The Shit-Post Storm Continues: Un-Abated! “Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her”

And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name.

I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’

Works for me (And Hopefully, Her)

I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose.

As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse.

Finished it and hit The ‘Publish’ Button.

(I NEVER allow Anyone, not even MS Muse, to proof-read or comment on my so-called ‘work’ before I cast it out into the endless sea that is the Internet.)

Muse will certainly be the first to read it and then as she is reading it, I’ll stand by for heavy rolls and unhappy critique.

But this post is not about that.

I leaned back in my chair, cracked open another beer, and glanced over my shoulder at MS Muse.

She had not yet gotten the “Moron-Writer-Just-Posted Alert.”

She was preoccupied with working her NYT Crossword

(Using an INK PEN! Vice a PENCIL like all the rest of us Mortals. Who has confidence enough to do that? She does.)

As I was staring at her, she apparently became aware.

She put down her New York Times, stared right back at me and said,

“Now what?”

I cleared my throat, mustered all the courage and moxie I had remaining, and said,

“Will You Marry Me? I am in love with you.”

She slapped the shit outta me.

“Snap out of it!” She said.

It didn’t exactly go like this, but this here/below, is

MY FANTASY.

I can concoct it as however is my wont.

Or ‘want.’

Call it ‘Creative License.’

If you must.

To be continued…

P.S., I am in love with Carly Simon

(As if Regular Readers Did Not Already Know This)

She was / is a bit of a slut,

But ain’t we all?

(I warmly embrace my ‘slutiness.’ It defines me)

Carly’s Slutiness Makes Me Love Her Even That Much More!

She is for reals!

******

Sorry Carly!

I should not have called you a slut–I live in a Glass House—

Casting Stones is Not Wise on My Part.

Added One Vid. Only Look If You Have A Bit of YOUR Life You Wanna Waste. “Shit Post # 9: Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE”

Cornelia & Lance

Basra, Iraq 2006

Love Potion Commotions!

Cred for Vid: whoacanyouhelpme

Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’

Fu*k it!

Watch the below vid.

You will laugh your ass off.

Ditto this one below

Vid Cred: MAD LAB

***

But this is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea

And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent

Proposal of Marriage

She is sitting on the couch as I type these words.

(Yeah, she came home after the lights and water were restored)

I am beginning to find her a ‘fair-weather’ muse. Just sayin’.

Don’t matter. I still love her.

She had all her props:

  • Glass of Pinot.
  • Virginia Slim
  • Cell Phone
  • IPad
  • NY Times, Washington Post, And Waco Weekly Wipe
  • Attitude

Yeah. There’s that.

Always that.

Always That Attitude: Nuclear Option

*****

This post cannot stand alone on my prose.

The vids are requisite.

“I just have to look good; I don’t have to be clear.”

(Two slightly different versions: I try to give Y’all Choices)

The volume is borked. So CRANK it up. (Video Credit: Video Music, via The YouTubes—Duh!)

Vid Creds: Global News

Love Broadcast News.

Love Mocking Broadcast News.

Love the Eye-Candy ‘Info-Babes’ on Broadcast News. (Broadcast News puts the ‘Broad’ in News)

Andrea Tantaros CNN Bra Size & Measurements

Andrea Tantaros: CNN, Bra Size & Measurements

Guys, you know you want me to drop the link.

No!

Suffer in Silence

*******

Love that I harbor no true malice toward Broadcast News, but G’damn! they are so transparent with their bias.

Added Value: Holly-Go-Lightly

I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this brief interlude shit post I wrote while cooling my heels waiting for MS Muse to respond to my Proposal of Marriage

Cheers!

(‘Story at Eleven’)

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’

Credit to John Ward: Genius Man

“No, it’s awful.”

My Cross to bear

My Spirit ‘Man-able’: Ted Koppel

Video Compilation Credit Below: iLoveChrisCuomo

Uh… Homo-Erotica?

CNN: The Most Trusted Name In News?

Am I homo-phobic?

No! But these two wear me out!

Some of my Best Friends are Fags (This is a JOKE BTW!)

“I love you Don Lemon.”

You never fail to entertain.

Now Please Excuse me while I puke—‘vacuate’ my stomach.

And my mind.

“The Memes Become Reality”

–IanMilesCheong

Don & Chris:

Two Marshmallows Colliding in Mid-Air:

Ignore the below, the last on your radio dial, because WordPress is FUCKED UP!

Won’t let me delete it!

It just keeps spinning ‘round an’ ‘round sucking up bandwidth.

Bandwidth I have not to spare,

Nor desire to share.

Fuck you WordPress!

“Uploading” it perpetually says.

Hey Whore-Press!

How ‘bout I ‘upload’ my Nine Millimeter into your dome?

How would that grab ya?

Add-Din-Dumb:

I got ‘on the horn’ w/WP

Kind service rep fixed my problem:

Toot Sweet!

Un-Fun Facts:

Dick Van Dyke was an Alcoholic

(And So is Lance)

Vid Share Cred: TheRatbasher

All-in-all, WP has Great Customer Service.

