I Just Awoke From My Self-Induced Coma. “Good Luck Loser-Lance! Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’ You Stupid, Dumb-Ass Fuck!”

I Woke up withe A Brand New Plan:

Shit! I cannot remember the song!

Beautiful Loser!

***

There are Easier, Cheaper Ways to Kill Yourself!

Please Scrool D’n To The ‘Good’ Vid:

“I’d rather be drinkin than living”

“My Name’s Lance and I’m an Alcoholic”


This is such a wonderful movie, but I saw way too much of myself in it. That is not vain vanity from me. Just fact. If you do not watch the vids, why are you even here wasting your time?

P.S. Fun Fact and spoiler alert: Sandra is prettier than me.

Just thought you should know that Fun Fact…

You’re welcome.

***

How many people have I hurt?

How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine?

How many loving wives and good women have I cast away?

Got a Super-Duper Calculator?

You’ll need it.

Life Imitating My ‘Art.’

Hits a little too close to My Home:

PERFECTION CLIP!

If you only have time for one vid, this one below is it.

WATCH IT

IT IS BRILLIANT

And it makes me cry every time I watch it… strikes me straight through my heart

***

I’d rather be dreaming than living
Living’s just too hard to do
It’s chances not choices

Noises not voices
A day’s just a thing to get through
Living’s just too hard to do

“I’d rather be dreaming than living.”

Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock

******

******

Some say beauty is just skin deep
Most of the time, this is true
But not with Sandra
She is beauty
Through and through

******

My fervent desire is that I could go back in time and had not cast away all the good people who offered a shoulder for me to lean on…

I truly am sorry

******

Trust Me. The below works

It Works.

Just Deploy A Little Imagination.

Credit: CCR

DUH

Dead Reckoning, Abusive Muse: This is The End

Baby, Please Don’t Go – Lightnin’ Hopkins

***

Impossible Dreamer

Video Credit: Christian Davies

Previous

I was not to be denied.

“Kate! Katherine! Muse!” I shouted, as I bounded from my computer chair over to her.

“I love you! Will you marry me or no? I must know!”

I stood in front of her, trembling.

She stood up, sidestepped the nasty coffee table, and walked up to face me at very close range.

She pierced me with those eyes. Looked down (almost sadly—I perceived—then took my hands into hers)

She looked back into my eyes and said,

“Lance, Baby, you understand I am not a real girl. You created me. I live in your mind and at your leisure.”

“Whaaaa?”

“Yes. I am a figment of your mind. Does not mean I don’t love you. I will always be here for you. And if you choose, I will love you. I will ‘write’ you, as far as you may write yourself. But ‘marry’?

I cannot.

You must write for YOU, and only for YOU.”

*********

She dropped my hands and sat back down on The Nasty Couch. Took a sip of Pinot, picked up her NY Times, took another sip of Pinot, and a drag off her Virginia Slims, and as if nothing had just happened, got back to being Her.

I retired to my writing chair. Sat there for some moments, tears welling, then smiled inside.

“She will always love me. She has no choice. It is all up to me,” I mused.

And then I got busy writing.

After some pregnant pauses…

“Hey Asshole! You better be writing something readable!” I heard from over my shoulder.

Yes! She loves me still!

                THE END

And Afterall:

Just to ‘Lighten’ the mood…

The Sudden Stark Realization That MS Muse Was Not Real…

Bummed Me The Fuck Out.

But I got over it.

Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy

*previous*

Farewell To My Best Friend:

The Abusive Muse

This pains me to write.

“Kate, We were only Yesterday.

Now we are…”

Today, and Yesterday, and Tomorrow.

“I love you, and I Thank You.”

Karen

Karen Carpenter!

You killed you!

And robbed us of You.

Why???

Why Oh Why?

Some of you good and loyal readers have been with me all the way on this Odyssey.

Others of you… not so much.

But if Y’all read-between-the-lines, you will discover how my sanity is a very fragile entity.

I ‘Created’ Katherine/MS Muse out of a ‘need’ I had.

To Fill A Hollow Vacant Void in my Heart.

I was lonely.

I needed her.

To kick my ass and make me a better writer.

I created her. Then I, Pygmalion-Like, fell in Love with Her. (Yeah, I kinda carried it too far)

She was always there. (‘Cept for the Snowpocalypse, when she invited me to fuck off)

I loved her.

I still love her.

*************

Last real conversation I had with her:

“Lance, Baby, you understand I am not a real girl. You created me. I live in your mind and at your leisure.”

“Yes. I am a figment of your mind. Does not mean I don’t love you. I will always be here for you. And if you choose, I will love you. I will ‘write’ you, as far as you may write yourself. But ‘marry’?

I cannot.

You must write for YOU, and only for YOU.”

**************

After sitting in front of my computer and trying to write, I looked over at her, sitting on The Nasty Couch with her NY Times, Pinot, Virginia Slims…

Walked over to her.

Offered my hand

She looked me in my eyes, took my hand.

Then she melted.

Turned into a pile of sand.

I screamed!

“What just happened!?”

A soft, familiar voice came at me from the ceiling:

“Lance, My Love, we are done. You are done. You are ready. I must leave you now.”

“NOOOOO!”

“Yes,” she said and that was it.

I fell to my knees and wept like a little pup/bitch.

Then I spied a note on the floor:

Picked it up.

It read:

“Lance, you were the best. I loved you. Write on!”

                –Kate

P.S.,JUST WRITE ASSHOLE!

Or Else!

–K

*****

I took that to the bank.

“What you don’t know about women is a lot Lance-a-Not”

–Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis)

In This Vid Clip, You Will Discover Lance.

Video Cred: Ted Reinert

Lance loves women;

He just cannot help Himself.

He does not understand them.

Therein lies that magic…

“Moonlight in a Martini.”

(Volumn is fukked. Crank it up!)

Lance Romance.

Added Value:

“Breaks Your Heart Just Lookin’ At Her.”

Snakes and Ladders

–Joni

(If you do not listen carefully to the song… I dropped it in For A Really, Really, Really Good Reason)

(Figure it out–If You Can)

I am flying SOLO NOW!

WISH ME LUCK!

https://texantales.com/2021/02/26/farewell-forevermore-to-my-best-ever-friend-my-abusive-muse-i-am-sad-but-also-happy/

“He Gave up Happy Hour For Her.”

Joni/Muse!

Musing…

I Need a Hair-Cut! “Almost Cut My Hair” Naw! That Inspiration Passed.

Almost Cut My Hair

(Didn’t)

Hair Hair Every Where!

And Thank God!

I’ll Never go BALD!

(It is a Genetic Thang!)

Good Hair Genes

My Daddy:

Possessed By Me!

Almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day
It’s gettin’ kinda long
I coulda said it was in my way
But I didn’t and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
Yes, I feel like I owe it to someone
.”

Songwriters: Crosby

***

Fun Fact: David Crosby spent a lot of time in the Dallas County Jail (back in the Day–I was So Proud….of Him. & and of the Jailers!

****


But I Did Not.

(Cut my hair)

I did, however comma,
Shave my Beard.
For You See…

Frankly…

I had ‘groan’ weary of looking like Ted (Bat-Shit Crazy) Kaczynski.

(And scaring the little children)

I am, Inherently… A Good, Kind, Caring, Loving Man:

Who Respects The Sensibilities and Human Foibles.

***

Lord Knows I have cornered the Market on ‘Foibles

***

Somehow Related Below

(Trust Me: I am With YOUR Government!)

“Fire All Of Your Guns At Once Son”

“Explode Into Space.”

Street Cred: Steppenwolf et al

Please Try this One. It’s Self-Deprecating Fuckin’ Fun!

“Input/Output: Electricity!”

(With My Heart-Felt Apologies to Joni)

Vid Cred For video way below: Wp is StupiD!

The below is a comment I made over at Aussa’s Blog (a blog I can never say enough good things about), in response to one of her hilarious posts: Ridiculous On The Job Injuries

 http://aussalorens.com/2014/07/10/ridiculous-on-the-job-injuries/

Her prompt:  What’s the most ridiculous way you’ve injured yourself?

***

Back in the Middle Ages (1980’s) when I owned my tropical fish store in Nacogdoches (Yes, That ‘Oldest Town in Texas’),

I was trying to clean the front glass of one of my retail tanks (ten gallon) which housed an electric catfish (like an electric eel, but with higher amps and voltage). I was standing on a stool as ‘Benny Franklin’s’ tank was on the third tier—you just know I had to name him—since I’d had him ‘in-stock’ for months

(All the East Texans were interested in were guppies, goldfish, and ‘crud-eaters’).

Anyhow, as I was keeping a watchful eye on Benny, lest I inadvertently swerve my paw/forearm into him, a customer walked up to me, inquiring (rather vociferously) about where were the crud eaters (Yes, I have posted about crud-eaters).

I took my eye off the prize (my arm) just for-a-second.

Yep: Bam! Brushed Benny and received a shock which knocked me off the stool and flat on my ass.

Input: Output Electricity

Malapterurus electricus- shock yer ass-officus

Embarrassed? What do you think? I was supposedly a ‘professional aquarist.’

Apparently not-on-that-day. The potential crud-eater customer just looked down at me and announced dryly that she would try ‘Ben Franklin’s’ (coincidence? or irony?)

or better still Wal*Mart up the road.

Guess I did not answer her query quick enough as I was taking my own sweet time in my sincere effort to start breathing again.

True Story: you can take my word for it.

😉

Cheers to you Aussa,

Always my pleasure to visit y’all, and glean inspiration for future posts (sincerely).

–Lance

Video Credit: JoniJourney

Uh??? Why cannot I credit this? Fuck You WordPress!

Ironic!

Her-a-Tic!

Finally did it!

Managed to Up-Load it!

Credit:


Alanis Morissette

I adore you!

(But then again, I adore all women!)

Alanis Morissette