Charlie Daniels & The CDB!
You can generally count on having most public places all to yourself on Sunday Mornings:
Public places like Parks, Gyms, Grocery Stores, Home Despot, Wal*Mart, Waffle Mouse, Beer Stores. Just a few of my favorite Sunday Morning Venues.
Of course with the beer stores, you pretty much have to get there right at the Crack of Noon, as most Southern States won’t allow them to open until then (or sell their most important inventory at any rate). But if you hang out in the parking lot just before, you can always beat the crowd.
Just be sure to park real close to the door. Oh and be damn sure to wear those Nike’s.
Where my thesis falls apart is with the Golf Course, which is an entirely Different Church, which will always be holding Early Mass.
(What’s Wrong With Those People?)
And Y’all might wanna check out Kris An’ Rita
And while on the subject: Me and Paul
The scariest thing to me…
Was at sea.
In the Indian Ocean, late one night
(That “IO” That Ho!)
Late at Night.
And the ship was tight.
And the waves were big.
IO, She was angry.
And I was scared.
(No! HE Was scared).
I was never scared!
I was drinking coffee… And in between, walking on the bulkheads—all you sailors out there—can relate, and compare…
Never scared, but aside from my ‘coffee mates,” I knew, did, had done… the same drill… Too many times. (Fuckin’ Black-Shoe Navy!)
And if any of y’all find any of my ‘Sea Stories” unbelievable…The preamble to any good sea story is “This is a no-shitter…”
And then there was Melville…I’ve been around the world and once saw two white whales fuck.. I did. And there were dolphins… standing by… giggling.
I have been to Australia.
And it follows, I have been to sea before:
And here, (for you purists) is the original, stolen from “Hejira”:
My Thanks to
“I’m just a simple soldier Son.
“With one more Year to Go.””
Hey-Zeus! Spike It In The END Zone Bro. Then Come On Back Down To Earth Son. Check Us Out. See How We’re Doin’ Now
Get off of your Cloud
Dazed and Confused. Say me–Shit! Wrong song ref
“Lance, rent a brain–Yours is Null and Void”
My Life is A Cloudy Day. Okay?
Cred for vid: ABKCOVEVO
Reba?! Girl! Okie Gal! Really?
I Knew You When… Back then
Back when you were interesting
Now you’re just boring
“Come Back To God”
News Flash For Ya Reba McEntire: I was never ‘with’ YOUR God. Not in that ‘Biblical Sense’ nor any other kind of sense. Religion Is All Non-Sense
Boz My Man!
Jesus, it’s only been 2000+ years, For Christ’s Sake! (Sorry)
WTF else you got to do?
Count YOUR ‘Blessings? Play checkers with Daddy? Rest on your laurels? One and Done. That all you got?
What a gyp
Or just lazy?
Thought so. Well Man And Womankind need you to get up off yer laissez faire ass recliner-cloud and fulfill all them fake promises & Dry Dreams you promised. Been to Earth lately Jesus? Things are pretty fucked up is all I’m sayin’.
And P.S. I still love You Jesus. As a Good Man. Not as a Deity
Oh, and by the way Jesus, when I die, you gonna bring me back for a ‘do-over’?
No? Then you are of no use to me. Don’t let the manger door hit yer ass on your way out (That one you rode in on halfway to Jerusalem) Oh, and I have always wondered, was that ass a purchase or a rental?
Shalom & Allahu Akbar
Halfway to Jerusalem
(Yes. Your ‘Humble’ Author has been to Jerusalem–Many Times)
My Blog is no longer an aversion
Nor a version
of a virgin
Therefore, since I am leaving soon
(Insha’Allah.. Joke: probably get killed for that one–Y’all know who I am here and on which side I fall upon–Atheist) I am not for lack of a term: ‘an Evangelical Atheist’.
I do not care what you believe or don’t believe. My only further statement is atheists can be moral and good people, just like theists. We can also be immoral and bad people, just like theists. And we can be some kind of combination of the two; just like theists.
