I AM A RACIST!!!

I am also a Bigot, Homophobe, Nazi, Commie, Narcissist, Misogynist, Cunt, Wop, Jew, Mick, Spick, Nigger, Faggot, Kike, Redneck, Greaser, and on and on.

As are all of US

As are all of US

As are all of US

But I am none of those in measure.

The matter is in measurable degrees.

I am none of the above in a measurable fashion

And therein lies the difference.

A Tuesday Throwback… or, if you will: “Why Ruby Did It?”*

*Of course if you want the answer to that burning behind the Grassy Knoll Question, you will have to listen to Lenny. (Listen below after you wade through some serious Lance Horseshit)

Or, I suppose you could just ask Lance, as his erstwhile step-mom worked for Jack (Ruby)

And if you, any of you, breath, yeah breath. A word to my also erstwhile step-sister… well, that last breath, will be your last…

(And, as always, Everything I just typo’d, said, thought… well, it’s bullshit. I was born, rear’d an’ raised in California. Northern California. I have never even seen Texas. Just read about it all.)

In books.

And some old  pirate maps.

Galveston maps

*****

Just funnin’… I am only Half-Crazy.

Just to make up for all those “Thursday Throwbacks” I missed cashing in on during my recent ‘sabbatical’.

Yeah, I always considered ‘Throwback Thursdays’ something of a ‘gift.’ I mean, if I had nothing to write I could always dig down into those old archives, et voila! There ya go!

(In Some Truth: I just wanted to put up some Lenny Bruce–for Old Time’s Sake.)

And it kind of goes along with that Brother Dave Post from a day or two ago. (See? There is some continuity to my mind)

Believe that? Really? Wanna buy a bridge? Cheap?

************

I generally spend about ten minutes ‘writing a post’. Then three minutes waiting on ‘spell check’ to remind me that I cannot spell ‘cat.’ Then two minutes (except for the upload wait) to upload photos/videos. One minute at the ‘final’ look. Then: Click that ‘publish’ button.

Done.

Rinse and repeat the next day. This bothers me. Why? Because, as all of us (may) feel, we can write so much better.

Alas, I am lazy. I just want to get it out there… Catch the likes; catch the comments. Fuck the quality! “They” know what I mean… Don’t they? I mean, they read me! Not too much need for exposition, ya? ‘They git it, eh?’

Just some musings from an amusing wanna-be writer/blogger. Take with some grain of salt. (And Comment), if you are of a mind to, and have an opinion on the ‘writing/blogging’ process.

Cheers, Lancers

“I have never had an original thought; I don’t live in a vacuum.”

–Lenny Bruce

And if this ain’t poignant for today… Well then. I do not know what is, or could be ‘is.’

Take a listen: All Policemans in NYC might even appreciate. (If they can read, that is)

And I wanna be Your Lenny…

Right here on TT&H

There is a vid credit, but I lost it. His lawyers will surely contact mine…

**************

Moving on…

Now, this is some strange form of bullshit.

I actually shook  his hand.

download

In Sand Dog, California.

He weren’t  none of that.

He was some, but not all.

But he was a great man.

He was just a man with a plan.

I loved him for that.

Just like I love(d) Woody

And his son….

And I respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Lenny (and Christopher) Lives (again) Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid (sic)

Below please find today’s bit:

(May be offensive to people of faith)

(If you are religious, you may have swerved into the wrong page.)

Even that statement is wrong. It presupposes that religious folk do not have a sense of humor, or that they are intolerant of not-religious folk. I know of only one religion which is totally intolerant and not open to sense of humor. I don’t need to name it, but we all know its name (Shhh…. Don’t tell. But it starts with an M and ends with an ‘um’.   Yeah! You guessed it: Methodist-um”

(Now I know, I have been uncharacteristically silent on the ISIS CRISIS in specific and ‘Religion Poisons Ever’Thing’ in General. I am ‘back-building’, much like that volcano in Iceland. What you may experience here, today, is just a fissure, impotently  spewing. ‘Fissuring’, if you will. Don’t worry: The Big Bang is coming folks and it ain’t gonna be nothin’ nice.)

Shhhhh…. don’t tell. Keep yer head, and yer wits, and yer tits, and yer clits about you.

So… Don’t speak. Bad for your health: ‘Speaking.’

Listen / Watch Here Below: And Christopher’s last line (in case you missed it)

“Stay cool.” 

So ‘be cool’ and watch it, for it is timely, given our present present.

