Just for Shits an’ Grins! Ginger Spice and All That’s Nice! I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thing! As Is My Wont.

My Pattern. My Habit. My Fuck-Up! Damn it! I Fuckin’ Screw’d The Pooch On This One!

NO!!

Godamn it

No!

What a Fool Believes!

I Fucking Believe

(To my Sorrow and Miss’d-Fortune)

I invited a woman I wanted to have a relationship with to leave my life!

What the FUCK Was I Not Thinking?

I am such a fool!

Her words to Me:

I will only be friends with someone who doesn’t call names or belittle simply because they’re not getting the level of attention they think they should be receiving. I place no demands on others, and I certainly don’t have fits over it. If you can respect that, they we’re good. If not, then it was a pleasure getting to know you.

Mine to Her:

“I do fear I have managed to nuke the bridge I had hoped to build between us.

So, Yes! I say tomato; you say tomat–ohh, Let’s just call the whole thing off.

I NEVER MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE!

And If I Had, You know How Good I Can Be At That!

I Never Do Anything Half-Ass!”

FRED AND GINGER

Here is a subtle observation: Notice how Ginger acts so clumsy as she skates to the bench and almost falls down on it!

Of course she is about as far removed from ‘clumsy’ as one can be!

Very nice touch!

Brilliant!

I Love it!

Cred for Vid Share: wheel

****

THE BRILLANCE THAT IS

ANN RICHARDS

*********

BONUS ADDED VALUE:

Vid Share Cred: CatCORViN

***

Vid Share Cred: Sironaca

****

BEST ONE!

(IN MY HUMBLE OPINION!)

Cred for Vid Compilation: WORN Fashion Journal

****

Fred!

You Lucky Bastard!

****

BONUS JUST FOR SILLINESS!

Teri Garr

“What Knockers!”

*********

Yeah! Oh Why Not?! Rinse & Re-Post. I Love OLD Movies! ‘Tis a Consummation De-Voutly To Be Wish’d Nostalgia Kind O’ Day!

Okay? Yay! Added More Ginger Spice!

Of Course I love her.

Who Wouldn’t

Couldn’t?

***

What a Dame! I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thang!” This Seems to be an Oft Repeating Occurrence in My Life! Oh! Oh!

My Strife!

Nothin’ Like A G’Damn Dame!

Pre-Code Hollywood: Classics Stars:

Mitzi Gain-Her

Ginger Rogers

(Ed. Note: There is Sound.

Just Give it a Second. Be Patient)

“Goodnight Everybody.

I Love You All

And Yes;

I Am Stupid-Eh Doe

I Caint Walk And talk.

Cred: Pre-Code Hollywood Classic Clips by Kevin Wentink

********

I invited a woman I wanted to have a relationship with to leave my life!

I am such a fool!

******

Her words to Me:

I will only be friends with someone who doesn’t call names or belittle simply because they’re not getting the level of attention they think they should be receiving. I place no demands on others, and I certainly don’t have fits over it. If you can respect that, they we’re good. If not, then it was a pleasure getting to know you.

Mine to Her:

“I do fear I have managed to nuke the bridge I had hoped to build between us.

So, Yes! I say tomato; you say tomat–ohh, Let’s just call the whole thing off.

I NEVER MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE!

And If I Had, You know How Good I Can Be At That!

I Never Do Anything Half-Ass!”

FRED AND GINGER

Here is a subtle observation: Notice how Ginger acts so clumsy as she skates to the bench and almost falls down on it!

Of course she is about as far removed from ‘clumsy’ as one can be!

Very nice touch!

Love it!

Cred for Vid Share: wheel

****

THE BRILLANCE THAT IS

ANN RICHARDS

*********

BONUS ADDED VALUE:

Vid Share Cred: CatCORViN

***

Vid Share Cred: Sironaca

****

BEST ONE!

(IN MY HUMBLE OPINION!)

Cred for Vid Compilation: WORN Fashion Journal

****

Fred!

You Lucky Bastard!

****

BONUS JUST FOR SILLINESS!

Teri Garr

“What Knockers!”