Hopefully, that above statement loses me not any of my followers (save one: my mother), But if so this is Karma (and no! I am not Buddhist nor Hindi either), then I will adopt the philosophy of a great ‘blogger-man’ I admire, respect, follow, and really despise:
http://aopinionatedman.com/ (ed note: May, 31st: I am no longer a fan of the Lemmings. i.e., I do not follow OM no mas, mainly because even I, cannot be that charitable) And that is all I am gonna say ’bout that. If you want some more piercing eloquence of the subject, I happily direct you to ‘The shitstorm that is my life: (she is brilliance in a bottle:
We differ, but we are kindred in our discourse of difference. Opinionated Man says this, and I quote:
“My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.”
Now. This is not in my manifesto, but I do find me subscribing to it more and more, day by day. Not sure why, but I do think OM has a valid point here: He writes for HIM.
This, I understand. And this is my new path. (Now all I need do is find some more followers… to hit the trail with me 😉 )
Therefore in the spirit of cleaning up hard disk drive space, I have nominated this post (the one on the next page–The ‘Hitch-Slap’ will remain as long as I have electricity and an internet connection) for permanent removal. (though I Love it daily..er…dearly..especially the video clip”
Drum Roll Please!
I heretofore nominate this post…
To be… In the Hunger Games!
What say you?!
Read it and kiss it’s ass goodbye!
Credit: Moki John
Credit: Lance (But you knew that)
I LOVE SOUTHERN!
Cliff Notes/Teaser Version:
or if not,
Why Are You Even Here?!
Vid Cred for Share:WCW
Now some might say Brother Dave was a racist and they would probably be right, but I am posting these bits because I love the way he talks politics and specifically about “Daddy Bird.”
I really don’t think Bro Dave was racist in his heart. Most things he said were tongue-in-cheek, but that is just my opinion.
“See? I don’t drink alcohol, ’cause I don’t want no fat liver… but that ain’t no testimony. You may have your liver to do as you please.”
“But you talk so much politics!” I’m sick and tired of politics!”
Author’s Note: I love Brother Dave becuz he was always so up-beat—Never Down! Just a Happy Man (and a drug addict)–which killed him in the end, but we have his work to cherish and to hold. And to revisit again and again and again. Caint take that away from me!
What I’m re-reading right now:
Yes! I’ve Read Them All!
PREACH IT STEVE!
In Disarm & Harm Those
“i cAME hOME wITH A bRAND-nEW pLAN”
(yEAH! aLL cAPs KEY IS sTILl wREwReCkR’D) noT To meNenTinTIOoN sPEeil chEk IS fUcKeD
I LOVE YOU BROTHER DAVE!
YOU ENRICHED MY LIFE!
YOU ROCK JERRY!
“Knock Him Out John!”
BAREFOOT JERRY & THE CDB!
ELVIN! (NOT ELVIS!)
MORE ‘ELVIS!’ HAHA!
My Sweet Lil Thang
“You Mess With Her, You See A Man Get Mean”
MAIN LOVE – OF – MY – LIFE!
This song Haunts My DREAMS AT Night
Because I am Suicidal!
Bugs, Don’t Fu*k Around With Them
(They Doan Play!)
THANK YOU Lynyrd!
JUST A LIL’ OL’ BAND FROM TEJAS!
Marshall Tucker Band!
Don’t Get Much More ‘Southern’
I’ll Get Around to Crediting All The Vid Sharer’s
I am too Drunk to BE BOTHERED!
AT THIS MOMENT!
My TEXAS DARLING!
You’re Such a Slut!
I LOVE You For That!
And of course: Jackie Venson
Related For Steve Earle!
Sellin’ Dope and Whiskey!
“So I Had One more For desessert”
Too Much So!
One thAt willl Love Me!
N’ MaTTer Not
Vid Cred: Who Gives a Shit at This Point?
Obviously I don’t because I am breakin’ my Own Rules!
PLEASE NEVER FUCK WITH ME
I AM INSANE
I WILL KILL YOU!
I will stand over your dead self
“And The Wind…
Blows Me Like A Paper Cup…
Down The Highway…”
Cred: Bee Doubya!
“I got a long long ride”
She’s Not too Pretty…
But a beautiful smile!