Video Credit:

therealtalkpolitics

The Lenny Bit (Religion Inc) Listen if You Please:

Oral_Sucker_Born

Oral Roberts

Billy_Time_Mag

JohnXXIII

Pope John XXIII

lifecover_spellman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thanks For Listening

And just for fun:

And as a completely different aside: I got some very good advice from a very, well not very, not even a very good friend, let us just call her ‘an acquaintance’:

She chastised me.

Why?

Because I employ too many parentheses…. “Makes me hard to read.’  She said. ‘Madman,’ She said. Truth, she spoke.

Now that!

That!

That is good advice!

Thank you, Nameless Person.

 

Hey! I’m Writing Here! (Once Again)

Now, C’mon Y’all.

Vid Credit: Guyism

I am just having fun, exploring (exploiting?) some of my inane, insane, In-Same, recent posts.

And of course, I love to ‘share my wares.’ Because I am just that vain (don’t ask me why or how I justify that statement.)

So there!

If I post something you have already ready read, sorry…

New shit will be forthcoming.

And soon. And I promise. And the check is in the mail and I won’t… do that in… “Ah don’t go there Lance.”

But, in the meantime:

And not to put too fine a point on it (trite, yep): My writing and my posts are ‘all over some places…’  But ‘Twould behoove to follow some of the links, as I find them entertaining. (Your individual experience may vary, and even differ, or beg to)

***

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go fuck off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind.

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but theirBreaking Newsis ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Tonight Tonight!

My Goal ‘Tonight’ is to catch up.

Yep

To catch up with my blogging friends.

I aim (good Texan verb, ‘aim’) to read and comment on one thousand! Posts! Shazam!! “Gall Eee Sargent Carter!”

Gomers found here

gomer-1-and-gomette-2

Amman Jordan, 2007 (I think) Me and Gommett

vid credit: Mark Ward

 

Now of course even y’all Yankees out there recognize that as hyperbole at best and bullshit at real.

Only people who use WP Reader can even ‘like’ a thousand posts a night with the simple-minded click of a simple-minded mouse. And Hell! It ain’t the mouse that is simple. It’s the mouse driver.

So, I just say: I will try (jes’ as soon as I post this here post) to get to readin’ ‘stead of writin’.

This is my goal and it is an honorable one. I may get to fifteen, but my likes and my comments are the real deal… so take that with some grain of… humble

And yes, I hope to prosper by my efforts (i.e.,  get more of y’all to read MY shit—tit for tat, eh? Yeah, that is what it is all about, ain’t it, Alfie?

Tits.

Yep

Tits and tats

Or, my personal favorite:

Tits and ass

It is always about tits yet, I am a ‘leg and ass man.’ Go figger her figure…

Cheers Y’all

And I will be seeing you in all the familiar places (That is a song! Get yer minds outta them gutters, fer fuck sake!)

Here Dear:

Vid credit:

warholsoup100

Cheers Again,

Lancers

Obscenity, Vulgarity, Dirty Words, and Toilets

“He cusses like a sailor.”

Lance is a sailor, ergo Lance cusses (in writing and in speech)

Lenny was a sailor, ergo Lenny cussed.

Please take a listen to Lenny’s take on ‘dirty words.’  

     

buyer beware  

More Lenny Here:  https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

It’s Thursday on the Right Coast: Therefore… Let Us Throw-Back!

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny! Listen to the Audio: (It will all make sense if you do)

Uncle Earl Below:

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

This is This Week’s Contribution to T-Throw-Back Thursday

Bob (The Most Interesting Man in Iraq) is my life-long frin…

I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from)

If one is lucky, really lucky, one meets maybe onetwo, or  three or four people in life that transcend funny.

Bob is one such ‘transcendent’ lucky for me.

He saved my fragile sanity.

****

My mechanic (Of Parsons Mechanic fame) came by to have some ‘chat’ with me:

Bob

The most Interesting
Mechanic in the World

“Way’ll… I have a natch’ral disaster on my hands.”

“Ok Bob,” I said, “I’m ‘bout to bust with anticipation.”

“Yep. A natch’ral disaster.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“A real-life natch’ral calamity.”

“Do I have time to go to chow while you go through your preamble?”

