Hahaha! I Should Seek Council and Then Be ‘Put Away’ For Permanent! “Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!”

You Got the Heart, But You Ain’t Got the Tools

****

Ever seen a grown man cry?

My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog!

Those who claim to know me…

Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me!

****

I’m old enough, and ‘country enuff’ to remember having a ‘party line.’

Any of Y’all remember those?

(Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) :

I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete.

OOPs!–Over Did It!

************

But, in the doing of that… I may spill some of that, that, that I need so much!

Ever’ Drop!

(Lance is an alcoholic, doan’cha know—and Juicers are very good at rationing their Booze Provisions—we plan ahead!)

But There are always ‘options.’

And ‘work-arounds’

Just requires some ‘critical thinking’ and ‘Critical Drinking’—

and a Brain–

None of which I have readily available to me at this moment.

“Hello! DT Me!–

(DT’s — Self-imposed!)

Been a while!

Long time no see!

How’s the family?

How’s the wife and kids?

(I have a bit of Scottish in me… but it came out of a bottle—not out of Scotland…)

The Drunk Scotsman

Cred for Share Vid: Saine Tarasind

***

Since we are travelling about the UK…

Irish Rovers-Drunken Sailor

Best line from the Song:

“We’ll put him in a long boat ’til he’s sober.”

Vid Share Cred: John Kenton

***

I love my life.

I love that I am, by nature, a happy person.

Hahaha! Lance is a JERK! Rumors of My Premature Demise Have Been Greatly Bastardized–Exaggerated.

“The Letter Said He Was Reported Dead.”

That Letter Was Fake News!

I’m Still Kikkin’ Screamin’

(And Still Standing)

****

Still Standing

Cred for Vid?

Goes Without sayin’

So I won’t Say It

Rollin’ Wheels

“Near the front lines he’d been found

A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap

And I still hear the sound

Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.”

*****

For some bizarre reason, this song reminds me of my first wife, Janet.

I suppose it is because she was in the U.S. Army Reserve and used to drive Jeeps for a living.

Or something.

I Loved Her Dearly.

And I respected her (Even though, she was ‘Certifiable Nuts.’)

Did not matter:

I loved her.

Still do.

This post will make no sense whatsoever.

Don’t Care.

It is just for me.

And Jerry Jeff.

And Janet Sisco

The more I explore old songs… songs that make me FEEL, the more I  come to understand the depth of my depravity.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

My life has become a ‘rolling wheel.”

Spinning out of control.

Almost a whirling dervish.

But not quite there yet…

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Some smart guy once said that.

So here is Me:

Examining.

Stay Tuned….

Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh

Since I am an arrogant snob and a pompous ass,  I add this ‘added value’ for those who never get me.

(You’re welcome.)

Drive Through.

dervish is a Muslim of particular religious order. … To call something a whirling dervish is to say that object or person resembles a spinning top or is wild in its movement. An object can also just be a dervish. The term twirling dervish is technically correct, as a dervish could be described as twirling.

More “Added Value:”

In Keeping With TTales & Hieroglyphs Virtual Ink Green Earth Policy…

“His whole life was short, quick and straight.”

Who does this remind me of??

Oh my Gawd! How I do miss him!

Peanut Story Warning Below!

The Flat-Bed Truck and The Pastel Sun-Dress

 

UBH: Cast of Caricatures

“Comphy Numb

The Dream is Gone

I Wanna Be A “For Real Writer”

  1. Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine.

  2. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Away—but wonderful)

  3. Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why

  4. Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just for one day. Then she found politeness. And then fit right in with our “in-crowd.”)

  5. Jacob— Junkie—young junkie—Always wearing a Nirvana T-Shirt–nuff said.

  6. Phil—Texan—issues he had—showed up drunk Day One and checked himself in. Not sure how that works, but whatever.

  7. Nino (My ‘Roommate’) Did not like him, but he was there, so, what ever-the fuck-ever.

  8. Kelsey (my favorite ‘broken’ one’—loved her) “Take the Mary Poppins Unbrella and fly the fuck out of town.”

  9. And of course,

  10. Yannah…

  11. “T” I mean, “Ethel, the Pirate’s Daughter.” And cheater at Black Jack (and life in general)

No doxing here.

