I Tried To Tone The Title Down A Mite (Ever Try To Tone Down A Mite?–Exercise in Futility) A Thousand Apologies To Anyone I May Have Inadvertently Offended.

I Just MISS My Sister. Fuck Everything! I do Not Give a Shit FOR Life Without Her in it to Talk To!

Read if you have want. Yeah! I am bitter! Madelyn! Godamn Her! I Did NOT Give Her My Permission To Die!

She Died On Me! She Was Always So Popular! The Phone Rang Off The Wall! The Call Was Always For her! Never For Me! “Lance is an asshole! Talk to Madelyn—She is Nice”—

Bullshit! She was Not Nice To Anyone But Me. In Her Heart. We Knew and Understood “The Game” But We Never Verbalized it; We Did Not Have To”

I miss her so much

I cannot write anymore on this right now.

I’ll get back to it.

My heart is still broken.

Some may ponder

Wonder

Why

I Love her so much

Here is the reason

For All Seasons

She Always Stood By Me

Through thick and Thin

She was My Athena,

She

shielded

Me

From the World

(Even When I was in Iraq)

She was always there for me

Constant as the Northern Star

Change the name from ‘Richard’ to ‘Madelyn’

Then You May Catch My Drift:

Fuck it!

This was The Joni I wished to share!

So There!

Constantly in the darkness?

Where’s that at?

If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.:

Joni is such a complicated / fascinating brilliant woman,

as was my Madelyn, my sister

My much loved and missed sis

Goddamn I Miss her!

****

Lance & His B’Loved Sis:

I truly wish I had more pics, but I don’t–my misfortune, not yours.

The Untimely Loss of her… fuck it!

I have said it all before.

But I am sad.

I cannot put it more succinctly than that

I Miss Her

Now You’re Not Here Bitch!

Sit Down, STFU, and Never Leave Me Again!

Richard Orr & His Lame-Ass Jeans Store. Chapter Les Deux: My Love, My Sister, My Madelyn.

I Would Always Do ANYTHING for Her, Up to And Even Including Serving Prison-Time. AnyThing! Yes, I Loved Her That Marvelous Much

So as we were sitting so very close together on her bed I said,


“Why is he closing the store?”


“Not making any money.”


“Oh. I guess that makes sense. What else did he say, if anything?”


“He said, I guess you could just burn the place down and I’ll collect the insurance. I’ll split it with you.”


I said to Maddy, “He would never do that. He is too much a pussy.”


“Yeah,” she sighed.


Then she confided:


“I stole a lot… A LOT of stuff from the store. Closing right
? I lit a fire, but I think it didn’t take. I am so afraid. My fire went out! They will find me out!


“Don’t worry ‘bout that. I’ll fix it for you.”


“How? How you gonna fix it for me?”


“You still have a key to the front door?”


“You know I do.”


“Give it to me.”


“What you gonna do?”

I flashed her a grin:


“I’m gonna burn the place down to the ground. For you Dear Sister”


She gave me the key.

*****


To be continued….

***

As most of you who know me know…

This is a TRUE STORY!

I do not write fiction!

Fuk ’em!

Let them come after me!

“They” will regret that!

And that is a paralyzed fact!

Do not fuck with a copperhead snake!

“Red Next to Yell’ah Will Kill a Fellah”

cHAP uNO Here:

*******

Somehow Strangely Related:

T Stupid, (And he Loves Joni Mitch’ll) Fuk All Y’all!

Daniel Powter – Bad Day

I Was in Denial for Years! Now, recently, the dark, dank, stark realization floods over me, I Cannot Breathe– Nor Deal with This! I Miss My Sis!

I Miss My Sister!

(Yes! I Must Laugh To Keep From Crying All-The-Time)

One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo)

Found ourselves standing before Daddy.

In His Study.

That Bitch Gloria

(My Step-Mom)

was there as Well.

Our ‘Mission’… was to procure/beg money.

Maddy and Jennifer did this Joni (as a) Duet and Perfection two-part Harmony:

a capella!

“Twisted”

Street Cred For The Vid: JoniJourney

(It was Brilliant!)

It worked.

But Madelyne never failed to understand / underestimate her powers

****

(They Got Ten bucks.
Each.
And left.
)

As Madelyn was hitting the ‘Exit Door,’

(With her combined fortune of twenty bucks)

she cast a ‘sideways’ glance at me over her shoulder and grinned, not un-like a Cheshire Kitty.

