Sorry Y’all! You’ll Havta Srool Down to Catch All The ‘Y’alls, Y’all! “I’m A 1000 Miles From No-Where’s-Ville. Nicce ‘Climit!’ Wanna Join Me? In My Misery. Yup! I am Crazy / Insane!”

“And I’ve Got Pickles in My Head

Time Don’t Matter to me”

And There’s No-Place I’d Rather Be

Nor Wanna Be

For I am A sailor–Fore-Ever!

I’m ‘A’-Tryin’ Really Hard To Be Happy! & Up_Beat & Remain Positive! Obviously This Will Be A WIP! ‘Work-in-I Digress-Progress!’

Wish Me Luck in My Endeavor!! — And, I’m a-Tryin’ Really Hard to Entertain Y’alls! & NEVah, Evarh, Wanna Waste Yer Finite, Valuable To Me, Spent on Me. Time. This is “Me” in All Truthful Sincerity!

I’m Stupid!

I Cannot Help It

I Just Act Naturally!

****

Buck!

Buck It Up!

Fuk It It Up!

Yuk Yuk Yuk

It Up! Fuk U

I Don’t Really Mean Mean Mean to be Mean!

But I Am An Ass-Hole,

By Natural Nature…

Why is this Vid So fucked up?

Why post a Fukked-up Vid???

DangerousDonRich???

Why????

Edit Asshole!

Edit B4 You Post!

Or At Least,

Revisit & Fix Your Shit!

Show Some Respect

For Your Readers!

Try it!

U Might Like it!

Cred For Vid: DangerousDonRich

“Oh My God—What’s Happening To Me?!!”

Dwight Jok’em!

I am so Fukkin’ far Removed

From

No-Where,

That I Cannot Find My Ass with Both Hands

******

I’ve Got Bruisings On My Memories

Ain’t That a G’Damn Shame?!

I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
Time don’t matter to me
‘Cause I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
And there’s no place I want to be

Cred: Warner Music Nashville

I Cast Pearls at At At Swine!

All The Time!

For No Dimes!

(J/K)

I Lub All Y’alls!

All the Y’alls!

I am So

Fukking

Sorry!

But I Love Connie Britton!

*****

Do NOT Watch This One Below!

It is Depression!

Manifester’d

(On Steroids!)

****

Try To….

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive –

Bing Crosby

With The Andrews Sisters:

If It Has Escaped Your Attention:

Please allow Me To Refresh Your Memory!

I Love The Andrews Sisters!

1942 Andrews Sisters – Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree

vID cRED: Bleiddwen Lupin

What????

Say What?!

This is RELLY IRIATATIN!

I CANNOT FIND THE VID! I Wanted To Care & Share!

(OK! Found It! Fuk U Internet!)

I’ll Always Out-Last Your Dumb Ass!

Boogie Wookie~ Get Funky!

***

I LOVE THESE BROADS!!

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THEM

:::

Creds for “Positive” Vid: beyoncetyratina

*****

I LOVE MY COUNTRY

My AmeriKa!

I REALLY DO!



Aw-Right Y’all!

Yuk it Up!

Sisters!

I did NOT Have

A White Christmas!

That Would’ve Been

Racist!

I did Dream of One Though

But All I really Wanted To

Do

Was Not Run Out of Rum

“Lord Help The Mister That Comes Between me And My Sister”

******************

Sister Act!

The End!

But….

In The end…

Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams
Tonight?

And in the end
The love you take

(Fake?)
Is equal to the love you make

*****

Yeah! In The End!

Yer Fukked!

Properly!!

With

No

Property

I have Been In – Love With Natalie Wood

For All

My Adolescence

AnD

ADULT

LIFE!

This Property Is Condemned 

(As Am I)

“Are You gonna Be In My Dreams tonight?”

Fuk Yes!

Natalie!

For All Of The Rest of My Un=Nat-at-yer-All Life!

Natalie! Please Always Remain In My Dreams!

My Dear Beautiful Dream Girl

My Dream Lover

Bobby!

You Stole My Line!

(Asshole!)

I Coulda Been a Contender!

For Her

For Her Affections!

But, Oh Hell No!

You Had To Screw That Up For Me!

(Oh & Fuk You Too Robert Redford!)

*****

Bobby! You Can Kiss My Ass!

*****

Beatles!?

Huh?

*****

I Coin a Phrase,

In A Daze!

I am So Fukking Stupid!

I Should Just Fuffin’ KIll Myself!

Maybe I shall!

Do Y’all A Solid

Suicide Is Painless

It Brings On

Many Changes 

****

“Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I
realize and I can see

That Suicide is Painless!

^^^

Bonus!

Just to Cheer You The Fuk Up!

“Oh Happy Dagger!”

And Yes!

I Am Suicide

On Steroids

Take/Make No Beans About It. A Feast Fit For Any Beast!

