“Don’t Rain Shit On My Parade”

“If someone takes a spin it’s me and not you.”

I Adore Barbara. (But You Faithful, Regular Readers Already Know This)

The version I wanted, but WordPress is stupid.

“Three A.M., it’s me again.”

Three A.M. and I was in the middle of a dream about ‘Shit River’ in Ologapo City, Philippines. (Freud would’ve loved me)

Then I woke up.

Woke up to a very un-dreamy-like smell of real shit. Real potent shit. Horrible smelling shit. Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon smelling shit.

I was living in an old two-story house in Commerce. Just outside my bedroom was the walk-in closet where I kept all the clothes I owned. I have never owned much in the way of clothes, by the way.

I heard something dripping like rain behind the door, but it wasn’t raining outside. I opened the door and sure as shit, shit was raining down from the ceiling.  All over my clothes. Spattering on the floor. My Chow Mix doggie, Tizzy, was obviously responsible.


I went around the corner, and there  he was  in that dog-taking-a-shit posture at the top of the stairway: Obviously with a really bad case of the doggie drizzling shits.

Took me until seven a.m. to clean up the shit and wash all my clothes.

I called in sick to work telling my boss,

“I feel like shit.”

Re-Wound. Re-Bound (For Glory) Re-Edited. Re-Fixed The Font. Should Be Easier On Old Eyes Now. And Please Don’t Shit in My Showers. Thank You. Drive Thru.

Bound for Glory?

Thought I was.

Guess I was Mistaken.


Dispatches From Afghanistan: Mouses, Goats, and Snakes Oh My!


The Jordanians are coming! Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t comphy, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do not complain. They are MARINES.

The JAF contingent will top off at one hundred. They have been promised three of my tents. The math doesn’t work for me. I need every tent I have (twenty-four) to serve the Marines who transit through Dwyer on their way to the war.

After some lobbying (and predictions of pissed off Marines who won’t have a tent to sleep in), I got the JAF allocation down to two tents. Why after all these years the Jordanian government has decided to send troops to southern Afghanistan, I am not sure.

But I have a theory:  U.S. Department of State. Yep. Not military necessity. Not a request from the coalition of governments already represented here. Not the U.S. Military. Nope. Politics.

I have nothing against Jordan or the Jordanian people. In fact, I love them. I lived and worked in Amman Jordan for six months back in ‘07 while working to close out the paperwork on the USAID Rural Water Project we had completed in Iraq. (Bechtel, the prime contractor, had decided there was no point to continually put our lives at risk in Iraq doing paperwork we could just as easily finish in their Jordan offices).

I had a meeting with the Mayor’s Cell here on Dwyer. (The ‘Mayor’s Cell’ is the term used for the administrative branch of the Marines who actually own Camp Dwyer.) All decisions of the Mayor are final. Except, I found out, when it comes to the JAF and their accommodations.  Apprehensive over the impending arrival of the Jordanians, I asked the Mayor, “Does the Mayor’s Cell have any special directive for treatment of the JAF?”


“Not at all Son. Treat ‘em like Marines.”

“Yessir!” (This was the response I had been hoping for)

With the help of the Labor Department and a few of my staff, I readied the two tents for the Jordanians. We were told to expect roughly one hundred men, so we set up fifty-five military cots in each tent. These tents in LSA 2 are best described as ‘Spartan.’

There are four ‘doors’ which are simply canvas flaps about four feet wide. When the wind is up the flaps flap open allowing Afghanistan to blow inside.

The occupants are not allowed to tie the flaps shut, as this creates a safety hazard in the event of a fire—no quick egress. Each of the tents has two HVAC units. They are inadequate for the weather extremes here. The tents are in disrepair. They leak, they sag, they have mold.

I cannot get approval from the Mayor’s Cell through DynCorp to provide anything more than patchy maintenance. “A lick and a promise.” That’s all. They tell me, “No more funding is available for LSA 2. Deal with it.”

Continue reading

Sorry Y’all! You’ll Havta Srool Down to Catch All Them ‘Y’alls, Y’all (Sorry to Make Y’all “Work”)

“I’m A 1000 Miles From No-Where’s-Ville. Nicce ‘Climit!’ Wanna Join Me? In My Misery. Yup! I am Crazy / Insane!”

