Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever?

Shitter.png

 

Of course you do.

It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say,

“Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.”

(Now, in some truth, I could probably improve this post. For example: I should not have referenced ‘limp wrists”. In truth, y’all know how it is when you go to flush that toilet and there just ain’t no resistance. “Limp Wrists’ was just about all I could manage at the time of publishing…. (Isn’t that funny? Like I am a fucking news paper?) Dead-lines!

Some one shoot me!

(Make it quake! Head Shot! Right thru the mouth–or better…the mouse.)

God and some foll’ers will thank  you.

Foretelling  ‘Foreboding’ (See? I tend to edit as as I go… My father once tole me, “Lance! Enuff! Enough! It takes an editor to be smart; that is why we make more monies.”) some deep sea-toilet trolling (trolling?)  diving to fix.

Yeah…

Really?

Don’t think so.

Maybe tomorrow…

(There are three (other) toilets in this ‘Mouse-House’)

“So, fuck off.”

(My toilet did not reply)

Yes,  I talk to my toilet… don’t we all?

“Take your hand off that mouse Mister! Don’t make me come over there.”

“Yessir! Please don’t shoot me; I’m just the piano-player.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me. What do you think, Jim?”

“Yeah. Bullshit. Shoot him.”

“OK.”

Bang! Bang!

“He gone.”

(Sorry, Si Robertson; some of this … this is probably out-of-context)

Then again…

Maybe not.

We will not even begin to speak about your brother.

Damnit! I miss Christopher Hitchens!

 

Even more embarrassing:

You know the toilet is broke dick dog.

Yet…

You still try to ‘visit.’

And it takes three tries to get into the door.

(Yet, it is a really small door–just sayin’– and not so easily navigated, drunk nor sober)

Only to be so disappointed (yet again) over the the whole toilet experience.

OK.

Fine!

Resist?

Naw!

Below, please discover Lenny’s take on toilet-training.

(and of course: entertaining, or reasonable facsimile)

 

Ya Know… “I have not yet begun to defile myself.”

“Don’t jump and make trouble.”

 

https://texantales.com/2014/05/10/daily-lenny-people-dont-stay/

Awe Shit!

I was only funnin’.

 

I was a man once (SEALs)

As Peanut once said, “Much Man!”

Well, he, Peanut, said a lot.

“A tale of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Gainful Employment, Part Duh

Preface:

Lance (LIFE) is An Angry Man. An Angry White Man.

Now. That (above) is just for fun

What means this?

Nothing.

Just thought I’d say it.

Why?

“Dunno.”

Read On.

(Oh! And One Last THING: If you do not follow the links, well, do not come back to me crying: “Lance! I don’t get it!”–Please don’t force me to be an asshole–I really hate that.)

I’ve been around the world (twice). Seen two white whales fuck. Seen the sun come up over many exotic venues. Been drunk at sunup looking at Kilimanjaro. Been sober at sunset watching Jews at the Wailing Wall, mostly wailing, them Jew (sic). Seen monkeys steal golf balls off the course at Subic Bay Naval Base. (A “gimme-drop” or a ‘mulligan’ in the local rule book) Heard the call-to-prayer while on my early a.m. runs in many Arab lands. Seen incomprehensible acts of bravery and also of coward-ness. Seen inspiring acts of kindness. Seen unbelievable acts of selfishness and cruelty. Seen some things that oh so briefly, made me want to believe in (a) God (those passed—quickly—trust me on this one folks).

Seen men die.

And seen men live.

Have made countless great friends. Friended them. Been friended. Been De-Friended.  Cannot say I can even know where any one of them are today, or if they are even still alive. Such has been my way in life… Suppose a selfish life (my take). Most who really know me would never say that. I have been called ‘Generous to a fault.’ I have also been called ‘conceited’ ‘arrogant’ ‘self-important’, ‘pompous’, ‘asshole’ et cetera, but one thing I have never been called is ‘cheap.’