???????????????????????????????

Consider for a Moment, The ‘pinto bean’

“Phaseolus Vulgaris”

“texmexiconus pintofusiorius”

(My etymology)

Consider for a moment the lowly pinto bean. (Yes! I do tend to repeat myself–I blame old age/stage)

In The Great Republic of Texas the National Dish is Chili. Specifically: Texan Chili.

Which-Means-No-Beans.

“Do not ‘bean up’ chili. On pain of death Son, do not bean-up chili.”

Still freshly pressed from California, (Actually four years into being ‘freshly pressed,’ but some things take more time than others to be made manifest)

I did not know this.

But I learned it by and by

My junior year in Honey Grove High School I volunteered to provide the chili for the fundraising endeavor of my class. We were to sell chili-dogs and Frito pies during the breaks—the break before lunch and the break after lunch just before liberty: Two of the hungriest times in High School. We would have a captive audience.

Yep.

On the Friday afternoon before the Monday break time when the ’74 Junior Class was to unveil their fundraising enterprise, I was at-a-loss. I had never until that day cooked anything resembling food. 

Once, during a camping trip years before, a man who was somehow kin to me, (by marriage—not genes), brought out some bacon and proceeded to throw it into a skillet on the camp fire.

“Hey!” I said. “Don’t you need to put some flour in there with that bacon?”

Yes. I was stupid.

Anyway… Here I was after shooting my big mouth off, now needing to produce tons of chili for the chili dogs and Frito pies.

(OK. I do realize there are some not-Texans who have no idea what the fuck is a Frito Pie. Here is the quick version: Take one ah dem very small packs of Frito’s corn chips, slice it down the side, open it up, pour chili on top, et voila! Frito Pie, or as some call it: Meskin Lasagna.)

Dear Gloria, (My Stepmother, who was actually from ‘Up North—Montana- or sum such place), Dear Step Momma, I need to cook up a big batch O’ Chili. Kin ya help me?”

“Sure, Stepson, I can help you.”

Well… what do I do first?” I honestly enquired.

“Stepson, first you soak some beans.”

“Beans? I am makin’ chili. Why do I need beans?”

“You need beans, Red-Headed-Step-Son, to fill in the profit.”

“Ah don’t recall beans in chili, Step-Mom.”

“Trust me: Step-Son; beans are what everyone needs… in chili… here.”

“So… I need to cook beans before chili?”

“Yes.”

“How do I do that?” I asked.

“First you soak them. Soak them for twelve hours.”

“Then what?”

“Cook them. Cook them for about an hour.”

“And the chili?”

“Cook that for hours…”

“And then?”

“Combine.”

“So… I ‘combine’ the chili with them beans?”

“Do not say ‘them’ in this house.”

“Sorry.”

“Yes, you ‘combine’ the beans with the chili, and then you have a profitable enterprise.”

“I see, thanks Step-Mother-from-North-Dakota.”

Following Monday, I show up with my ‘CHILI’

“Marcom! What the fuck is this? This ain’t chili! This shit has beans! Beans! Beans!”

Imagine my shame.

“But…but…but… My Mom… er…my sometime Mom…

Ah shit!

Beans!

IN Chili!

I shouda know’d better.

 

Seems to Me: The Bean Jury is still OUT

I Know! I Know! I Know!! I KnoW I Know I know I KNoW I … I Know I Know I Know I Know I know I am Am A Fu*king Well-KNOWN–What of It? Being Well-Known and Eight Bits Might, Just Might Get You A Cup Of Coffee.

Asshole! I KNOw I KnOw I know I’m a Fukking asshole! I am, A fuckkking Asshole! But I AM not f*CkIN’ sTUpId!

“Shoot Low Sir; I Think she’s Riding a Shetland.”

I Know! Hand Me the Rifle, watch this and STFU!

I Know I Know I Know…

***

Bill Withers – Ain’t No Sunshine

Did Y’all Count the “I Knows?”

I Know I know That I did.

I Counted Twenty-Four–

But then, I’m see’in’ Double

Foreigner – Double Vision:

 

Yer Mileage May Vary

Cred for Vid: Andres Trevino

*****

Texas ain’t ’bout SHit

She is sublime!

In My Mind!

I Created Her In My Mind-Time

But! Go Ahead!

Spend a dime!

Take some Time

And Go Ahead

Live With Me!

In

My Vain Fantasy!

Shoot Low Sir; I Think she’s Riding a Shetland.

Bonus!

“Deep In The Heart Of Texas”

Cred: TXCOC

I made her

In My Mind!

Pygmalion-Like!

I will expand on thIS LAtR

aLLIGAtOR!

(iF yer Lucky)

This is SEXIST aSK

Ask me hoW maNY Fuks

I Don’t Give!

God Blesse’d Texas!