I knew exactly what she said, un-said:

Try to follow my act Asshole. Love Ya! Mean it! Good Luck!

Bitch!!!

********

That Bitch Gloria then looked me up-and-down, said,

“Well, Lance? What can YOU do?”

I wanted to say,

“I Can Strangle you in your sleep Bitch!”

“I can strangle you in your sleep.”

I really wanted to say that!

But of course, I didn’t say that.

So, I said, “I Cain’t sing or dance; I just want ten bucks.”

Daddy smiled at me.

Pulled out his wallet again, gave me a ‘tenner’—and said,

“Here you go Son. Be careful.”

That Bitch Gloria was not amused.

But I was.

As I exited Stage Right.

Smartly.

**************

I miss Madelyn so much.

And I miss Daddy.

Of Course.

*******

Some day, one day, I will empty gallons of virtual ink… about my father.

But I am not yet ready.

Not Today

I Tried To Tone ‘Drown’ This Title A Mite. Ever Try To Tone Down A Mite? Damn Slippery Bastards, Them Mites–Exercise in Futility–A Thousand Apologies To Anyone I Offended. I Just MISS My Sis.

Sisters:

***

“Fuck Everything I do Not Give a shit!

Read if you have want. Yeah! I am bitter! Madelyn! Godamn Her! She Died On Me! She Was Always So Popular!

The Phone Rang Off The Wall! The Call Was Always For her!

(No-One EVER Called Me)

Never For Me! “Lance is an asshole! Talk to Madelyn—She is Nice”—

Bullshit!

She was Not Nice To Anyone But Me.

In Her Heart. We Knew and Understood “The Game”

But We Never Verbalized it;

We Did Not Have To”

I miss her so much

I cannot write anymore on this right now.

I’ll get back to it.

My heart is still broken.

Some may ponder

Wonder

Why

I Love her so much

Here is the reason

For All Seasons

She Always Stood By Me

Through thick and Thin

She was My Athena,

She

shielded

Me

From the World

(Even When I was in Iraq)

She was always there for me

Constant as the Northern Star

Change the name from ‘Richard’ to ‘Madelyn’

Then You May Catch My Drift:

Fuck it!

This was The Joni I wished to share!

So There!

Constantly in the darkness?

Where’s that at?

If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.:

Joni is such a complicated / fascinating brilliant woman,

as was my Madelyn, my sister

My much loved and missed sis

Goddamn I Miss her!

****

Lance & His B’Loved Sis:

I truly wish I had more pics, but I don’t–my misfortune, not yours.

The Untimely Loss of her… fuck it!

I have said it all before.

But I am sad.

I cannot put it more succinctly than this:

I Miss Her!

Godamn-It!

Rerun, But Fits in Nicely With My Current Kennedy-Bashing Rants: “Why Ruby Did It”

Jack Ruby (born Jacob Leon Rubenstein; MAR 25, 1911 – JAN 3, 1967)

Why Jack? Oh Why?!

Of course if you want the answer to that

Burning Behind the Grassy Knoll

question, all you need do is listen to Lenny.

Look no further.

Lenny Has This One Covered Y’all:

Before We Proceed, here is a ‘Disclaimer’ by way of an Author’s Note:

‘Slightly’ re-worked, but I left in all theIncoherent Bullshit’

(For ‘Hysterical / Historical Purposes of Course.)

***

Or, if you ain’t ‘into’ Lenny, I suppose you could just ask Lance, as his erstwhile step-mom, Gloria, had worked for Jack during the Sixties in his

‘Carousel Club’.

Carousel Club, Dallas; owned and managed by Jack Ruby, 11/24/1963

According to Gloria, Jack was very, very proud of his Club and always referred to it as, wait for it…

“A Real First Class Joint.”

She never told me precisely what it was that she did there for Jack, by way of gainful employment. And in truth, I really didn’t wanna know.

Whatever it was that she did do for Jack, it was probably not what these girls did.

(For ‘Their Jack’)

She, Gloria… er… was not ‘qualified’

The ‘REAL Gloria

She prob’ly sold cigarettes or sumthin’.

The ‘Fake’ Gloria

(Sorry. But there never was any love lost between me and Gloria. This paralyzed fact is well-documented and may easily be discovered in the pages of my blog.)