Ignoring me, he continued, “That Six Kay (‘6K’ as in six thousand pound lifting capacity) forklift is all a-pieces. hamorr’agin’ parts all over th’ place. The Boys (Filipino mechanics times two) tol’ me it was the fuel injector pump. So, I kin’ly smiled and said ‘Okaaay…,’ and let ‘em go at it. They need ta learn how ta fix thangs without me onct in ah’while. Well,  they dun got tha’ forklift tore all ta pieces.  Now, I dun give ‘em all mornin’ to dick ‘round with it, an’ I’m gonna give ‘em all this aftr’noon to dick ‘round with it some more. Then first thing tomorra, I’m gonna ask ‘em, ‘Boys, how come that forklift ain’t a-workin’ this fine morning?’”

“I’m hip Let’s keep it real.”

“Your ‘personnel management style’ is showing Bob,” I said.

“Yeah, whatever… An’ tomorra’s Thursday. An’ day after that’s Friday. An’ I ain’t doin’ nothin’ on Friday. Tomorra, we gonna start our dee-cent inta th’ day off.”

“Kinda start slowin’ ‘er down ‘round mid-noon time, eh?” I said. (I can do ‘Southern’ just as slick as you please when I want to.)

“X-actly. We start double-clutchin’ and dee-celeratin’ an’ bring her in nice and slow like.”

“And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”

“Dead in the water?”

“Tits up.”

“Broke dick?”

“Send her saddle home.”

“I need to call Baghdad?”

“She ain’t lookin’ none too fav’erble.”

“Call HQ an’ tell ‘em we need another forklift?”

“Now, jes hol’ on. Doan git ’em all wadded jes yet.”

“Ok. I got it. Thanks.”

“We’re Parsons’ Mechanics an’ jes watch how we roll,” he said on his way out the door.

I love my job.

I have a “Ten Kay” forklift that still works. So I should be alright for now. Besides, Bob just  loves the drama and we do this little dance everytime there is a crisis in the motor pool. If I were a betting man (And actually I am) I’d wager two of my pay checks that come Friday if that 6K forklift is still down, he’ll be out there bright and early with his boys working on it until it is repaired even if it means giving up his day off. I’ve seen him do that already too many times over the past year and a half he has worked for me. There is no man made of better stuff. An’ he sure do entertain. Yessir, he certainly does. And I’d never have been able to keep the operation afloat without him.

I love all my crew and wouldn’t trade a single one of them for a pile of cash money or a case of Johnny Walker Black with the authorization to drink it.

This song is dedicated to Bob, wherever he may be:

OK: Ed. Note:

Y’all gotta love how ‘Texan’ this vid is—look at the ‘ensign‘-Texan Flags-behind the sage, er…stage.

(and if you look really close–for you guitar players out there–you will notice the hole in the guitar. Willie tells some stories ’bout the gee-tar. He tells one about a drunken party with Leon Russell in a hotel room, when Leon almost broke it. Willie, in classic form, invited Leon to stop touching that guitar.)

When I am coherent, I may write about that.

And then there is this:

Willie sang, “At the airport in Milwaukee…”

Lenny

Lima

on that: Milwaukeeeee!

 

Out On Some Limb… Clinging to a Branch-True Texan Style

Here is Lance: ON the Record. (and on a rant; a long overdue rant)

I do not give two warm cups of spit, ‘Bout the politics of the Dixie Chicks. But I love them. They are all… Texas. And, after-all, Home-Grown. Hey! Texas! Git over it! Texas was built upon the backs of strong wimmens… Jes sayin’. Y’all know this (Texas!)

I love everything which pukes itself from Texas. Even them Dixie Chicks. I stood by them then. I stand by them now.

Watch the vid,  then tell me there ain’t no Texan Talent There.

Dare ya! (‘Tis a fight I will join–try me!). But, bring the big guns. I will fuck  debate you up, if ya don’t. I have some ducks all rowed up. 

And y’all know… well, ya know, I am just joking (’bout the guns) This is a fight, I will only join in the vestiges of parlay… and discourse. (Seems I have grown a… well, I still have some fight in my, for certain ‘issues’–this being one.)

Cheers!

Lance (true lover of Texas Women) Lord knows I have known many (Biblical sense and otherwise, sidewise), and they all, to a woman, scared the ever-loving shit outta me.

That is their nature (and how they roll)

“Don’t Mess With Texas” (Women)

Trust me on this one Y’all.

End of Rant

And it all leads into my next Shonnie story…

(And, I really, like, commas, comma)

I love Texas!

I really do.

tex flag

“Contrash” this with Lenny

Just saying…

Daily Lenny: or Blast From Some Past, or… I Really Do Not Care What You Think.

Okay. Actually, I do.

“And it took LBJ six months to learn how to say ‘negro’.” Yah! You will have to listen to Lenny to get the bit… Sorry. Price of admission here at TT&H.

I am an arrogant Texan, but I love Lenny Bruce: A man just about as far from removed from Texan as one could ever be. (Except maybe George Bush the Elder)

Lenny was no friend to Texas or Texans

Lyndon Johnson

The Scar He Was So Proud Of

LBJ:

Thanks Lenny

Lima

The Real Scar

The Real Scar

R.I.P.

Please listen (and comment)

(If you never listen to any other Lenny Bruce, Please listen to this one)

Lima, Ohio:

Bless Y’all Lenny…

LBJ: Just Another Guy Looking Out for His Nuts:

Here!

See? Lance Really Does Have a Sense of Humour! 

The Bust

Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II

TGIF and Here is The Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II

Enjoy!

 (Thanks to Theo Cas for posting this one on YouTube) 

Thanks for visiting and listening

More Lenny may be found here

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny: ‘Contemporaries’, or ‘Flamboyant Times’

I’m pretty certain this bit is from his ‘concert’ at Carnegie Hall.

Hope you enjoy.

And here is some of the Carnegie Hall Performance (Thanks to Theo Cas for posting this one on YouTube)

Thank Y’all for putting up with my Lenny Obsessions

More Lenny Here: https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny, Lenny Comes Clean Part Two: Plus Sarah and The Lone Ranger

Hi Kids!

Here is part two of yesterday’s Daily Lenny.

Now… I just know you will enjoy (and comment)

Video Credit: GuerrillaDivision

Masked Man

 Thank You Masked Man!

And after some soul searching and some ‘Google’ effort, I found this from Our Favorite Woman

Here’s Sarah!

More Sarah and Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And, as always, Thanks for Your Support. And Never Forget to Support THE LONE RANGER!

High (OH So High) Oh Silver! Away!!!

 

Daily Lenny: Lenny Bruce Comes Clean, Plus a Bonus: Sarah & Matt

Happy Saturday Y’all.

Here is The Daily Lenny:

“Lenny Bruce Comes Clean on Arrests, Dope, and Some Other Stuff”

Please Enjoy

 Video Credit: GuerrillaDivision

Eight Years Old

And  Since Y’all Have Been So Good To Us Here at TT&H, Here is a Bonus.

Saturday Sarah!

“I’m Fucking Matt Damon.” (“She’s Fucking Matt Damon”)

Your Visits Here Are Much Appreciated.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: The Defiant Ones

Howdy Y’all.

Here is The Daily Lenny, Times Two.

Call it ‘One New’, ‘One Throwback’, or what you will.

Hope you enjoy.

First the ‘New’

“The Defiant Ones”

Here is a link in case you got lost in the esoteric (Read: “old” reference)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051525/

The Defiant Ones

 

And here is the ‘Old’, Variations on the Same Theme: Racism.

“Life is a four-letter word.”

–Lenny Bruce

Doner

 

More Lenny May Be Experienced Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And thanks for your visit.

Peace Out and Stay Free Through Freedom of Speech

 

Daily Lenny: Jewish Theatre

Hail and Well Met My Fellow Lenny-ites!

For your Joy & Listening Pleasure

Here is today’s Lenny Bruce!


Hoffman as Lenny

So take a break from writing that-soon-to-go-viral post that we all have in us, 

“For, No Profit Grows Where is no Pleasure Ta’en”

And since I slacked off on Yesterday’s ‘Two For Tuesday’, Here is Sarah Now, but be thee forewarned: This may offend some in the audience. (Ha! Who am I kidding!? If you have stayed with TT&H this long, well you probably are not so easily offended)

Thank Y’all for your visit.

More Lenny & Sarah Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: “Enchanting Transylvania”

Now, Y’all Just Had to Know…

That when I ‘threatened to stop with the Daily Lenny that I could never be serious.

Anyhow,

Here is your Daily Lenny for Today:

Lenny and some guy

Hoping you will listen and enjoy.

More Lenny Here (and sorry there is no Sarah today):

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: Know Your Audience

Good Advice For Bloggers, I Suppose…

“Know Your Audience(s)”

Here is Lenny 

Know Him. Love Him. Know & Love Thyself

“The “what should be” never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no “what should be,” there is only what is.”

“A lot of people say to me, `Why did you kill Christ?’ I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.”

–Lenny Bruce

Lenny Finger

Thank You for visiting my Blog

More Lenny Found Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And has become my wont, here is some Sarah to get you through the rest of your weekend:

Credit: 

ChelseaLately

 

Daily Lenny: Health Food, Healthy Eating, and Drugs: Your Choice

Friends! Bloggers! Readers! (Readers?)

Lend Lenny Some Ears! (Hell! It is mono; only one ear is requisite)

Get out of your comfort zone and listen up:

(May be esoteric to some. I cannot continue to do the heavy lifting)

That was a joke in good humor, by the way.

Hope you listen.

tofu

 

More Lenny/Sarah Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And “Toda Raba” (that is Hebrew, I think) for visiting.

Shalom

 

 

Early Thursday TB: ‘TA’ Does Not Always Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass’

Arrived Tel Aviv one afternoon Late ‘78. Soon to be Stoned, Dazed and Confused and somewhat abused. One of my fellow SFM drivers, Perry, a good bud of mine, had convoyed with me into TA. Each of us driving deuce and a’halfs and at dangerous speeds.

We checked into the Pal Hotel which SFM had retired to after the New Sheraton had made it plain they no longer desired nor needed the patronage of Sinai Field Mission types, specifically the Texan ones. I preferred the Pal Hotel anyway.

“Screw you Sheraton New Hotel!”

Of course for both of you Lenny Fans out there in ‘Radio Land’  I just had to drop this audio bit in. It really is not germane (nor certainly not German) to the point, but it do expand on the title somewhat.

It occurred to me that when using the term ‘Tits an’ Ass” some would not know the etymology. Lenny first coined the phrase. (Bless his heart).  He did some jail time too… for his transgressions.

So…when I first arrived to SFM and folks would talk of TA, imagine my confusion.

Lenny Bruce audio below ‘Tits and Ass’

Worth a listen

After settling in, Perry called me from his room, “Hey Lance. Got anything goin’ tonight?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Not a damn thing. You know Gladys done dumped me for that Venzu-walon dude.”

“Come on up to my room. We’ll smoke a bowl.”

“On my way,” I said and hung up. We smoked a few bowls of hash, drank some Amstels, and decided to head over to Dizengoff Street to check out the action. And sate some munchies. Just yet another night in TA.

dizengoff-cafe

Dizengoff Cafe

We stepped out onto Hayarkon Street just after sundown and proceeded to float on toward Dizengoff, a few short blocks away. We were stoned beyond repair. As we tried to navigate across the busy Hayarkon four lane, we noticed more than the average number of folk on foot. As soon as we had arrived on the leeward shore of Hayarkon, a teenage girl came running up to us and smacked us both on the top of our heads with a little plastic mallet. Then said something unintelligible in Hebrew and ran giggling away.

“What the fuck was that?!” I asked Perry.

“Dude, I gots no idea, but look yonder!” he said pointing up the street. Sure as shit, there were people everywhere; all armed with similar plastic mallets, just wailing the shit outta each other’s heads.

“Dude! We gotta sort this out. This is just too weird. Must be some kinda religious ritual.” This is what my hashish soaked brain was telling me anyway. We made our way to Dizengoff, after having our heads bonked repeatedly by overzealous religious fanatics. I spied a street vendor displaying the plastic mallets with aplomb.

“Perry, we gots to git one ah them for self-defense.” We purchased one each and went to whackin’ pretty Sabras about the head. (Great way to meet women, I must confess—Kinda Neanderthal—but what the hell?) Later I was told we had experienced some joyful Israeli Halloween-Like festival. Mardi Gras, it weren’t but dammit! I had fun. (But I didn’t get any beads)

To this day, I do not know the holiday, or festival. Are there any out there who would care to enlighten me? Tis one-of-those-unknown-things that still haunt me today. Perhaps if I had not been stoned…

banner_purim_sm[1]

Purim

My Jewish Friends: Was it Purim I had experienced? My enquirin’ mind really do wanna know.

Repost: Sarah is visited by Jesus Christ

Lenny sends his regrets, but he had a conflict and couldn’t make it.

Happily, Sarah was available and graciously agreed to stand in.

Anyway, Here is your ‘Daily Lenny’, with the lovely and irreverently wonderful Sarah Silverman.

May be offensive to some, so watch at your own annoyance.

https://www.youtube.com/user/JashNetwork

Thank you for your visit, and comments are encouraged, welcomed, and desired.