*********

Buddy? Spare a Dime? Or at Very Least, A Simple Rhyme? F’k Me! UPDATED: “Grapes of Wrath” Want A Bath? Good Luck With ThaT! Rant-a-Tat-Tat!-Tat! Now “Run Tell That!” (Shades of Peanut–Look It Up!)

Want And Worry–too Much Hurry! nO gLORY! and How I Was In Such A Hurry To Get My Ass Kicked Over It (Reading That Book) Or “Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?, Or Yer Girl-Friend?

The Grapes of Wrath

Buddy Can You Spare a Dime

Artist: Judy Collins

Must Watch / Listen.

Such a Beautiful Voice from such a Beautiful, Talented Lady.

And such an emotional, wonderful, sad song.

It will move you.

(If You Are Human Anyway)

Vid Share Cred: TheBigValley

Do Re Mi- Woody Guthrie:

Vid cred: Anne Miller

***

Trailer Trash

(Just Kidding)

This is The Orig Movie Trailer

I am still trying to get through Ken Burns’ documentary,

“The Dust Bowl”

But it is tearing my soul.

My people lived it.

When I was a senior in Honey Grove High School, we were tasked with reading Steinbeck, ‘Grapes of Wrath.’

I remember sharing a copy of my father’s with a classmate named Cindy…. I had a crush on her, but she didn’t really like me.

She was very tall, short – cropped reddish blond hair. Feisty. Never hesitant to tell someone who had pissed her off to “Fuck off.” Stunning, but not real pretty… Many years later she and I…. Nope. I am not gonna go there….I still value my life.

Never mind.

However, we shared my copy of the book and would sit too close together, physically touching in fact, reading the same pages at the same time.

Her boyfriend, who would eventually become her husband, was walking down the hall one day and saw us with our heads bowed together, reading the Goddamn book aloud to each other…. together….

He was not pleased by that sight.

She later told me she caught hell from him over that.

And then she laughed.

She was a strong, head-strong young woman.

I did love her.

But, shit!
I loved every strong, headstrong woman I ever met.

I was not that strong and I was afraid.

Afraid her boyfriend was gonna kick my ass over that.

So I found/bought/borrowed/stole a second copy and gave it to her, so that we didn’t have to sit too close in the classroom anymore.

This was a cowardly, stupid move on my part….

I eventually got braver and grew a pair….

Later.

Getting off track.

Sorry.

I cannot continue this right now.

Will try to return to it at some point,

And endeavor to say all the things and feelings and thoughts I want to say.

(But Y’all already know I am lying.)

Cheers!

–Lance

History Brief: Daily Life in the 1930s

Cred: Reading Through History

Al Jolson – Brother can you spare a Dime

Cred for Vid: isthisnametook

***

Sad footnote:

Cindy’s (Cindi?—never could spell her name right-which always pissed her off)

Cindi’s little brother informed me several years ago that she had died.

I cried.

I cried real, sincere tears

For her.

But mostly for me and another great, lost loved friend.

Lost forever to me.

She was crazy-wild and free and scared me, but I always wanted to sit next to her and read Steinbeck together— just one more time.

I still think of her often.

I miss you Cindy/Cindi

I will by dying soon too.

Perhaps I will join you again and we can read Steinbeck again…. together.

Again.

You down with that Girl?

Girl that never was my Girl. But you live still in my heart. And you always will every time I read a good book…. sadly I have no one to read with anymore. That was a stolen moment we had.

We shared a good book experience.

Together.

In For Real Time.

***

Wondering who, if anyone, will cry for me Argentina?

I’d like to think

Cindi Would

If She Could

But She Caint

That Bitch Died

On

Me!

Andrew Lloyd Webber Once was quoted as sayin of Madonna, Playing/ Performing Evita”

This was Just Madonna, being Madonna!

What an ass-hole he was/is!

Madonna poured her heart and Soul into that Role!

Mother-Fuck You!
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Mother-fuk U!

Grapes of My Wrath! Socialism and all those ‘Is-Um’s Fail! Spectacularly, Magnificently!! “Grapes of Wrath?” Want A Bath? Good Luck With That!

