When I was a wee chile, tryin’ to survive in Fremont CA, Mother dragged me to theater, to screen “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”
I was NOT properly impressed.
Fu*k u Mom! Just Kiddin’!! I LOVED My Mother–Very Dearly–And As Previously Reported: My Mother Was The Original ‘Hippy-Chick’– She called herself a “Christian” But In Reality, She was an Atheist. Precisely why I Loved my Mother; I was an atheist, since I was first born, or hatched, Your choice.
The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)
(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)
But before we go there enter:
This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)
However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)
Ambiguous? Yeah!
So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.
And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.
Click at your own risk.
Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)
“The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Sold” With My Humble (cough cough) Opinion
Joni Love Letter Thrown in at the End.
Tread Softly. And I’m sorry the text don’t line up properly with the images. WordPress is Stupid. I cannot fix stupid.
(Most likely offensive to ‘People of Faith’–read at your own annoyance)
****
The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)
(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)
But before we go there enter:
This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)
However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)
Ambiguous? Yeah!
So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.
And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.
The video is germane. Watch it.
Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)
Cast of Characters:
Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.
Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.
Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!
I did not put in The Crucifixion/Resurrection, (mainly because I don’t believe that shit and also because I could not find an example in the show) and also, mainly because at
Woodstock… drum roll please:
nobody had to die to save me.
It’s OK Jesus: I’m doin’ fine, but Thank You for askin’.
And Thank YOU to anyone who has travell’d this far with me.
Cheers, Lance
Added Value: George Carlin vs. Religious Douchebag
Loved it. Hated it. Few decades ago I could truthfully say, “Hey! I’ve spent half my life in California.” (See ThisOr This)
Now I can say, “Hey! I’ve spent most of my life in Dangerous Desolate Places.” (Middle East & East Texas) That worm did turn some. (Go Here or There)
I really don’t care at this point
****
As a Native Texan, I am supposed to always hate California and yes, Yes to all you Texans out there: I know this. I get it. Put the rope down.
Yet I more love than hate California.
In California I learned to appreciate music, art, science, literature, hippies, beaches and blondes. My first kiss was not in California, but I didn’t miss that milestone by much–In California.
In Texas I learned to appreciate drankin’ whiskey and beer , smokin’ dope, playin’ football, chasin’ cheerleaders, and Raisin’ Hell.
Arriving home to Texas late 1968 folks made fun of my ‘California Accent’ if there even is such a thing. (There were no Valley Girls in the Sixties as far as I know). My ‘accent’ was ‘just the way normal people talked’ as far as I was concerned. Texans sounded funny to me (Blasphemy!)
My Attitude Adjustment didn’t take long to take.
In California I was a Little League Baseball Star. In Texas no one gave two shits about baseball. I had to learn football. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing, but I had all those baseball skills which were not worth a cup of spit in Texas.
I love Texas and don’t get me wrong. But once in a while, when I see a photo or a news bit showing San Francisco, or San Diego, or a beach, or a blonde… I hear this guysinging:
Sometimes I even hear this blonde singing:
And I tear up. (Just a little bit) but then I throw on some Bob Wills and Remember Who I am.
And thus remembering, I go out and buy a caseof Lone Star Long Necks and listen to this guy:
And I Thank The Spirit of Sam Houston I Am A Texan.
Simply because, “An uneducated proletariat is a danger to freedom.”
That is My Lance Quote; I just made it up. But, Goddamn it! I do believe it.
“Aw Shit! Lance dun gone Commie on us!. Git a rope!”
Not at all. Nope. Cool yer Heels Cowboy! Lance just knows something has gone horribly wrong…with His Texas, and more importantly, with His America. It used to be His America.
Now, it seems. It ain’t.
*End of Rant*
If you have come thus far…
Well; you are a Commie!
(Just kidding)
And of course…My National Anthem:
Just for Multi-Media Attention:
If You don’t want to stand in-line…well… REFORM
(If Y’all don’t catch my drift… well then:
I am writing with no ink in my virtual pen.
And the line forms to the right.
Get in-line!
And have fun.
And y’all thought I was bull-shitting when I posted a previous Rant:
I just recently completed a Mark Twain Marathon, by Ken Burns.
“Good for you, Lance Marcom; we are happy you are soooo.. much into (Our) American History…”
I wanted such a telegram, but, alas, there are no telegrams today.
So, it may seem I was born too late…
For such Liberty.
No matter.
WE, We, WE can forge our own liberty, in that same same spirit.
If we have the wherewithal.
Alas, I fear we have not.
We have the Constitution; we have The Law of Our Land; we have Our Precedent…
Alas, we have not the will
The Will, we lack . Today .
This was to be… a simple American Call to Arms.
Alas, I do not know if I am young enuff to muster:
My time has long since past.
I have not the passion to fight yet another war.
Lord knows (and that is a metaphor) I have NOT the will, nor the strength to fight such a war, yet, I am there, in spirit. I would gladly die for MY Country: My long lost America.
Rebel? Most Certainly.
Rebellious against my country?
