Expanded–Slightly: “Women Fascinate Me! Women! I Know. I Know!” I KNOW I Have “Issues” So what? At Least I’m Not An Axe-Murderer–I Just Love Women–Not Ashamed To Admit It.

This is stupid.

But I repost it anyway.

I write a lot about my relationships with women.

Why? I don’t know. Or… perhaps I do know. It grows tiresome for most. (especially former Girlfriends/wives) This I know. I also know I have to write what I remember and know, and what I feel/felt, and knew. I recently re-watched “Alien”, a movie that kinda, sorta defined what I ‘was’ in the Sinai Desert in 1979. Not sure how to explain that one… but, yet… Sigourney Weaver…

Anyhow, I write about women. I write about women, and my relationships with women, because I love women. Most of them don’t love me, but none of them (them ‘wimmens’) can ever say they were ever bored with me…

Point is: I love women. I write about my experiences with women because my experiences with all the women in my past have made… me… a feminist.

I love the way they look. (And yes! I love the way they ‘cook’–metaphor–I am the ‘best cook’)

I love the way they dress.

I love the way they un-dress. I

love the way they talk. I love the way they walk.

I love the way they incite. I love the way they excite. I love the way they dance. I love the way they romance. I love the way they taste. I love the way they smell. I love the way they mostly… don’t tell.

And most of all, I love the way they piss me off,

(And drive me crazy.)

Yes. I love women. 

The way they Made Me: Made me who I am.

And I like that.

I like this man called ‘Lance’, that a woman created in me

Him I like instinctively (No Choice)

But, what the hell?!

“That’s what comes from too much pills and liquor.”

Je suis enchante

 

Vid Credit: 

Felipe Ruiz de Chávez

And of course, Joel Gray (and of course  Bob Fosse.)

Token Males… To defend the race of men who think (better).

My “Journey” Through Life With Wonderful Women on My Arm.
I have Been Blessed To Have Known A few—More than a few, Actually.

Yep: Blessed (And Very Lucky)

When you love a woman
You see your world inside her eyes

******

I am NOT a Fan of “Revoltin’” Bolton,

But I do like his rendition of this Original Percy Sledge song.

I am not callous, nor vindictive, and I do appreciate talent when I experience it.

Percy Sledge – When A Man Loves A Woman (Live)

Cred for Vid: PERCYSLEDGEVEVO

Just One More Example of a Woman I love, Admire, and Respect:

“If I were younger…”

********

Just For Levity:

Dedicated To The Michaels Bolton

(Both of Them)

Case of the “Mondays”

And Never Forget:

Life is A Cabaret

Enjoy it While it Lasts!

Yes. I Have Been To Australia–Twice. “Rent-One, Buy-One Part Three,” (I Think) Thanks Again to an Erstwhile Friend–For Reminding Me Of This Moldy Old One.

I may be Gored…

Bored,

And Completely Ignored

Born again,

and

Begin Anew

Again

(with this stupid post series)

“Rent-a-Sailor”

***

10 Reasons Why Australian Women Are Better Than American Women:

Cred: Charismatics

***

You Know You Are Dating an Australian Woman When:

***

“Rent-A-Sailor”

Yes

Yes

Yes

Fuckkng yes!

I am skipping/slipping ahead. And Justen – Case…. yu have not figgered it out, the below is the email. Un edited. Not ‘polished’ As if I ever ‘polish’ any fucking thing…. Well. I polished some Naconas once…

****

I have lots of ink to spill on Australia, even though I was only there for a couple of weeks.

> Was one week in Sydney

> One week in Cairns

> Met a girl in Sydney.

> (TMI?)

> Naw!

> This is rated PG.

> Anyway, she came to San Dog ’bout six months after my deployment ended. I showed her the town.

> She was uglier than a home-made mud fence, but me, being ever gracious, when I had met her and she had told me she was coming to America, specifically San Diego, well.

> I told her to keep in touch and I would show her around once she arrived.

She did.

I did.

> I did. I showed her around, but not to my shipmates…. I had already been mocked enuff by them….

> I just could bring myself to sleep with her.

> Even I have standards.

> I may be a slut.

> But I am slut with standards.

> I did show her a good time though.

> I think she appreciated it, even yet, she never said so.

> And I spent an entire paycheck showing her around town.

> Not that money means anything to me,

> Took her everywhere.

> Seaport Village

> La Jolla

> Coronado

> The Zoo (which was a risk–for her— because she looked like….nevermind)

> but

> Goddamn it!

> She had that “I am entitled air’

> In California, with all the beach babes…. this woman was lucky the Coast Guard did not mistake her for a beached whale and harpoon her in….

> What am I saying?

> Fu*k it!

> I full-filled my promise.

> I never promised to fu*k her.

> Now I am sounding like an  asshole.

> I invited a woman to see me in America. I showed her around. I showed her a good time. I spent all my dimes.

> That was all there was to it.

Ed. Note: She could eat corn off the cob thru a picket fence.

Yeah. Her teeth defied all the laws of physics. I (sober then, said to my self… I said

“Self, this bitch ain’t getting them choppers anywhere near my jewels. Nope. Not today. No way. Not Ever Fuckin’ Ever.”

> Sorry. This is stream of conscientious

> I will write More on Australia.

> And if, BIG IF, I put her in, make her famous, I will write her a new face and a new disposition.

> I will use some creative license. I will be a gentleman.

In some other words: I will lie.

> Not too difficult, since it comes so natch to me.

> LOL

Sailor For Sale or Rent:

Fifty Cents

Fun Fact: My BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL High School sweetheart was remotely related to Roger Miller: Fifth Cousin, Eight Removed. But I was impressed. (She knows who she is and if she reads this, I am Fifth Fucked and Eight times removed from life)


Vid Cred: Leanne Albillar

***

“General Facts and Tips on Dating Australian Women
Australian Girls
Have you ever thought about visiting the land of down under and dating a chick from Australia? If not, you should definitely consider this as an option. Aussie girls are known to be laid back, friendly, into sports, ambitious, and accepting. Here are a couple of tips on dating girls from Australia and general facts about Aussie chicks.”

Lance Sez: “Don’t do it. They Will Wreck you and Break Your heart!”

Rot Row–Yet Another Shit-Re-Post “More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai”

Previously: One  Two

***

The IDF soldier navigated down the hill as Janet got ‘properly’ dressed inside our tent to greet our visitor. I didn’t bother. I figured cut-offs and no shirt just fine. As for him, well he had slightly longish unkempt hair, as was the norm for IDF soldiers back then. Most of them were reservists anyhow.

IDF was a mega-weekend-warrior class anyhow. His beret was tucked into his shirt at the shoulder. His olive-drab uniform was dusty. In general, the IDF Army was unkempt, un-kept, un-disciplined and Fucking Ferocious.

Perfect soldiers.

This truth never did escape me. Some respect from me was obviously the ‘order of my day’ here…

I watched him cautiously descend onto the  my beach. The night before I had un-cautiously descended and ascended (ten times), full of false courage brought about by some imbibing and dope. But what the hell! So… I studied his unsteady progress toward me.

As he approached he switched to English, “This is restricted zone,” he said as he pointed with his rifle over his shoulder to what looked to be a military base of some minor proportions.

“Well, It was dark when we got here and I didn’t notice,” I lied.

“You must leave. Now.”

“Something wrong?” Janet said, sticking her head out of our tent.

“Janet, I got this. Go back inside,” I almost barked.

“Fine!” she said. “Gin or Whiskey for breakfast?”

“Back inside!”

“Fine!” she huffed and disappeared inside the tent.

Turning my attention back to the IDF soldier, I asked/said, “So ‘we’ (Meaning US, the U.S. of us), can pay for this ‘wonderful’ base here in Sinai, and you come climbing down from ‘Mount Fucking Sinai’ to inform me that I am not welcome here? Is this correct?”

He laughed at that and proceeded to take a seat on a beer cooler next to our now burnt out campfire. At least this one had a sense of humor.

