I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons.
“With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and songwriters, stars or not, and hand-selects the purest cuts of well-marbled entertainment for your daily listening pleasure. The tempo, the style, the instrumentation, the genre – it doesn’t matter. The rules are simple – the songs need to have a Texas connection. Rock, rap, country, reggae, electronica, dub step, house, R&B – If the music helps to build an audio tapestry worthy of the Lone Star State, it’s got a shot on Notably Texan.”
I was on my way back from one of my ‘Booze-Run’ Missions when this song came on the program. I had to pull over to properly focus on it—This is how impressed and captivated and enamored I instantly was…
Try this version
It may not take three DAYS to Load!
“Heaven is a Heaven Is A Honky Tonk”
“There’s a choir singing in a southern accent, a fiddle in the band There’s a “Hallelujah!” on the lips of every dying man Mama, don’t you cry when they’re dead and gone Jesus, he loves his sinners and heaven is a honky tonk”
(I do not know who The Rather Large Black Broad Who Joined The Girls on the Stage is–Trust Me: I looked–But Obviously, She Added added Value–Bravo For HER!)
And Bravo To The Highwomen!
Yeah, I am a ‘Closet Liberal’ And an ‘Out-of-the-Closet-Redneck’— And An Extremely Pro-Feminist–My Love of And For of Women is Very-Well Documented. I Never pull My Punches.
Yes, I am ‘complicated’–But Y’all knew this already.
Love me, or HATE Me. I really Don’t Give a Shit!
You do YOU.
And Embrace Your Opinions.
But only if You are Sincere.
I am, if nothing else, HONEST!
I’m as Real as Real Can Get!
What You See, Is Exactly What You Get!
“The Highwomen are the rarest of country supergroups: a quartet who came together at the height of their popularity and creative powers, not when they were settling into their legacy. In that regard, the quartet of Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Amanda Shires, and Natalie Hemby differ from their knowing namesake the Highwaymen, a band Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristofferson formed in 1985, just as they started to drift down the charts. When the Highwomen appeared in 2019, every member of the quartet was at a peak in her respective roots niche. Singer/songwriter Carlile was fresh off winning three Grammy Awards and Morris was at the vanguard of country-pop, while Shires’ cult was growing thanks to the atmospheric Americana of To the Sunset and Hemby’s reputation as a country songwriter was at a peak, thanks to her contributions to Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour and Miranda Lambert’s The Weight of These Wings.”
Article Credit: ALLMUSIC
“Pulling up the floors and changin’ out the curtains Some of us are saints and some of us are surgeons Made in God’s image, just a better version And breakin’ every Jello mold
And when we love someone, we take ’em to heaven And if the shoe fits, we’re gonna buy 11 How we get it done, we like to keep ’em guessing But secretly, we all know.”
“I Was a ‘Highwoman'”
I AM STARSTRUCK
FUN FACT: My Best GF, Highschool Sweetheart, once said to me, and I quote:
“Lance, You are so easily Starstruck.”
I had to beg to differ, but she was at least half-right–when I see talent combined with Beauty, I fall victim–it is a pleasant fall and an admitted failing of mine–I relish and truly appreciate people who add value and meaning to my life.
Fallon: Lucky Unworthy Bastard!
And Just For Reference:
Willie & The Boys
I do hope Y’all Enjoyed Watching/Reading This Post As Much As I Loved Putting It Together.
LET’S JUST CALL IT “A LABOUR OF LOVE,” IF YOU WILL.
My mechanic (Of Parsons Mechanic fame) came by to have some ‘chat’ with me:
The most Interesting Mechanic in the World
“Way’ll… I have a natch’ral disaster on my hands.”
“Ok Bob,” I said, “I’m ‘bout to bust with anticipation.”
“Yep. A natch’ral disaster.”
“You mentioned that already.”
“A real-life natch’ral calamity.”
“Do I have time to go to chow while you go through your preamble?”
Ignoring me, he continued, “That Six Kay (‘6K’ as in six thousand pound lifting capacity) forklift is all a-pieces. hamorr’agin’ parts all over th’ place. The Boys (Filipino mechanics times two) tol’ me it was the fuel injector pump. So, I kin’ly smiled and said ‘Okaaay…,’ and let ‘em go at it. They need ta learn how ta fix thangs without me onct in ah’while. Well, they dun got tha’ forklift tore all ta pieces. Now, I dun give ‘em all mornin’ to dick ‘round with it, an’ I’m gonna give ‘em all this aftr’noon to dick ‘round with it some more. Then first thing tomorra, I’m gonna ask ‘em, ‘Boys, how come that forklift ain’t a-workin’ this fine morning?’”
“I’m hip Let’s keep it real.”
“Your ‘personnel management style’ is showing Bob,” I said.
“Yeah, whatever… An’ tomorra’s Thursday. An’ day after that’s Friday. An’ I ain’t doin’ nothin’ on Friday. Tomorra, we gonna start our dee-cent inta th’ day off.”
“Kinda start slowin’ ‘er down ‘round mid-noon time, eh?” I said. (I can do ‘Southern’ just as slick as you please when I want to.)
“X-actly. We start double-clutchin’ and dee-celeratin’ an’ bring her in nice and slow like.”
“And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”
“Dead in the water?”
“Send her saddle home.”
“I need to call Baghdad?”
“She ain’t lookin’ none too fav’erble.”
“Call HQ an’ tell ‘em we need another forklift?”
“Now, jes hol’ on. Doan git ’em all wadded jes yet.”
“Ok. I got it. Thanks.”
“We’re Parsons’ Mechanics an’ jes watch how we roll,” he said on his way out the door.
I love my job.
I have a “Ten Kay” forklift that still works. So I should be alright for now. Besides, Bob just loves the drama and we do this little dance every time there is a crisis in the motor pool.
If I were a betting man (And actually I am) I’d wager two of my pay checks that come Friday if that 6K forklift is still down, he’ll be out there bright and early with his boys working on it until it is repaired even if it means giving up his day off.
I’ve seen him do that already too many times over the past year and a half he has worked for me. There is no man made of better stuff. An’ he sure do entertain. Yessir, he certainly does. And I’d never have been able to keep the operation afloat without him.
I love all my crew and wouldn’t trade a single one of them for a pile of cash money or a case of Johnny Walker Black with the authorization to drink it.
Feetnote to this story:
After I had been in Mosul for a month, running that camp, they sent me Bob.
Upon seeing him get off the chopper, I ran over and kissed him (not on-the-lips–he is a disgusting individual) But I needed him! To help me run the Goddamn Camp And I had sorely missed him in my life.
This song is dedicated to Bob, wherever he may be:
“Me An’ Paul”… Er… “Bob”
“Well, It’s Been Rough an’ Rocky Travellin’,
But I’m Finally Standin’ Up-Right On The Ground”
HELL TO THE HELL YEAH!
OK: Ed. Note:
Y’all gotta love how ‘Texan’ this vid is—look at the ‘ensign‘-Texan Flags-behind the sage, er…stage.
(and if you look really close–for you guitar players out there–you will notice the hole in the guitar. Willie tells some stories ’bout the gee-tar. He tells one about a drunken party with Leon Russell in a hotel room, when Leon almost broke it. Willie, in classic form, invited Leon to stop touching that guitar.)
The news of late from CNN foretells the fall of Anbar Province and of Baghdad. I spent one year working in Anbar Province. This was the happiest (on record) year of my life.
I am attaching a video and yes it is corny, and yes, the music is somewhat ‘gay’, and no, this was not a video that I made, or would have made.
It is a video made by the Filipinos who worked for/with me during this time. They made this vid as a ‘going away’ present for me when I decided to leave Anbar (Camp Wolfe) to work for an Iraqi company in Baghdad. Filipinos lean toward sentimental, hence their choice of music. To them it was fittin’. I loved them all.
I cherish this video and the sentiment behind The Making of it.
I Loved ‘My Boys’
I do hope you will watch.
P.S. Hint: I am the guy in the black gimme cap and the black jacket. Bob The Mechanic is the guy with the beard, wearing the overalls.
As a “thinking” person, I do not believe in ‘Creation Science’. Nor do I believe in “God.”2.0
(Please Check Out The Videos–They Are Important to Me–Thanks) I Drop Them In For Very Good Reasons
She didn’t even say
This is (sort of) a continuation of my “Shonnie Series.”
And since I like things to be linear,
We shall rejoin our “Hero” just after his ‘Denouement.’
Or perhaps just after his ‘Epiphany’.
Or perhaps just after… Oh! Who the hell knows?
SHE led me to a car and we all piled in. I say ‘we all’ simply because suddenly there were three of us. Me, HER, and a miniscule blonde. I’d seen this movie before, but this time it came with a plot twist, I guess.
I had to guess. I Mean, What Choice Did I Have?
The rest of the evening (early morning?) lies deeply submerged somewhere in the nether regions of my addled murky-muddled-memory.
After about twenty minutes… I am once again, ‘guesstimating’ here.
Could’ve been an hour or more.
After about ‘twenty’ minutes we arrived at a ‘house’.
Could have been an apartment. Could have been a barn. Could have been The Ritz-Carlton. Could have been a flying fucking saucer.
Hell! I do not remember; is what I’m saying.
My torturously painful thoughts of losing Shonnie combined with copious quantities of consumed alcohol had done a seriously ‘detrimental-mental’ on my ability to exhibit fully functional, lucid behavior.