I am proud of that.

In brief: “I have heard the chimes at midnight” with many good friends, however much I always seemed to cast them away, sorely by neglect. Friendship, I now know, requires tending, not unlike an aquarium or a garden. Next life… maybe.

I need not go on. Hell, most of us who attain some bit of longevity can attest to these experiences, or at least, reasonable facsimiles. Nothing unique about me here, but I have traveled a bit more than most and generally, I have taken some good mental notes.

Which kind of brings me to my point:

Jobs I Have Had: Weird Version (not in any particularly chronological order)

Walmart: I took a job at Walmart long after I had quit my regular job of almost ten years. My money had run out and I was living (by the good graces of my landlady—a friend) rent-free in Commerce, Amerika. My intent was to attain gainful employment in Iraq, so I had quit my regular job, just SOOO certain, given my previous ‘Overseas War-Zone Experience’ that I would be beating the HeadHunter’s offers away with a very large stick. Alas. No one seemed interested in hiring me to go to Iraq and risk my neck, (Even though I had made it abundantly clear in my cover letters that, ‘Beheading’ to me, is just a ‘scare word.’ No dice. No sale. No Job.

Strangest Aspect of working at Walmart:

Pajama Day. Yes Friends: on Pajama Day (Fridays as I do recall) a Walmart Associate could, if so desirous, wear pj’s work. Many did.

I did not.

UPS: I currently work (seasonal) for UPS. As far as I know, there are no pajama days, but there seem to be ‘incoherent days.’ I have been showing up for now two weeks and I am as clueless today as I was on day one. If I were kind, I’d call it ‘organized chaos.’ Most of you who read me know I am not really one to spout euphemisms. No. Just ‘chaos’ will do for now. And gee! I really do hope all y’all get your parcels on-time. I truly do. Merry Christmas

 

SFM (Sinai Field Mission) Completely run by the US Department of State back in the Seventies…

Wow! I have written of the insanity that went on there. Hell! There is even a documentary film on it (completely bogus, but here is the link, if you do not believe me:

http://www.zipporah.com/films/30

Hay Hauling: Yep. A more insane occupation cannot be imagined (in The Seventies) Drunks mostly all of us hay-haulers. Peanut comes immediately to mind

 Navy SEALs: What can I say?

Worm Ranch: Worm Counter.

Yeah, I used to make a living… counting red-worms: Seventy-five cents a box. Good money. Dodge the alcoholic! (For that, I did not get paid extra—it was before OSHA doan cha know…?

Enuff!

More later.

Maybe

 

And don’t you know?

I am the reason God Made OK.

(Not really)

But…

I have a sense of the ludicrous.

THERE IS SOME RHYME AND REASON (YES ALL CAPS) THAT I LOVE KRIS:

HITS TOO CLOSE TO HOME)

DON’T IT?

Let The Buyer Beware

 

Daily Lenny

Yeah, I have pissed in a lot of sinks.

 Truly, I have.

gomer-1-and-gomette-2

 

“I know this goddamn life too well.”

-Janis

Hey! I’m Writing Here! (Once Again)

Now, C’mon Y’all.

Vid Credit: Guyism

I am just having fun, exploring (exploiting?) some of my inane, insane, In-Same, recent posts.

And of course, I love to ‘share my wares.’ Because I am just that vain (don’t ask me why or how I justify that statement.)

So there!

If I post something you have already ready read, sorry…

New shit will be forthcoming.

And soon. And I promise. And the check is in the mail and I won’t… do that in… “Ah don’t go there Lance.”

But, in the meantime:

And not to put too fine a point on it (trite, yep): My writing and my posts are ‘all over some places…’  But ‘Twould behoove to follow some of the links, as I find them entertaining. (Your individual experience may vary, and even differ, or beg to)

***

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go fuck off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind.

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but theirBreaking Newsis ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Obscenity, Vulgarity, Dirty Words, and Toilets

“He cusses like a sailor.”

