazy than her father, but if you have ‘read’ me, you already know this)

But at least she was usually ‘un-armed.’

***

Once we arrived Houston, Mine Uncle, Gran-Daddy-Side, Recounted a story of when he was a boy. Gran-Daddy unleashed his right hook up-side my uncle’s head…

He did not stop flying until a kitchen cabinet impeded his backward progress into The 

Dante’s Hell That was His Life–Growin up with My Grand Dad

Yet…

I Loved the Man

Dearly

I Miss Him

So Marvelous Much

https://texantales.com/2022/10/10/never-a-shot-fired-in-anger-just-sweet-revenge/

In Keeping With My ‘Courtney Theme’: I Am In Love With Love: Courtney Variety. It is with no small Amount of Trepidation… That I Expose My Naked Soul…

I Wanted to ‘Edit’ This. But The ‘PC Police’ Would Not Allow THAT! When Referring to ‘Courtney’

I Wanted To Change ‘Actress’ To ‘Actor’ Oh, Hell No! Caint Allow You To Edit Your Own Post. Breaks The Rules of Engagement.

Fuck You WordPress!

And the Fonts are All F*cked UP–Caint Fix ‘Em—

Thank U WordPress!)

Some Day You will Ache Like I Ache–

Good Luck Experiencing That Experience.

****

The People vs. Larry Flynt:

It is with no small bit of Trepidation…

That I find myself re-posting this one. But in light of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding, ‘Hobby Lobby’, I just cannot keep quiet. If my words offend, I apologize now for the offense. But I never apologize for my mores. Some things won’t change.

Cheers to all my friends and readers. I am nothing, if not sincere.

–Lance

***

di·lem·ma

 noun də-ˈle-mə also dī-

: a situation in which you have to make a difficult choice

horns-of-a-dilemma

If you stare at this long enough, the clouds start to move. Go ahead, try it. (You know you want to)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

“Dilemma

Facing the Horns of One.

I really want to quit posting for today and I really want to visit all my friend’s blogs and I really want to make some really witty and cool statements so that they will really love me…and yet… I cannot shut the fuck up.

Really.

Why?

Because I am really, well really…

Because I am really really vain.

And strange

Really strange

My friends may forgive me.

Those new here, will not.

(Not really)

But I always tell me, I say, “Hey! Me! You can make new friends out there!”

I say, “But I love the friends I have already made.”

“Fuck ’em! The other me says.”

I grow some balls and kick my ‘other me to the curb.”

Why? Because a friend lost, hurts me.

Honestly

(You thought I was gonna say ‘really’ didn’t ya?)

Especially, if it comes from my vanity and my stupid forgetful lazy neglect. That hurts the worst.

Deeply.

Because, that one… should be preventable.

Therefore I leave you with this
(Yes. I did have a point)

How many out there feel or felt upon one time, that you were just a “Doll Part?”

(Yeah, that sounds gay)

And NO Offense to any of my gay friends out there: it is just an expression. (I think–if it offends–let  me know)

(Really–now you just knew–I had to slip that last one in, under some covers)

Then…

Get over it.

Answer the question and move on.

*End of Rant*

Below is a visual aid:

Ed. Note: Lance is one stupid son of a bitch.

This video below is significant to many of my friends who have suffered domestic violence. In the dark recesses of my feeble fucking mind, I knew this, yet I put the video in anyway.

Why? Because I love Love (Courtney)

That is no excuse. I need some sensitivity training. I am going to leave the video in this post, but now for different reasons: People Need To Wake Up To The Fact that here in this country and all over the world, there are women being abused.

Right NOW. Something has to be done. To quote Christopher Hitchens:

“The quickest way to end poverty is to empower women. Empower woman. Give them control of their reproductive bodies. Give them education. Let them have jobs.”

That is a paraphrase. But you can Google it, or I will do it for you. Next time I edit this stupid, thoughtless, insensitive post.

New Ed. Note: As promised hours ago…

And here we go with….Lenny!

427px-Lenny_Bruce_arrest

And Yes! I am going to continue to post shit that is on my mind. Ad nauseam.

Because this is my blog.

I mean no offense, but if you ever get offended here, well, I did warn you. (didn’t I?)

Okay, maybe I did not, but I am goddamn certain from day one, I never promised a floral garden.

Now did I?

(Sometimes, often, I out-type my brain–sorry)

Moving on…I guess this is a rant. (searching for a way to categorize this post)

Don’t worry: I will make up a new one if I havta. (and you real bloggers out there know what the fuck I am talking about. Doncha?)

And Fuck Yeah!

I think Courtney Love is fucking brilliant.

Wanna sue me?

The line forms to the right.

And Hell Yeah! “I wanna be the girl with the most cake!”

Don’t we all?

I mean,

Really?

*End*

In Keeping With My ‘Texans I Adore, Respect & Admire Theme’ Of Late: Black Mollies!

Molly Ivins is a Fukken Drop Dead Beautiful, Brilliant Woman.

And Hear Ye Hear Ye!

Hear Me!

I Am a Right-Wing Republican Sayin’

This.

Unabashedly Admitting This!

