All The Lettuce is Brown, Alien, And Alive! Yes, I Am Properly Fucked! Oh, Almost Forgot: and the Milk is Gray

All the lettuce is brown

And the milk

is

Gray

So I ran away!

Cass,

Yeah, I’d Fuck her

Twice!

Even Thrice!

Because shit like brown, pulsating, alive lettuce frightens me. I prefer my lettuce dead, not running about, chasing me.

And gray milk?

Don’t think so!

Not appealing to me.

Been there.

Done that.

In Iraq.

Never again.

No Sir. No Ma’am!

My Life?

I’m lovin’ it!

Wanna keep it.

Alive.

Wanna keep my life… alive.

Spend your pity on someone else.

But first call in an air-strike on the lettuce–for me–thanks– ‘preciate Ya!

I will survive.

Thank you

Drive Thru

Better Version Found Below

P.S., I Love You Michelle

Cali-Dreamin’ and Schemin’

Vid Cred: Thefreddy Show

***

Added Bonus Reference

“P.S., I love you.” You. You. You. (Michelle, My Belle.)

I Absolutely Love These Broads mY Humble Tribute To The Highwomen: “Lance, Go Get Wrecked!”

“Okay… Have it your way.” I’ll do it my Way! U Fukkin’ OK With That? Yay Lance! Kiss Yer Asss G’Bye–Somewhere There’s A Scooner sinkin’…. Oh Fuk this! I can’t write for shite!

Not now Lance! You Idiot!

“Lance, kiss yer ass goodbye.”

“I’ll Do it my way. OK?”

I was once once A Sailor…

not now

No Words.

I Love their Mini-Skirts, BTW!

WONDERFUL!

Sexy, and Perfection!

I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons.

“With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and songwriters, stars or not, and hand-selects the purest cuts of well-marbled entertainment for your daily listening pleasure. The tempo, the style, the instrumentation, the genre – it doesn’t matter. The rules are simple – the songs need to have a Texas connection. Rock, rap, country, reggae, electronica, dub step, house, R&B – If the music helps to build an audio tapestry worthy of the Lone Star State, it’s got a shot on Notably Texan.”

I was on my way back from one of my ‘Booze-Run’ Missions when this song came on the program. I had to pull over to properly focus on it—This is how impressed and captivated and enamored I instantly was…

Try this version

It may not take three DAYS to Load!

And Hey!

WordPress!

Go GET

Fucked!

Use This

to

Fuk

Yerself!

Heaven is a Honky-Tonk

“There’s a choir singing in a southern accent, a fiddle in the band
There’s a “Hallelujah!” on the lips of every dying man
Mama, don’t you cry when they’re dead and gone
Jesus, he loves his sinners and heaven is a honky tonk”

(I do not know who The Rather Large Black Broad Who Joined The Girls on the Stage is–Trust Me: I looked–But Obviously, She Added added Value–Bravo For HER!)

And Bravo To The Highwomen!

Yeah, I am a ‘Closet Liberal’ And an ‘Out-of-the-Closet-Redneck’— And An Extremely Pro-Feminist–My Love of And For of Women is Very-Well Documented. I Never pull My Punches.

“Go Rocky!”

Yes, I am ‘complicated’–But Y’all knew this already.

Love me, or HATE Me. I really Don’t Give a Shit!

You do YOU.

And Embrace Your Opinions.

But only if You are Sincere.

And HONEST!

I am, if nothing else, HONEST!

I’m as Real as Real Can Get!

What You See, Is Exactly What You Get!

Just for reference (And Deference)

“The Highwomen are the rarest of country supergroups: a quartet who came together at the height of their popularity and creative powers, not when they were settling into their legacy. In that regard, the quartet of Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Amanda Shires, and Natalie Hemby differ from their knowing namesake the Highwaymen, a band Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristofferson formed in 1985, just as they started to drift down the charts.

When the Highwomen appeared in 2019, every member of the quartet was at a peak in her respective roots niche. Singer/songwriter Carlile was fresh off winning three Grammy Awards and Morris was at the vanguard of country-pop, while Shires’ cult was growing thanks to the atmospheric Americana of To the Sunset and Hemby’s reputation as a country songwriter was at a peak, thanks to her contributions to Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour and Miranda Lambert’s The Weight of These Wings.”