And if you, any of you, breath, yeah ‘breath’. A single word of this to my also erstwhile step-sister…Whom I love dearly, well, that breath, will, yes will, be your last…

***

Sadly, Very Sadly, I must update this for 2021:

***

(And, as always, Most Everything I just typo’d, said, thought… well, it’s all bullshit.)

(NOT THE PARTS REGARDING MADELYN. THAT IS NOT BULLSHIT)

***

I was born’d, rear’d an’ raised in California. Northern California. I have never even SEEN Texas. (Just read about it is all.)

In books an’ shit.

And on some old pirate maps.

Just funnin’… I’m only Half-Crazy.

Just tryin’ to make up for all those “Thursday Throwbacks” I missed out cashing in on during my recent

‘Sabbatical’

Yeah, I always considered ‘Throwback Thursdays’ somewhat of a ‘gift.’ I mean, if I had nothing to write I could always dig down into those old archives, et voila! There ya go! Instant Post! Keep Feedin’ Them Fishes! Yada, Yada, Yaaaa Duh!

(In Some Truth: I just wanted to put up some Lenny Bruce–for ‘Old Time’s Sake’)

And it kind of goes along with that Brother Dave post from a day or two ago.

(See? There is some continuity to my mind)

Believe that? Really? Wanna buy a bridge? Cheap? Real Cheap!

I generally spend about ten minutes ‘writing a post’. Then three minutes waiting on ‘spell check’ to remind me that I cannot spell ‘cat.’ Then two minutes (except for the upload wait) to upload photos/videos. One minute at the ‘final’ look.

Then: Click that ‘sucker’.

That ‘Publish’ button.

And pray.

Done!

Rinse and repeat the next day. This bothers me. Why? Because, as all of us (may) feel, we can write so much better.

Alas, I am lazy. I just want to get it out there… Catch the likes; catch the comments. Fuck the quality! “They” know what I mean… Don’t they? I mean, they read me! Not too much need for exposition, ya? ‘They git it, eh?’

(Lance removes tongue-from-cheek)

Just some musings from an amusing, dazed and confusing, wanna-be writer/blogger. Take with however many grains of salt you require.

(And Comment),

If you’re of a mind to, and/or have an opinion on the ‘writing/blogging’ process.

Cheers, Lancers

***

Well, I do not seem capable of shutting the hell up…

“I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability.”

Credit: Ron White (Texan!)

“I have never had an original thought; I don’t live in a vacuum.”

–Lenny Bruce

And if this ain’t poignant for today… Well then. I do not know what is, or could be ‘is.’

Take a listen: All ‘Policemans’ in NYC might even appreciate. If they can read, that is…

(Just Kidding!)

And I wanna be ‘Your Lenny

There is a vid credit, but I lost it. His lawyers will surely contact mine…Right here on TT&H

****

Moving on…

Now, this is some strange form of Serendipitous Bullshit. But I didn’t look it in the mouth; I appreciated my opportunity.

I actually shook his hand.

This Great Man’s Hand was ‘Shook’ by My Hand.

Only in America!

“Hail Cesar!”

“Oh Hail Yes!”

Specifically In San’ Dog, California.

He weren’t none of that.

He was some, most, but not all.

Yet he was a great and actually humble man.

He was merely a man with a plan.

And He was The Real Deal!

I loved him for that.

Just like I loved Woody

And His Son

And as I respect and admire and love all the Great Americans who struggle for Equality and Freedom and Justice for all.

***

This concludes our regularly un-scheduled broadcast.

***

*Lance climbs down off his Soapbox*

*Resumes primary vocation with his co-workers*

A ‘Tuesday’ Throwback or, if you will: “Why Ruby Did It”

Jack Ruby (born Jacob Leon Rubenstein; MAR 25, 1911 – JAN 3, 1967)

Why Jack? Oh Why?!

Of course if you want the answer to that

Burning Behind the Grassy Knoll

question, all you need do is listen to Lenny.

Look no further.

Lenny Has This One Covered Y’all:

Before We Proceed, here is a ‘Disclaimer’ by way of an Author’s Note:

‘Slightly’ re-worked, but I left in all theIncoherent Bullshit’

(For ‘Hysterical / Historical Purposes of Course.)

***

Or, if you ain’t ‘into’ Lenny, I suppose you could just ask Lance, as his erstwhile step-mom, Gloria, had worked for Jack during the Sixties in his

‘Carousel Club’.

