More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai

Previously: One  Two


The IDF soldier navigated down the hill as Janet got ‘properly’ dressed inside our tent to greet our visitor. I didn’t bother. I figured cut-offs and no shirt just fine. As for him, well he had slightly longish unkempt hair, as was the norm for IDF soldiers back then. Most of them were reservists anyhow. IDF was a mega-weekend-warrior class anyhow. His beret was tucked into his shirt at the shoulder. His olive-drab uniform was dusty. In general, the IDF Army was unkempt, un-kept, un-disciplined and Fucking Ferocious.

Perfect soldiers.

This truth never did escape me. Some respect from me was obviously the ‘order of my day’ here…

I watched him cautiously descend onto the  my beach. The night before I had un-cautiously descended and ascended (ten times), full of false courage brought about by some imbibing and dope. But what the hell! So… I studied his unsteady progress toward me.

As he approached he switched to English, “This is restricted zone,” he said as he pointed with his rifle over his shoulder to what looked to be a military base of some minor proportions.

“Well, It was dark when we got here and I didn’t notice,” I lied.

“You must leave. Now.”

“Something wrong?” Janet said, sticking her head out of our tent.

“Janet, I got this. Go back inside,” I almost barked.

“Fine!” she said. “Gin or Whiskey for breakfast?”

“Back inside!”

“Fine!” she huffed and disappeared inside the tent.

Turning my attention back to the IDF soldier, I asked/said, “So ‘we’ (Meaning US, the U.S. of us), can pay for this ‘wonderful’ base here in Sinai, and you come climbing down from ‘Mount Fucking Sinai’ to inform me that I am not welcome here? Is this correct?”

He laughed at that and proceeded to take a seat on a beer cooler next to our now burnt out campfire. At least this one had a sense of humor.

“I am Jacob,” he said. “And who are you my American Friend?”

“Lance,” I said, cautiously  extending my hand, which he took and shook earnestly. “Would you like some breakfast? We have tuna fish, whiskey, or gin. Your choice.”

Again he laughed. “Coffee?”

“Fraid not. Sorry.”

“I noticed you have some ice in your big cooler. Where did you get it?” (How did he know this?)

“Eilat,” I said.

“Do not drink the water from the melted parts then.”

“Why not?”

“Because it is made with ammonia at the factory in Eilat. Toxic. Do not drink the water.”

“Hell! My man! I drink the water in Cairo.”

“Your funeral then.”

We laughed some more. I was warming up to this guy.

“Seriously though my friend, you cannot remain here.”

“Yeah? Well, we were planning to push south today anyhow. South to Ras Mohammed.”

“Beautiful diving and snorkeling there. Mind the sharks though.”

“The ‘Sharks’ are why we are going.”

“All you Americans… are Cowboys?” he snorted.


“Okay then. Bonne chance! I take my leave now. Be sure you take yours too. Soon. Shalom.”

“Cheers, and nice to meet you Jacob.”

“Bye,” he said and walked away.


“Well, you fucked that up,” Janet said, finally emerging from the tent.

“How so?”

“Now we have to leave this place.”

“Janet, I never intended to stay here more than the one night. I wanna get to Ras.”

“I like it here.”

“Pack your shit. We’re leaving now.”

She ‘packed her shit’ and I schlepped it and the rest up the cliff and loaded our little chariot. Within two hours we were back on the road again, heading south. As we were driving through the Sinai with the mountains on our right, she pulled out her Bible and instructed  invited  demanded of me to ‘turn off that damn noise.’ That ‘noise’ was Bob Marley and I hesitated… for a moment, then saw some seriousness in her brown eyes and acquiesced. She opened her ‘book’ and began to read from Genesis.  I must admit it was fitting, given the time and the place.

We spent some miles in this activity. I smoked some cigarettes and studied the landscape. The Sinai Desert along the coast of the Gulf of Aqaba is wondrous beautiful. As I said, the contrast moved me. Janet’s reading (which she did quite well, I may add) added to the ambiance. This girl had some talents. “In the beginning…”

But, the magic moments could not last (Janet and I had a propensity for combat). We eventually got into an argument about thirty clicks outside of Sharm el Sheik. I was slightly gin-buzzed by this point and in no mood for…

“Stop the fuckin’ car!” She shouted.


