The Greatest Bull-Shit Story Ever Sold (I’m Just Gettin’ Warmed Up For Easter) With ‘Sin’ Seared Apologies To Any ‘Readers-of-Faith’ I May Have Left. This Is Mainly ‘Tongue-In-Cheek’–And Humor. Shalom Y’all!

When I was a wee chile, tryin’ to survive in Fremont CA, Mother dragged me to theater, to screen “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”

I was NOT properly impressed.

Fu*k u Mom! Just Kiddin’!! I LOVED My Mother–Very Dearly–And As Previously Reported: My Mother Was The Original ‘Hippy-Chick’– She called herself a “Christian” But In Reality, She was an Atheist. Precisely why I Loved my Mother; I was an atheist, since I was first born, or hatched, Your choice.

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

Click at your own risk.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Continue reading

Donald Trump (Ahem) This Man Is ‘Teflon!’ (On Steroids) Rest My Case. Case Rested! Good Luck, Lib-Tards! (I Do Hope Y’all Are Intelligent Enough To Realize That This is “Some-What Rather Tongue-N-Cheek–But, Only–‘Some-What’–‘Rather’)

‘THIS COULD BACKFIRE’: Democrat voters rip Trump Indictment. “Back-Fire?!

You G’Damn Bet-Cha!

LMFAO!

The Greatest Reality Show On Earth

(Resurrected Old Post–Found Below)

I just might vote TRUMP.

Why not?

(And what’s wrong with Big Hair anyhow?! Even I, your humble servant, used to have Big Hair–Then I learned to read.)

I mean, honestly, The Prez really don’t have power anymore, c’mon People!

Sampson hair notwithstanding. Don’t believe me? Ask Obama. Or…

Take a look at the Nineteen-Nineties. Clinton, try as he might, had no way to stifle the dot.com prosperity, precarious precipice that it was. (Not that he would have wanted to, but…hey! Outta his control)

Wally-World, et al, took that bull (my pun) by the horns and killed the messenger. (Oh! And the simple fact that the 1920’s had no intrinsic value, historically squeaking, that is.) And the other simple fact that all good deeds go punish’d. And the other simple fact that America, MY America always… well, never mind.

‘Nother case in point: LBJ.

He dreamed of the ‘Great Society’ almost made it, save for that little problem in Southeast Asia. (He coulda been a contender, instead of a bum)

(Brando Warning Here!)

Nuff said: We have now come to the era of “Not-So-Great-Presidents.”

They mean nothing, vis-à-vis, The World Order.

They have been reduced to fodder.

Fodder for CNN, Fox, SNL, and The ‘Honey Grove Senile Citizen’ (my hometown rag)

So…

Why not Trump? I mean, with no mean meaning, why not? He will entertain. He will give CNN, Fox, et al, something to pontificate over (“Never end a sentence with a preposition Lance”—sorry—my bad)

I love The Donald: he has made an uninteresting (for news junkies) year…

Funny.

And I do love funny.

Merry Christmas and see you at the voting booth (I will be that embarrassing uncle in the back with a scotch in his hand and a Marlboro in his lips—pontificating about ‘LBJ’, The Great Society, and wearing the Nixon-Now-More-Than-Ever…T-Shirt.

And saying, ad nausea: “I told you so…”

Shamelessly, I just finished re-reading “Grapes of Wrath” or… in other words: I am with Bernie Sanders on this Deal Folks.

And never forget this:

Or this, regarding ‘Third-Party-Politics” (for those of you astute in The American Political Prophesy):

And, Yes, Virginia: Trump, er…Perot… is a “Ring-Tail-Tooter.”

Me No Alamo.

The Two Are Inter-Change-Able.

Hahahaha!

-Lancer

I am Re-Posting This For The Benefit of a Like-Minded Fellow Blogger–I Hope She Sees it.

Only A Reminder That You’re Just Not Good Enough

“The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Sold” With My Humble (cough cough) Opinion

Joni Love Letter Thrown in at the End.

Tread Softly. And I’m sorry the text don’t line up properly with the images. WordPress is Stupid. I cannot fix stupid.

(Most likely offensive to ‘People of Faith’–read at your own annoyance) 

****

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

The video is germane. Watch it.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Cast of Characters:

Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.

Woodstock_Mary

Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.

Woodstock_Joeseph

Ya gotta love Joe. Ya just gotta.

Baby Jesus, aka Baby Hey Zeus, aka, Christmas… Pre-sents

Woodstock_Baby_Jesus

Not even gonna comment on this one, but, be my guest.

Woodstock_Saint_Peter

Saint Peter

Woodstock_Young_Jesus_Struggling_Musician

Jesus Playing with the Mothers of Immaculate Conception, circa 0014 AD

Jesus grew up; tried to make a living, Playing Gigs.