More Sarah and Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

 

Daily Lenny: ‘Selective Idioms’ with Bonus Sarah Silverman

Two-Fer Tuesday:

Lenny & Sarah

sarah-silverman-the-walking-dead_3891332 Poster Lenny

 Hope you enjoy.

Lenny: Selective Idioms:

“If you live in New York, even if you’re Catholic, you’re Jewish” 
 Lenny Bruce

More Lenny  & Sarah Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

As Perpetual: Thank You for Your Visit

tex flag

TEXAS:

TEXAS:
We Are Not Just About Arrogant Assholes Anymore
(Well, Maybe We Are)

 

Daily Lenny: Non Skeddo Flies Again

Hail Yeah and Happy Monday (Ughh!)

Please drop a time.

Take some time. 

Have some ‘shine’ (Preferably in a Mason Jar)

And listen to Lenny.

You will laugh and it really won’t cost you one dime (Just send One Dollar, Postal Money Order…)

lenny-bruce-by-oliver-lake-lakeillustration.jpg

lenny-bruce-by-oliver-lake-lakeillustration

Here is some wisdom from Sarah:

Your Visit is Appreciated.

More Lenny & Sarah here:

Lenny: https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Sarah: https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

 

 

 

I got an email from Lenny Bruce

Yes.

Today.

It was rather singed about the edges (not sure why), but I was able to resurrect most of it, and I with sincere humility transcribe it here:

 Dear Mister Marcom (I love it when I am called ‘Mister’)

Mister Marcom,

I am certainly honored that you continue to plagiarize my work.

However, you do not seem to be getting much ‘play’.

Perhaps you need to advertise.

(or just fuck off and call it a ‘draw’. You choose.)

Has been my experience that contempoursely contemporary shit sells better. Maybe you should just go with Sarah? Hell! All us Jews look alike, n’est-ce-pas?

And of course I just had to hit that ‘reply’ button:

Dear Mister Bruce,

Hey! How’s the weather?

Frivolities out of the way…

I will continue to ‘Post’ You

And, yes, Sarah too

And thanks for the pepperoni.

Yer Fan,

Lancers

Here is a toilet

Boil it

Enjoy it

“I am screwed; I speak English.”

lenny_bruce

 

 

 

Daily Lenny: Drugs

Since it is “Frivolous Friday”

I am going to link here below the beginning of a post most of you ‘newbies’ have not yet read.

Anyhow, find it here below. And after the ‘initial’, if you dare, follow the Yellow Brick Road: “Lance, You Lie.”

Now, some of Y’all may ask yourselves, “Why is Lance crazy? Why does he tempt fate? What-so-ever is wrong with Lance?”

Well, I will tell Y’all:

Nothing.

Nothing but the plain and simple fact that… well, Y’all go ‘head on and figger that one out for yer own selfs.

Anyway, and without further much ado ’bout nothin’, here is yer Daily Lenny:

Standup guy … Lenny Bruce.

 

 I do sincerely hope for your enjoyment.

Lancer

Oh, and more Lenny (and Sarah) here below:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

and in case you got lost in the uptake, here it is once again:

Oh and Goddamn!

I almost forgot the Sarah! Here she is (my bad):

And I just throw in the below as a shameless promotion:

“She’s Not Here!”

It is a vain post. Read at your own annoyance.

 

Daily Lenny, Guest Speaker: Sarah Silverman

Lenny’s a little “Under Some Weather,” but Never Fear!

As promised yesterday,

Here’s Sarah!

More Sarah Here:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thank You For Your Visit

 

Daily Lenny, And Now For Something Completely Different: “Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful.”

I may be mistaken, but I think this is a Lawrence Welk Hit.

Bit.

lawrence welk 11301

Anyone out there who knows (all you Lenny fans out there)

Hip Me!

Help Me!

***

I just picked up on the best line from this Lenny Bit:

“I knew Basie before he could count.”

(Now, that may be esoteric to some, but if you are on this page, I doubt that statement applies here)

902594-111131-lenny-bruce

More Lenny Below.

Tomorrow, Sarah is coming (not like that!) She is coming for another guest appearance.

She promised, and so we booked her. (cost twenty grand, but my readers are worth it.)

I do hope she shows.

At any rate,

More Lenny:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

More Sarah:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

And Thanks for the Pepperoni

“And I need some money,  just to take my aunt to the hospital. You dig?”

“Huh?”

“But I got a monkey on my back…”

“That’s OK; we love animals.”

