Y’all Know This Drill: PLEASE Re-Visit–I DID. Tanks In Advance. “This Was Ostensibly Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post,

But A ‘Friend’ Fuk’t It Up For Me & Pissed Me Off!

So, Natch, I Un-Loaded Both My Shot Gun Barrels Toward His / Hers General Vicinity”

But Some Asshole Took Offense Becuz I Used The ‘C’ Word–

Perhaps I’ll ‘Clean it Up Later–

But Don’T /Count Down’–

U May Drown.

*****

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie – Drowning

Cred Fer Vid: A Boogie Wit da Hoodie

*****

It Was Directed At ME! No One Else But Me! ME FOR FUCK SAKE!

If You Be Too Stupid To Understand That Go Find Some Cute Kitten Vids To Explore & Enjoy!

Jeeze Louise!

Rent a Sense of Humor!

“Just a Quick One For Fun

(Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)”

Read the comment here if you have no life or a min of time to waste:

barbaramullenix November 15, 2021 at 12:59 Edit:

“Well, you finally topped yourself. I have some of the ‘thickest’ skin around and you finally pissed me off enough to tell you. I don’t know the sort of women you associate with, but none, to my knowledge, after hearing the work ‘cunt’ would have anything to do with you. I would reconsider your claim to be a ‘functioning’ alcoholic if you deem some of your phrasing to be anything but misogynistic.
Goodbye, and I hope you eventually get your life together.

***

I’m Calling ‘Bullshit’ On Her Comment:

Supercilious Bitch!

******

misogynistic?!

Are You fucking kidding me?!

I am about as far removed from misogyny as one can possibly be!

Read My Fuckin’ Blog!

I do nothing but celebrate & praise women on these pages!

Emmylou Harris on 3/13/77 in Chicago, Il. (Paul Natkin/Image Direct)

Today was a beautiful Texas early-autumn day.

Forever Autumn

Jeff Wayne, Richard Burton, Justin Hayward

This is a Most Beautiful Song

I Had The Entire ‘War of The Worlds’ On Cassette When I was in Sinai

Played it so much I had to buy a new copy

My cassette player ate my first

I threw THAT Cassette Player into a Wadi for The Bedouins and Bought a new, more better, more loyal one!

(Srry; I gots distracted—post is below)

Only a few problems:

I was dangerously low on booze.

(And I HATE DT MAN!)

And it was a Sunday.

And I was drunk

I refuse to drive drunk.

Not because I fear The LAW

But because I don’t wanna harm some innocent.

I went outside and sat down.

The sky was so blue

The air was so clean

I watched three crows on the wing

Diving down ever’ once in a while…

Picking up on shiny things

Joni!

Black Crow

I looked at the morning
After being up all night
I looked at my haggard face in the bathroom light
I looked out the window
And I I saw that ragged soul take flight
I saw a back crow flying
In a blue sky

Had heard Timothy, my neighbor, mucking about.

Figured he could drive me to the beer store soon as they could legally (Crack of Noon in Tejas–Gotta let them Church O’ Christers outta their pen) sell me some wine or beer, or le both.

And some Copenhagen and a bit of food too (While I was at it)

But he was shade-tree mechanic working on someone’s car down the way.

So I just waited and watched the crows

And day-dreamed of booze and food….

*****

To be continued

I Promise

Copenhagen Junkie – Chris LeDoux

Vid Share Street Cred: tjcrnj

Ramen Noodle Song

Vid Cred: Cartoon Connect

****

Had to add

From the Commentary Section:

barbaramullenix to Lance:
“I love me some Ramen Noodles. Cheap too!

****

Lance to barbaramullenix:

Yeah, Ramen Noodles are chock – full of vitamins and minerals & nutrition come to fruition

Vitamin ‘A’ for ‘Asshole, you should not be eating this’
Vitamin ‘C’ for ‘You really are a dumb cunt, ain’t ya?’

Vitamin ‘D’ for “this Dumbass gonna eat this Shit
Mineral ‘S’ for “You’re gonna have a stroke’
Vitamin ‘E’ for ‘Eat me; see what happens to yer body’

Vitamin ‘K’ for You’re not gonna be OK, So’K?”

LOLOLOLOL!

Cheers!

–Lance

*****

Try Not To Cry!

“It’s Mid-Night, But It’s All Right, ‘Cause I Got Two More Bottles of Wine” (Literally!) “And, So Sorry My Liver; Just Endeavor To Keep On Hangin’ On.”

Emmylou!

I LOVE YOU!

I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

Maybe it will make you happy too

Related

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella

You gots to be mo’ careful:

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More from Beautiful Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!

