Pity Party Alert! I Am A STUPID Idiot!

I Miss My English Woman!

So Marvelous Much!

Even Her English ‘Bitch-I-Ness.

She Could, at times, be such a cunt.

Other times, I loved her to tears

I loved her!

She even spoke a little Françoise

Was Texas So Fucking Important to me?

I suppose it was

God-Damn it!


Searchin’ For A Rainbow That Existed No More:

Of all the monumental fuck-ups that define my life, This one reigns Supreme. Was The Most Momentous Fuck-Up Of Them All—Leaving her will go down in the back-street annals of my mind– My History Time. She was/is the only woman who was ever smarter than me.

I reeeely fucked up, leaving her!

My Helen of Troy


Here ya go Lance:

Wallow about in your self-Pity

You Asshole!


You’re Back in Texas!

Hope it is All You Wished it to be!

You left her for a huge Piece of Dirt and a Nostalgic dream.

Guess What Asshole:

You Can Never Go Home Again

Just Goin’ To Texas for a Little while

My Blow-Up Bed

My Life:

My Blow-Up Bed

Recently acquired a leak

My Blow- Up Bed No Longer Retains It’s “Overly Blown Up” Status–Much too My Chagrin

I Used to sleep twelve inches above the deck

Now I sleep under the deck

In the bilge compartment

With the Rats

Kiss My Ass Good’Bye

Rescue Mission

By Kris (Native Texan)

“We’ll Sail The Bloody Ocean Boys or

“Drink the Bastard Dry”

“I’m Just a simple sailor son with one more year to go”

“Somewhere There’s A Scooner Sinking Slowly In The West”

I Severely Miss My English Girlfriend

Only PPL Who Have Been to Britain Will Catch The Ref

My Life is Over

Bad News for me

I was so in love with my blow-up bed

And my English Girl Friend

Not so much no mas!

On both accounts

Yes, I Have Been Un-Characteristically Silent On The Passing Of Queen Elizabeth. Now I Proffer My Two Cents: “Take your Insults About The Queen And Shove Them Up Your Royal Timese Machine”

Such A Very Brave

And Patriotic

Very Young Woman:

The Queen’s Coronation Day Speech 1953

But Do NOT Mistake My Silence for Indifference.

I have not found the proper, respectful enough words just yet.

Working on that.

Maybe the words will never come.

I am no poet and my prose kinda sucks as well.

But I will endeavor to do my best

All I can offer just now is,

“Farewell And Adieu Great Lady. Travel Well. May You Always Have Fair Winds and Following Seas”

To all my Good Friends in Britain,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes, I have been to England and I was never happier in any Foreign, to me, Land and it is my firm resolve to re-visit your magnificent country once more ‘ere I cash my chips

And sometimes, humor can heal just a little, so I offer this not to be disrespectful, but to illustrate that we must find a way to deal with tragedy. Humour always, kind of, sort of, works for me.


And Very Respectfully,

‘Sir’ Lancelot du Lac


And Just In-Case Ya’ll Anglophiles Were Not Completely Bummed Out And Depressed By Now, Here is A ‘Bonus Sorrow’ to Walk With Down Memory Lane, Keeping It In Your ‘Sad Memory Pocket’

Baez Bonus Bonus Bonus Onus

“Take your insults about The Queen
And shove them up your royal Timese Machine”