Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever? Of Course You Do.

Dirty Toilet Jokes: I Cussed My Toilet Out. Then I Felt Remorse. Apologized. I Dialed 911. When the EMT’s Arrived, They Were NOT Amused.

The Toilet Song by The Wiggles

Animation by Super Simple Songs

Shitter.png

Of course you do.

It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say,

“Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.”

(Now, in some truth, I could probably improve this post. For example: I should not have referenced ‘limp wrists”. In truth, y’all know how it is when you go to flush that toilet and there just ain’t no resistance. “Limp Wrists’ was just about all I could manage at the time of publishing…. (Isn’t that funny? Like I am a fucking news paper?) Dead-lines!

Some one shoot me!

(Make it quick! Head Shot! Right thru the mouth–or better…the mouse.)

God and some foll’ers will thank  you.

Foretelling  ‘Foreboding’ (See? I tend to edit as as I go… My father once tole me, “Lance! Enuff! Enough! It takes an editor to be smart; that is why we make more monies.”) some deep sea-toilet trolling (trolling?)  diving to fix.

Yeah…

Really?

Don’t think so.

Maybe tomorrow…

(There are three (other) toilets in this ‘Mouse-House’)

“So, fuck off.”

(My toilet did not reply)

Yes,  I talk to my toilet… don’t we all?

“Take your hand off that mouse Mister! Don’t make me come over there.”

“Yessir! Please don’t shoot me; I’m just the piano-player.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me. What do you think, Jim?”

“Yeah. Bullshit. Shoot him.”

“OK.”

Bang! Bang!

“He gone.”

(Sorry, Si Robertson; some of this … this is probably out-of-context)

Then again…

Maybe not.

We will not even begin to speak about your brother.

Damnit! I miss Christopher Hitchens!

 

Even more embarrassing

Been There….

Did That

At least More Than Thrice

But Who’s Countin’

Right?

You know the toilet is broke dick dog.

Yet…

You still try to ‘visit.’

And it takes three tries to get into the door.

(Yet, it is a really small door–just sayin’– and not so easily navigated, drunk nor sober)

Only to be so disappointed (yet again) over the the whole toilet experience.

OK.

Fine!

Resist?

Naw!

Below, please discover Lenny’s take on toilet-training.

(and of course: entertaining, or reasonable facsimile)

“Take This Toilet And Boil It.”

(Watch/Listen Below. Otherwise it all just falls apart)

Just like my fucking toilet.

“Dirty Word Problem”

: : :

Obscenity Bonus:

“Obscenity is a Human Manifestation”

–Lenny

Life (And Death) Die Mutha-Fuckah Die! Just Fucken Die! “Suicide is Painless” (So They Say)

But who is “They?’

No Credible witnesses from beyond the grave to Interview

***

Ophelia

It would be so easy then….

Carly!

Die Mutha-Fuckah! Die Mutha-Fuckah!

Die!

Just Fuckin’ Die!

Just Fuckin’ Die! Already!

Do The World A Solid!

***

Best Scene EVER!

I Do NOT Deserve The Life I Have Been Given, Been Blessed To Have Had.

I’m A Self-Centered Asshole.

I Hate Lance!!

Suicide Is Painless

The Game of life is Hard

To Play-

“I’m Gonna Lose it Anyway”

In The True Texan Fashion, I Caint Make This Shit Up… Beep Beep Beep, Cata-Glory… I Humbly Submit This. Updated for 2017, G’rrr Twenny Twenny Two

Watch the vid.

Please

Nuff said

We love You Molly!

“If you could see me now….”

Street Cred For The Vid: The Script

Molly, We need you now more than ever Molly.

You Texan Bitch!

“There’ a lot to like there”

Related: Kinky Friedman

MUST WATCH MUST WATCH

MUST FUCKING WATCH!

Either Word-Press is Really Stupid, Or I’m Really Drunk!– “Time! That Most Precious Of All Commodities. Do NOT Squander It!”

What’s Your Name?

