Lima Ohio? (Or Just A Mole With a Hair In It?)

Okay

I am an arrogant Texan, but I love Lenny Bruce. A man just about as far from removed from Texan as one could ever be. (Except maybe George Bush the Elder)

Lenny was no friend to Texas or Texans

Lyndon Johnson

The Scar He Was So Proud Of

LBJ: (Or “Southern Speech, Or At Least What Passes for ‘Speech’)

Thanks Lenny

Lima

The Real Scar

The Real Scar

R.I.P.

Please listen (and comment)

(If you never listen to any other Lenny Bruce, Please listen to this one)

Lima, Ohio:

Bless Y’all Lenny…

The Bust

C’est Moi, And Still “Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq”

Bob (The Most Interesting Man in Iraq) is my life-long frin…

I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from)

If one is lucky, really lucky, one meets maybe one, two, or  three or four people in life that transcend funny.

Bob is one such ‘transcendent’ lucky for me.

He saved my fragile sanity.

**************

My mechanic (Of Parsons Mechanic fame) came by to have some ‘chat’ with me:

Bob

The most Interesting
Mechanic in the World

“Way’ll… I have a natch’ral disaster on my hands.”

“Ok Bob,” I said, “I’m ‘bout to bust with anticipation.”

“Yep. A natch’ral disaster.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“A real-life natch’ral calamity.”

“Do I have time to go to chow while you go through your preamble?”

Ignoring me, he continued, “That Six Kay (‘6K’ as in six thousand pound lifting capacity) forklift is all a-pieces. hamorr’agin’ parts all over th’ place. The Boys (Filipino mechanics times two) tol’ me it was the fuel injector pump. So, I kin’ly smiled and said ‘Okaaay…,’ and let ‘em go at it. They need ta learn how ta fix thangs without me onct in ah’while. Well,  they dun got tha’ forklift tore all ta pieces.  Now, I dun give ‘em all mornin’ to dick ‘round with it, an’ I’m gonna give ‘em all this aftr’noon to dick ‘round with it some more. Then first thing tomorra, I’m gonna ask ‘em, ‘Boys, how come that forklift ain’t a-workin’ this fine morning?’”

“I’m hip Let’s keep it real.”

“Your ‘personnel management style’ is showing Bob,” I said.

“Yeah, whatever… An’ tomorra’s Thursday. An’ day after that’s Friday. An’ I ain’t doin’ nothin’ on Friday. Tomorra, we gonna start our dee-cent inta th’ day off.”

“Kinda start slowin’ ‘er down ‘round mid-noon time, eh?” I said. (I can do ‘Southern’ just as slick as you please when I want to.)

“X-actly. We start double-clutchin’ and dee-celeratin’ an’ bring her in nice and slow like.”

“And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”

“Dead in the water?”

“Tits up.”

“Broke dick?”

“Send her saddle home.”

“I need to call Baghdad?”

“She ain’t lookin’ none too fav’erble.”

“Call HQ an’ tell ‘em we need another forklift?”

“Now, jes hol’ on. Doan git ’em all wadded jes yet.”

“Ok. I got it. Thanks.”

“We’re Parsons’ Mechanics an’ jes watch how we roll,” he said on his way out the door.

I love my job.

I have a “Ten Kay” forklift that still works. So I should be alright for now. Besides, Bob just  loves the drama and we do this little dance every time there is a crisis in the motor pool.

If I were a betting man (And actually I am) I’d wager two of my pay checks that come Friday if that 6K forklift is still down, he’ll be out there bright and early with his boys working on it until it is repaired even if it means giving up his day off.

I’ve seen him do that already too many times over the past year and a half he has worked for me. There is no man made of better stuff. An’ he sure do entertain. Yessir, he certainly does. And I’d never have been able to keep the operation afloat without him.

I love all my crew and wouldn’t trade a single one of them for a pile of cash money or a case of Johnny Walker Black with the authorization to drink it.

Feetnote to this story:

After I had been in Mosul for a month, running that camp, they sent me Bob.

Upon seeing him get off the chopper, I ran over and kissed him (not on-the-lips–he is a disgusting individual) But I needed him! To help me run the Goddamn Camp And I had sorely missed him in my life.

This song is dedicated to Bob, wherever he may be:

“Me An’ Paul”… Er… “Bob”

“Well, It’s Been Rough an’ Rocky Travellin’,

But I’m Finally Standin’ Up-Right On The Ground”

HELL TO THE HELL YEAH!

OK: Ed. Note:

Y’all gotta love how ‘Texan’ this vid is—look at the ‘ensign‘-Texan Flags-behind the sage, er…stage.

(and if you look really close–for you guitar players out there–you will notice the hole in the guitar. Willie tells some stories ’bout the gee-tar. He tells one about a drunken party with Leon Russell in a hotel room, when Leon almost broke it. Willie, in classic form, invited Leon to stop touching that guitar.)

When I am coherent, I may write about that.

And then there is this:

Willie sang, “At the airport in Milwaukee…”

BONUS BIT:

Lenny

Lima

on that: Milwaukeeeee!

 

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)–A “Re-Poster, Poster” C’est Vrai: C’est Moi. That Is All, Y’all

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!! 

On Donald Trump! (Kids, this is the audio you need to listen to. Yes, the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Click the little arrow and follow the Orange Hair Road to Perdition.

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Wanna Chastise Me?

The Line Forms To The Right. Take A Number

Take A Number

I NEVER Purposely Mean to Offend. But I Have Reached That Age / Stage In Life Whereby I Am Just No Longer Capable Of Giving A Flying Fu*k.

If You ARE Offended By Anything I Write, That is YOUR Problem. Not MINE.

Have A Nice Day!

Okay?

Glad We Got THAT Sorted.

***

Lenny Bruce

The Prophet!

***

CARLIN!

GEOEGE ON

STUPID PEOPLE

Daily Lenny: Miami Kidnap. Or Shark Bit Me. Truth Is/ I Just Got Reee-leased From Hospital–Again! Story At Eleven…. Oh, And By The Way, I am Being Evicted–Once Again. What is Wrong With These People?

The Hits, They Just Keep On A-Comin’

Welcome To MY World!

Why Me Lord?

***

Denis Leary – Asshole

Quite a bit of Yiddish (and Jewish) in this bit.

(love it)

Here ya go:

Young Lenny

And Thanks For Listening

More Lenny Here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Bonus:

Sarah!

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny: Miami, or Don’t Punch That Shark In The Nose. You Run That Risk Of Just Pissing Him Off–Then He Will Eat You

Below you will find The Daily Lenny:

Miami, or…

Don’t Hit That Shark In The Nose.

(You will probably just piss him off)

This is Waaaayyy too Long. Almost a Novella. Read if You’re Really Bored. Screw IT! I’ll Re-post it Anyway: “Shark Fishin’ For A Livin’”

Shark in nose

Electric Chairs

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/