 

Daily Lenny: John Kennedy, War Criminal?

The Much Anticipated Daily Lenny!

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/ 

Bonus Track: Uncle Bob

Uncle Bob

And Thanks For Visiting

Dustin Hoffman as Lenny Bruce

Dustin Hoffman as Lenny Bruce

Daily Lenny: King Kong

Not certain if any of Y’all have noticed, but I am obsessed with Lenny Bruce.

Jes’ sayin’

Anyway, below is Your Daily Lenny. It is a bit of an esoteric stream of consciousness…

and I love it!

"It was beauty killed the beast."

“It was beauty killed the beast.”

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And some Sarah there:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

And Thanks For Your Support!

 

Daily Lenny: The Phone Company

Okay, this is horribly dated, but… some of you out there will relate, like me (showing one’s age)

Please enjoy:

phone

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And Hey! 

Thanks for stopping by.

And just as I like to ‘stir’ the melting pot… there is this: (no one will listen anyhow)

Daily Lenny: Three Message Movies

Today’s Daily Lenny

Message Movies:

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
–Lenny

Lenny on stage

Natalie Wood

A More Beautiful Woman…Cannot Even Imagine.

 

Thanks for stopping by.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: Miami Kidnap

Quite a bit of Yiddish (and Jewish) in this bit.

(love it)

Here ya go:

Young Lenny

And Thanks For Listening

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Bonus:

Sarah!

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny: “I Am Going To Piss On You”

One may always count on Lenny for a great provocative line.

For your perusal (and enjoyment) here is today’s Daily Lenny:

Piss on You Lenny

More Lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And yes: you may scroll to infinity….

(That is, if you desire the full benefit)

 

 

 

And Here is a Bonus Track:

Thank Y’all for your visit.

Comments always welcomed.

 

Daily Lenny: Hubert’s Museum

Here is a Daily Lenny for Y’all

Peace, Beers, and Cheers.

Freak_show_1941

More Lenny (and Sarah) Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Diva

Jesus visits Sarah

Knickers

Perfect Night

And as always: Thank You for Visiting My Humble Blog.

Sarah Hates Knickers (And Kikes)

Sarah is the New Lenny (In female form)

Who says there ain’t no such thing as reincarnation?

Here Ya Go:

“You think I’m gonna sit here and smile while some fuckin’ kike tries to fuck my mother?”

–American History X

More Sarah Here:

Perfect Night

Diva / Cunt (Madonna / Whore)

Jesus Christ Visits Sarah

Thanks for your visit

 

 

 

Daily Lenny: A Perverse Act, Pissing in the Sink

C’mon Guys (and Gals) fess up: Have you ever pissed in a sink?

I know I have.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Related: Please Don’t Shit in my Shower

Thanks for visiting.

 

Daily Lenny: Father Flotski’s Triumph

Hi Gang!

Thought I would post The Daily Lenny early today, so I could focus on…

Anyhow. I give you Father Flotski, one of Lenny’s Best Bits, where you may hear some of the range of his wonderful talent at mimicry.

lenny San Frisco

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Bits Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Daily Lenny: A Stunning Danish Seaman Type

Brothers and Sisters!

Here is your Daily Lenny (’tis a short one; wish I could find the whole bit)

Anyhow…

Please Enjoy:

More Lenny Here:  https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Lenny in jail

 Thank You for Listening.

Daily Lenny: Performance Film

Here is more from his video recorded performance and yes, most of it is esoteric.

The only video of Lenny (real good video) is from when he was near death. He was most assuredly not at his ‘best’.

But this is all we have.

So we must run with it, because, in my not-so-humble-opinion, his worst was better than the best of Cable Guy, Foxworthy, and even fellow-Texan, Ron White. But that is just me. The only ones who can compare in my mind are George Carlin and Richard Pryor, and possibly Sarah Silverman or Sandra Bernhard.

Carlin RichardSarahSandra

And Thanks For Your Visit.

More Lenny Discovered Here

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Stealthily…

 

Daily Lenny: “People Don’t Stay”

I so wish he had stayed with us… just a little while longer.

This is shortly before Lenny did not stay.

Long, but worth it.

I miss Lenny and I never even knew him, but I do know him as I know Shakespeare. He left us his work.

 Lenny Bruce reads a newspaper from circa 1970

 

 

 

 

 

More Lenny may be found here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And I do sincerely thank you for your visit.

 

In My Tireless Effort: Or… History Repeats. You Choose.