But then…

Father told him to hang a right at Albequerky: Go to Max Yasgur’s farm in Bethel; see the people they will love your act. (He said)

Jesus_Arrives_1

You Really Didn’t Believe That “Rode Into Town on an Ass” bit did you?

“Would Jesus wear a Rolex on his TV show? Fuck Yeah!”

No! Seriously,”

“Check it out”

Jesus_Arrives_2

“I’m There Dude!”

falwell

Brother Failwell

Then Dad said, “Go Preach Your Ass Off!

Woodstock_Sermon_On_The_Mount

Sermon on The Mount

(Chip off The Old Block)

And Jesus Said, “We’re there Dude! Just look at ‘em!”

Woodstock_Flock

Case Rested

Woodstock_Decided

Yay! Jesus!

“They’re eatin’ this shit up!
Hey! Judas! Come check this out!

Woodstock_Judas

Judas: Enema needing to Happen. “Nothing to see here; move along…”

Mary Mag! You too! (C’mere Baby!)”

“Sorry Dude. Busy. Get back to me, Yeah? Laters…BFF!”

“But Mary!? You carry… My Mom’s name! And now you tarry? Don’t make no sense!”

Woodstock_Mary_Mag2
“Ah shit!
Here come those Romanians Again! Don’t these people ever give up? Gotta go!”

Woodstock_The_Romans

I love the smell of burnt Jesus in the morning

“As God as My Wit-less-ness, I shall never be hungry again! (As long as I have these radishes)”

Last Supper

Last Toke, I mean Last Munchies

Woodstock_Last_Supper

Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!

I did not put in The Crucifixion/Resurrection, (mainly because I don’t believe that shit and also because I could not find an example in the show) and also, mainly because at

Woodstock… drum roll please:

nobody had to die to save me.

It’s OK Jesus: I’m doin’ fine, but Thank You for askin’.

And Thank YOU to anyone who has travell’d this far with me.

Cheers,
Lance

 

Added Value: George Carlin vs. Religious Douchebag

In The Bullshit Department…

***

Bonus

Just for Fun:

CSN & Young

JONI!

Woodstock

She Wrote it

Didn’t ‘Physically’ live it

But as much as anybody

Embodied it

Duh

***

I can count on one hand and one toe

All the ways I can be made to be pissed off

I will not list all six

But

Know this:

At the top

Is

Being disrespectful

To

Joni

Do Not Go

There

Trust me

You will not like me

I will

Hurt

You

Buddy? Spare a Dime? Or at Very Least, A Simple Rhyme? F’k Me! UPDATED: “Grapes of Wrath” Want A Bath? Good Luck With ThaT! Rant-a-Tat-Tat!-Tat! Now “Run Tell That!” (Shades of Peanut–Look It Up!)

Want And Worry–too Much Hurry! nO gLORY! and How I Was In Such A Hurry To Get My Ass Kicked Over It (Reading That Book) Or “Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?, Or Yer Girl-Friend?

The Grapes of Wrath

Buddy Can You Spare a Dime

Artist: Judy Collins

Must Watch / Listen.

Such a Beautiful Voice from such a Beautiful, Talented Lady.

And such an emotional, wonderful, sad song.

It will move you.

(If You Are Human Anyway)

Vid Share Cred: TheBigValley

Do Re Mi- Woody Guthrie:

Vid cred: Anne Miller

***

Trailer Trash

(Just Kidding)

This is The Orig Movie Trailer

I am still trying to get through Ken Burns’ documentary,

“The Dust Bowl”

But it is tearing my soul.

My people lived it.

When I was a senior in Honey Grove High School, we were tasked with reading Steinbeck, ‘Grapes of Wrath.’

I remember sharing a copy of my father’s with a classmate named Cindy…. I had a crush on her, but she didn’t really like me.

She was very tall, short – cropped reddish blond hair. Feisty. Never hesitant to tell someone who had pissed her off to “Fuck off.” Stunning, but not real pretty… Many years later she and I…. Nope. I am not gonna go there….I still value my life.

Never mind.

However, we shared my copy of the book and would sit too close together, physically touching in fact, reading the same pages at the same time.

Her boyfriend, who would eventually become her husband, was walking down the hall one day and saw us with our heads bowed together, reading the Goddamn book aloud to each other…. together….

He was not pleased by that sight.

She later told me she caught hell from him over that.

And then she laughed.

She was a strong, head-strong young woman.

I did love her.

But, shit!
I loved every strong, headstrong woman I ever met.

I was not that strong and I was afraid.

Afraid her boyfriend was gonna kick my ass over that.

So I found/bought/borrowed/stole a second copy and gave it to her, so that we didn’t have to sit too close in the classroom anymore.