The 'Unsinkable Molly!

On LBJ, Bill Clinton, Domestic Violence, Poverty of Women,  and Some Other Gems.

Worth a watch.

And here is another short one on her formative years as a journalist:

This is a new focus for this Blog–not The Only Focus–just an additional one.

Please stay tuned for frequent new posts on this Theme.

It will probably tack back and forth all over the Texas Map (and Timeline)

Thanks Y’all

Still on My Film Kick! “Streetcar Named ‘His an’ Her Desire” Instant INSANITY! Blanche & Lance Romance!–MOVIES & Amber-Sands &&& Ain’t Life Grand? “No. Not Really.”

It’s all just a Façade

“Lance, I think you think you’re better than you think.

(At Writing.)

“Lance, Asshole! Watch and Ponder and Ponder & Ponder &

Watch This while you’re at it”

Cred for Brilliant Vid: Shea et al

****

And… Just for fun:

Marlon Brando

In his most ‘endearing’ scene(s):

Comments on DV? (for the un-hip, and uninitiated,. that is English for “Domestic Violence” Go on and Google)

Send them on over to Teela

http://teelahart.com/

Comments on Lenny Bruce? Or Flying Spaghetti Monsters, or Christopher Hitchens, or Texas, or Kinky Friedman, or Fishing in Galveston, or the Alamo, or, Politics, or Molly Ivins, or LBJ, or… oatmeal

Place them right here below:

http://texantales.com/

I will field them.

Cheers,

Lance

Refrain:

Sam Cooked:

I Am In Love With Love: Courtney Variety. “It is with no small bit of Trepidation…” (And the Fonts are All F*cked UP–Caint Fix ‘Em—Thank U WordPress!)

The People vs. Larry Flynt:

It is with no small bit of Trepidation…

That I find myself re-posting this one. But in light of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding, ‘Hobby Lobby’, I just cannot keep quiet. If my words offend, I apologize now for the offense. But I never apologize for my mores. Some things won’t change.

Cheers to all my friends and readers. I am nothing, if not sincere.

–Lance

***

di·lem·ma

 noun də-ˈle-mə also dī-

: a situation in which you have to make a difficult choice

horns-of-a-dilemma

If you stare at this long enough, the clouds start to move. Go ahead, try it. (You know you want to)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Facing the Horns of One.

I really want to quit posting for today and I really want to visit all my friend’s blogs and I really want to make some really witty and cool statements so that they will really love me…and yet… I cannot shut the fuck up.

Really.

Why?

Because I am really, well really…

Because I am really really vain.

And strange

Really strange

My friends may forgive me.

Those new here, will not.

(Not really)

But I always tell me, I say, “Hey! Me! You can make new friends out there!”

I say, “But I love the friends I have already made.”

“Fuck ’em! The other me says.”

I grow some balls and kick my ‘other me to the curb.”

Why? Because a friend lost, hurts me.

Honestly

(You thought I was gonna say ‘really’ didn’t ya?)

Especially, if it comes from my vanity and my stupid forgetful lazy neglect. That hurts the worst.

Deeply.

Because, that one… should be preventable.

Therefore I leave you with this
(Yes. I did have a point)

How many out there feel or felt upon one time, that you were just a “Doll Part?”

(Yeah, that sounds gay)

And NO Offense to any of my gay friends out there: it is just an expression. (I think–if it offends–let  me know)

(Really–now you just knew–I had to slip that last one in, under some covers)

Then…

Get over it.

Answer the question and move on.

*End of Rant*

Below is a visual aid:

Ed. Note: Lance is one stupid son of a bitch.

This video below is significant to many of my friends who have suffered domestic violence. In the dark recesses of my feeble fucking mind, I knew this, yet I put the video in anyway.

Why? Because I love Love (Courtney)

That is no excuse. I need some sensitivity training. I am going to leave the video in this post, but now for different reasons: People Need To Wake Up To The Fact that here in this country and all over the world, there are women being abused.

Right NOW. Something has to be done. To quote Christopher Hitchens:

“The quickest way to end poverty is to empower women. Empower woman. Give them control of their reproductive bodies. Give them education. Let them have jobs.”

That is a paraphrase. But you can Google it, or I will do it for you. Next time I edit this stupid, thoughtless, insensitive post.

New Ed. Note: As promised hours ago…

And here we go with….Lenny!

427px-Lenny_Bruce_arrest

And Yes! I am going to continue to post shit that is on my mind. Ad nauseam.

Because this is my blog.

I mean no offense, but if you ever get offended here, well, I did warn you. (didn’t I?)

Okay, maybe I did not, but I am goddamn certain from day one, I never promised a floral garden.

Now did I?

(Sometimes, often, I out-type my brain–sorry)

Moving on…I guess this is a rant. (searching for a way to categorize this post)

Don’t worry: I will make up a new one if I havta. (and you real bloggers out there know what the fuck I am talking about. Doncha?)

And Fuck Yeah!

I think Courtney Love is fucking brilliant.

Wanna sue me?

The line forms to the right.

And Hell Yeah! “I wanna be the girl with the most cake!”

Don’t we all?

I mean,

Really?

*End*