The Grapes of Wrath

Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?

Artist: Judy Collins

Must Watch / Listen.

Such a Beautiful Voice from such a Beautiful, Talented Lady.

And such an emotional, wonderful, sad song.

It will move you.

If You Do Possess A Soul, That is…

This Clip Breaks My Fu*kin’ Heart—

My People Lived This!

***

Vid Share Cred: TheBigValley

Do Re Mi- Woody Guthrie:

Vid cred: Anne Miller

***

Trailer Trash

(Just Kidding)

This is The Orig Movie Trailer

I am still trying to get through Ken Burns’ documentary,

“The Dust Bowl”

But it is tearing my soul.

My people lived it.

When I was a senior in Honey Grove High School, we were tasked with reading Steinbeck, ‘Grapes of Wrath.’

I remember sharing a copy of my father’s with a classmate named Cindy…. I had a crush on her, but she didn’t really like me. She was very tall, short – cropped reddish blond hair. Feisty. Never hesitant to tell someone who had pissed her off to “Fuck off.” Stunning, but not real pretty… Many years later she and I…. Nope. I am not gonna go there….I still value my life.

Never mind.

However, we shared my copy of the book and would sit too close together, physically touching in fact, reading the same pages at the same time.

Her boyfriend, who would eventually become her husband, was walking down the hall one day and saw us with our heads bowed together, reading the Goddamn book aloud to each other…. together….

He was not pleased by that sight.

She later told me she caught hell from him over that.

And then she laughed.

She was a strong, head-strong young woman.

I did love her.

But, shit!
I loved every strong, headstrong woman I ever met.

I was not that strong and I was afraid.

Afraid her boyfriend was gonna kick my ass over that.

So I found/bought/borrowed/stole a second copy and gave it to her, so that we didn’t have to sit too close in the classroom anymore.

This was a cowardly, stupid move on my part….

I eventually got braver and grew a pair….

Later.

Getting off track.

Sorry.

I cannot continue this right now.

Will try to return to it at some point,

And endeavor to say all the things and feelings and thoughts I want to say.

(But Y’all already know I am lying.)

Cheers!

–Lance

History Brief: Daily Life in the 1930s

Cred: Reading Through History

Al Jolson – Brother can you spare a Dime

Cred for Vid: isthisnametook

***

Sad footnote:

Cindy’s (Cindi?—never could spell her name right-which always pissed her off)

Cindi’s little brother informed me several years ago that she had died.

I cried.

I cried real, sincere tears

For her.

But mostly for me and another great, lost loved friend.

Lost forever to me.

She was crazy-wild and free and scared me, but I always wanted to sit next to her and read Steinbeck together— just one more time.

I still think of her often.

I miss you Cindy/Cindi

I will by dying soon too.

Perhaps I will join you again and we can read Steinbeck again…. together.

Again.

You down with that Girl?

Girl that never was my Girl. But you live still in my heart. And you always will every time I read a good book…. sadly I have no one to read with anymore. That was a stolen moment we had.

We shared a good book experience.

Together.

In For Real Time.

***

Wondering who, if anyone, will cry for me Argentina?

I’d like to think

Cindi Would

If She Could

But She Caint

That Bitch Died

On

Me!

Andrew Lloyd Webber Once was quoted as sayin of Madonna, Playing/ Performing Evita”

This was Just Madonna, being Madonna!

What an ass-hole he was/is!

Madonna poured her heart and Soul into that Role!

Mother-Fuck You!
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Mother-fuk U!

I Stall. Uhaul. Shonnie, The Truest Sentiment You May Find Here From Me. She, Shonnie. Reallllllly Fucked me Up.

I am still struggling to recover and get over her. (Listen to the MTB song) And know this Y’all, I have found a new Shonnie. Only Problem I have: She hates me. Just a hurdle I shall O’re, over… jump over… leap over.

(Nailed it!)

&&&

More Shonnie Here:

2021 UPDATE

One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine

I stall.

Why?