“I am Jacob,” he said. “And who are you my American Friend?”

“Lance,” I said, cautiously  extending my hand, which he took and shook earnestly. “Would you like some breakfast? We have tuna fish, whiskey, or gin. Your choice.”

Again he laughed. “Coffee?”

“Fraid not. Sorry.”

“I noticed you have some ice in your big cooler. Where did you get it?” (How did he know this?)

“Eilat,” I said.

“Do not drink the water from the melted parts then.”

“Why not?”

“Because it is made with ammonia at the factory in Eilat. Toxic. Do not drink the water.”

“Hell! My man! I drink the water in Cairo.”

“Your funeral then.”

We laughed some more. I was warming up to this guy.

“Seriously though my friend, you cannot remain here.”

“Yeah? Well, we were planning to push south today anyhow. South to Ras Mohammed.”

“Beautiful diving and snorkeling there. Mind the sharks though.”

“The ‘Sharks’ are why we are going.”

“All you Americans… are Cowboys?” he snorted.

“Yep.”

“Okay then. Bonne chance! I take my leave now. Be sure you take yours too. Soon. Shalom.”

“Cheers, and nice to meet you Jacob.”

“Bye,” he said and walked away.

***

“Well, you fucked that up,” Janet said, finally emerging from the tent.

“How so?”

“Now we have to leave this place.”

“Janet, I never intended to stay here more than the one night. I wanna get to Ras.”

“I like it here.”

“Pack your shit. We’re leaving now.”

She ‘packed her shit’ and I schlepped it and the rest up the cliff and loaded our little chariot. Within two hours we were back on the road again, heading south. As we were driving through the Sinai with the mountains on our right, she pulled out her Bible and instructed  invited  demanded of me to ‘turn off that damn noise.’

That ‘noise’ was Bob Marley and I hesitated… for a moment, then saw some seriousness in her brown eyes and acquiesced. She opened her ‘book’ and began to read from Genesis.  I must admit it was fitting, given the time and the place.

We spent some miles in this activity. I smoked some cigarettes and studied the landscape. The Sinai Desert along the coast of the Gulf of Aqaba is wondrous beautiful. As I said, the contrast moved me. Janet’s reading (which she did quite well, I may add) added to the ambiance. This girl had some talents. “In the beginning…”

But, the magic moments could not last (Janet and I had a propensity for combat). We eventually got into an argument about thirty clicks outside of Sharm el Sheik. I was slightly gin-buzzed by this point and in no mood for…

“Stop the fuckin’ car!” She shouted.

“Whaaa?”

“Stop the FUCKING CAR!”

“Shit! What for?!”

“I’m getting out! That is what FOR!”

“Janet, we’re in the middle of a fucking desert in a Muslim / Bedouin country. Are you sure?”

“Yes! Goddamn it! I am sure. Stop the fucking car. I hate you!” (Not entirely sure where this sentiment came from, but it was, I could see, sincere.)

“Fine!” I stopped the car. “Don’t forget your fuckin’ Virginia Slims,” I said as she opened the door, got out and proceeded to ‘march’ down the empty road.

I would have (should have) left her there, but y’all know I could not.

 More to come… Here

América – A Horse With No Name (Live in Chicago:

-America- A Horse with No Name

Cred: TheCowboy4411

I Wish I Could Find A Good Movie To Live In… Melanie! Yes. I am a Slut and A Lover of Woman-Kind–Wish They Were All Mine. Scrw This! I’ll Edit It Later. Maybe.

I Lover Her!

The more I discover about this woman, the more I fall in fantasy love with her. She is so charming.

She captivates and fascinates.

My God! But she is a beautiful woman!

And she can sing en français!

And MOST Important: She WRITES.

“Mel, why did I NOT ever run into you? I would have woo’d you.”

(Or tried to)

Would have given my best shot anyhow. (Such as that would’ve been at the time–my attention span was brief, but for you, I would have taken my time. And worked ‘The Problem’ I had with my infatuation)

I wish I had such a woman in my life now.
But happily and luckily I have had two such women in my life.
(Most men never find one such good woman)
Beautiful, happy, wonderful women.

