“A Nod Is As Good As A Wink To A Blind Horse” (Or An Alcoholic) And Fuk This Post! I’ll Fix It Later. Much LATER! Maybe. Maybe Not. Probably Not.

Miss Judy’s Farm

Just An Amble Of A Pre-Amble



I Am ‘Werkin / Twerkin’


That Below Is NOT Really Me!

(But A Reasonable Facsimile)


“Nudge Nudge”


Monty Python


Teaser! Teaser! Cabin Fever!


Just A Future Post I Have In-My-Head


Just Fer Fun!

Ever Known One Of These Chicks Like These?

I Know I Have

Katy Perry – Roar PARODY

Street Cred: Wassabi


And Just Because I Am A Texan Gentleman…

And Not A Complete Moron…

Credit Where Credit Is Due:

Running On Empty. I Despise This Ass-Hole: (No Action-Jackson) But I Love His Music! Lance Has Always Been A Pretender, A Usurper of The Throne–A Fake Cowboy-Wanna-Be-Man

But I Discovered Redemption (In Leonard Cohen)

“All I Ever Learned From Love Was How To Out Shoot Someone Who Out-Drew You” Ye

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Ah! I Learned That! From An Early Age!

“Hallelujah! You Mother-Fuckers!”


Jackson Browne Was / Is A Misogynist. And An Idiot! But I Kinda, Sorta, Forgave Him That. Not Really! Do NOT Even Ask Me How Nor Why.

Never, Ever Ask Me Questions! But Y’all Know, How Much I Love, Respect, And Admire Women… Especially The Texan-Variety–Fuk U Jackson Browne!

Joni! WTF Were You Thinking? Drinking?

I Cannot Fix This Image. Believe Me: I Tried.

Multiple Times.

(Not really—He is An Asshole–I Do Not Tolerate Abuse of Women–Well-Documented By Me In These Pages)

But Also Documented By Me:

I Appreciate The Art,

Even If The ‘Artist’ Is An Asshole.


But I liked him anyway

Or/And His music.

I really did like his music.

(I could not help it)

Run Away Idiot

Cred for Vid Share: Megan Smith

The Pretender!

Pretending To Be a Real Man:

Fuck U Jacs–Off – Browne

You Fake-A-Zoid Worthless Mother-Fucker!

What We Have Here… Failure To Communicate… WP is Far Beyond Stupid. “Frustration Nation”–This Is Where I Reside–But There’s No Place Like Home. For Me…Take A Wild Guess. TEXAS! Yep Y’all! TEXAS Forever!

And Abide

It, It is Is Natural Disaster

Had a train, of thought, recently

About a Tale of Two Cities

Both Named Paris..

He went to Paris

And Scre”w Thar Poooch!


“Oh My Goodness!

We Got Ourselves a Natural Disaster”

Or A Failure to Communicate!

Oh and by the way, fuck spellin’ an’ The Punctuation Police


I Am Such a MORON! Just For Fun Re-Run: “Psychiatrist Interrogation,” or “Last F*ckin’ Chance For Romance Asshole!”

“If I Only Had A Brain…”

Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest:

“How long have you been drinking?”

“All my life,” I said.

“No, I mean recently.”

“Oh, ‘bout forty days and forty nights.”

(No chuckle; guess she was gonna be all business from this point.)

“Do you feel like hurting yourself? She asked.

“Pretty certain that is what I am doing right now. You ever been on a ‘forty day/night drunk?”

“Have you ever attempted suicide?”

“Of course,” I replied. “Hasn’t everyone?”

“How many times?” She went on.

“Only twice, but they obviously didn’t take.”

“When was this? At what age?”

“First time, I was thirteen. Second time nineteen.”

“And what prompted these two attempts?”

“First time because my football shoes were too tight, excruciatingly so, and this was affecting my performance and my passionate desire to become a High School Football Star.”

“Describe your attempt.”

“I pointed a locked and loaded , hammer back, .45 Caliber pistol at the roof of my mouth for about 5 seconds, finger on the trigger.”

“And the second?’ she asked.

“Oh, that was just over a woman. I would not call that unprecedented in the ‘History of Man.’”

“Describe this attempt please.”