The wheel was turning, but the hamster was dead.
My alligator did not go all the way to the top. There was a spammer in my works. Elvis had left the building with my mind.
In other words, I was a mess.
SHE took me inside and led me straight-away to a bed, in a room… A bedroom. Best guess. If memory serves, a rather liberal and generous assumption, we had sex. Violent sex. (Not ‘violent’ violent. Let’s just call it ‘intense.’)
SHE was no less than six foot and change and as I did report earlier, ‘Big-Boned.” I swear, I saw my life’s movie flash in front of me as she covered me and had her way. (And of course, me mine)
As we lay there ‘after’ in someone else’s bed, she remarked, “Well, that should keep your self-winding watch going for a few days.”
I had to laugh, right before I drifted off. Passed out.
Completely whacked out and totally done in.
It was an immensely satisfying sweet sense of surrender.
The next morning I awoke with the sun singeing my eyes through a casually, carelessly placed shadeless window (What’s wrong with these people?)
I could smell bacon. I rolled over and looked at my watch: 0630. I had a sudden start. Then realized it was Sunday, not a work day, and I did not have ‘duty’ on my ship. I could go back to sleep, un-worried.
But oh no! SHE was up and about. So who was cooking bacon?
(I’d forgotten about Tiny Blondie.)
“Oh. You’re awake?” She said.
“Uh, yeah. Kinda,” was all I could muster. “Where am I? Who are you?”
Not an intelligent question, probably a dangerous, stupid, perilous one, but then, I was hung over and still groggy, and surely she wouldn’t take advantage of a mentally incapacitated, defenseless sailor.
“I am the woman to be named later,” she laughed while poking me in the ribs. (Which hurt for some reason)
I rolled over to face her. She was indeed, Beautiful. Very Beautiful. Stunningly Beautiful. Makes one’s eyes water Beautiful.
She was right out of a fantasy, with gloriously long, luscious, dark brown hair.Hair so long, so ‘deep’ so thick that a hapless sailor could go missing in it for days on end.
Long, bronze-tanned perfectly symmetrical legs that seemed to go on for days, shapely firm breasts that simply defy description, sultry dark, dark eyes channeling mystery–too much mystery.
Raw, unfiltered sexuality poured from every fiber of her.
It was unnerving.
Not necessarily in a bad way,
But I was all ‘myster-ied’ out and the only fantasy I was holding was ‘getting back that girl I had before.’ That little short, pale, half-ginger one with the electric blue eyes and the volatile attitude.
I was spent.
Running on empty.
I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally, physically.
Send my saddle home.
I needed comfort. I needed soft. I needed tender. I needed sweet. I needed to beheld and caressed.
Not fucked to within an inch of my life.
I needed Gidget. I needed Gilligan’s Island Mary Ann, I needed Samantha Stevens, I needed Amy Adams, or even Mary Poppins.
As lucky and grateful as I was to have found myself sharing, if only briefly, a bed with this goddess of a woman, I was not certain nor confident I was capable of surviving yet another encounter with such an intimidating representative of the ‘fairer’ sex.
Not yet, anyhow.
Not just yet.
My world seemed to be teeming with ‘Snakes and Ladders’.
“It Breaks Your Heart Just Looking At Her.”
–Joni: Chalk Mark in a Rain Storm 1988
“You don’t remember my name?” She asked after lighting a cigarette.
“To be stupidly and painfully honest, no I don’t.”
“No matter. I am called ‘Layla’. Ring any bells?” (I wish I were making this up)
See this below if you’re puzzled by my ‘Layla PTSD.’
Thinking I had just fallen ass-over-tit into Dante’s Inferno it occurred to me that I needed to change my Sailor–Ways.
First Contrition, then Absolution, then Redemption, then…
Oh! Screw that! What I really needed was a Bloody Mary. A Super-Sized BloodyMary. And soon! As in five minutes soon, if not sooner.
My mind had wandered off somewhere.
Layla repeated her question,
“Ring any bells?”
“Uh. No. Should bells be ringing? I don’t like bells. Every time I hear bells ringing, something bad happens.”
Rolling her eyes, à la ‘Shonnie’, she said, “So… You’re a Sailor? Yes?”
“Yes. And what are you? And are you from around here?”
“Not from around here. I’m just visiting my cousin. She is the one cooking breakfast.”
“Yeah. I can smell bacon.”
“Good nose. I like that in a man. Have you an appetite?”
“From some memory of last night, I’d have to say ‘affirmative’.”
“Hahahahah! Yep. You do, Sailor Man. Yep, you sure do.”
“So, if you’re not from here. Where are you ‘from’, and what do you do?”
“I’m from Wisconsin. I work as a bartender. I’m also a bouncer, when the need is needed. Oh, and I love to ride Harleys.”