I had two.
But like a fool, I cast them away.
Because of my wanderlust.
(Yes. I have regrets.)

But I also have my wonderful memories of the time I spent with them.

I cherish these memories. They sustain me.

This wonderfully fascinating woman has climbed up to Number Two on my “Hit Parade”

“If the people are buying tears, I’ll be rich someday.”

–Melanie

“Joni, watch your ass. She just might knock you off the top of my mountain.”

(Just kidding Joni—you will ALWAYS be at the TOP for me)

Forever My Number One!

But Joni! How do you compete with this?

“It was the only thing I could do half-right and now it’s turning out all wrong.”

I found me a real good book to “live in.” It is entitled

The Complete Works Of Shakespeare.

“They only put in a nickel and they want a dollar song.”

–Melanie

I LOVE the way she MOCKS Morons

Too true.

Isn’t this a sad commentary on Americans these days?

Yep

Sad

Video Credit: amonem

Dust

I love you Melanie

You enrich my life

Video Share Credit: Eduardo Franco Ocnarfeara

More More More Melanie! I cannot get enough!

I Love Women So Much. Call Me a ‘Slut’–B’leve Me: I’ll Answer To THAT. Or… Just Leave Me Alone: I’ve Been Called Worser B4. Please Re-Visit:

Jewel is such a Large Part of My “Like”–I Really Really Really Wanna Write This Post Right Now, But My Thoughts Are Too Burdensome–Too Cumbersome–Too Heavy–Too Dreary–And All At The Same Same Time: Too Happy, If that Makes Some Semblance of Any Sense.

And I’m Sensitive. Please Be Careful With Me. Maybe Later I’ll Write this… It Will Be All About My Country, My America, My Military, My Uh… Never mind.

Maybe Later.

It is All About

My Country,

My America,

(And Being Kind & Respectful)

And About

My Military…

N/M…

Later Perhaps,

When I Get Drunk Enough.

And No Longer Care Enough To Give a Fuk

I’m Sensitive

WP Will NOT Let Me Drop The Vid!

Screw It–Y’all Know The Song

Bizzaro Words Coming From An ‘Almost’ Navy SEAL–

Yes. I Know

“And I’d Like to Stay that Way”

Jewel – I’m Sensitive

Live 2020 from Pieces of You 25th Anniversary Concert:

***

And Hang On

To

My

Humanity

My Insanity

My Sensitivity

I’m sensitive

And I’d Like to Stay That Way

Jewel Sang It Best:

“It Doesn’t Take A Talent To Be Mean.”

A Silly Aside:

When Jewel first Burst Upon the Scene, I remarked to Gina, Older sis Of My first Love–

Who Probably Should remain Nameless Within These Pages.

I remarked to Gina:

“Jewel is the Next Joni Mitchell”

Gina’s respond to me:

Stop smokin’ what-ever-the-fuk-you-been-smokin’ You’re an idiot Lance”

I slinked away in shame…

Not Really. I Knew My Mind

Fuk It!

But Fuk Gina:

I Know More About Jewel Than Most People

Walking Around Stealin’ My Air

***

I Still Love Jewel

Even Though She Never rose up to Her Full Potential

Apparently

She Had better things to do

Like Living a Life–

A Real One

We are Everry day Angels

‘Sensitivity’

Cred for Share: Oscar Hernandez

*****

Who the Fuk Gonna Save Yer Soul?

“Hey Lance! No One but You!”

Lance!

Save Your Own Soul–

We Be Too Busy to Humor You

**********

Maybe I’ll Write This Later

When I am Really Pissed Off

But I Am Not Pissed Off

Right Now.

(Give Me Some time–I’ll get there)

But For Now

I Am

Happy & Content

(Don’t Get Comfortable With It)

Don’t Spoil It All With Vapid, Stupid Comment

“Well I’ll Be damned;

Here comes Your Ghost Again

Sorry

I’ll Try To Do Better

Not Really,

But It Looks Good In Print.