“Well, as I said, it was over being dumped by a woman, a thirty-year old woman and it was also over the fact that I could no longer afford the car payments on my Chevy Monza 2 Plus 2.  So I drank a pint of vodka and at a high rate of speed on a deserted Texas FM Road, turned a hard right and flipped the car. Thrice. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.”

“Were you abused as a child?”

“Do you mean do I hate my mother?” I asked.

“No. Were you ever abused?”

“My Grandfather shot at me with a deer rifle once, but he had cause because I had just a few moments earlier knocked him off the porch with a pretty good right hook to the jaw.”

“Why did you hit him?”

“He was trying to beat my Grandmother and she asked for help. Granddaddy was a mean drunk.”

“How old were you?” She asked.

“’Bout fourteen and change.”

“Does alcoholism run in your family?”

“Naw, it just kinda strolls. I mean, far as I know, it was just me and Granddaddy.”

“Do you want to stop drinking, Lance?”

“Yes. I don’t fancy dying just yet. I’m not ready.”

“Not ready to die, or not ready to quit drinking?”

“The dying part.”

“So, you’d like help?”


I watched her on the screen as she appeared to be writing a short essay on her note pad. After about  two minutes, she looked up and said,

“OK Lance. I am going to make arrangements to send you to a hospital in Garland. They have better resources to help you than here in Commerce.”

“How long will I be there? I am a busy man, ya know? OK, just kidding, but can you give me an idea?”

“Probably three days or so to get you past the delirium tremens and not sure how many after that. Are you willing to go to this hospital and allow them to help you?”

“I never much cared for Garland, but sure. One problem though, I cannot drive it just now.”

“The Hospital will make arrangements to have you transported, so don’t worry about that. You just try to focus on the treatment they will give you.” She said.

“TRANSPORTED??? “What am I? A truck farm product?”

“Thank you Doc, I will. And, by the way, I am sorry for being a smartass, but I suppose you get that a lot, dealing with drunks and mental cases. I do appreciate your time and your help. Thank you.”

“It’s Okay Lance. I am going to talk to the staff now at your Hospital and begin making the necessary arrangements. Take good care.” She said and then severed the connection.

I got out of bed and returned the IPAD to the Staff Desk and thanked them.

“How’d it go?” One of the staff asked.

“Did Ya know, you can’t get Netflix on this thing?”

Unnamed Staff laughed.

Finally! (Love it when I can make someone laugh)

“It went just Jim Dandy, I suppose. Looks like I will be leaving Y’all soon.” I said, and then returned to my little Hospital Cave.

And waited.

To Be Continued…

Chapter One Here  

Chapter Two Here Escape From Memphis–Chapter Two

Chapter Three Here Escape From Memphis—Chapter Three—Shawn.

Chapter Six Here  Escape From Memphis—Chapter Six

Chapter Eight Here  Escape From Memphis Chapter Eight.

Chapter Nine Here  Escape From Memphis–Chapter Nine


Last Chance Texico

Continue reading

Since I am Whor’d, Bor’d, & Ignored,–Word-Press Is Stupid…

I Am ‘Forced’ To Repost This

(Could Not, For Some Estranged WordPress Reason, Drop it into My Last Post)


Help Me Rhonda


All The ‘Beach Boys’ Were Gay.

Please ask me how many fucks I Give


Such A Womanly Body!

Bilt Like A Brick Shit House

The Commodores-Brick House

Looking at her always took my Breath Away


Took My Breath Away

Cred For Shared Vid: Berli


Someone Actually ‘Read’ This.. So Natch, What Does Lance Do? (Yeah, I’m Tryin’ To Be ‘Hip’ But I Am About Three Bubbles Off Plumb)

Off Plumb, but still workin’ the problem


I Think Y’all Already Know: Re-Post! Hahaha! (So That Others Might ‘Enjoy’) This Bread Is Dead: It Falls Apart Every Time I Even Look At It

The Tuna Fish Song:

Cred: fretkillrlives

I Just Wanted A Tuna-Mish Sammich

Oh Hell No Cowboy!

Not So Fast!


Took Me Five Minuets Just to Open the GD Can

Things Went Down-Hill From There.

As You May Well Imagine–

And If You Know Me:

You Can Well Imagine