Two Missionaries Came, Un-Solicited A-Knocking, Actually Pounding, Rather Vociferously, at My Door–

I Was Endeavoring to Take-A-Much-Needed Nap But, Oh Hell No! They Would Not, Or Could Not… Be Sated. So, What Did This Cowboy Do? Decided To Fu*K Wid Dem!

Yet, I Aswered their Much needed / Heeded Call–Might Have Been a Damsel-in-Distress–For All I Knew…

Oh, Hell No!

Just two Morons!

“Oh Lord, Please Forgive Them—For They Know Not What They Do, Nor Who They Were Fukken With”

And of course I was Respectful–I am NOT a Complete Moron! Had They Been Mormons From Utah, I would have introduced them to the under-side of my boots, but these were Texans, and being same, deserved some semblance of my respect. I invited them in…

I AM Only a Half-Way Moron.

And Let Me ‘En-Lighten Y’all:

Neither One Looked Even Remotely Like Emmy Lou.

If’n They Had,

Things May have Gone Off Some-What Smoother for Them…

But, Alas.

I DID Try To Explain to These Two Idiots How Much I Respected Folks of Faith.

But I am an Atheist.

“Forever how long?” One inquired.

“Ever since I learned to read,” I responded.

Our ‘Conversation’ kinda went South after that.

FAITH:

There’s a Hallelujah on The Lips Of All Good Dyin’ Men

The High-Women

“Heaven is a Honky-Tonk”

My Relationship with ‘God’ is rather, shall we say, ‘Complicated’

Flew, Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Right Over Their Heads…

Again, Alas. I gave Up

And then I Cordially Invited Them to Go Get Fu*kd

Emmylou!

I love You!

For You and You Alone,

I would go to Church

FAITH

Bull-Shit Department:

Cred: Carlin

****

NO! I Learned to Read

Story at Eleven

To Be Continued.

I Have Only Scratched the Surface of

This Holy Encounter

Stray Tuned

Emmy-Lou, What to Do? Did I Ever? Write About Emmylou? The Volume Is Borked–Crank it. Crank it Up! And Enjoy. P.S., I LOVE Female Vocalist (And Female Singer/Song-Writers–Joni Comes Instantly To Invade My Feeble Mind)

Pretty Sure I DID Write (In My Re-past–Er… ‘Post’)

I Love Her So Marvelous Much,

She Is A ‘Classy’ Class Act

Did I Ever, Tell the story of When my Best Shipmate met Emmylou?

I’ll Write this story Again,

By & By And ants Goodbye,

bye-bye

It is A heart-warming Story

He (Fish) talked to her for two hours Before he even Realized who he had been talking to (It was at a Blue-Grass Festival)

So as he re-counted this story, I assked,

“So how did you find Emmylou?”

“She was very kind and gracious”

“Of course she was, That’s That Emmylou we love, respect and adore” I said

He had no words

I have so many more Emmy Lou stories to recount here, But, respectfully, I shant “It aintn’t No time for lendy, trendy lengthily speeces sppec ies”

What-evah!

Y’all catch me drift

Goodness Gracious!

What A Perfect Woman!

Had To Had To Had To! Just Had To. I Need To ‘Finish’ This. Re-Write This. Everything About This Post is Pissing Me Off. It Is Poorly Written. It Don’t Pass Muster. Profanity Caution.

Probably Why I Have NOT Continued it of Late:

A Tale of Two Grandmothers

(WIP RIP)

I need to start fresh over with this one.

From scratch.

Pauline A. Marcom:

Ed note: Someone made her gravestone before she was even dead.

Who does that?

Who the fuck does that?

As a fucking job??

How fucked up is that?

I will never have a gravestone.

When I die, I will just be worm’s meat.

And this is how I want it.

This is how it will be.

How it should be.

I don’t want no idiot standing over my grave pontificating, telling lies about ‘What a great man he was.’ Blah! Blah! Blah!

Bullshit! He was an asshole, just like all the other assholes of the world.

Simple. He lived. He lied. He died.

Wipe your ass and your eyes and walk the fuck away.

Do not mistake me. I have long lost dead friends. I think of them often. I remember them. I cherish my memories of them. My most cherished memories are of Peanut and a few others. Do I visit their graves? Do I bring teddy bears, beers or flowers? Fuck no!

I hold them in my memory.

Fuck that grave-side shit!

That, to me is just theatre.

Self Pity.

Fuck that.

Fuck all that.

“Don’t sugar-coat it Lance; tell us how you really feel.”

“Go fuck yourself and leave me alone! How’s that?”