“And I’ve Got Pickles in My Head

Time Don’t Matter to me”

And There’s No-Place I’d Rather Be

Nor Wanna Be

For I am A sailor–Fore-Ever!

I’m ‘A’-Tryin’ Really Hard To Be Happy! & Up_Beat & Remain Positive! Obviously This Will Be A WIP! ‘Work-in-I Digress-Progress!’

Wish Me Luck in My Endeavor!! — And, I’m a-Tryin’ Really Hard to Entertain Y’alls! & NEVah, Evarh, Wanna Waste Yer Finite, Valuable To Me, Spent on Me. Time. This is “Me” in All Truthful Sincerity!

I’m Stupid!

I Cannot Help It

I Just Act Naturally!



Buck It Up!

Fuk It It Up!

Yuk Yuk Yuk

It Up! Fuk U

I Don’t Really Mean Mean Mean to be Mean!

But I Am An Ass-Hole,

By Natural Nature…

Why is this Vid So fucked up?

Why post a Fukked-up Vid???



Edit Asshole!

Edit B4 You Post!

Or At Least,

Revisit & Fix Your Shit!

Show Some Respect

For Your Readers!

Try it!

U Might Like it!

Cred For Vid: DangerousDonRich

“Oh My God—What’s Happening To Me?!!”

Dwight Jok’em!

I am so Fukkin’ far Removed



That I Cannot Find My Ass with Both Hands


I’ve Got Bruisings On My Memories

Ain’t That a G’Damn Shame?!

I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
Time don’t matter to me
‘Cause I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
And there’s no place I want to be

Cred: Warner Music Nashville

I Cast Pearls at At At Swine!

All The Time!

For No Dimes!


I Lub All Y’alls!

All the Y’alls!

I am So



But I Love Connie Britton!

All The Y’alls Y’all

Friday Night Lights: All the Y’alls from Tami Taylor

Cred Fer Share: Chris Spags


Do NOT Watch This One Below!

It is Depression!


(On Steroids!)


Try To….

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive –

Bing Crosby

With The Andrews Sisters:

If It Has Escaped Your Attention:

Please allow Me To Refresh Your Memory!

I Love The Andrews Sisters!

1942 Andrews Sisters – Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree

vID cRED: Bleiddwen Lupin


Say What?!


I CANNOT FIND THE VID! I Wanted To Care & Share!

(OK! Found It! Fuk U Internet!)

I’ll Always Out-Last Your Dumb Ass!

Boogie Wookie~ Get Funky!





Creds for “Positive” Vid: beyoncetyratina



My AmeriKa!


Aw-Right Y’all!

Yuk it Up!


I did NOT Have

A White Christmas!

That Would’ve Been


I did Dream of One Though

But All I really Wanted To


Was Not Run Out of Rum

“Lord Help The Mister That Comes Between me And My Sister”


Sister Act!

The End!


In The end…

Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams

And in the end
The love you take

Is equal to the love you make


Yeah! In The End!

Yer Fukked!





I have Been In – Love With Natalie Wood

For All

My Adolescence




This Property Is Condemned 

(As Am I)

“Are You gonna Be In My Dreams tonight?”

Fuk Yes!


For All Of The Rest of My Un=Nat-at-yer-All Life!

Natalie! Please Always Remain In My Dreams!

My Dear Beautiful Dream Girl

My Dream Lover


You Stole My Line!


I Coulda Been a Contender!

For Her

For Her Affections!

But, Oh Hell No!

You Had To Screw That Up For Me!

(Oh & Fuk You Too Robert Redford!)


Bobby! You Can Kiss My Ass!





I Coin a Phrase,

In A Daze!

I am So Fukking Stupid!

I Should Just Fuffin’ KIll Myself!

Maybe I shall!

Do Y’all A Solid

Suicide Is Painless

It Brings On

Many Changes 


“Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
realize and I can see

That Suicide is Painless!



Just to Cheer You The Fuk Up!

“Oh Happy Dagger!”

And Yes!

I Am Suicide

On Steroids

Lance Marcom is a Moron. Up-Dated: More Vids! “Must Watch” For Film Buffs: “Why Modern Movies Suck”–Critical Drinker. Continuing Series


Episode Two:

Why Modern Movies Suck – Destroying Our Heroes

Black Panther is the Most Overrated MCU Movie Ever

Prometheus – The Franchise Killer

Alien Covenant – Why Does This Movie Even Exist?