No denying that.

I take back my un-happy words hurled at WordPress… until the next time…

***

This Post Requires Mo’ Luv: It is All About Alchohol-hisem’es “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”

My childhood was kinda messed up.

***

“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”

-Janis Ian

This post is for Teela

Teela

******************

My grandfather beat his wife. He was a jealous man. He was a boxer in his youth, and his beatings were top-notch.

He could beat:

This man. That man. Any man. (He could beat women too)

And he did; he beat my grandmother.

For fifty years.

He was a jealous man.

He hated me, but more important, he hated the spring I had sprung from.

He hated those “Marcoms.”

“Who the hell do they think they are, Boy? Doctors, lawyers? Scum! That’s what they are!”

“Yes, gran-dad, they are scum.”

“That old Doc Marcom… he is communisss.”

“Yes, Grand-dad, surely”

“If’n you sass me Boy, I gonna send you there to live among ‘em.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

“Go on in there and do yer homework.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

That conversation happened in 1969, if memory serves.

In 1974, when I had ‘matured’ and I was spending a summer there (in Winnsboro), late one night, my Grandmother came flying through my room:

“Lance! Lance! He’s trying to kill me! Help me!”

I jumped out of bed, followed them onto the porch, and confronted my so old nemesis:

“Hey! You son of a bitch! Don’t be hittin’ my grandmother!,” I shouted.

He took a swing and a miss.

I countered and decked him. Knocked him off the porch actually.

He gathered his wits and said,

“Boy! I am gonna shoot your ass!” And  I believed him.

He ran into the house, as I was grabbing my Grandmother by the arm and dragging her to the road. He reappeared with his deer rifle and shot at us. We dived into the bar ditch, an’ cowered.

He missed.

But he did not miss the mark that I would have some difficulties lookin’ at him as ‘Gran-dad” anymore.

But… we forgave him.

We should not have.

(I know this now)

****

OK

Just to try to tie this one up since some have wanted to know the ‘ending’.

Somewhere about sunrise Gran-Ma an’ me made our way back home.

Granddaddy was up (kinda). I warily looked at him.

He had sobered up by this point.

I said something profound like “Good Day Sir”—I used to be a smart-ass kid—guess I still am.

Anyway,

Grand-Ma packed some clothing into a suitcase.

I grabbed all my books.

We loaded ourselves and all our stuff into the car and headed south.

To Houston where my mom lived (she was more crazy than her father, but if you have ‘read’ me, you already know this)

But at least she was usually ‘un-armed.’

***

“You who are so good with words….”

Diamonds & RUST

Vid Cred: Dave Bing

(And, once again Dave! I don’t need the fuckin’ words! I have Functional EARS!)

Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?”

Vid Compile Cred: Funny Fancy

It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’

I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.
Okay?

*****

I Can Relate:

Never Hesitate

*****

Bonus Track.

Don’t Even Ask Why.

Cred for Vid: Chadman2000

JUST One More on My Adventures With Alcohol: “Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’” “In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”

This is such a wonderful movie, but I saw way too much of myself in it. That is not vain vanity from me. Just fact. If you do not watch the vids, why are you even here wasting your time?

P.S. Fun Fact and spoiler alert: Sandra is prettier than me.

Just thought you should know.

You’re welcome.

***

How many people have I hurt?

How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine?

How many loving wives and good women have I cast away?

Got a Super-Duper Calculator?

You’ll need it.

Life Imitating My ‘Art.’

Hits a little too close to My Home:

If you only have time for one vid, this one below is it.

WATCH IT

IT IS BRILLIANT

And it makes me cry every time I watch it… hits me right through my heart

“In My dreams I don’t die.”

Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock

******

******

Some say beauty is just skin deep
Most of the time, this is true
But not with Sandra Bullock!
She is beauty
Through and through!

******

My fervent wish is that I had not cast away all the good people who offered a shoulder for me to lean on…

******

Trust Me. The below works

It Works.

Just Deploy A Little Imagination.

Credit: CCR

DUH

This May Be The Previously Promised ‘Chapter Three’, But, Honestly, I Cannot Recall. My Mind Has Left My Mind For Warmer Climes: “HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back” (I LOVE Laughin’ at LANCE! HE IS AN IDIOT!)

This is Just the ‘Trailer’

Full Movie Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You.

Soon, Very Soon

Keeping as a souvenir: (I’ll Never wash that wrist Again!)

***

Here is a Clue:

Cred: ‘Scared Sober with Delirium Dirk – Real Delirium Tremens and Alcohol Withdrawal

****

Street Cred:  ‘Christy Moore’

****

Street Cred: Kris

***

Oh HELL YEAH!

Kinda Made Me Wanna Stick Around For Another Month

***

Don’t Even Ask…

****

Footnote to This Story:

Today I sent these Flowers (and two boxes of Chocolate)

And these Heart-Felt words :

“Thank You All For Taking Such Loving Good Care Of Me.

I Shall Never Forget Your Kindness And Your Graciousness.

My Very Best Wishes,

Lance”

Chapter Two Here