Who’s Your Daddy?

He Rich?

Is He Rich?

(In Time?)

Like Me?

If Yes,

Then Go On:

Enjoy Your Finite Life,

While It Lasts

(This Vid Could NOT Be Made Today–Fuk WOKE!)

***

Don’t Hug Me; Just Love Me

I’m Scared 2 –

TIME

I Cannot Find The Original Content Creator of this to Credit. G’Dmmit!

****

I’m Scared.

Scared I’ll Run Outta Time

“Life gets mighty precious
When there’s less of it to waste.”

Bonnie Raitt – Nick Of Time

BTW,

Red-Heads Rock My World!

***

Time is The Only (And Finite) Commodity That We Shall Ever ‘Own’

Spend it Wisely & You Shall Live A Full Life

Squander It And You Are Properly Fukked

(Yes. I Have Strong Opinions On This)

***

NF – Time

***

Billy Joel – Honesty

I love my life, but I see it coming to a close soon.

(I ain’t no spring chicken)

I have lived a FULL LIFE.

I have been Around the Whurl

(And the World)

TWICE

I HAVE LIVED!

I AM so Very HAPPY Now.

I have made PEACE with Me.

Now I just write.

This Makes Me Happy.

I love that.

I am a worthy Man. If you ever choose to interact with me, please just be honest. I have not the time, nor patience, nor desire for bullshit. I have seen/heard it all before.

 I am a simple man: Simple wants. Simple Desires. Simple Dreams.  

In short: I am Simple-Minded.

Now go away.

Unless you have something relevant/honest to say.

I will always listen.

But don’t waste my time.

If you waste my finite time,

I will Never Ever forgive you.

EVER!

This ain’t the song I wanted, but I suppose it kinda ‘fits’ into my

Narrative.

Fuk it!

Twill Serve

Pink Floyd – Time

***

My Largest ‘Fear’:

Well baby, there you stand
With your little head down in your hand
Oh my God, you can’t believe it’s happening again
Your baby’s gone and you’re all alone
And it looks like the end

Wasted Time – Eagles

****

Joni Mitchell – The Circle Game

And

I Cannot Believe,

That The-Power’d Cowards That Be,

Made Her Wear Mini–Skirt!–

So ‘Un-Joni!

But She Do Have Sexy Legs

****

Just Joan For Fun.

Romancing the Stone

“De Joan Wilder!”

“Romancing the Stone”

De Joan Wilder!

I Absolutely

Unabashedly

ADORE HER!

She is A Fucking Writer!

Of Some Small Fame!

Just Like Me!

Hahaha!

Dixie!

Goddamn It!

“Virgil Cain”

Was My Name.

Yes!

Wish

I Wish Were That Brave!

Sadly,

I Ain’t!

****

I LOVE You Joan!

You Left-Wing Bitch!

“I Dream’d I Saw Joe Hill Last Night”

:There’s a Hole in My Bed”

Jessee!

Joan Baez

“Jesse”

Janis Ian & Joan Baez

(Great Vid—Watch it or Go Kill Yourself!)

Your Option!

Personally, I’d choose Lie over Death. But That’s Just Me.

Your Mileage may Vary

***

Cred for Share: dami1622

“I’m gonna blow this damn candle out. I don’t want nobody coming over to my table. I got nothing to talk to anybody about.” –Joni

I am so sick of people.

(Present company excluded)

I got nothing left to say

Screw it!

Maybe tomorrow

Stand by

But don’t hold your bated breath

****

Beautiful Joni

The Last Time I Saw Richard

“The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in 68
And he told me, “All romantics meet the same fate Some day, cynical and drunk and boring
Someone in some dark cafe”

******

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink and I don’t Love Jesus – Jimmy Buffett

“If I don’t die by Thursday I’ll be roarin’ Friday night”

Story of My Life

That Old Man and The Sea

He’s Me!

P.S. Richard Shot hiss-self in the Head After He Went to FLA!

Broke My Fucken Heart!