Never
Therein lies that dilemma,
Not I! For I am too old, and this kind of business falls to younger men
BUT, when I see the masses, the masses, in squalor, I get pissed.
Really pissed.
When CEO’s in this country make ten thousand times more than the workers…
Well, it upsets me.
(any geographical or grammatical errors are surely mine. I do apologize)
These opinions are solely mine own.
Yet, I welcome our modern-day NSA to come knock on MY DOOR.
I certainly do.
Now…
I can finally be sated (for now)
And…I am gonna continue with this for some few weeks, until I give up…
But, Y’all know, when I get unto a ‘kick’ I hang on.
So…we shall see.
–Lance Out
Wow Lance! THAT was some long-winded RANT!
heheheheh
No Worries: Nobody Read it but The NSA of the USA.
Shit! This needs to be placed further down, but WordPress is Fukking Stupid. So I am forced to place it here:
Git a Rope
“Cocksucker”
“Two Four Letter Words And A Preposition”
lmfao
P.S., the Fonts in this post ar’ all fucked up. I’m too lazy to fix them. I hope yu can read. If’n Ya wanna….PPS This Post is Rather ZObnoxious and Insulting. If Your Skin Be Thin, Don’t Read It. Just go somewhere else.
****
Judge Aaron Albamiser& Lenny Bruce: “Thick Fingers and a Homemade Glass Eye.” “A Red-Headed Junk-yard Jew.”
–Lenny
He Said “Blah Blah Blah”
Friends, Romans, (Progressive Texans) & Others:
(Don’t some of Y’all hate to be classified as ‘Others’?
Smacks of Intellectual Racism to me, but that’s just me.)
Don’t you fain to disclaim?
Me no Alamo!
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
How the fuck does it feel?
To be on the long side of the short fence?
For Real?
Lend Me Your Beers!
(And yer FB password. Trust Me. I’m with the Government.)
Here is your (once again belated) Daily Lenny:
And Thanks for Listening, wherever you are.
And now I am gonna step out on a limb and say this:
I am with my Brothers and Sisters in the Ukraine.
Keep your eyes on the prize.
(And I do not speak that flippantly; I mean it. The whole world is watching)
Oh, and thanks for listening (Did I say that already?)
Well hell! Appreciation can never be over-played (if it is sincere)
In this case, rest assur’d it is (“Hey Madge?! Did he mean ‘over-played’ or ‘sincere’? Can never get a ‘read’ on this schmuck.”)
Cheers to all.
And if you’d get a kick reading/hearing more about it, go here:
Simply because, “An uneducated proletariat is a danger to freedom.”
That is My Lance Quote; I just made it up. But, Goddamn it! I do believe it.
“Aw Shit! Lance dun gone Commie on us!. Git a rope!”
Not at all. Nope. Cool yer Heels Cowboy! Lance just knows something has gone horribly wrong…with His Texas, and more importantly, with His America. It used to be His America.
Now, it seems. It ain’t.
*End of Rant*
If you have come thus far…
Well; you are a Commie!
(Just kidding)
And of course…My National Anthem:
Just for Multi-Media Attention:
If You don’t want to stand in-line…well… REFORM
(If Y’all don’t catch my drift… well then:
I am writing with no ink in my virtual pen.
And the line forms to the right.
Get in-line!
And have fun.
And y’all thought I was bull-shitting when I posted a previous Rant:
I just recently completed a Mark Twain Marathon, by Ken Burns.
“Good for you, Lance Marcom; we are happy you are soooo.. much into (Our) American History…”
I wanted such a telegram, but, alas, there are no telegrams today.
So, it may seem I was born too late…
For such Liberty.
No matter.
WE, We, WE can forge our own liberty, in that same same spirit.
If we have the wherewithal.
Alas, I fear we have not.
We have the Constitution; we have The Law of Our Land; we have Our Precedent…
Alas, we have not the will
The Will, we lack . Today .
This was to be… a simple American Call to Arms.
Alas, I do not know if I am young enuff to muster:
My time has long since past.
I have not the passion to fight yet another war.
Lord knows (and that is a metaphor) I have NOT the will, nor the strength to fight such a war, yet, I am there, in spirit. I would gladly die for MY Country: My long lost America.
Rebel? Most Certainly.
Rebellious against my country?
Never
Therein lies that dilemma,
Not I! For I am too old, and this kind of business falls to younger men
BUT, when I see the masses, the masses, in squalor, I get pissed.
Really pissed.
When CEO’s in this country make ten thousand times more than the workers…
Well, it upsets me.
(any geographical or grammatical errors are surely mine. I do apologize)
These opinions are solely mine own.
Yet, I welcome our modern-day NSA to come knock on MY DOOR.
I certainly do.
Now…
I can finally be sated (for now)
And…I am gonna continue with this for some few weeks, until I give up…
But, Y’all know, when I get unto a ‘kick’ I hang on.
So…we shall see.
–Lance Out
Wow Lance! THAT was some long-winded RANT!
heheheheh
No Worries: Nobody Read it but The NSA of the USA.