My Head Hurts. My Feet Stink. And I Don’t Love Jesus. Someone, Anyone, Please Save Me. (From Being All Alone!) Yeah, I Know: Pipe Dream

Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend Was A

Freak

Like Me?

Doncha?

Oh Hell Yeah I Do!

My Girlfriend Attends Church.

Pretty Sure Y’all Do Not.

Thank God!

(No pun intended)

The Pussycat Dolls

“Ladies Disaster”


Terminally Related: and a Retarded Re-Tread

Disclaimer:

This Be A Lame-Ass

Pity-Party Post

But I’ll Cry If I Want To

(You Have Been Properly Advised)

***

Loneliness is a Bitch I Can’t Stand!

Don’t Wanna Live With Her!

Can’t Live Without Her

No Mas!

Gonna Toss Her Out!

But When It Comes Right Down To it:

“We Walk Through This World All Alone”

Desperado

Fuck You Jimmy Buff[-Aye!

What The Fu*k is WRONG  With Me?

I should be GRATEFUL 

For Just still walkin’ about, breathing air.

Still Standin’ Here

Still Standing, But all alone…

But yes! We’re All of us… All ALONE

Lenny! My Main Man!

All Alone!

Rita Rita R-I-T-Ahhh!!!

I ain’t! Grateful

Why not?

Because I am an asshole!

That’s Why

***

“Lance! You’re an Asshole!”

“No Shit? Got any more Breaking News?”

***

I suppose I expected more out of my life than this.

Whatever!

I have coin in my purse.

I gots my health (such as it is)

I have not yet run outta booze

What’s not to be thankful for?

I’ll get back to Y’all on this emotional crisis I am experiencing

Cheers

And Just Be Thankful for what you’ve got

Y’all!

That’s all!

Bye Now!

Bonus

On The House

(Yer Welcome!)

***

Not At All Germane To This Post

But Soon it Will Be

When I Get My Eviction Notice

No Phone, No Pool, No Pets.
I Ain’t Got No Cigarettes

****

Stupid Fun Fact:

My Best-Ever HG Girlfriend was third cousin to Roger Miller..

Truth,

But Y’all caint look that up–guess you’ll just havta take my word on it.

Litigiousness

Okay

So now Jackson Browne’s lawyers are suing my lawyers.

Browne’s peeps claim I slandered him (calling him a ‘Miss-all of Y’all Oh-Gist’)

Gonna sue me?

Guess what? 

Ya can’t get blood out of a turnip and you can’t pick a lock with a wet hering. Herring? Hearing? Screw it. Y’all know what I meant.

hering

Christ-on-a-cracker!

I cannot even spell ‘misogynist’.

Is the man nuts?

“As soon as I stop laughing, have your people call my people: we’ll do lunch. Then you may serve the papers.”

I weep for my country.
I really do.

I’m moving back to Managua.

(I could go unnoticed in such a place)

Litigiousness

Okay

So now Jackson Browne’s lawyers are suing my lawyers.

Browne’s peeps claim I slandered him (calling him a ‘Miss-all of Y’all Oh-Gist’)

Gonna sue me?

Guess what? 

Ya can’t get blood out of a turnip and you can’t pick a lock with a wet hering. 

hering

Christ-on-a-cracker!

I cannot even spell ‘misogynist’.

Is the man nuts?

“As soon as I stop laughing, have your people call my people: we’ll do lunch. Then you may serve the papers.”

I weep for my country.
I really do.

I’m moving back to Managua.

(I could go unnoticed in such a place)