“I think we got the message.”

***

I had two grandmothers.

Most of us do/did

One was pure Saint.

One was pure Satan

I loved them both

Let us begin with the ‘Saintly One’

She was my Daddy’s mother.

Her name was ‘Pauline’ (Born in Levelland, Texas—NATIVE TEXAN—this is important—to me–Obviously)

She was beautiful.

And pondering back on her over the years, best contemporary help I can provide:

She was exactly like Emmylou Harris,

But prettier

And believe it or don’t,

Classier. 

If that is even possible.

Yep.

‘Tis.

She had so much class.

Fun trivial fact:

Pauline (Grandmother… duh… who I am writing of…)

Once confided to me during a road trip:

“I had a streak of gray hair running in my hair, ever’ since I was fourteen. (Emmylou did too, btw) Did not prevent your grandfather from marrying me… go figure.”

***

My Paternal Granddaddy

He scared me

Into insanity

 

Emmylou!

        

***

The other one…

The ‘Maternal One’

Name of ‘Mamie’

(From Tennessee—go figger)

Well,

She weren’t no Emmylou.

Let me tell you.

Mamie was uglier than a homemade mud fence.

She was ‘Satan-on-Steroids’

I loved her.

***

This is just a preamble

I’m too drunk and lazy to do this justice right now.

Stay tuned.

I swar’ on both of their graves, I will write no other shit until I return to this one.

It is important to me.

Probably not to you.

But, then agin, it ain’t never ‘bout you, is it?

It is ‘always’ ‘bout me.

And my self-empathy.

Ain’t it?

Thanks for watching/reading.

(And for tolerating a drunken fool–me)

***

And now a word from our sponsors:

Everything About This Post is Pissing Me Off. Probably Why I Have NOT Continued it of Late: “A Tale of Two Grandmothers (WIP RIP)” I need to start fresh over with this one. From scratch.

Ed note: Someone made her gravestone before she was even dead.

Who does that?

Who the fuck does that?

As a fucking job??

How fucked up is that?

I will never have a gravestone.

When I die, I will just be worm’s meat.

And this is how I want it.

This is how it will be.

How it should be.

I don’t want no idiot standing over my grave pontificating, telling lies about ‘What a great man he was.’ Blah! Blah! Blah!

Bullshit! He was an asshole, just like all the other assholes of the world.

Simple. He lived. He lied. He died.

Wipe your ass and your eyes and walk the fuck away.

Do not mistake me. I have long lost dead friends. I think of them often. I remember them. I cherish my memories of them. My most cherished memories are of Peanut and a few others. Do I visit their graves? Do I bring teddy bears, beers or flowers? Fuck no!

I hold them in my memory.

Fuck that grave-side shit!

That, to me is just theatre.

Self Pity.

Fuck that.

Fuck all that.

“Don’t sugar-coat it Lance; tell us how you really feel.”

“Go fuck yourself and leave me alone! How’s that?”

“I think we got the message.”

***

I had two grandmothers.

Most of us do/did

One was pure Saint.

One was pure Satan

I loved them both

Let us begin with the ‘Saintly One’

She was my Daddy’s mother.

Her name was ‘Pauline’ (Born in Levelland, Texas—NATIVE TEXAN—this is important—to me–Obviously)

She was beautiful.

And pondering back on her over the years, best contemporary help I can provide:

She was exactly like Emmylou Harris,

But prettier

And believe it or don’t,

Classier. 

If that is even possible.

Yep.

‘Tis.

She had so much class.

Fun trivial fact:

Pauline (Grandmother… duh… who I am writing of…)

Once confided to me during a road trip:

“I had a streak of gray hair running in my hair, ever’ since I was fourteen. (Emmylou did too, btw) Did not prevent your grandfather from marrying me… go figure.”

***

My Paternal Granddaddy

He scared me

Into insanity

 

        

***

The other one…

The ‘Maternal One’

Name of ‘Mamie’

(From Tennessee—go figger)

Well,

She weren’t no Emmylou.

Let me tell you.

Mamie was uglier than a homemade mud fence.

She was ‘Satan-on-Steroids’

I loved her.

***

This is just a preamble

I’m too drunk and lazy to do this justice right now.

Stay tuned.

I swar’ on both of their graves, I will write no other shit until I return to this one.

It is important to me.

Probably not to you.

But, then agin, it ain’t never ‘bout you, is it?

It is ‘always’ ‘bout me.

And my self-empathy.

Ain’t it?

Thanks for watching/reading.

(And for tolerating a drunken fool–me)

***

And now a word from our sponsors: