Yesterday… Suddenly, I’m not Half the Man I Used to be–I must hang on Tight, With All My Might, To All My ‘Yesterdays’

I had Flowers Avec M&M’s Delivered to Grace.

She discounted the flowers, but I do think she enjoyed the M&M’s

Why?

A. She is my Land-Lady

B. B’cuz She is Patient With Me

C. Because she puts up with my Bullshit

D. Because I Have a Major CRUSH on her

Any More questions?

Babs & Neil

“You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore”

Bull-Shit! Steal A Glance From Under Your Porsche

Vid Cred: I Cannot Recall–Look it the fuck up if you are that concerned

Re-Iterated And Re-Irritated & Re-Re-Gurgitated Re-Post–Don’t Even Ask Me Why. “Cynthia Just Re-Tunr’d Fast Up To My Door…”

She Had Escaped Hospital (As Have I–Far Too Many Times)

Please Re-Look. OK OK O’Kay?

Warning! This Post Makes Absolutely NO SENSE! And The ‘See-quents’ of ‘Events are all fukk’d UP.

I Hugged Her Far Too Deep

I Purr’d in her ear:

“I Love You Cynthia”

Yada, Yada Yada! Just give me the G’Damn Bread-Spread!”

She Re-Coiled

At My Embrace!

Who Could Blame her?”

Crazy White boy?

She asked me if I wanted her to wash my Bed-Spread

I said,

“No! You already work too

Hard for your money”

She just said,

“Shut the fuk up and give it to me.”

I did, without even a whimper

She Left.

Avec My Bed-Spred

Bella My Donna!

************

Madonna – Hung Up

Yeah! I love

EVERYTHING

MADDIE

Git Over it!

Fore-Evermore Sexy and Beautiful

MADDONNNNA!

Obviously I’m Hung Up On You

Had NOT Seen her in Gog Knows Forever!

She Never answers my emails…

And I sit around, wondering why

So Cynthia Promised To Lend …

Some Money To a Moron, (C’est Moi) And Schlep Him to The Liquor Store This Afternoon, So That DT Man Would Haunt His Door No More.

I Am Bless’d By An Angel.

Juice Newton – Angel Of The Morning:

I’m Sorry to be an asshole, but her hair ain’t there. It’s Fake

Da Juice:

*****

Cynthia works hard for her money

Donna/Cynthia Works Hard for the Money:

Cred For Vid Share: Donna

Since Cynthia is always so busy, I lay down for a nap and waited.

Woke up from my coma

Thinking she had not been there/here

Then I discovered this parked (below foto) by my head

And I Wept.

Tears of Joy

I Have Never, Ever deserved such good people in my life

I am such an asshole to ever have doubted her good graciousness

And now I just found out she is not well

I Hope She is OK

I don’t wanna walk around on a planet without her on it

****

“There Must Be Some Kind of Way Outta Here.”

The Jimi Hendrix Experience –

All Along The Watchtower

Cred: Jimi–Must I really Verbalize It?–Sheesh!

Reality

“Accept That, Or Get To Work”

*****

I truly am Blessed

Not By Some Man-Made Bullshit Fake Deity,

But By a TRUE Friend

And Yu Gotta Have Friends

Bette

Nuff Said

**********

I LOVE You My Cynthia!

More Than Cash MoneyPlease get Well!

****

DT Man Scares The Shit Outta Me!

(And I Don’t Scare Easily)

He’s An Evil Relentless Mutha-Fukker Bastard

Uh? Did I Actually Write This? I Must Be Rainman Without the Blackjack Skills. Bad Fortunes. Under-Achiever Me. And I Was Actually A Decent Count-Down-Artist. Once

Bad Dreams Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)

*****

But then comes along…

  1. I’ve had a rough week and change.
  2. That last big storm we’d had shot down a lightning bolt into my ‘back-yard’ and knocked out my internet.
  3. For FOUR DAYS!
  4. (Thanks so Much for THAT, Zeus)
  5. It tried to gasp itself back to life. I was powerless to help. No CPR for Internets, I suppose.
  6. Was damn near out of booze.
  7. Got behind the wheel of my little Chariot.
  8. Turned the ignition: ‘Click, Click. Fucking Click!’
  9. I did NOT need this!
  10. Early Next A.M.
  11.  Called Hoover’s Automotive Repair—Told them I was sending them a ‘Project
  12. Then I called Benson Brothers, Legendary Towing Service.
  13. Next day Hoover-Man Delivered My ‘Labomba. He drove us back to Hoover’s so that I could ‘Settle Up’—Six hundred Bucks!
  14. By this point I was suffering Delirium Tremens—Shaking so bad, I could barely Barely. But I had to get some alcohol in me, with extreme ‘pred-a-juice’ or I would surely die.
  15. It was a race-against-the-clock.
  16. Got to my beer/wine/Copenhagen Store. My Man knew what I wanted (I always purchase the same items—he loaded them to my vehicle)
  17. Made it home. Now shaking uncontrollably. No way I was going to be able to unload my purchases.
  18. Happily (and luckily), I saw Cynthia sitting around a table with some friends of hers. Saw me & greeted Me, “Hey Baby, How Y’all doin?”
  19. I replied, “Not so good. Will you help me?”
  20. She walked over and asked, “What’s up?”
  21. I cannot unload  this stuff.
  22. She said, “Don’t worry. You go on in and I’ll bring it to you. Can you make it into your house?”
  23. “I think so,” I replied. 
  24. I was wrong.
  25. I could not make it up the only step up to my porch.
  26. One of Cynthia’s friends rushed over to help me and to my front door.
  27. I tried to get the key into the door knob—No dice—He took my key and unlocked the door.
  28. I shook over to my bed an fell half-way into it.
  29. Cynthia arrived with my ‘items’. I apologized for the state of my room, trying to explain that I had been in so much pain, that I could only manage a little bit of house-keeping at a time.
  30. She said, “I’ll clean it for you on Tuesday.”