“Stop the FUCKING CAR!”

“Shit! What for?!”

“I’m getting out! That is what FOR!”

“Janet, we’re in the middle of a fucking desert in a Muslim / Bedouin country. Are you sure?”

“Yes! Goddamn it! I am sure. Stop the fucking car. I hate you!” (Not entirely sure where this sentiment came from, but it was, I could see, sincere.)

“Fine!” I stopped the car. “Don’t forget your fuckin’ Virginia Slims,” I said as she opened the door, got out and proceeded to ‘march’ down the empty road.

I would have (should have) left her there, but y’all know I could not.



 More to come… Here 

Video Credit:


A Horse With No Name
Song by America

(WP! Fuk-The Fuk Off! I Want This ABOVE The Vid, NOT Below It!)

Embedded in My Last Women List: Had to Re-Post This: That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It. Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them! I’m a Slut/Sailor. What Can I Say?

She is so Beauty

So Lovely!



I’ve had too many “Ipanema Girls” in my life. Enough For Two Life-Times. In fact.

Now I grow weary.

And smartly wary.

Vid Cred: catman916


Astrud Gilberto!

Vocalist: Astrud Gilberto

(Love The Classic Beehive Hairdo, By The Way… Just sayin’.)


Post This Because I love Them!

Them Women!

And Just Because I LOVE Them!

Every Shape, Size, Matter and Form!

All of them!

I love the Species!

(Street Cred for Vids: catman916)


“The Girl from Ipanema” (“Garota de Ipanema”) written in 1962 by Antonio Carlos Jobim with lyrics in Portuguese by Vinicius de Moraes and in English by Norman Gimbel was recorded by Astrud Gilberto, João Gilberto and Stan Getz, in March 1963 as part of the album Getz/Gilberto, released March 1964 on the Verve label.

An abbreviated single version was released reaching number one on the Pop Standard chart and was named Record of the Year in 1965.

The album won the 1965 Grammy Awards for Best Album of the Year, Best Jazz Instrumental Album – Individual or Group and Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical.

The personnel are Stan Getz – tenor saxophone, João Gilberto – guitar, vocals, Astrud Gilberto — vocals, Antonio Carlos Jobim – piano, Sebastião Neto — bass, and Milton Banana – drums.

The version presented here is the long one from the album and is, in my opinion, superior to the shortened one which received a great deal of play on the radio during the summer of 1964.

The album is available on CD on Verve. This sound recording is administered by UMG. No copyright infringement is intended.

This purpose of this upload is for viewer enjoyment and education not for monetary gain.”

–Credit for Share: catman916


See why I LOVE Women so much?

Even When They Are NOT Perfect,

They Are Still PERFECT In My Eyes

Cred for Vid: Wat Bradford

And, Believe it or Not, I am Not Un-educated,

Nor Am I Semi-Stupid. Dorothy’s Free Skate, Gold-Medal Performance was NOT Accompanied by ABBA Music.

But It Just ‘Fits’ Better

And U-Boob Will Not Allow Me To Download The Original Performance. Fu*k U, U-Boob!


Sorry Y’all. I Just HAD To Drop This In. Call It A ‘Respect Thing’


Stan The Man!


Added Bonus Value: Phoebe.

(Who is Pro-Babilly Gay—Ask Me How Many Flying Fuks I Give!–

I Love/Respect The Art–Well Documented In My Pages)

I Have Always Aspired To Be ‘Poetry Man’

Alas, I Have No True Talent For Poetry

Vid Credit: Gary Larson

Yes. I Have Been To Australia–Twice. “Rent-One, Buy-One Part Three,” (I Think) Thanks Again to an Erstwhile Friend–For Reminding Me Of This Moldy Old One.

I may be Gored…


And Completely Ignored

Born again,


Begin Anew


(with this stupid post series)



10 Reasons Why Australian Women Are Better Than American Women:

Cred: Charismatics


You Know You Are Dating an Australian Woman When:






Fuckkng yes!