Fun Fact:

Rhonda and I, My Second or Third,

Lived Less Than Three Mile From

SouthFork “Ranch”,

In Plain’Oh

Texas!

Our Tailor PARK

Was Called

“SouthFork!”

I am NOT

Making This Up!

U Can Look it Up!

(It is Still There!)

But they No Longer Call Them

“Trailer Parks”

They are Now…

“Mobile-Home Communities

Fuk Me!

I am Just Plain ‘Ol White Trash

&

Proud of it

******

You Broke it!

You Fix it!

I don’t C’AAre, Nor gi\ve a fuk!

All the Y’alls

Y’all!

Friday Night Lights:

All the Y’alls from Tami Taylor

Yu Fix This Chocolate Mess!

I don’t Have The Time

WP is Stupid…

It is NOT Even Intuitive!—

This is ‘Tweenty-One

Hav’ Fun!

Cred: Chris Spags Ate all, Y’all

*****

Watch This GD it

More Bonus OnUS!

Please Re-Visit–The Vids Are Good. I’m A Thousand Miles From No-Where’s-Ville. Nicce Climit! Wanna Join Me////!? ,,,,

No-Where Man:

I’m ‘A’-Tryin’ Really Hard To Be Happy! & Up_Beat & Remain Positive! Obviously This Will Be A WIP! ‘Work-in-I Digress-Progress!’ Wish Me Luck in My Endeavor!! — And, I’m a-Tryin’ Really Hard to Entertain Y’alls! & NEVah, Evarh, Wanna Waste Yer Finite, Valuable To Me, Spent on Me. Time. This is “Me” in All Truthful Sincerity!

I’m Stupid!

I Cannot Help It

I Just Act Naturally!

****

Buck!

Buck It Up!

Fuk It It Up!

Yuk Yuk Yuk

It Up!

I Don’t Really Mean Mean Mean to be Mean!

But I Am An Ass-Hole,

By Natural Nature…

Why is this Vid So fucked up?

Why post a Fukked-up Vid???

DangerousDonRich???

Why????

Edit Asshole!

Edit B4 You Post!

Or At Least,

Revisit & Fix Your Shit!

Show Some Respect

For Your Readers!

Try it!

U Might Like it!

Cred For Vid: DangerousDonRich

“Oh My God—What’s Happening To Me?!!”

Dwight Jok’em!

I am so Fukkin’ far Removed

From

No-Where,

That I Cannot Find My Ass with Both Hands

******

I’ve Got Bruisings On My Musings

Ain’t That a G’Damn Shame?!

I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
Time don’t matter to me
‘Cause I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
And there’s no place I wanna be
–No One I wanna be.

(X-cept me–Accept Me)

“I’ve Got Heartaches in my Pocket.”

Time Don’t Matter to Me

Cred: Warner Music Nashville

I Cast Pearls at At At Swine!

All The Time!

For No Dimes!

(J/K)

I Lub All Y’alls!

All the Y’alls!

I am So

Fukking

Sorry!

But I Love Connie Britton!

*****

Do NOT Watch This One Below!

It is Depression!

Manifester’d

(On Steroids!)

****

Try To….

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive –

Bing Crosby

With The Andrews Sisters:

If It Has Escaped Your Attention:

Please allow Me To Refresh Your Memory!

I Love The Andrews Sisters!

1942 Andrews Sisters – Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree

vID cRED: Bleiddwen Lupin

What????

Say What?!

This is RELLY IRIATATIN!

I CANNOT FIND THE VID! I Wanted To Care & Share!

(OK! Found It! Fuk U Internet!)

I’ll Always Out-Last Your Dumb Ass!

Boogie Wookie~ Get Funky!

***

I LOVE THESE BROADS!!

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THEM

:::

Creds for “Positive” Vid: beyoncetyratina

*****

I LOVE MY COUNTRY

My AmeriKa!

I REALLY DO!



Aw-Right Y’all!

Yuk it Up!

Sisters!

I did NOT Have

A White Christmas!

That Would’ve Been

Racist!

I did Dream of One Though

But All I really Wanted To

Do

Was Not Run Out of Rum

“Lord Help The Mister That Comes Between me And My Sister”

******************

Sister Act!

The End!

But….

In The end…

Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams
Tonight?

And in the end
The love you take

(Fake?)
Is equal to the love you make

*****

Yeah! In The End!

Yer Fukked!

Properly!!

With

No

Property

I have Been In – Love With Natalie Wood

For All

My Adolescence

AnD

ADULT

LIFE!

This Property Is Condemned 

(As Am I)

“Are You gonna Be In My Dreams tonight?”

Fuk Yes!

Natalie!

For All Of The Rest of My Un=Nat-at-yer-All Life!

Natalie! Please Always Remain In My Dreams!