Words failed me.

Wonderful , kind, generous woman.

I found my tongue, but  ”Thank you,”   Was best I could muster

*****

Out of All The Women I Have Known,
I Can Count On-One-Hand
The VERY FEW
Whoever Let Me Down….
And No!
I won’t be naming names

But on that flip side, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to add up all the women I have let down

*******

And Yes

My Nekke Bone Still Fukked!

—-Chaucer

Lance is a Chaucerian Fraud

(This ain’t no secret)

*******

Bonus:

Yeah.

I’ve had some ‘Bad Days’

“At Black Rock”

(For Film Buffs Only—Most likely)
I ripped this off because it is loosely related to this post.

I wrote a ‘scholarly’ paper on it and did a ‘Presentation’ too.
Complete with videos.
Guess my propensity to drop in vids started early
.

Oh, and BTW, I got an ‘A’ for my effort.

I did not have the heart to inform My Professor—Head of the English Department–that I wrote it drunk, in 45 mins, since he was so proud of me…

Cheers!

WALTER, Or ‘Big City, Turn Me Loose & Set Me Free’ “Keep Ur Retirement & Yer So-Call’d ‘Social Security'” LMFAO!

And Like A Good Neighbor… State Farm is There!

Grapes of my WRATH

Stand By!

Justice is A-Comin’

A Beautiful Day in My Neighborhood

I am gonna attempt to re-count this as accurately and as honestly, as it is a TRUTH Story.

So there I was, my butt firmly ensconced and welded to my cheap beach chair, happily listening to Merle:

“Big City”

BTW, Ask me About Merle–He Did Some Hard-Time in San Quentin

Ronnie Pardoned Him

Go Figger!

Bacck in some day.. I wr’ke for a man, Joe Whitley–

Screw’d his Daughter too

He looked and acted exactly Like Merle Haggard.

I loved him.

Sadly,

I did NOT Love His Daughter,

Although I do now, Brown Cow!

***

There came a knock upon my door.

I yelled, OK, didn’t yell. I said, “Hang on; I’m a-comin’”

Got the door open and was greeted by the visage of a BBM—Big-Black-Man.

I was born’d, rear’d & raised to be a racist asshole, so natch, my first thought was “Now where did I put my Glock Nine?”

(I continue to ‘Work That Problem, but old rearin’s die hard, slow painful deaths)

Another aside: I was Raised in Ladonia, Texas by a wonderful old black lady, Her name was ‘Jenella’–I loved her

Until I was told I Shouldn’t–Couldn’t–NOT OUR Way!

Seriously???

****

Turns out I didn’t need it–The Glock

Standing in my doorway was a pleasant-faced big-black-man.

“Hi” he said. “My name’s Walter. I am your neighbor,”

I stepped out onto my ‘porch’ and said,

“Hiyas Walter, my name is ‘Lance’ and I am also apparently your neighbor. What’s up?”

“Uh…” He hesitated, “Could you please turn down the volume on your music—I can hear it through my wall,”

“What? You not a Merle Haggard fan?”

“Uh… Yeah, I am, but not right now; not today; too early.”

I laughed and extended my hand.

He took it and shook it.

“Walter,” I said, “I will certainly do as you ask. Not often do tenants in this town have the decency nor courage, to simply take the matter of the problem to the source. I admire that in a man, and I apologize for my too loud Merle. Nice to know brave, decent folk live in my ‘Hood’—That’s a joke, by the way.”

“Thanks and I get the joke.” he said. And walked back to his Mouse-House,

I retired back to mine and went searchin’ for my headphones…

And Rainbows

Cred: MTB

***

Y’all see?

This is HOW it is Supposed to BE:

Decent people, doing decent things. Respecting– No “Callin’ Up The Management!

Just Communicate!

Be Decent!

Respect Fellow Humans.

That is ALL it Takes

Simple as That.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

That Thing Called Respect

Cred: Sunny Shin

****

A short film on respect

That is ALL it Ever Takes.

Respect!

Why have most lost this basic knowledge?

I now know I have at least one decent neighbor who has earned my Respect.

I hope to earn his.