Because I am lazy.

And typing is hard.

Some of you may be waiting for the last few chapters of ‘Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife.” (I know, as I am awaiting them too). But that said, well what can I say? I tend to expose personal shit here. Sometimes it grows difficult, and I grow wary and weary. I have vowed to my Vizsla Dog

???????????????????????????????

that I will finish this tale tomorrow and get past it. (My dog tends to humour me. What choice does he have? I control the ‘soup bones’)

So, with that ‘sate-ment’, I leave you just one more clue to the outcome, by way of a song (There is always ‘A Song’ isn’t there?)

Cheers, Lance

 

Gonna Crawl Inside And Die!

 P.S. This is an ever-building story. If ya don’t watch the vid, well, ya gonna miss the best half of the denouement.

And the Entire Point of this Exercise.

–Just sayin’…

“Caint you see?”

“Uh, Lance, You Are a MORON!” The Biker, Bouncer, Bartender, Big-Boned Gal From Milwaukee” or “Bloody Mary Mourning–Baby Left Me Without Warning

This is (sort of) a continuation of my “Shonnie Series.”

And since I like things to be linear,

We shall rejoin our “Hero” just after his ‘Denouement.’ 

Or perhaps just after his ‘Epiphany’.

Or perhaps just after… Oh! Who the hell knows?

Or cares?

***

SHE led me to a car and we all piled in. I say ‘we all’ simply because suddenly there were three of us. Me, HER, and a miniscule blonde. I’d seen this movie before, but this time it came with a plot twist, I guess.

I have to guess.

The rest of the evening (early morning?) lies deeply submerged somewhere in the nether regions of my addled murky-muddled-memory.

After about twenty minutes… I am once again, ‘guesstimating’ here.

Could’ve been an hour or more.

Or less.

After about ‘twenty’ minutes we arrived at a ‘house’.

Could have been an apartment. Could have been a barn. Could have been The Ritz-Carlton. Could have been a flying fucking saucer.

Hell! I do not remember; is what I’m saying.

My torturously painful thoughts of losing Shonnie combined with copious quantities of consumed alcohol had done a seriously ‘detrimental-mental’ on my ability to exhibit fully functional, lucid behavior.

The wheel was turning, but the hamster was dead.

My alligator did not go all the way to the top. There was a spammer in my works. Elvis had left the building with my mind.

In other words, I was a mess.

***

SHE took me inside and led me straight-away to a bed, in a room… A bedroom. Best guess. If memory serves, a rather liberal and generous assumption, we had sex. Violent sex. (Not ‘violent’ violent. Let’s just call it ‘intense.’)

SHE was no less than six foot and change and as I did report earlier, ‘Big-Boned.” I swear, I saw my life’s movie flash in front of me as she covered me and had her way. (And of course, me mine)

As we lay there ‘after’ in someone else’s bed, she remarked, “Well, that should keep your self-winding watch going for a few days.”

I had to laugh, right before I drifted off.  Passed out.

Completely whacked out and totally done in.

Used.

Abused.

Helpless.

Conquered.

It was an immensely satisfying sweet sense of surrender.

***

The next morning I awoke with the sun singeing my eyes through a casually, carelessly placed shadeless window (What’s wrong with these people?)

I could smell bacon. I rolled over and looked at my watch: 0630. I had a sudden start. Then realized it was Sunday, not a work day, and I did not have ‘duty’ on my ship. I could go back to sleep, un-worried.

But oh no! SHE was up and about. So who was cooking bacon?

(I’d forgotten about Tiny Blondie.)

“Oh. You’re awake?” She said.

“Uh, yeah. Kinda,” was all I could muster. “Where am I? Who are you?”

Not an intelligent question, probably a dangerous, stupid, perilous one, but then, I was hung over and still groggy, and surely she wouldn’t take advantage of a mentally incapacitated, defenseless sailor.

Would she?

“I am the woman to be named later,” she laughed while poking me in the ribs. (Which hurt for some reason)

I rolled over to face her. She was indeed, Beautiful. Very Beautiful. Stunningly Beautiful. Makes one’s eyes water Beautiful.