I am skipping/slipping ahead. And Justen – Case…. yu have not figgered it out, the below is the email. Un edited. Not ‘polished’ As if I ever ‘polish’ any fucking thing…. Well. I polished some Naconas once…


I have lots of ink to spill on Australia, even though I was only there for a couple of weeks.

> Was one week in Sydney

> One week in Cairns

> Met a girl in Sydney.

> (TMI?)

> Naw!

> This is rated PG.

> Anyway, she came to San Dog ’bout six months after my deployment ended. I showed her the town.

> She was uglier than a home-made mud fence, but me, being ever gracious, when I had met her and she had told me she was coming to America, specifically San Diego, well.

> I told her to keep in touch and I would show her around once she arrived.

She did.

I did.

> I did. I showed her around, but not to my shipmates…. I had already been mocked enuff by them….

> I just could bring myself to sleep with her.

> Even I have standards.

> I may be a slut.

> But I am slut with standards.

> I did show her a good time though.

> I think she appreciated it, even yet, she never said so.

> And I spent an entire paycheck showing her around town.

> Not that money means anything to me,

> Took her everywhere.

> Seaport Village

> La Jolla

> Coronado

> The Zoo (which was a risk–for her— because she looked like….nevermind)

> but

> Goddamn it!

> She had that “I am entitled air’

> In California, with all the beach babes…. this woman was lucky the Coast Guard did not mistake her for a beached whale and harpoon her in….

> What am I saying?

> Fu*k it!

> I full-filled my promise.

> I never promised to fu*k her.

> Now I am sounding like an  asshole.

> I invited a woman to see me in America. I showed her around. I showed her a good time. I spent all my dimes.

> That was all there was to it.

Ed. Note: She could eat corn off the cob thru a picket fence.

Yeah. Her teeth defied all the laws of physics. I (sober then, said to my self… I said

“Self, this bitch ain’t getting them choppers anywhere near my jewels. Nope. Not today. No way. Not Ever Fuckin’ Ever.”

> Sorry. This is stream of conscientious

> I will write More on Australia.

> And if, BIG IF, I put her in, make her famous, I will write her a new face and a new disposition.

> I will use some creative license. I will be a gentleman.

In some other words: I will lie.

> Not too difficult, since it comes so natch to me.


Sailor For Sale or Rent:

Fifty Cents

Fun Fact: My BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL High School sweetheart was remotely related to Roger Miller: Fifth Cousin, Eight Removed. But I was impressed. (She knows who she is and if she reads this, I am Fifth Fucked and Eight times removed from life)

Vid Cred: Leanne Albillar


“General Facts and Tips on Dating Australian Women
Australian Girls
Have you ever thought about visiting the land of down under and dating a chick from Australia? If not, you should definitely consider this as an option. Aussie girls are known to be laid back, friendly, into sports, ambitious, and accepting. Here are a couple of tips on dating girls from Australia and general facts about Aussie chicks.”

Lance Sez: “Don’t do it. They Will Wreck you and Break Your heart!”

I Stall. Uhaul. Shonnie, The Truest Sentiment You May Find Here From Me. She, Shonnie. Really Fucked Me Up. Forever And For Three Days After…

I am still struggling to recover and get over her. (Listen to the MTB song) And know this Y’all, I have found a new Shonnie. Only Problem I have: She hates me. Just a hurdle I shall O’re, over… jump over… leap over.

(Nailed it!)


More Shonnie Here:


One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine

I stall.


Because I am lazy.

And typing is hard.

Some of you may be waiting for the last few chapters of ‘Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife.” (I know, as I am awaiting them too). But that said, well what can I say? I tend to expose personal shit here. Sometimes it grows difficult, and I grow wary and weary. I have vowed to my Vizsla Dog


that I will finish this tale tomorrow and get past it. (My dog tends to humour me. What choice does he have? I control the ‘soup bones’)

So, with that ‘sate-ment’, I leave you just one more clue to the outcome, by way of a song (There is always ‘A Song’ isn’t there?)

Cheers, Lance


Gonna Crawl Inside And Die!

 P.S. This is an ever-building story. If ya don’t watch the vid, well, ya gonna miss the best half of the denouement.