Lance is a sailor, ergo Lance cusses (in writing and in speech)

Lenny was a sailor, ergo Lenny cussed.

Please take a listen to Lenny’s take on ‘dirty words.’  

     

buyer beware  

More Lenny Here:  https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

It’s Thursday on the Right Coast: Therefore… Let Us Throw-Back!

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny! Listen to the Audio: (It will all make sense if you do)

Uncle Earl Below:

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Lenny Bruce is Dead

Lenny Died.

I know this.

lenny grave

Yet, he lives on in my mind and in my heart.

Not going to go over the top here, but I am taking myself out of the ‘Daily Lenny Business’ business. (not many enjoyed it anyhow. I did. But I did  not ‘write’ for Lenny. I ‘wrote’ for me,  and for the edification of a few of my readers.)

No matters…

So.. This is your last ‘Daily Lenny’. I do hope you have enjoyed the previous seventy or so.

There will be no more.

This makes me sad. (because there is so much more Lenny I want to share, but alas, I am tired.)

–Lance

This video really sucks. I will search out a better one. (Maybe tomorrow) I do it for the children..

Oh! More Lenny Here:

https://404.com

 

Daily Lenny: or Blast From Some Past, or… I Really Do Not Care What You Think.

Okay. Actually, I do.

“And it took LBJ six months to learn how to say ‘negro’.” Yah! You will have to listen to Lenny to get the bit… Sorry. Price of admission here at TT&H.

I am an arrogant Texan, but I love Lenny Bruce: A man just about as far from removed from Texan as one could ever be. (Except maybe George Bush the Elder)

Lenny was no friend to Texas or Texans

Lyndon Johnson

The Scar He Was So Proud Of

LBJ:

Thanks Lenny

Lima

The Real Scar

The Real Scar

R.I.P.

Please listen (and comment)

(If you never listen to any other Lenny Bruce, Please listen to this one)

Lima, Ohio:

Bless Y’all Lenny…

LBJ: Just Another Guy Looking Out for His Nuts:

Here!

See? Lance Really Does Have a Sense of Humour! 

The Bust

Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II

TGIF and Here is The Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II

Enjoy!

 (Thanks to Theo Cas for posting this one on YouTube) 

Thanks for visiting and listening

More Lenny may be found here

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny, Lenny Comes Clean Part Two: Plus Sarah and The Lone Ranger

Hi Kids!

Here is part two of yesterday’s Daily Lenny.

Now… I just know you will enjoy (and comment)

Video Credit: GuerrillaDivision

Masked Man

 Thank You Masked Man!

And after some soul searching and some ‘Google’ effort, I found this from Our Favorite Woman

Here’s Sarah!

More Sarah and Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And, as always, Thanks for Your Support. And Never Forget to Support THE LONE RANGER!

High (OH So High) Oh Silver! Away!!!

 

Repost: Sarah is visited by Jesus Christ

Lenny sends his regrets, but he had a conflict and couldn’t make it.

Happily, Sarah was available and graciously agreed to stand in.

Anyway, Here is your ‘Daily Lenny’, with the lovely and irreverently wonderful Sarah Silverman.

May be offensive to some, so watch at your own annoyance.

https://www.youtube.com/user/JashNetwork

Thank you for your visit, and comments are encouraged, welcomed, and desired.

More Sarah and Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

 

Daily Lenny, And Now For Something Completely Different: “Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful.”

I may be mistaken, but I think this is a Lawrence Welk Hit.

Bit.

lawrence welk 11301

Anyone out there who knows (all you Lenny fans out there)

Hip Me!

Help Me!

***

I just picked up on the best line from this Lenny Bit:

“I knew Basie before he could count.”

(Now, that may be esoteric to some, but if you are on this page, I doubt that statement applies here)

902594-111131-lenny-bruce

More Lenny Below.

Tomorrow, Sarah is coming (not like that!) She is coming for another guest appearance.

She promised, and so we booked her. (cost twenty grand, but my readers are worth it.)

I do hope she shows.

At any rate,

More Lenny:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

More Sarah:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

And Thanks for the Pepperoni

“And I need some money,  just to take my aunt to the hospital. You dig?”

“Huh?”

“But I got a monkey on my back…”

“That’s OK; we love animals.”

 

Daily Lenny: King Kong

Not certain if any of Y’all have noticed, but I am obsessed with Lenny Bruce.

Jes’ sayin’

Anyway, below is Your Daily Lenny. It is a bit of an esoteric stream of consciousness…

and I love it!

"It was beauty killed the beast."

“It was beauty killed the beast.”

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And some Sarah there:

https://texantales.com/category/sarah/

And Thanks For Your Support!

 

Daily Lenny: The Phone Company

Okay, this is horribly dated, but… some of you out there will relate, like me (showing one’s age)

Please enjoy:

phone

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And Hey! 

Thanks for stopping by.

And just as I like to ‘stir’ the melting pot… there is this: (no one will listen anyhow)

Daily Lenny: “I Am Going To Piss On You”

One may always count on Lenny for a great provocative line.

For your perusal (and enjoyment) here is today’s Daily Lenny:

Piss on You Lenny

More Lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And yes: you may scroll to infinity….

(That is, if you desire the full benefit)

 

 

 

And Here is a Bonus Track:

Thank Y’all for your visit.

Comments always welcomed.

 

Daily Lenny: Hubert’s Museum

Here is a Daily Lenny for Y’all

Peace, Beers, and Cheers.

Freak_show_1941

More Lenny (and Sarah) Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Diva

Jesus visits Sarah

Knickers

Perfect Night

And as always: Thank You for Visiting My Humble Blog.

Daily Lenny: Father Flotski’s Triumph

Hi Gang!

Thought I would post The Daily Lenny early today, so I could focus on…

Anyhow. I give you Father Flotski, one of Lenny’s Best Bits, where you may hear some of the range of his wonderful talent at mimicry.

lenny San Frisco

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Bits Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Daily Lenny: A Stunning Danish Seaman Type

Brothers and Sisters!

Here is your Daily Lenny (’tis a short one; wish I could find the whole bit)

Anyhow…

Please Enjoy:

More Lenny Here:  https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Lenny in jail

 Thank You for Listening.

Daily Lenny: Performance Film

Here is more from his video recorded performance and yes, most of it is esoteric.

The only video of Lenny (real good video) is from when he was near death. He was most assuredly not at his ‘best’.

But this is all we have.

So we must run with it, because, in my not-so-humble-opinion, his worst was better than the best of Cable Guy, Foxworthy, and even fellow-Texan, Ron White. But that is just me. The only ones who can compare in my mind are George Carlin and Richard Pryor, and possibly Sarah Silverman or Sandra Bernhard.

Carlin RichardSarahSandra

And Thanks For Your Visit.

More Lenny Discovered Here

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Stealthily…

 

Daily Lenny: “People Don’t Stay”

I so wish he had stayed with us… just a little while longer.

This is shortly before Lenny did not stay.

Long, but worth it.

I miss Lenny and I never even knew him, but I do know him as I know Shakespeare. He left us his work.

 Lenny Bruce reads a newspaper from circa 1970

 

 

 

 

 

More Lenny may be found here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And I do sincerely thank you for your visit.

 

In My Tireless Effort: Or… History Repeats. You Choose.

To Clean Up My Act (and to save some bandwidth) I decided to cast this net out just one more time (before I deleted it) As I liked it. 

Anyhow… here ya go. (Personally, I thought the historical significance was, well historical, especially for Texans and for Louisianians, but that was just me) 

 

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana

Now… Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle EarlEspecially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him: “If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.” From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!!

 

Daily Lenny: “Make Me A Malted”

“OK! You’re a Malted!”

