She SUCKS! But She Doesn’t Suck In The Way She’s Supposed To Suck

Dateline: 16 June 2021

After eight long months and numerous failed attempts,

I FINALLY DID IT!

I Liberated ‘That-VAC’ from Her Prison!

Actually, She was trying to Bust Out On-Her-Own This Time.

The Not-So-Great-Escape’

And Struggling, Failing… Screaming for Help!

BUT I, Me!

Me ‘Lance-Rocky Marcona‘! Jumped in and SAVED Her DAY!

Rescued Her!

And if I had not Bravely, Blithely, Selflessly, Stoutly Stepped in to Rescue Her, This Would have probably been her Fate to face and endure:

Cred for Shared Vid: T.J. Lovelady

You May Address me as “Lance-The-Liberator” From Now On.

Always Felt I Deserved a MORE APPROPRIATE Title. You Know, Other Than “Asshole,” As Descriptively Honest and Accurately Appropriate that one may be.

(If all this so far isn’t beginning read like “Complete and Utter Bullshit,” then I humbly suggest you purchase a top-end, high quality and fully functional ‘Bullshit Detector’)

(Amazon Dot Com is your Friend.)

***

Update 19 June 2021:

Here is my ‘Marco’s Consumer Report’ On The New Vacuum-Cleaner:

SHE SUCKS!

But She doesn’t Suck in the way She is supposed to Suck.

The bottom part, you know, the MAIN Functionality Part… Don’t Suck!

Her ‘La raison d’être’ part with the spinning brushes:

Her brushes spin frantically, maniacally, just Jim-Dand-illy, but there is no Proper Sucking action happening.

Call me ‘Crazy’, but isn’t that an important part of the ‘two-part’ process?

The ‘Sucking’ Part?

Was I mistaken? Did I purchase a ‘Dirt-Rake’ and not a ‘Suck-It-Up’ Machine??

The detritus and dirt and spilt Copenhagen and gnat corpses and potato chip crumbs and Et al., just get nicely organized into neat little windrows,

But Not Sucked Up!

Lotta Fucking Good That Does Me!

The attachments suck just groovy, but I don’t enjoy having to get on my hands and knees to suck.

In ANY sucking situation, if you catch-my-drift.

I just REFUSE to Go There.

This door don’t swing that way.

That is precisely WHY I Purchased an ‘UPRIGHT Suck Machine’ as opposed to an ‘Operate-on-your-knees’ Suck Machine.

Gonna purchase a Better, New, DIFFERENT BRAND Suck Machine.

I DID pay A LOT for this one though!

Thirty-Five Dollars!

Guess from Where

****

Upon Further Investigation, I think I may have swerved into the genesis of the problem:

She was born in Vietnam and obviously out of her element here in ‘Estados Texidos Unidos’.

Poor Little Darlin’, fresh off the boat and most likely understands not even one single word of ‘Texican.’

But then, Most Yankees don’t either and yet they do just fine,

Provided they remain where they belong.

And that goes triple for any of you Californians out there.

***

She Done Me Wrong.

Poor Lil ‘Phuong Wong’

(Vietnamese name meaning “Phoenix.”)

Gonna have to ‘Put Her Down.’

Perhaps she shall rise again as her ‘namesake’, and preferably in Hanoi, or Da Nang, or Huế. I’m certain she will be much happier there.

Huế ?! No Way!” She Said.

*Heavy Sigh*

I have The Worst Luck with Women these daze.

Facing Reality and Making The Difficult, But Right Decisions

Wait for it…

SUCKS!

Sometimes Life Sucks and That is Bad,

Sometimes Life Doesn’t Suck and That is Good

However…

Sometimes That Is Just Ass-Backwards!

I Need some Suction in my Life.

Right Now!