My Dear Beautiful Dream Girl

My Dream Lover

Bobby!

You Stole My Line!

(Asshole!)

I Coulda Been a Contender!

For Her

For Her Affections!

But, Oh Hell No!

You Had To Screw That Up For Me!

(Oh & Fuk You Too Robert Redford!)

Not YOU Marlon–Never You

*****

Bobby! You Can Kiss My Ass!

*****

Beatles!?

Huh?

*****

I Coin a Phrase,

In A Daze!

I am So Fukking Stupid!

I Should Just Fuffin’ KIll Myself!

Maybe I shall!

Do Y’all A Solid

Suicide Is Painless

It Brings On

Many Changes 

****

“Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I
realize and I can see

That Suicide is Painless!

^^^

Bonus!

Just to Cheer You The Fuk Up!

“Oh Happy Dagger!”

Hey! I’m Writing Here! (Once Again)

Now, C’mon Y’all.

Vid Credit: Guyism

I am just having fun, exploring (exploiting?) some of my inane, insane, In-Same, recent posts.

And of course, I love to ‘share my wares.’ Because I am just that vain (don’t ask me why or how I justify that statement.)

So there!

If I post something you have already ready read, sorry…

New shit will be forthcoming.

And soon. And I promise. And the check is in the mail and I won’t… do that in your mou… “Ah don’t go there Lance.”

But, in the meantime:

And not to put too fine a point on it (trite, yep): My writing and my posts are ‘all over some places…’  But ‘Twould behoove to follow some of the links, as I find them entertaining. (Your individual experience may vary, and even differ, or beg to)

***

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go f#%k off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind. Ed. Note 2021: The above link is dead, just like the project it was linked to: “Mars One.’ *Heavy Sigh*

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but theirBreaking Newsis ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Make No Beans About It

???????????????????????????????

The ‘pinto bean’

“Phaseolus Vulgaris”

“texmexiconus pintofusiorius”

(My etymology)

Consider for a moment the lowly pinto bean. In The Great Republic of Texas the National Dish is Chili. Specifically: Texan Chili.

Which-Means-No-Beans.

Do not bean up chili. On pain of death Son, do not bean-up chili.

Still freshly pressed from California, (Actually four years into being ‘freshly pressed,’ but some things take more time to take than others) I did not know this.

My junior year in Honey Grove High School I volunteered to provide the chili for the fundraising endeavor of my class. We were to sell chili-dogs and Frito pies during the breaks—the break before lunch and the break after lunch just before liberty: Two of the hungriest times in High School. We would have a captive audience.

Yep.

On the Friday afternoon before the Monday break time when the ’74 Junior Class was to unveil their fundraising enterprise, I was at-a-loss. I had never until that day cooked anything resembling food. Once, during a camping trip years before, a man who was somehow kin to me, (by marriage—not genes), brought out some bacon and proceeded to throw it into a skillet on the camp fire.

“Hey!” I said. “Don’t you need to put some flour in there with that bacon?”

Yes. I was stupid.

Anyway… Here I was after shooting my big mouth off, now needing to produce tons of chili for the chili dogs and Frito pies. (OK. I do realize there are some not-Texans who have no idea what the fuck is a Frito Pie. Here is the quick version: Take one ah dem very small packs of Frito’s corn chips, slice it down the side, open it up, pour chili on top, et voila! Frito Pie, or as some call it: Meskin Lasagna.)

Dear Gloria, (My Stepmother, who was actually from ‘Up North—Montana- or sum such place), Dear Step Momma, I need to cook up a big batch O’ Chili. Kin ya help me?”

“Sure, Stepson, I can help you.”

Well… what do I do first?” I honestly enquired.

“Stepson, first you soak some beans.”

“Beans? I am makin’ chili. Why do I need beans?”

“You need beans, Red-Headed-Step-Son, to fill in the profit.”

“Ah don’t recall beans in chili, Step-Mom.”

“Trust me: Step-Son; beans are what everyone needs… in chili… here.”

“So… I need to cook beans before chili?”

“Yes.”

“How do I do that?” I asked.

“First you soak them. Soak them for twelve hours.”

“Then what?”

“Cook them. Cook them for about an hour.”

“And the chili?”

“Cook that for hours…”

“And then?”

“Combine.”

“So… I ‘combine’ the chili with them beans?”

“Do not say ‘them’ in this house.”

“Sorry.”

“Yes, you ‘combine’ the beans with the chili, and then you have a profitable enterprise.”

“I see, thanks Step-Mother-from-North-Dakota.”

Following Monday, I show up with my ‘CHILI’

“Marcom! What the fuck is this? This ain’t chili! This shit has beans! Beans! Beans!”

Imagine my shame.

“But…but…but… My Mom… er…my sometime Mom…

Ah shit!

Beans!

IN Chili!

I shouda know’d better.