Long story ‘Bout Me–
Maybee Later I’ll Tell The Story.
Trust Me: It Ain’t Easy Being Me.
At least I got me a souvenir:
Get Well Soon!
Cred for vid: =
I AM SO VERY SORRY I PERSUADED MY FELLOW JURY-MATES TO THROW TWO BOOKS AT YOU
***
Cheers
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BONUS: Just For A Little Levity
Richard Pryor: PRISON
Credit For Video Share: jro211
Ed Note on this video: The dude playing lead guitar is Linda’s (Ronstadt) Just so you’d notice I noticed.
“The Folks Back-Home Don’t Really Wanna Talk To Me On-The-Phone”
I Cannot Imagine Why Not
Cred: If You Don’t Know, I Cannot Really Help You
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Haters Gonna Hate
Expeditiously Move Them To The Fuk-Off Channel
Shake it Off !
Chapters: One Two Three Four Five
The following is a transcribed letter I wrote to a Significant Other while cooling my heels in Kandahar, trying to get my CAC renewed (Common Access Card: An ID card for Civilians working with the U.S. Military). ‘Southpark’ is, for lack of a better term, A Holding Facility ‘soullessly owned and operated’ by DynCorp International for transients, itinerants, sycophants, miscreants, and other sad and lonely temporarily homeless people just trying to travel through, hoping to land somewhere else sooner than later…
Southpark is understaffed, under-financed, under-achieving, and sometimes underwater. It is also overpopulated, misconceiving, deceiving and just plain infuriating. Southpark will depress you, repress you, digress you, digest you and shit you out (if you allow it). Writing saved me from insanity there.
*****************
Saturday 28 July 2012, Camp Dwyer, Afghanistan 1218hrs
Dear Lady,
I’m sitting in the PAX terminal. We boarded the plane, (Sixties-Era, prop job) a couple of hours ago, but they were just kidding. After sitting on the tarmac for about forty five minutes they brought us back here. Seems someone forgot to feed the hamsters which are actually responsible for propelling the plane and consequently, they died. We were told not to worry; they are flying in some fresh, well-fed hamsters from KAF (Kandahar Air Field) and once they get those settled into the plane’s power plant, we will be good to go: wheels up around 1430hrs.
So here I sit, thinking of you, Dubai, and Hamster Avionics.
Unless Your Name Was ‘Peanut’–
Then I would Care–
Bailed Him Out too Many Times..
I Spent Three Days In A Meskin Jail & Four Years In Iraq…Two Years In Afghanistan. Three Years In Sinai–Y’all Think Jail Frightens Me? Or Anything Frightens Me? Think Again My Friends.
Okay.
There is ONE Thing That Frightens Me:
ME
***
This is a Work of FICTION! Because I Do Not Know if There is a Statute of Limitations on Arson. Not Any Word of this Story is True. It is ALL FICTION.
LMFAO!
That Said, This is Another Madelyn & Lance Tale (Fictional!)
Finally Found My Old Blue Jeans:
Cred for Vid Share: Želimir Lah
Back in the mid – Seventies, Madelyn worked at a joint in Bonham, Texas: ‘Richard’s Jeans’.
She sold jeans and other shit. She loved her part-time job. It was a nice place. I had gone there a few times to see her…
On the 3’rd of July, circa 1974 Madelyn came home almost crying.
I was working on my billiard skills (We had a pool table on the third floor of our ‘apartment’)
Madelyn ran past me, ran into her room and slammed the door.
I took a sip from my Coors beer, then cautiously knocked lightly on her door.
“Go away!” she said.
“Don’t think so,” I said to myself.
I opened the door.
She was sitting on her bed, sobbing.
I sat down next to her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I have lost my job” she said.
“That asshole Richard fire you? I’ll kill him”
“No! He is closing the store!”
“Oh. Okay. I won’t kill him. At least not today.”
(He paid her shit wages)
To Be Continued….
******
Has occured to me some may not know of my relationship with Madelyn.
Therefore…
I Will Expand Upon This Later. Probably Much Later. If Ever. So Don’t Hold Your Breath. We Shall See. See you in Jail. Cheers!
Morons Minion’ng Menions (Don’t Mention Minions In My Recent Present Preference Precedent)