To Clean Up My Act (and to save some bandwidth) I decided to cast this net out just one more time (before I deleted it) As I liked it. 

Anyhow… here ya go. (Personally, I thought the historical significance was, well historical, especially for Texans and for Louisianians, but that was just me) 

 

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana

Now… Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle EarlEspecially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him: “If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.” From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!!

 

Daily Lenny: “Make Me A Malted”

“OK! You’re a Malted!”

Jeanni and Tony

Friends, Ladies, Gentlemen, Gentiles, Comrades…

Here is The Daily Lenny:

D’Jinni in the Candy Store:

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily (Now Frequent) Lenny: Atheists

Here is Lenny:

Honestly Kids, I am a mite (ever try to catch a mite? Damn slippery little bastards, those), bummed.

Lenny Makes Me Happy

Lenny+Bruce++3

I hope he does you too, because that is all I wanna bring to this party:

Happiness.

Cheers,

Lance

Oh,

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thank You For Your Visit.

 

Daily Lenny: Judge Sapperstein & This, Has Turned Into a Rant. Sorry…

Friends, Romans, (Progressive Texans) & Others:

(Don’t some of Y’all hate to be classified as ‘Others’?

Smacks of Intellectual Racism to me, but that’s just me.)

Don’t you fain to disclaim?

Me no Alamo!

How does it feel?

How does it feel?

How the fuck does it feel?

To be on the long side of the short fence?

For Real?

Lend Me Your Beers!

(And yer FB password. Trust Me. I’m with the Government.)

Here is your (once again belated) Daily Lenny:

And Thanks for Listening, wherever you are.

Let The Buyer Beware

And now I am gonna step out on a limb and say this:

I am with my Brothers and Sisters in the Ukraine.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

(And I do not speak that flippantly; I mean it. The whole world is watching)

Oh, and thanks for listening (Did I say that already?)

Continue reading

Daily Lenny: Paul Molloy & Christianity

Today’s Daily Lenny:

Paul Molloy (a rather obscure figure–go figger) and Christianity.

“Her head is gone.”

Who says that???

 

Thanks to all who visit.

lenny busted

Comments welcomed

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

 

Daily Lenny: God’s Obscenity

Hey Y’all!

Here is your Daily Lenny and Your lesson in Yiddish.

yiddish

I do realize this is Throwback Thursday. (“Yes Virginia… I will get to that. And No, there really ain’t no Santa. Sit down over there Dear. Now that’s a good girl…”)

Yes. I am “in the/a mood.”

Therefore, I am going to be busy searching for some moldy oldie to cast upon y’all.

 

Also, I am (because I promised someone) gonna post some original shit as well.

So…

“Fasten Your Seat-belts. It’s going to be a (busy) bumpy night.”

(Who among us, does not love Bette Davis?)

Oh Damn!! Almost Forgot.

Here is Lenny:

(And Please Listen to this bit; It may be my all-time favorite. Yes. Humor me.)

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And Thank Y’all for the visit.

 

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!! 

On Donald Trump! (Kids, this is the audio you need to listen to. Yes, the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Click the little arrow and follow the Orange Hair Road to Perdition.

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Daily Lenny: How to Relax Your Colored Friends

In Light of the Recent News of That Asshole Basketball Schmuck Owner…(allegedly)

I bring you Today’s Lenny:

“How to Relax Colored Folks”

(at a party)

Lenny-MLK-JFK

Thank You For Visiting My Blog.

Comments always welcomed

–Lance (Proprietor,  and Tinker, Tailor, Sailor, Spy)

Aw Shit! 

I forgot!

Lenny makes reference to Paul Robeson

Here he is! Just for fun! What a talent he was!

 

 

Daily Lenny (belated): “Psychopathia Sexualis”

Lundi Lenny

bruce

 

Seems apropos for Texan Tales & HGlph: The Reference to ‘Dallas’… Y’all.

Or, because of the ‘Beat Poet’ aspect.

 

You decide which is the more relevant.

Comments?

Here ya go:

 

 

Thanks Again for Visiting & Listening.

Cheers,

Lance

More Lenny to be discovered here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Daily Lenny: White Collar Drunks

Hey Kids!

Here is your Daily Lenny

“Liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.”

― Lenny Bruce

Thank You for Listening.

Comments? Line forms to the Right

The coolest man around (Town)

All are welcomed and all will be responded to…

“Lance! Never end a sentence with a preposition!”

“Why not?”

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/