And the Entire Point of this Exercise.

–Just sayin’…

“Caint you see?”

I So Very Much Adore Her: Melanie! I Wish I Could Find A Good Movie To Live In…

Yes. I am a Slut and A Lover of Woman-Kind–

Wish They Were All Mine.

Scrw This! I’ll Edit It Later. Maybe.

(Do NOT Fret: I Am Only Partially Insane)

I Lover Her!

The more I discover about this woman, the more I fall in fantasy love with her. She is so charming.

She captivates and fascinates.

My God! But she is a beautiful woman!

And she can sing en français!

I Can Parle Just Enuff


To Keep Me In The Middle of the Midst of Trouble…

And MOST Important: She WRITES.

“Mel, why did I NOT ever run into you? I would have woo’d you.” Or At The Very Least, Tried To

Cred: Van Morrison

Would have given my best shot anyhow. (Such as that would’ve been at the time–my attention span was brief, but for you, I would have taken my time. And worked ‘The Problem’ I had with my infatuation)

I wish I had such a woman in my life now.
But happily and luckily I have had two such women in my life.
(Most men never find one such good woman)
Beautiful, happy, wonderful women.

I had two.
But like a fool, I cast them away.
Because of my wanderlust.
(Yes. I have regrets.)

But I also have my wonderful memories of the time I spent with them.

I cherish these memories. They sustain me.

This wonderfully fascinating woman has climbed up to Number Two on my “Hit Parade”

“If the people are buying tears, I’ll be rich someday.”


“Joni, watch your ass. She just might knock you off the top of my mountain.”

(Just kidding Joni—you will ALWAYS be at the TOP for me)

Forever My Number One!

“You get a car
You want a boat
You want an eenie-meenie-miney, miney-moe
Oh, there must be more to living
Than a mortgage and a lawn to mow”

Yes! I Love Her!

But Joni! How do you compete with this?

“It was the only thing I could do half-right and now it’s turning out all wrong.”

I found me a real good book to “live in.” It is entitled

The Complete Works Of Shakespeare.

“They only put in a nickel and they want a dollar song.”


I LOVE the way she MOCKS Morons

Too true.

Isn’t this a sad commentary on Americans these days?




Video Credit: amonem


I love you Melanie

You enrich my life

Video Share Credit: Eduardo Franco Ocnarfeara

More More More Melanie! I cannot get enough!

Just for Shits an’ Grins! Ginger Spice and All That’s Nice! I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thing! (As Is My Wont.)

Why Is My Feeble Mind Always So Pre-Occupied With Women?–

Y’all Figure That One Out, And Then Get Back To Me

My Pattern. My Habit. My Fuck-Up! Damn it! I Fuckin’ Screw’d The Pooch On This One!


Godamn it


What a Fool Believes!

I Fucking Believe

(To my Sorrow and Miss’d-Fortune)

Cred: Some Boob-Do-Be Dudes

And, Yes I grew-Up,

Was Weaned On Their Music–

Then, I Finally Grew Up


I invited a woman I wanted to have a relationship with to leave my life!

What the FUCK Was I Not Thinking?

I am such a fool!

Her words to Me:

I will only be friends with someone who doesn’t call names or belittle simply because they’re not getting the level of attention they think they should be receiving. I place no demands on others, and I certainly don’t have fits over it. If you can respect that, they we’re good. If not, then it was a pleasure getting to know you.

Mine to Her:

“I do fear I have managed to nuke the bridge I had hoped to build between us.

So, Yes! I say tomato; you say tomat–ohh, Let’s just call the whole thing off.


And If I Had, You know How Good I Can Be At That!

I Never Do Anything Half-Ass!”


Here is a subtle observation: Notice how Ginger acts so clumsy as she skates to the bench and almost falls down on it!

Of course she is about as far removed from ‘clumsy’ as one can be!

Very nice touch!


I Love it!

This Screen Scene

Will NEVER Grow Old For Me!

Cred for Vid Share: wheel






Vid Share Cred: CatCORViN


Vid Share Cred: Sironaca




Cred for Vid Compilation: WORN Fashion Journal



You Lucky Bastard!



Teri Garr

“What Knockers!”