Whoops!

Too late.

This “Story” is going somewhere.

I just need to line up the cast and crew.

Stand by…

But one last quote from Sal:

“Kids are like little drunk Midgets.”

I promised him I would steal that quote.

Now I have.

Promise fulfilled.

P.S. This piece was more fun to write than it will ever be fun to read.

You realize you have a problem when you laugh at your own jokes.

“Time to seek council Son.”

“I heard you were a drunkard’s drunkard.”

“Never when I’m working!”

“Give me my sin again.”

“You kiss by-the-book.”

(Brook???)

(I LOVE SHAKESPEARE!)

And yes! My mind has departed for destinations unknown

Continuation Of My Infatuation With ‘Info-Babes’–Is This Love Erin? Yep. From Where I Sit It Certainly Is (I Tried–To Make This A Good Post–Obviously I Failed In My Endeavor)

Janis Joplin – Try

(just a little bit harder)

****

I’m Really Really REALLY infatuated with Erin Burnette.

I don’t even know why.

Maybe because she is smart. And so well-educated. This draws me. Like a moth to a flame. I LOVE smart women. Cannot resist them.

She absolutely is very intelligent–there is no debate on this fact.

Maybe because she is beautiful

She certainly is–again, no debate on this one.

Maybe because she intrigues me

She surely does

Maybe all of the above.

Most likely.

I love her–Everything About Her

OK, I lied a little bit: I never mute her.

See photo of my “Notes.”

I don’t EVER NOT  listen to her.

I do NOT agree with her opinions,

but I respect them.

And I love her voice.

She adds value to my life.

And I appreciate that.

****

I just drop this in because I love it and it is upbeat.

Kinda like Erin, It makes Me Happy to Experience.

In My Imaginary Mind.

Apples Peaches Pumpkin Pie –

Jay & The Techniques

Cred For Share: BrushCountryJamboree

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.”

Redundant?

Yes, I Know

 

Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size.

Madelyn My Sister (step-sister)

was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for me. Read CHEAP.

I checked it out, paid my fifty bucks and moved in. The moving in took all of two minutes, for I had not much to move.

Working for Ruth at her Liquor store in Ladonia and making a solid three dollars fifty cents an hour (plus ‘benefits), it was indeed, ‘perfect’ for me.

Now mind you, I never complained about living in such a place. After all, it did suit me and no one would have cared anyhow if it didn’t. It had some kind of ‘certain charm (just like this place) to be sure.

How many folks could invite a guest into their home and lead them past the shitter before arriving into the living room/bedroom/kitchen/study proper? As far as I knew, I had the only such place in all of Commerce. It was special.

And truth be told, I did some ‘entertaining’ there a couple of times. The only person who I would invite over was my girlfriend. She never judged me. She was always happy to be with me, no matter the venue. (Yes, that sounds conceited, but there it is Gentle Reader—c’est vrai, or quel dommage, or… choose your own français).

Continue reading

The Abusive Muse: Wake-Up Call.

A Wake-Up Call

“Whaaaa?”

“Wake the Fuck UP!”

“Who ARE you?”

“Your Muse.”

“Oh, I FORGOT. I Mistakenly Took You for a ‘Nice Female’–Guess I Was Miss-Informed. I Thought You That Delirium Tremens Monster.”

“No. He will be around later. Right now you have me.”

“Okay. Something on your mind?”

“Yes. You need to get up and write.”

“I am sleepy.”

“Time enough to sleep when you’re dead.”

“Really? We gonna go there?”

“Get your ass up; plant your ass on that chair. Hit the keyboard. Write!”

“Don’t wanna.”

“’Want’ has nothing, and everything to do with this.”

“Okay.”

To Be Continued….

Part two here