Kinda Slightly Up-Dated. “How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn, My Sis,

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

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My Most Recent Experience With The Minions of the Commerce Cop Shop… I Love The Commerce PD; They Look Out For Me.

I Will Expand Upon This Later. Probably Much Later. If Ever. So Don’t Hold Your Breath. We Shall See. See you in Jail. Cheers!

Morons Minion’ng Menions (Don’t Mention Minions In My Recent Present Preference Precedent)

Moron 'R'' Us!

Yet Another Re-RuM Just for Fun: “How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment…”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Street Cred: Courtney

****

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

My Sis, Madelyn, was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

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Just Got Out Of Hospital Few Days ago–I Fukkin’ I HATE Doctors–Even tho My Daddy And Grandaddy Were—Long Line of Doctors–I took a Different Turn for the worse:

Doctors. So I was ‘born free’—Don’t you see? Don’t Know What Went Wrong With Me—

I Went Astray.

So I Joined The Navy.

Hahahaha!

C’est Moi:

Female Doc Informed Me that My Liver Was fukked

They did their due-diligence–lots of tests

They Showed Me Photos

Imagine My Surprise

“I Asked The She Doc, But How? Why?”

She informed me that if I did not stop drinking, I was gonna die

“Hell! Everybody Gotta Die over something”

(I need no doctor come to tell me that)

She Doc Was Not Amused

***

Tom Waits – “Bad Liver And A Broken Heart”

“It Ain’t A Purchase; It’s A Rental”

I wasn’t in Hospital for my liver–something quite un-related–My Liver was Just Collateral Damage.

Embarrassing in-fact—Perhaps I’ll tell Y’all Later

Or Not

Just Got Re-Re-Leased–Once Again, Out Of Hospital / Jail Few Days Ago–Oh Well! I HATE Doctors–

X They Are All Too Fake Of A Kind–

‘Specially’

The Female Ones–

Never-Mind.

****

Joni

You Know,

I’ve been to sea before

“If You Want Me, I’ll Be In The Bar”

“Joni, I’d Give Up My Life To Join You There.”

I HATE Doctors!

Even Thou My Daddy

And Gran-daddy

Were—

Doctors,

I Was ‘Born Free’.

Been Payin’

Off That Debt Ever Since,

So I was ‘born free’—

Don’t you see?

Don’t Know What Went Wrong With Me—

I Went Astray.

So I Joined The Navy.

Shite!

Hahahaha!

C’est Moi:

Female Doc Informed Me that My Liver Was fukked

They did their due-diligence–lots of tests

They Showed Me Photos

Imagine My Surprise

“I Asked The She Doc, But How? Why?”

She informed me that if I did not stop drinking, I was gonna die

“Hell! Everybody Gotta Die over something”

(I need no doctor come to tell me that)

She Doc Was Not Amused

***

Tom Waits – “Bad Liver And A Broken Heart”

“It Ain’t A Purchase; It’s A Rental”

“I’ve Got Me A Bottle & A Dream.”

I wasn’t in Hospital for my liver–something quite un-related–My Liver was Just Collateral Damage.

Embarrassing in-fact—Perhaps I’ll tell Y’all Later

Or Not

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Redundant?

Yes, I Know

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn My Sister (step-sister)

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading