*BREAKING BAD NEWS!* (CNN is the Best Comedy Show On Television, Bar None–And it is even better watching while drunk or stoned, or le both)

Laughing at CNN is one of my favorite joyful mindless diversions:

Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph!

That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up)

The Results are finally in from yesterday’s, recent,  last week’s election!

Okay was not last week; just seems that way.

Here are the tallies:

Jim Morrison: 20, 000

He is an Accident Going Somewhere to Happen: 20, 001

Walk of Shame: 20,010

The Kind and Good and the Ugly Moral Folks: 20,005

Puddles in My Beer: 0

Now, after some contentiousness, and some hanging chaffs, and some fourteen pissed off, and some sixteen or so pissed on, and some countless bored, and some dead armadillos, and some more hanging chaff, it was decided that the vote went unanimously to:

PUDDLES IN MY BEER!!

(And the crowd went nuts)

“But, but, but, how is that unanimous?” One pollster inquired.

“Because Son,” The State said, “Because theirs was the only un-contested, not so much molested, unambiguous result.”

“Oh.”

Now before we exposé the PUDDLES IN MY BEER platform (gangplank), we must survive the Inauguration Ball.

And here to help us along with that, May I present to Y’all, our most ardent (and redundant) supporters!

Willie And The William’s Boys!

Take it away Boys!

Thanks to Willie an’ Them For that Rather Upbeat Rendition of …what was it again? *taps Willie on the shoulder* “Uh Willie, ya fucked the lyric: it is “Puddles In My Beer”; not ‘bubbles’, get it right fer fuck sake… Goin’ to Austin…I mean DC. Aw shit. Never mind! Just get the damn song right, OK?”

And Thank You Both Hanks for that rather unifying ditty in honor of the forgotten, vanquished.

But now, to prove we are not all that…uh… sanctimonious.

We give some equal / air time to the losers, er, Honorable Opposition:

Take it away Jimmy!

But don’t take it too far or  too long. We are watching you. Loser!

“Uh… Thank you…uh what was your name again? Oh yeah, Jimmy.

Well, Hey! Let’s give a big round of applause for…uh Jimmy and his comedy!”

“Thank you Johnny!”

Tomorrow (Or Next Beer) we will tell you the plan forward.

Hang tight in the meantime.

We love our Country!

(don’t we?)

Didn’t we?

orig flag

Bonus Round

Lenny On Fake News:

“Tuesday’s Tirade” or ”Curmudgeon’s Complaint” or “Just The Rants, Sir. Just The Rants”

Author’s Note:

*Taps Mic*

“Uh… Is this thing on?”

*Screeching Mic Feedback*

“Ouch! Guess it is.”

*Clears Throat*

“Uh… Hi Y’all.”

*Crowd Grumbles*–

“Speak UP!

“Uh… HOWDY Y’ALL!”

*Crowd in Unison*–

“You said that already! Git on wid it!”

“Okay! Okay! This is just me, being me. Allowing me, for today, to indulge the ‘Right Side of Me’. That’s All.

Please Enjoy.

Or not.”

*Crowd Collectively Moans*

***

“So… Worried much about Western Civilization?”

“Not particularly. Not tonight.”

“It’s collapsing. Or Hadn’t you noticed?”

“I live in a pretty good neighborhood.”

‘About Last Night’

Director: Edward Zwick

Studio Credit: TriStar Pictures

Film Based On The Play “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” by David Mamet

***

“Are YOU Ready for SOME FOOTBALL?!!!”

“Nope.”

“Butt. Butt… BUTT??!

“Precisely the Problem.”

“Oh.”

Credit: Salty Cracker

***

WHATEVER Happened to THESE people?

Where did THEY go?

Street Cred for Vid: Steven Shehori

***

“Why does the sun go on shining?

Why does the sea rush to shore?

Don’t they know it’s the end of the world?

It ended when you said ‘goodbye’”

–Skeeter Davis

Street Cred for Vid: TheOldrecordclub

***

It May be The-End-of-The-World

(As we know it)

But Lance Feels Fine!

He Feels Fine…

Performance Credit: R.E.M.

Street Cred for Vid: remhq

***

Cheers Y’all!

P.S.

Oh, and just to bundle up that thought about ‘Butts’

I found the perfect new vocation for any future Unemployed NFL Executives.

They’d be Naturals

Just like these two intrepid entrepreneurs:

*BREAKING BAD NEWS!*

Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph!

That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up)

The Results are finally in from yesterday’s, recent,  last week’s election!

Okay was not last week; just seems that way.

Here are the tallies:

Jim Morrison: 20, 000

He is an Accident Going Somewhere to Happen: 20, 001

Walk of Shame: 20,010

The Kind and Good and the Ugly Moral Folks: 20,005

Puddles in My Beer: 0

Now, after some contentiousness, and some hanging chaffs, and some fourteen pissed off, and some sixteen or so pissed on, and some countless bored, and some dead armadillos, and some more hanging chaff, it was decided that the vote went unanimously to:

PUDDLES IN MY BEER!!

(And the crowd went nuts)

“But, but, but, how is that unanimous?” One pollster inquired.

“Because Son,” The State said, “Because theirs was the only un-contested, not so much molested, unambiguous result.”

“Oh.”

Now before we exposé the PUDDLES IN MY BEER platform (gangplank), we must survive the Inauguration Ball.

And here to help us along with that, May I present to Y’all, our most ardent (and redundant) supporters!

Willie And The William’s Boys!

Take it away Boys!

Thanks to Willie an’ Them For that Rather Upbeat Rendition of …what was it again? *taps Willie on the shoulder* “Uh Willie, ya fucked the lyric: it is “Puddles In My Beer”; not ‘bubbles’, get it right fer fuck sake… Goin’ to Austin…I mean DC. Aw shit. Never mind! Just get the damn song right, OK?”

And Thank You Both Hanks for that rather unifying ditty in honor of the forgotten, vanquished.

But now, to prove we are not all that…uh… sanctimonious.

We give some equal / air time to the losers, er, Honorable Opposition:

Take it away Jimmy!

But don’t take it too far or  too long. We are watching you. Loser!

“Uh… Thank you…uh what was your name again? Oh yeah, Jimmy.

Well, Hey! Let’s give a big round of applause for…uh Jimmy and his comedy!”

“Thank you Johnny!”

Tomorrow (Or Next Beer) we will tell you the plan forward.

Hang tight in the meantime.

We love our Country!

(don’t we?)

Didn’t we?

orig flag