Eposode One:

Why Modern Movies Suck – They’re Written By Children


Why The Past Matters

Why Canon Matters

Why Modern Movies Suck – Setup And Payoff

What Happened To Our Villains?


All Street Cred Goes To

“The Critical Drinker”


My Idol

My Hero

My Spirit Animal

Scottish Arsehole!


Bonus Becuz I’M A Bitter Asshole:




Avatar – The Most Successful Failure Ever

Cred: The Critical Drinker


Masters of the Universe: Revelation – Absolute Disaster

Masters Of The Universe Part 2 – This Time It’s Farcical

Cred: The Critical Drinker


No Time To Die – The End Of James Bond

Cred: Crit Drinker


Defeminizing Female Characters

Cred: Crit Drinker

Most of My Days, These Days, My Thoughts, My Asss-Perations, My Ambitions, Are Preoccupied With Just Trying To Take a Proper Dump. I Shit You Not

(Tryin’ To Take a ‘Proper Piss” is an entirely different topic. Can you say “Prostate Problem?”–I Knew you could)

Anyway, Bowel–Moving on…


Trust me Kids, if you ever grow old you will know exactly what I am talkin’ ’bout.

Taking a proper daily dump is


Taking a good shit is good.

And it’s good for ya

And Just For Fun/Added Value To Get Ya in-the-mood:

Please Scroll Down and Clik on the

“Poo-Pond Song”

Oh Fuk it. I did the Heavy Searchin’ For Ya.

Yer Welcome

Cred For Share: JimmyMisawa

Artist: Jimmy Moreland


May Be Worth A Re-Look-See. Mainly Just For Hattie. “What did YOU do in The War Daddy? Daddy?? DADDY!??

Are You My Daddy?” “Dunno Girl. You from Olongapo City? PI? Dubai? Or Sydney Aussie? Or Mombasa? Or Hong Kong or Amman, or Tel Aviv, or Cairo? or Waco?

Please tell me Y’all ain’t from Waco! That Would Ruin my day!…. Catch My Drift? Oh Never Mind! What’s your DNA say? If I broke it, I’ll buy it”


Never mind. I Suppose It’s Possible. Now Be A Dear And Buy Your Ole’ “Daddy” A Beer… Dear? Dear?

Where Ya goin’ Dear?–Come Back Here! I didn’t get my beer!”

(Cannot Properly EDIT This!

Damn You to Hell WordPress!–The Un-Pleasant Parts)

It’s Fittin’

Or it isn’t.


No! It WAS Fittin’!

Very Much So!

So Well-Deserved!

Bravo to You Hattie!

In my mind, I think I have written some incredibly good shit for this here blog, (approaching my one-year anniversary) but then again, who can account for taste?

Certainly not me.


I had some interesting emails of late:

Mostly of the “Jeeze! Yer not dead… I hope.” Strain. (vernacular??)

“No Virginia, I am not dead.”(And No: There ain’t no Santa)


Nope. Not yet. (dead: not Santa—try to stay with me here Friends…)

‘So sorry…’

“Maybe next time.” Or as some of my ‘friends’ might say: “Next Year in Jerusalem.”

(But then, that is some other kind of different post, ain’t it?)

I am tired, so I will end this now.

Just wanted to post ‘something’ so that y’all would realize… I am still alive in here.



P.S. Now, that right there is what some might call a virulent (?), brilliant stream of ‘conscientiousness’. Some might, in fact.

Personally, I call ‘bullshit.’ But that is just me.

Cheers Y’all,


And PPS:

I am gonna volunteer to go to Liberia.

Just to help.

If y’all think I’m jokin’, well then; you don’t know me very well, do you?

Hell! All who know me, know I will risk anything for money! Because ‘money’ is all I care about.”

(And if y’all believe that, well then I am not… aiming… at ‘My Audience’)

And I do have a bridge to sell. (cheap!)


Just for fun:

Bob Dylan – George Floyd – RIP

“A Deputy Sheriff approached them in a manner rather rude…”

Bad Idea Officer!

Take Away:

Don’t Fuck With Pretty-Boy Floyd



Fuck With Lance

He Looks Nice

But He Bites

Just Some



Be Nice

Read & Heed

“I Ain’t Never Seen An Outlaw Drive A Family From Their Home”

“A Deputy Sheriff approached them in a manner rather rude…”