She was right out of a fantasy, with gloriously long, luscious, dark brown hair. Hair so long, so ‘deep’ so thick that a hapless sailor could go missing in it for days on end.

Long, bronze-tanned perfectly symmetrical legs that seemed to go on for days, shapely firm breasts that simply defy description, sultry dark, dark eyes channeling mystery–too much mystery.

Raw, unfiltered sexuality poured from every fiber of her.

It was unnerving.

Not necessarily in a bad way,

But I was all ‘myster-ied’ out and the only fantasy I was holding was ‘getting back that girl I had before.’ That little short, pale, half-ginger one with the electric blue eyes and the volatile attitude.

I was spent.

Running on empty.

I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally, physically.

Send my saddle home.

Please!

I needed comfort. I needed soft. I needed tender. I needed sweet. I needed to be held and caressed.

Not fucked to within an inch of my life.

I needed Gidget. I needed Gilligan’s Island Mary Ann, I needed Samantha Stevens, I needed Amy Adams, or even Mary Poppins.

As lucky and grateful as I was to have found myself sharing, if only briefly, a bed with this goddess of a woman, I was not certain nor confident I was capable of surviving yet another encounter with such an intimidating representative of the ‘fairer’ sex.

Not yet, anyhow.

Not just yet.

My world seemed to be teeming with ‘Snakes and Ladders’.

“It Breaks Your Heart Just Looking At Her.”

–Joni:  Chalk Mark in a Rain Storm 1988

***

“You don’t remember my name?” She asked after lighting a cigarette.

“To be stupidly and painfully honest, no I don’t.”

“No matter. I am called ‘Layla’. Ring any bells?” (I wish I were making this up)

See this below if you’re puzzled by my ‘Layla PTSD.’

Thinking I had just fallen ass-over-tit into Dante’s Inferno it occurred to me that I needed to change my Sailor–Ways.

First Contrition, then Absolution, then Redemption, then…

Oh! Screw that! What I really needed was a Bloody Mary. A Super-Sized Bloody Mary. And soon! As in five minutes soon, if not sooner.

My mind had wandered off somewhere.

Layla repeated her question,

“Ring any bells?”

“Uh. No. Should bells be ringing? I don’t like bells. Every time I hear bells ringing, something bad happens.”

Rolling her eyes, à la ‘Shonnie’, she said, “So… You’re a Sailor? Yes?”

“Yes. And what are you? And are you from around here?”

“Not from around here. I’m just visiting my cousin. She is the one cooking breakfast.”

“Yeah. I can smell bacon.”

“Good nose. I like that in a man. Have you an appetite?”

“From some memory of last night, I’d have to say ‘affirmative’.”

“Hahahahah! Yep. You do, Sailor Man. Yep, you sure do.”

“So, if you’re not from here. Where are you ‘from’, and what do you do?”

“I’m from Wisconsin. I work as a bartender. I’m also a bouncer, when the need is needed. Oh, and I love to ride Harleys.”

***

“Perfection, I thought. Now what Cowboy? Shit. Here I am again…”

I had ‘some leave-days-on-the-books’ and seriously considered at that moment that I should take them and head home to Texas to get a re-start on my psyche saki… get a ‘refresh’ on my Texan Accent, recharge my Ni-Cad batteries, take a break.

Well, spelling and lucid, rational thinking ain’t never been my thing, but you know what I mean here.

Don’t you?

No matter.

Keep reading.

Sooner or later, it will all make perfect, logical sense.

Or not.

I mean, I was still ‘re-bounding’ for glory and quite honestly, still heart-sick over my loss of Shonnie. But I did have some time, eh? Didn’t I? Meaning I was still relatively young and deep at heart, a perpetual cock-eyed-optimist.

And I was a good and decent man.

Most of the time.

But Shonnie had set me back.

Set me back and set me down.

Hard.

Something must be done.

Something had to give.

My mind was in a very bad place.

“Hey Sailor! You want breakfast and some blood mary, or what?” came her voice from some foggy-in-my-head place below.