This was a cowardly, stupid move on my part….

I eventually got braver and grew a pair….

Later.

Getting off track.

Sorry.

I cannot continue this right now.

Will try to return to it at some point,

And endeavor to say all the things and feelings and thoughts I want to say.

(But Y’all already know I am lying.)

Cheers!

–Lance

History Brief: Daily Life in the 1930s

Cred: Reading Through History

Al Jolson – Brother can you spare a Dime

Cred for Vid: isthisnametook

***

Sad footnote:

Cindy’s (Cindi?—never could spell her name right-which always pissed her off)

Cindi’s little brother informed me several years ago that she had died.

I cried.

I cried real, sincere tears

For her.

But mostly for me and another great, lost loved friend.

Lost forever to me.

She was crazy-wild and free and scared me, but I always wanted to sit next to her and read Steinbeck together— just one more time.

I still think of her often.

I miss you Cindy/Cindi

I will by dying soon too.

Perhaps I will join you again and we can read Steinbeck again…. together.

Again.

You down with that Girl?

Girl that never was my Girl. But you live still in my heart. And you always will every time I read a good book…. sadly I have no one to read with anymore. That was a stolen moment we had.

We shared a good book experience.

Together.

In For Real Time.

***

Wondering who, if anyone, will cry for me Argentina?

I’d like to think

Cindi Would

If She Could

But She Caint

That Bitch Died

On

Me!

Andrew Lloyd Webber Once was quoted as sayin of Madonna, Playing/ Performing Evita”

This was Just Madonna, being Madonna!

What an ass-hole he was/is!

Madonna poured her heart and Soul into that Role!

Mother-Fuck You!
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Mother-fuk U!

Ed. Note: I seem to recall that Cindi’s Brother informed me (After reading the original posting of this post) that she was very much still alive. (or perhaps I dreamed it–Dunno)

Grapes of My Wrath! Socialism and all those ‘Is-Um’s Fail! Spectacularly, Magnificently!! “Grapes of Wrath?” Want A Bath? Good Luck With That!

The Grapes of Wrath

Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?

Artist: Judy Collins

Must Watch / Listen.

Such a Beautiful Voice from such a Beautiful, Talented Lady.

And such an emotional, wonderful, sad song.

It will move you.

If You Do Possess A Soul, That is…

This Clip Breaks My Fu*kin’ Heart—

My People Lived This!

***

Vid Share Cred: TheBigValley

Do Re Mi- Woody Guthrie:

Vid cred: Anne Miller

***

Trailer Trash

(Just Kidding)

This is The Orig Movie Trailer

I am still trying to get through Ken Burns’ documentary,

“The Dust Bowl”

But it is tearing my soul.

My people lived it.

When I was a senior in Honey Grove High School, we were tasked with reading Steinbeck, ‘Grapes of Wrath.’

I remember sharing a copy of my father’s with a classmate named Cindy…. I had a crush on her, but she didn’t really like me. She was very tall, short – cropped reddish blond hair. Feisty. Never hesitant to tell someone who had pissed her off to “Fu*k off.” Stunning, but not real pretty… Many years later she and I…. Nope. I am not gonna go there….I still value my life.

Never mind.

However, we shared my copy of the book and would sit too close together, physically touching in fact, reading the same pages at the same time.

Her boyfriend, who would eventually become her husband, was walking down the hall one day and saw us with our heads bowed together, reading the Goddamn book aloud to each other…. together….

He was not pleased by that sight.

She later told me she caught hell from him over that.

And then she laughed.

She was a strong, head-strong young woman.

I did love her.

But, shit!
I loved every strong, headstrong woman I ever met.

I was not that strong and I was afraid.

Afraid her boyfriend was gonna kick my ass over that.

So I found/bought/borrowed/stole a second copy and gave it to her, so that we didn’t have to sit too close in the classroom anymore.

This was a cowardly, stupid move on my part….

I eventually got braver and grew a pair….

Later.

Getting off track.

Sorry.

I cannot continue this right now.

Will try to return to it at some point,

And endeavor to say all the things and feelings and thoughts I want to say.

(But Y’all already know I am lying.)

Cheers!

–Lance

History Brief: Daily Life in the 1930s

Cred: Reading Through History

Al Jolson – Brother can you spare a Dime

Cred for Vid: isthisnametook

***

Sad footnote:

Cindy’s (Cindi?—never could spell her name right-which always pissed her off)

Cindi’s little brother informed me several years ago that she had died.

I cried.

I cried real, sincere tears

For her.

But mostly for me and another great, lost loved friend.

Lost forever to me.

She was crazy-wild and free and scared me, but I always wanted to sit next to her and read Steinbeck together— just one more time.

I still think of her often.

I miss you Cindy/Cindi

I will by dying soon too.