Carousel Club, Dallas; owned and managed by Jack Ruby, 11/24/1963

According to Gloria, Jack was very, very proud of his Club and always referred to it as, wait for it…

“A Real First Class Joint.”

She never told me precisely what it was that she did there for Jack, by way of gainful employment. And in truth, I really didn’t wanna know.

Whatever it was that she did do for Jack, it was probably not what these girls did.

(For ‘Their Jack’)

She, Gloria… er… was not ‘qualified’

The ‘REAL Gloria

She prob’ly sold cigarettes or sumthin’.

The ‘Fake’ Gloria

(Sorry. But there never was any love lost between me and Gloria. This paralyzed fact is well-documented and may easily be discovered in the pages of my blog.)

And if you, any of you, breath, yeah ‘breath’. A single word of this to my also erstwhile step-sister…Whom I love dearly, well, that breath, will, yes will, be your last…

***

Sadly, Very Sadly, I must update this for 2021:

***

(And, as always, Most Everything I just typo’d, said, thought… well, it’s all bullshit.)

(NOT THE PARTS REGARDING MADELYN. THAT IS NOT BULLSHIT)

***

I was born’d, rear’d an’ raised in California. Northern California. I have never even SEEN Texas. (Just read about it is all.)

In books an’ shit.

And on some old pirate maps.

Just funnin’… I’m only Half-Crazy.

Just tryin’ to make up for all those “Thursday Throwbacks” I missed out cashing in on during my recent

‘Sabbatical’

Yeah, I always considered ‘Throwback Thursdays’ somewhat of a ‘gift.’ I mean, if I had nothing to write I could always dig down into those old archives, et voila! There ya go! Instant Post! Keep Feedin’ Them Fishes! Yada, Yada, Yaaaa Duh!

(In Some Truth: I just wanted to put up some Lenny Bruce–for ‘Old Time’s Sake’)

And it kind of goes along with that Brother Dave post from a day or two ago.

(See? There is some continuity to my mind)

Believe that? Really? Wanna buy a bridge? Cheap? Real Cheap!

I generally spend about ten minutes ‘writing a post’. Then three minutes waiting on ‘spell check’ to remind me that I cannot spell ‘cat.’ Then two minutes (except for the upload wait) to upload photos/videos. One minute at the ‘final’ look.

Then: Click that ‘sucker’.

That ‘Publish’ button.

And pray.

Done!

Rinse and repeat the next day. This bothers me. Why? Because, as all of us (may) feel, we can write so much better.

Alas, I am lazy. I just want to get it out there… Catch the likes; catch the comments. Fuck the quality! “They” know what I mean… Don’t they? I mean, they read me! Not too much need for exposition, ya? ‘They git it, eh?’

(Lance removes tongue-from-cheek)

Just some musings from an amusing, dazed and confusing, wanna-be writer/blogger. Take with however many grains of salt you require.

(And Comment),

If you’re of a mind to, and/or have an opinion on the ‘writing/blogging’ process.

Cheers, Lancers

***

Well, I do not seem capable of shutting the hell up…

“I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability.”

“I have never had an original thought; I don’t live in a vacuum.”

–Lenny Bruce

And if this ain’t poignant for today… Well then. I do not know what is, or could be ‘is.’

Take a listen: All ‘Policemans’ in NYC might even appreciate. If they can read, that is…

(Just Kidding!)

And I wanna be ‘Your Lenny

There is a vid credit, but I lost it. His lawyers will surely contact mine…Right here on TT&H

****

Moving on…

Now, this is some strange form of Serendipitous Bullshit. But I didn’t look it in the mouth; I appreciated my opportunity.

I actually shook his hand.

This Great Man’s Hand was ‘Shook’ by My Hand.

Only in America!

“Hail Cesar!”

“Oh Hail Yes!”

Specifically In San’ Dog, California.

He weren’t none of that.

He was some, most, but not all.

Yet he was a great and actually humble man.

He was merely a man with a plan.

And He was The Real Deal!

I loved him for that.

Just like I loved Woody

And His Son

And as I respect and admire and love all the Great Americans who struggle for Equality and Freedom and Justice for all.

***

This concludes our regularly un-scheduled broadcast.

***

*Lance climbs down off his Soapbox*

*Resumes primary vocation with his co-workers*