Apparently, while lost in thought, I hadn’t noticed She’d left me all alone.

“Uh… Yeah! I mean yes! I’ll be right down!”

“The pitfalls of the city are extremely real.”

Credit: AustinCityLimitsTV—October, 1974

***

Previously:

***

Coming Soon:

“The Biker-Bartender-Bouncer Chick, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Part Two”

***

Commentary Below From Original Version of this Post

Please Read From Bottom Up for Continuity

18 THOUGHTS ON “THE BIKER, BOUNCER, BARTENDER, BIG-BONED GAL FROM MILWAUKEE”

johncoyote March 7, 2021 at 05:42 Edit

I enjoyed this story. I was station in Texas for almost seven years. I loved the Texas gals. They asked you to dance and they were fast and fearless. I liked the girl that cooked a meal in the morning. And we talk some after. Thank you for sharing the entertaining tale.

LAMarcom August 13, 2015 at 01:45 Edit

Reblogged this on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics and commented:

How can one go wrong with Willie?

LAMarcom July 28, 2014 at 18:34 Edit

🙂

LVital7019 July 28, 2014 at 18:27 Edit

Well, don’t go changin’! I like your stories!

LAMarcom July 28, 2014 at 17:33 Edit

Hahahah!

It has been said before!

Cheers!

LVital7019 July 28, 2014 at 14:14 Edit

Dare I say – You TRAMP, you! LOL 😉

LAMarcom July 25, 2014 at 22:28 Edit

Mark,

You are too kind my friend.

I do thank you though.

Marvelous much.

Cheers,

Lance

markbialczak July 25, 2014 at 21:26 Edit

With Shonnie, your adventures were better than Tom Sawyer’s. With Layla, now you’re going after the legend of Huck Finn. You were something else, my friend Lance.

LAMarcom July 23, 2014 at 23:31 Edit

🙂

~ Sadie ~ July 23, 2014 at 23:02 Edit

You know I will!! 😉

LAMarcom July 23, 2014 at 22:55 Edit

Thank you Sadie.

My mood(s) currently won’t let me continue this one for the next few days.

But… Never Fear!

The words will come, by an’ by…

And I hope you will read.

Cheers,

Lance

~ Sadie ~ July 23, 2014 at 22:32 Edit

Can’t wait to read more, Lance!! 🙂 You know I love your stories!!

LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 19:29 Edit

It only hurt when I laughed.

Thanks for stopping by T. ‘Preciate it.

🙂

Teela Hart July 22, 2014 at 16:38 Edit

I’m with Nancytex.

Rib pain?

You definitely need a Samantha.

Can’t wait to read the next installment.

T

LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 10:36 Edit

If you could have seen Layla, you’d understand. I quickly recovered. (I was young and bulletproof back then ya know?)

😉

Thanks for reading. There will be more to this story….

NancyTex July 22, 2014 at 10:33 Edit

My mind is bouncing all around trying to figure out why your ribs would be hurting. That’s some aggressive sexy, my friend.

LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 08:10 Edit

I read Willie’s autobiography many, many years ago. I suspect if he knew how long he was to live (and may he outlive me), he would have waited some more decades before he penned that ‘biopic.’

At any rate, I do concur: Willie is a fascinating character and a fascinating character study and also a Texas Treasure.

As for me… well, to me marriage was never much more binding than a handshake. This is why after four, I have now sworn off marriages. Just call me Hamlet: “There will be no more marriages!” Get this boy to a nunnery!

Thanks Pain for reading and commenting. Always thought provoking and a pleasure to read.

Cheers My Friend,

–Lance

Exile on Pain Street July 22, 2014 at 06:29 Edit

I was never able to pull of instantaneous, anonymous sex with a stranger when I was younger. I wish I could have because you sure make it sound fun. But I was so wracked with a crippling case of low self-esteem that I never tried. And now that I’m married, it’s too late. THERE’S a lesson for you.

I’ve been listening to Willie Nelson be interviewed on Howard Stern all morning. What an amazing life that guy had! Willie, that is. Not Stern.