Article Credit: ALLMUSIC

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL Beauty

Pulling up the floors and changin’ out the curtains
Some of us are saints and some of us are surgeons
Made in God’s image, just a better version
And breakin’ every Jello mold

And when we love someone, we take ’em to heaven
And if the shoe fits, we’re gonna buy 11
How we get it done, we like to keep ’em guessing
But secretly, we all know.”

I AM STARSTRUCK

FUN FACT: My Best GF, Highschool Sweetheart, once said to me, and I quote:

“Lance, You are so easily Starstruck.”

I had to beg to differ, but she was at least half-right–when I see talent combined with Beauty, I fall victim–it is a pleasant fall and an admitted failing of mine–I relish and truly appreciate people who add value and meaning to my life.

Enriches My So-Called Life

And Just For Reference:

I do hope Y’all Enjoyed Watching/Reading This Post As Much As I Loved Putting It Together.

LET’S JUST CALL IT “A LABOUR OF LOVE,” IF YOU WILL.

Cheers Y’all!

gO rOCKY!

Was Me…

Back in My Hisstory

Asshole Stallion (Sp)

made this movie on a shoe-String budget—

Fuck Him!

Yer gonna eat lightning

And Yer Gonna Crap Thunder”

I was so naive

Back in them days

WordPress Never Fails In Its Un-Dying Effort To Piss Me The Fuck Off. In Its Un-Dying, Always Trying, Never Failing, Never Falling, Perpetual Mission To PISS-ME-OFF!

Hate WP

Everyday Is A Brand-New Adventure with WP.

I shall not go gentle into that good night

Yet, I Continue go gentle into that good night To Fight.

Straight-Up, I apologize for my profanity.

But comma this is an adult site.

And ergo I am a sailor

And WP Tramples On-My-Last Nerve.

Simple Edits Are Impossible

Fuk Yu WordPress! Why Cannot You Make Shit That Works? I Pay Four-Hun-Dread Quid Per Year for This Shite? Fuckin’ Top-‘Tear’ Fuckin’ WP?

ALL THE GD BELLS AND WHISTLES???? You DUMB-ASS Mother-Fu*kin’ Cock-suckers Make Me Wanna Spit—In Yer Face! Really! No bullshit!

As Y’all May have surmised by now, WP has pissed me off yet again. Sorry for my profanity, but this is an adult site and I am a sailor

Try Me WP! I swear to God! Y’all Could Fu*k Up A Wet Dream! “My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen” & Johnny Cash

Hey WordPress!

Got a telegram for YOU!

An’ Ya Know Whut WP?

As Ron White Famouslously Sez:

“You Caint Fix

STUPID!”

Cred: Ron White (Duh!)

Author’s Note: Y’all wanna know why I am still up-in-Worpress’s Ass?

Be-Fuckin’ Cause

EVER’TIME

I try to

Upload,

Download,

Sideways Load,

Up-Side-down-load

Any Kind of LOAD

WP Gives Me ATTITUDE!

That’s Fuckin’ Why!

***

No Words:

HIGHWOMEN!

SEXY BEAUTIFUL PERFECTION!

***

I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons.

“With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and songwriters, stars or not, and hand-selects the purest cuts of well-marbled entertainment for your daily listening pleasure.

The tempo, the style, the instrumentation, the genre – it doesn’t matter. The rules are simple – the songs need to have a Texas connection. Rock, rap, country, reggae, electronica, dub step, house, R&B – If the music helps to build an audio tapestry worthy of the Lone Star State, it’s got a shot on Notably Texan.”

I was on my way back from one of my ‘Booze-Run’ Missions when this song came on the program. I had to pull over to properly focus on it—This is how impressed and captivated and enamored I instantly was…

Try this version

It may not take three DAYS to Load!

And Hey!

WordPress!

Go GET

Fucked!

Use This

to

Fuk

Yerself!