Perhaps I will join you again and we can read Steinbeck again…. together.

Again.

You down with that Girl?

Girl that never was my Girl. But you live still in my heart. And you always will every time I read a good book…. sadly I have no one to read with anymore. That was a stolen moment we had.

We shared a good book experience.

Together.

In For Real Time.

***

Wondering who, if anyone, will cry for me Argentina?

I’d like to think

Cindi Would

If She Could

But She Caint

That Bitch Died

On

Me!

Andrew Lloyd Webber Once was quoted as sayin of Madonna, Playing/ Performing Evita”

This was Just Madonna, being Madonna!

What an ass-hole he was/is!

Madonna poured her heart and Soul into that Role!

Mother-Fu*k You!
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Mother-fuk U!

Have to Re_Post Becuz Cindi Invaded My Mind–Once Again. I Miss Her! She Was Such A Unique Treasure! “F’k Me! UPDATED:

“Grapes of Wrath” Want A Bath? Good Luck With ThaT! Want And Worry–too Much Hurry! nO gLORY! and How I Was In Such A Hurry To Get My Ass Kicked Over It (Reading That Book) Or “Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?,

Or Yer Girl-Friend???”

*******

The Grapes of Wrath

Buddy Can You Spare a Dime

Artist: Judy Collins

Must Watch / Listen.

Such a Beautiful Voice from such a Beautiful, Talented Lady.

And such an emotional, wonderful, sad song.

It will move you.

Vid Share Cred: TheBigValley

Do Re Mi- Woody Guthrie:

Vid cred: Anne Miller

***

Trailer Trash

(Just Kidding)

This is The Orig Movie Trailer

I am still trying to get through Ken Burns’ documentary,

“The Dust Bowl”

But it is tearing my soul.

My people lived it.

When I was a senior in Honey Grove High School, we were tasked with reading Steinbeck, ‘Grapes of Wrath.’

I remember sharing a copy of my father’s with a classmate named Cindy…. I had a crush on her, but she didn’t really like me. She was very tall, short – cropped reddish blond hair. Feisty. Never hesitant to tell someone who had pissed her off to “Fuck off.” Stunning, but not real pretty… Many years later she and I…. Nope. I am not gonna go there….I still value my life.

****

Cindi had a lot of emotional issues.

I WILL NOT detail them here

Because I am a gentleman

****

Never mind.

However, we shared my copy of the book and would sit too close together, physically touching in fact, reading the same pages at the same time.

Her boyfriend, who would eventually become her husband, was walking down the hall one day and saw us with our heads bowed together, reading the Goddamn book aloud to each other…. together….

He was not pleased by that sight.

She later told me she caught hell from him over that.

And then she laughed.

She was a strong, head-strong young woman.

I did love her.

But, shit!
I loved every strong, headstrong woman I ever met.

I was not that strong and I was afraid.

Afraid her boyfriend was gonna kick my ass over that.

But Actually, I Was Mostly Afraid of Her

So I found/bought/borrowed/stole a second copy and gave it to her, so that we didn’t have to sit too close in the classroom anymore.

This was a cowardly, stupid move on my part….

I eventually got braver and grew a pair….

Later.

Getting off track.

Sorry.

I cannot continue this right now.

Will try to return to it at some point,

And endeavor to say all the things and feelings and thoughts I want to say.

(But Y’all already know I am lying.)

Cheers!

–Lance

History Brief: Daily Life in the 1930s

Cred: Reading Through History

Al Jolson – Brother can you spare a Dime?

Cred for Vid: isthisnametook

***

Sad footnote:

Cindy’s (Cindi?—never could spell her name right-which always pissed her off)

Cindi’s little brother informed me several years ago that she had died.

I cried.

I cried real, sincere tears

For her.

But mostly for me and another great, lost loved friend.

Lost forever to me.

She was crazy-wild and free and scared me, but I always wanted to sit next to her and read Steinbeck together— just one more time.

I still think of her often.

I miss you Cindy/Cindi

I will by dying soon too.

Perhaps I will join you again and we can read Steinbeck again…. together.

Again.

You down with that Girl?

Girl that never was my Girl. But you live still in my heart. And you always will every time I read a good book…. sadly I have no one to read with anymore. That was a stolen moment we shared.

We shared a good book experience.

Together.

In For Real Time.

***

Wondering who, if anyone, will cry for me Argentina?

I’d like to think

Cindi Would

If She Could

But She Caint

That Bitch Died

On

Me!

Andrew Lloyd Webber Once was quoted as sayin of Madonna, Playing/ Performing Evita”

“This was Just Madonna, being Madonna!

What an ass-hole he was/is!

Madonna poured her heart and Soul into that Role!

Mother-F*ck You!
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Mother-fuk U!