Jeanni and Tony

Friends, Ladies, Gentlemen, Gentiles, Comrades…

Here is The Daily Lenny:

D’Jinni in the Candy Store:

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily (Now Frequent) Lenny: Atheists

Here is Lenny:

Honestly Kids, I am a mite (ever try to catch a mite? Damn slippery little bastards, those), bummed.

Lenny Makes Me Happy

Lenny+Bruce++3

I hope he does you too, because that is all I wanna bring to this party:

Happiness.

Cheers,

Lance

Oh,

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thank You For Your Visit.

 

Daily Lenny: Paul Molloy & Christianity

Today’s Daily Lenny:

Paul Molloy (a rather obscure figure–go figger) and Christianity.

“Her head is gone.”

Who says that???

 

Thanks to all who visit.

lenny busted

Comments welcomed

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

 

Daily Lenny: God’s Obscenity

Hey Y’all!

Here is your Daily Lenny and Your lesson in Yiddish.

yiddish

I do realize this is Throwback Thursday. (“Yes Virginia… I will get to that. And No, there really ain’t no Santa. Sit down over there Dear. Now that’s a good girl…”)

Yes. I am “in the/a mood.”

Therefore, I am going to be busy searching for some moldy oldie to cast upon y’all.

 

Also, I am (because I promised someone) gonna post some original shit as well.

So…

“Fasten Your Seat-belts. It’s going to be a (busy) bumpy night.”

(Who among us, does not love Bette Davis?)

Oh Damn!! Almost Forgot.

Here is Lenny:

(And Please Listen to this bit; It may be my all-time favorite. Yes. Humor me.)

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

And Thank Y’all for the visit.

 

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!! 

On Donald Trump! (Kids, this is the audio you need to listen to. Yes, the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Click the little arrow and follow the Orange Hair Road to Perdition.

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Daily Lenny: How to Relax Your Colored Friends

In Light of the Recent News of That Asshole Basketball Schmuck Owner…(allegedly)

I bring you Today’s Lenny:

“How to Relax Colored Folks”

(at a party)

Lenny-MLK-JFK

Thank You For Visiting My Blog.

Comments always welcomed

–Lance (Proprietor,  and Tinker, Tailor, Sailor, Spy)

Aw Shit! 

I forgot!

Lenny makes reference to Paul Robeson

Here he is! Just for fun! What a talent he was!

 

 

Daily Lenny: Irish

Hey Y’all!

Today, I am in a happy place!

(Rare yeah, I know)

But seriously, Here is your Daily Lenny:

(Brief, but good and poignant)

Hope you enjoy.

 

And thanks for visiting my Blog.

Means much to me.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: Guest Speaker Sarah Silverman

Lenny sends his regrets, but he had a conflict and couldn’t make it.

Happily, Sarah was available and graciously agreed to stand in.

Anyway, Here is your ‘Daily Lenny’, with the lovely and irreverently wonderful Sarah Silverman.

May be offensive to some, so watch at your own annoyance.

https://www.youtube.com/user/JashNetwork

 

Thank you for your visit, and comments are encouraged, welcomed, and desired.

 

Hey! I’m Writing Here!

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go fuck off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind.

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but their ‘Breaking News’ is ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Daily Lenny: Who’s a Fag?

Okay for all my Atheist Friends Out There….

JUST KIDDING!

OK: Take Two…

For ALL My Friends out there in radio land, (most especially this one. May he rest in peace…and beer…and whiskey…and dope…and Lynyrd Skynyrd) here is your daily Lenny entitled ‘Who’s a Fag?”

Say Fuck The Government

And I do sincerely appreciate all visits to my site, no matter what or who you are. Martians are especially welcomed.

More Lenny Below:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Point / Counter Point

(Because Debate is God. Oops! I mean ‘Good’)

“Never ever lose your sense of humor.”

–James Belushi in the Movie, “About Last Night.”