Heaven May Be A Honky-Tonk

“There’s a choir singing in a southern accent, a fiddle in the band
There’s a “Hallelujah!” on the lips of every dying man
Mama, don’t you cry when they’re dead and gone
Jesus, he loves his sinners and heaven is a honky tonk”

(I do not know who The Rather Large Black Broad Who Joined The Girls on the Stage is–Trust Me: I looked–But Obviously, She Added added Value–Bravo For HER!)

And Bravo To The Highwomen!

Yeah, I am a ‘Closet Liberal’ And an ‘Out-of-the-Closet-Redneck’— And An Extremely Pro-Feminist–My Love of And For of Women is Very-Well Documented. I Never pull My Punches.

“Go Rocky!”

Yes, I am ‘complicated’–But Y’all knew this already.

Love me, or HATE Me. I really Don’t Give a Shit!

You do YOU.

And Embrace Your Opinions.

But only if You are Sincere.

And HONEST!

I am, if nothing else, HONEST!

I’m as Real as Real Can Get!

What You See, Is Exactly What You Get!

“The Highwomen are the rarest of country supergroups: a quartet who came together at the height of their popularity and creative powers, not when they were settling into their legacy. In that regard, the quartet of Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Amanda Shires, and Natalie Hemby differ from their knowing namesake the Highwaymen, a band Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristofferson formed in 1985, just as they started to drift down the charts.

When the Highwomen appeared in 2019, every member of the quartet was at a peak in her respective roots niche. Singer/songwriter

Carlile was fresh off winning three Grammy Awards and Morris was at the vanguard of country-pop, while Shires’ cult was growing thanks to the atmospheric Americana of To the Sunset and Hemby’s reputation as a country songwriter was at a peak, thanks to her contributions to Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour and Miranda Lambert’s The Weight of These Wings.”

Article Credit: ALLMUSIC

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL Beauty

Pulling up the floors and changin’ out the curtains
Some of us are saints and some of us are surgeons
Made in God’s image, just a better version
And breakin’ every Jello mold

And when we love someone, we take ’em to heaven
And if the shoe fits, we’re gonna buy 11
How we get it done, we like to keep ’em guessing
But secretly, we all know.”

I AM STARSTRUCK

FUN FACT: My Best GF, Highschool Sweetheart, once said to me, and I quote:

“Lance, You are so easily Starstruck.”

I had to beg to differ, but she was at least half-right–when I see talent combined with Beauty, I fall victim–it is a pleasant fall and an admitted failing of mine–I relish and truly appreciate people who add value and meaning to my life.

Enriches My So-Called Life

And Just For Reference:

I do hope Y’all Enjoyed Watching/Reading This Post As Much As I Loved Putting It Together.

LET’S JUST CALL IT “A LABOUR OF LOVE,” IF YOU WILL.

Cheers Y’all!

JUNE CARTER NEVER GOT THE FAME SHE DESERED

WITHOUT HER

THERE WOULD NEVER BEEN ANY

FUCKIN’

JOHNNY CASH!

Thanks to John Coyote for turnning me on to this one!

https://johncoyote.wordpress.com/

***

Awright!

I’m ‘Over’ My Rant for Now

But WP!

Don’t git too comfortable!

I ain’t Near done wid you yet.

I just needed to come up for some fucking air!

Becuz, quite frankly,

YOU

STINK

TO HIGH HEAVEN!

I FUCKING

ADORE

REESE!

She Lights

My

FIRES!

***

AND BY THE MOTHER-FUCKER WAY!

HAY

(SEED)!

WHY IS MY INTERNET SO SLOW?!

I HAVE FIVE FUCKIN’ BARS

AND AM ON A RUNNING ON A

FOUR FUKKIN’

THOUSAND DOLLAR LAPTOP!

(No Bullshit! That’s what I paid for it! It has been to Iraq with me)

CHRIST-ON-A FUKKIN’ CRACKER!!!

I Still So Much Miss My Sis! I Will NEVER Allow Her Memory To Die.

God’ammit it! Why did she have to die? I Did NOT Giver My Permission To Die. Updated! Some Cali-Bashing! “ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, No Class NO Cash! Ne

I am Dying Inside Over My Remembrances of Her

:

“Hey Buddy, CAN You Spare a Dime?”

Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music.

(See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.)

Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit.

(Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream of consciousness! ‘If I ‘edit’ it, then it is shite, as a stream of consciousness.

And then would ring false. So I won’t fukkin’ edit it.

What you see is what you get. (I may go back and give ‘credit’ for all the vids/images I stole, but that ain’t ‘editing’– that is just not being an asshole.)

Read/Watch/Listen at Your Own Annoyance.

It is impossible to not notice…

To not notice…

How HAPPY Agnetha & Anni-Frid ARE IN this!

They LOVED IT!

And for that,

That STAGE PRESENCE!

I LOVED THEM!

(I suppose ‘The Boys’ were happy too.

But Lance don’t pay attention to the moods of boys—LOL!)

**************

This will be brief (I promise)

I have been (In Light, or in Dark, of my too recent loss)

HATE ASHBURY

I have been pondering…

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

(I believe some smart guy once said that)

Well, I been ‘prospectin’  down into MY Life.

Didn’t find no gold.

Didn’t find no silver.

Didn’t find no diamonds.

(Hangman! Hangman! Meet me at The Gallows’ Pole!”)

(“Bring me your dead sister then.)

Yeah! I am sick… and bitter!

Didn’t find…

No Solace.

Found a box of rocks tho…

Note attached:

It read, and I quote:

“Lance, this is all your life represents. Have a nice day”

—God

“Oh, and never forget: Jesus Saves.”

–G

Saves what?

Green stamps?

“Hey God!

Go to Fuck Yourself!”

(I know the grammar is fucked, but THAT is how Gladys always verbalized it)

“Go to fuck yourself!”

(See Third paragraph for Gladys)

I loved her for her broken English.

Might be continued, but I doubt it…

*******

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t. It was once a Magical Place,

Now it is just One More Shit-Hole! Trust me! I Know! I have been arould the World. Twice! I know most Places are Shit Holes! But California Was Always Different! No Mas! Now it is Just One More Shit-Hole! In a World Full of Shit Holes!

It ain’t the way it used to be!

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore.

While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit. We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by.

Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER EVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’ In my earshot–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

And Yes! I have been to Paris France!

No Less Than Ten Times!

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t.

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore. While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit.

We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by. Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

******

Street Cred: Memology 101:

If you are a ‘good and astute observer’ you will see Kamala trying (and failing) to dance.

Free Bonus Track

(But Donations Greedily Accepted)

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor.

Rich is better.”

–L. Marcom, Circa 2006

Rhonda Jo: Chapter i dON’T Know…Maybe SanSrit…Two and a Half–White Trash Was She–I Still Miss Her– SO Marvelous Much!

One night after some passionate love- making, I rolled over, looked at Rhonda and said,

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She rolled over and said,

“Don’t. Just Don’t.

Too Late! How could this White – Trash Okie Woman possess such much subtle knowledge and inject it into my mind?

Of course, I fell even more madly in love with her after that.

Cred:

Klymaxx Klymaxx

I miss her.

I miss her smile.

And her Laughter

And her body

Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude

Black Hair

Black Eyes

Bright Smile

Great Thighs

Wily Words From Her Mouth

Gave No Pause

Left No Doubt

Words Delivered With Such Charm

Better Watch Out

You’ll Be Disarmed

Your Walls Came Crashing Down

Your Weapons On The Ground

She Was Standing There

(Laughing At My Folly)

Laughing Everywhere

You May As Well Surrender Right There

Taking Me Aside, She Said

“I’ll Never Be Your Bride.

“But You Knew This All Along.”

She Left Me With A Song

And Made Me Smile Again

Then Left Me With a Fact:

“I Cheats At Blackjack”

(Inside Joke—Will Elaborate On This In A Future Post As We Delve Deeper Into This Odyssey)

“A Broad River Divides My Lovers: As Unchangeable As Nature.”

Best Carly Song Ever NOT Written by Kris Kristofferson. I misspoke.

Here is the one I meant (Written by Kris):