She just said…
“Diego Garcia? Huh? Never heard of it.”
Lots of folks have not: Don’t despair. I spent thirty glorious days there back in ’86. After my first failed attempt at BUD/s, the Nav sent exiled me to the USS Callaghan DDG 994, a Khomeini-Class Guided Missile Destroyer.
It was called a ‘Khomeini Class’ because along with three sister-ships, she was built for the Iranian Navy (When The Shah was still the Big Man About Town). The ships were not yet commissioned, not ever close, when His Wonderfulness, The Ayatollah came back to hang up his shingle and Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, His Shah-Ness had booked out on his World Tour to cure cancer (his).
And naturally, after the Birds Sang And Shah went away, we just had to keep these ships for our own self(s). Such is History…
Anyway, that may be too much information for my purposes here.
After I had mustered onboard the Callaghan, I was informed that I was ‘One Lucky Squiddy Sonuvabitch’ (That’s ‘Naval’ parlance for ‘Sailor’.)
“Why? Why am I lucky?” I just had to ask, as I really wasn’t feeling all-that-lucky after having ‘rocked out’ of SEAL training only to wake up in ‘The Black Shoe, Haze Gray and Underway Gray-Hound’ Navy.
“You are lucky Son,” my Senior LPO informed me, “because we are going on a ‘World Cruise’. And most sailors spend an entire career without such an opportunity.”
“Oh Goody,” I thought, I done been ‘round the whurl’. So what? “Six months away from the only pussy I had finally managed to find for me in San Dog (San Diego). Perfect.” Didn’t actually verbalize that, by the way. I probably said something like, “Gee Wally, I love the idea.” (Without the ‘Wally’ part—I ain’t stupid, ya know.)
Now, I would love to write about this entire cruise, and perhaps I may, but for the purposes of this post, I am gonna skip to the middle, as this is supposed to be about Diego Garcia.
About Month ‘two-and-a-half’, we were cut off severed culled from our Battle Group and ordered to do some ‘Independent Steaming’ in the Northern ‘IO’ (That’s Navy vernacular for “Indian Ocean.”) We were to rendezvous with the rest of the Fleet at some later unspecified date. (Presumably to us, after they had some proper ‘Liberty’ somewhere up in the Med… You know: Shit-Holes like Toulon France, or Athens, or Palma, Majorca.)
(Fun Fact: The Justified Reason for Our Wonderful World Cruise: We were to escort the USS Kitty Hawk, an old ‘Bird Farm’, i.e., Aircraft Carrier, to ‘No-Fuck’, I mean ‘Norfolk’ Virginia Naval Base. You see, The ‘Shitty Kitty’ just could not fit through the Panama Canal. Hence, we had to take the long way to her new home.
For the sake of some brevity, I will merely recount here that we got ‘Stuck’ in the Northern IO, as The Russians and the Iranians were acting ‘stupid’ and kept harassing us. (Fly-Overs by Ruskies, Iranians threatening to blockade the Straits of Hormuz. You know, typical Eighties’ shit and actually not unexpected.
Now like most U.S. Government Bureaucracies, The Department of the Navy had a budget. We spent so much time on ‘Picket Station’ (Making five knots up and down the North IO, ‘Patrolling’) that we had simply used up our fuel allotment.
(Fun Fact: In the U.S. Navy once Squiddies have not seen land for forty-five days, they get to have a ‘Beer Day’. Yep. That’s right. They chopper in cases of beer, laced with formaldehyde, as a preservative, don’cha know, and each Sailor gets two, count ‘em two beers. Gives a raging headache and ‘Old Salt’ Sailors would not even drink them; they would sell theirs to the neophytes. I was one such neophyte. And yes, I got the raging headaches. Never again.)
What to do?
Send us to port!
The ‘Port’ was Diego Garcia: A No-Where’s-Ville In the Middle of the Vast ‘Nowhere’ that is the Indian Ocean.
We were all so very fucking excited.
To Be Continued (I Promise) Update: Part Two Here
Here is a good Sailor / Soldier Song (If ya like Kris that is)