Argument:

(Wow! Neil looks really pissed off in this. Kinda like the Geico Caveman dude)

Rebuttal:

Caint We All Just Get the Fuck Along?

Caint We All Just

Get the Fuck Along?

“Must be a case of ‘The Mondays‘.”

Happy Monday Y’all. (ALL Y’all)

 

Daily Lenny: Airlines (Live at Carnegie Hall)

HAIL Ceasar!

Here is your daily Lenny

)and it is esoteric(

In other words:

“You have to be smart–but who am I kidding?”

If you were not smart, you would not be here.

N’est-ce-pas?”

(Dat’s French)

Hope you likey:

 

Thanks for listening.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Daily Lenny: Refused Service or Served As Refuse

Daily Lenny Below:

Please Enjoy

(I Think Lenny Lost his Mind during this bit Hahaha)

“I’ve done a curs’d thing.”

C. Theater

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

EYE Rock

This is a Post Waiting to Happen

Daily Lenny: Zen an’ Zig an’ Zag and… Bingo in the Catholic Church

Below Your Daily Lenny (Early for a change):

images

More Mister Bruce down yonder Y’all

Pleasure

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thank you (all Y’all) for visiting my humble site.

“Don’t touch my bags if you please, Mister Customs Man.”

-Lance

Let us never forget:

Smiling, said he was the Lone Ranger…comin’ into Los Angeleese…

This Land is still ours; let’s hold on to it:

“Now yer gettin’ ‘preachy’ Lance”

“Yeah, I know. It’s Lenny’s fault. First Amendment and all that jazz…”

I love my country.

 

The Daily Lenny: A Pretty Bizarre Show

The Daily Lenny: A Pretty Bizarre Show

For Your Listening Pleasure:

As Always,

Thank you for visiting

More Lenny Bruce:

Divorce, Hotels, & The Clap-Athon

White White Woman / Black Black Woman

Shelley Berman & The Mafia

How Hitler Got Started

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem…

Lenny

Lima Ohio? (Or Just A Mole With a Hair In It?)

The Irreverent Lenny Bruce & An American Icon: Lone Ranger

Early Lenny–Steve Allen Show

On Obscenity

Thick Fingers and a Homemade Glass Eye

The Ones Who Are ‘Glowing’

Don’t Paint God

TA: It Doesn’t Always Necessarily Mean Tits an’ Ass

Letters From Iraq: A Day in the Life of a Camp Manager

 

 

Daily Lenny: Marriage, Divorce, Hotels, & The Clap-Athon

Below is the Daily Lenny (Two-Fer Tuesday)

Lenny and Honey (and Kitty)

Lenny and Honey (and Kitty)

More Lenny:

Shelley Berman & The Mafia

How Hitler Got Started

Early Lenny–Steve Allen Show

Next to Last Performance with video

Lima Ohio, LBJ, and Southern Accents

Thank You, Masked Man

Dirty Toilet Joke  (fixed)

Thank You For Listening

 

The Daily Lenny: Steve Allen Show

Okay Astronauts:  Here is your daily Lenny.

This is very early Lenny: before he hit his stride, but since I am going to continue to subject any willing readers, I thought I would mix things up a bit, not going for the low-fruit, which is the really great edgy shit he did years later.

This one is from the Steve Allen Show, which I believe I had mentioned in an earlier post.

It is not too bad, although it is not representative of the Lenny most know (and love). But you can experience the wonder of the evolution of  Bruce without his having to use profanity, which I still protest he always used sparingly and never gratuitously.

(I like it more when he talks ‘dirty’, I must confess. Hahahha)

This is the mark of a great comic.

Comments?

Happy Thursday Y’all.

–Lancer

P.S. You must give credit to Steve Allen, and people like Tommy Smothers (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/12/22/1264780/-When-the-Smothers-Brothers-Got-Censored) who, back in that day caught a lot of shit for their TV shows. My hat (if I wore one) would be off to the THEM Too.

“All Alone”