***

P.S. Those of Y’all Who are Astute

May Have Noticed

That I Always (Well Mostly…)

Credit Those of Whom I ‘Steal’ Content.

This is just my Way.

Okay?

We Good??

No!

We Great!

***

Good People – Jack Johnson

Must Be… A Stream of Consciousness. Honesty-Time: I Always ‘Rapidly Post A Post’–Just to Look at it–Once I Think I Have Found It ‘Done’

Or…

Perhaps Just A Train Wreck?

You Decide!

Cred fer Vid: Charlie Dean Archives

Some Broad, Back In Sand-Dog,

Once Called Me A ‘Train-Wreck–Going Somewhere To Happen’

Now I Know Why

Smart Woman–She Was–Her Name was…

Wait For It…

‘Shonnie’

***

But, I Can NEVER Just Walk On By…

So I Drop This In Here,

Simply ‘Cuz I Just Cannot Find A Proper Place For It:

“The literary device ‘stream of consciousness’ is the continuous flow of thoughts of a person and recorded, thereof, in literature as they occur. In other words, it means to capture a continuous stream of thoughts into words and then scribble them on paper for others to read.”

Credit: https://literarydevices.net/stream-of-consciousness/

News Flash: It Ain’t Never Done!

Not In MY Estimation. Ever’Thang is a Work-In-Progress–

The Reason I Continue to Wake-Up, Most Mornings

So I Go Back and Edit it to Within an Inch of its Natural Life–

Call it ‘A Character Flaw’–if you Must.

Yet…

I AM a GOOD Person

G’Damn It!

Since I cannot think up anything ‘new’ (or old) to write, thought I would just try to bullshit my way through a new post.

Why Not?

Here goes. Hold onto your socks.

Reflecting upon what has ‘happened’ to me over the past month or so…

Mostly bad, but now I see the light at the end of the tunnel

And it ain’t no train.

Thanks Be To Baby Hey Zeus!

Recall that I was evicted from my last apartment:

So What did I do?

Got so drunk and engulfed in self-pity that I drank myself into a stupid stupor.

A Matter of Course, Of course.

Ended up Back in Re-Hab.

Again.

(No worries’ I have ‘Frequent – Flyer Miles’ on the books with them—didn’t cost me a dime.)

While there, was informed that all my worldly possessions had been taken from my ‘Mouse-House’ and cast into Purgatory—I mean ‘Storage’

Everything I own was haphazardly tossed into some storage closet in some dark, dank shit-hole:

All my expensive computers, monitors, precious memory items—basically, my entire life—Unceremoniously and carelessly hurled into oblivion.

Cutting to the chase—me chasing my tale—I was eventually released from the loving arms/secure nest of Glen Oaks and not Un-Like a newly-born bird, managed to ‘fly’ back home, which was now just my Ford Explorer.

****

After much stressful Tribulations & Try-Angle-Accusations, I managed to find me where I reside today: Pecan Tree Apartments, A Six-Unit Complex. I love it. Not only is the Manager Nice to me; she don’t judge me. When I initially filled out the Rental Application, I had to admit I had just been evicted from my last digs.

She said, “We don’t get too worried ‘bout stuff like that. You got money for move-in costs?”

“Yep. Sure do.”

(Thanks to the BEST Girl-Friend in My Known Universe: Roberta)

“Sign here and welcome to the neighborhood.”

‘Marriage’ made in Heaven.

An aside: About a week after I had taken up residence, The Manager and her Co-Manager brought me a micro-wave oven which had been left behind by some former tenant AND also a whole bag of ‘Goodies’—cleaning products, microwave popcorn, dish-towels, et-cetera.

I could not wrap my mind around such human kindness—surely I was dreaming—turns out, I wasn’t. It was all too for real.

Seems I had finally found me a home.

Street Cred: Buffett

***

Oh, You may ask,

 “Lance, where is the ‘Stream O’ Consciousness?’ This post seems too contrived—too Convoluted, too thought out.”

“Relax. It’s coming–The Un-Convoluted Part

To be continued…

I tried real Hard to Make a Magical Mystery Tour Vid of my New Apartment, but I guess I’m too frickin’ STUPID to make that work.

I’m a genius with computers,

‘Made’ This one–By Hand:

but phones fu*k up my mind–I guess I need a ten year old daughter to help me–On my ‘to-do’ list:

Make me a ten-year-old daughter.

What?! Too late, you say?!

Well Shit!

Anyway, for what it’s worth, here are a few photos:

Le Boudoir

The Galley

The ‘Hemingway’ Desk

My Single Bed

“Hey! I wanna Love You–in my Single Bed!”

(Sorry Bob)

Le ‘Room, Wife of Bath’

To Be Continued

Or Not

Probably Not.

On This Blog You Don’t Pay No Money, You don’t Take Your Chances–

Please Note: I Do NOT Take No Dollars From Advertising Pukes–EVER!

Just Wanted to Remind Y’all

Of That

Sorry

TO BE CONTINUED COMPILATION

Street Cred: hawkwyd

And Yes! I Love Everything About Cats!