“Perfection, I thought. Now what Cowboy? Shit. Here I am again…”
I had ‘some leave-days-on-the-books’ and seriously considered at that moment that I should take them and head home to Texas to get a re-start on my psyche saki… get a ‘refresh’ on my Texan Accent, recharge my Ni-Cad batteries, take a break.
Well, spelling and lucid, rational thinking ain’t never been my thing, but you know what I mean here.
Sooner or later, it will all make perfect, logical sense.
I mean, I was still ‘re-bounding’ for glory and quite honestly, still heart-sick over my loss of Shonnie. But I did have some time, eh? Didn’t I? Meaning I was still relatively young and deep at heart, a perpetual cock-eyed-optimist.
And I was a good and decent man.
Most of the time.
But Shonnie had set me back.
Set me back and set me down.
Something must be done.
Something had to give.
My mind was in a very bad place.
“Hey Sailor! You want breakfast and some blood mary, or what?” came her voice from some foggy-in-my-head place below.
Apparently, while lost in thought, I hadn’t noticed She’d left me all alone.
“Uh… Yeah! I mean yes! I’ll be right down!”
“The pitfalls of the city are extremely real.”
Credit: AustinCityLimitsTV—October, 1974
“The Biker-Bartender-Bouncer Chick, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Part Two”
Commentary Below From Original Version of this Post
Please Read From Bottom Up for Continuity
18 THOUGHTS ON “THE BIKER, BOUNCER, BARTENDER, BIG-BONED GAL FROM MILWAUKEE”
johncoyote March 7, 2021 at 05:42 Edit
I enjoyed this story. I was station in Texas for almost seven years. I loved the Texas gals. They asked you to dance and they were fast and fearless. I liked the girl that cooked a meal in the morning. And we talk some after. Thank you for sharing the entertaining tale.
LAMarcom August 13, 2015 at 01:45 Edit
Reblogged this on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics and commented:
How can one go wrong with Willie?
LAMarcom July 28, 2014 at 18:34 Edit
LVital7019 July 28, 2014 at 18:27 Edit
Well, don’t go changin’! I like your stories!
LAMarcom July 28, 2014 at 17:33 Edit
It has been said before!
LVital7019 July 28, 2014 at 14:14 Edit
Dare I say – You TRAMP, you! LOL 😉
LAMarcom July 25, 2014 at 22:28 Edit
You are too kind my friend.
I do thank you though.
markbialczak July 25, 2014 at 21:26 Edit
With Shonnie, your adventures were better than Tom Sawyer’s. With Layla, now you’re going after the legend of Huck Finn. You were something else, my friend Lance.
LAMarcom July 23, 2014 at 23:31 Edit
~ Sadie ~ July 23, 2014 at 23:02 Edit
You know I will!! 😉
LAMarcom July 23, 2014 at 22:55 Edit
Thank you Sadie.
My mood(s) currently won’t let me continue this one for the next few days.
But… Never Fear!
The words will come, by an’ by…
And I hope you will read.
~ Sadie ~ July 23, 2014 at 22:32 Edit
Can’t wait to read more, Lance!! 🙂 You know I love your stories!!
LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 19:29 Edit
It only hurt when I laughed.
Thanks for stopping by T. ‘Preciate it.
Teela Hart July 22, 2014 at 16:38 Edit
I’m with Nancytex.
You definitely need a Samantha.
Can’t wait to read the next installment.
LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 10:36 Edit
If you could have seen Layla, you’d understand. I quickly recovered. (I was young and bulletproof back then ya know?)
Thanks for reading. There will be more to this story….
NancyTex July 22, 2014 at 10:33 Edit
My mind is bouncing all around trying to figure out why your ribs would be hurting. That’s some aggressive sexy, my friend.
LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 08:10 Edit
I read Willie’s autobiography many, many years ago. I suspect if he knew how long he was to live (and may he outlive me), he would have waited some more decades before he penned that ‘biopic.’
At any rate, I do concur: Willie is a fascinating character and a fascinating character study and also a Texas Treasure.
As for me… well, to me marriage was never much more binding than a handshake. This is why after four, I have now sworn off marriages. Just call me Hamlet: “There will be no more marriages!” Get this boy to a nunnery!
Thanks Pain for reading and commenting. Always thought provoking and a pleasure to read.
Cheers My Friend,
Exile on Pain Street July 22, 2014 at 06:29 Edit
I was never able to pull of instantaneous, anonymous sex with a stranger when I was younger. I wish I could have because you sure make it sound fun. But I was so wracked with a crippling case of low self-esteem that I never tried. And now that I’m married, it’s too late. THERE’S a lesson for you.
I’ve been listening to Willie Nelson be interviewed on Howard Stern all morning. What an amazing life that guy had! Willie, that is. Not Stern.