The Shit-Post Storm Continues: Un-Abated! “Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her”

And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name.

I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’

Works for me (And Hopefully, Her)

I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose.

As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse.

Finished it and hit The ‘Publish’ Button.

(I NEVER allow Anyone, not even MS Muse, to proof-read or comment on my so-called ‘work’ before I cast it out into the endless sea that is the Internet.)

Muse will certainly be the first to read it and then as she is reading it, I’ll stand by for heavy rolls and unhappy critique.

But this post is not about that.

I leaned back in my chair, cracked open another beer, and glanced over my shoulder at MS Muse.

She had not yet gotten the “Moron-Writer-Just-Posted Alert.”

She was preoccupied with working her NYT Crossword

(Using an INK PEN! Vice a PENCIL like all the rest of us Mortals. Who has confidence enough to do that? She does.)

As I was staring at her, she apparently became aware.

She put down her New York Times, stared right back at me and said,

“Now what?”

I cleared my throat, mustered all the courage and moxie I had remaining, and said,

“Will You Marry Me? I am in love with you.”

She slapped the shit outta me.

“Snap out of it!” She said.

It didn’t exactly go like this, but this here/below, is

MY FANTASY.

I can concoct it as however is my wont.

Or ‘want.’

Call it ‘Creative License.’

If you must.

To be continued…

P.S., I am in love with Carly Simon

(As if Regular Readers Did Not Already Know This)

She was / is a bit of a slut,

But ain’t we all?

(I warmly embrace my ‘slutiness.’ It defines me)

Carly’s Slutiness Makes Me Love Her Even That Much More!

She is for reals!

******

Sorry Carly!

I should not have called you a slut–I live in a Glass House—

Casting Stones is Not Wise on My Part.

Added One Vid. Only Look If You Have A Bit of YOUR Life You Wanna Waste. “Shit Post # 9: Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE”

Cornelia & Lance

Basra, Iraq 2006

Love Potion Commotions!

Cred for Vid: whoacanyouhelpme

Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’

Fu*k it!

Watch the below vid.

You will laugh your ass off.

Ditto this one below

Vid Cred: MAD LAB

***

But this is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea

And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent

Proposal of Marriage

She is sitting on the couch as I type these words.

(Yeah, she came home after the lights and water were restored)

I am beginning to find her a ‘fair-weather’ muse. Just sayin’.

Don’t matter. I still love her.

She had all her props:

  • Glass of Pinot.
  • Virginia Slim
  • Cell Phone
  • IPad
  • NY Times, Washington Post, And Waco Weekly Wipe
  • Attitude

Yeah. There’s that.

Always that.

Always That Attitude: Nuclear Option

*****

This post cannot stand alone on my prose.

The vids are requisite.

“I just have to look good; I don’t have to be clear.”

(Two slightly different versions: I try to give Y’all Choices)

The volume is borked. So CRANK it up. (Video Credit: Video Music, via The YouTubes—Duh!)

Vid Creds: Global News

Love Broadcast News.

Love Mocking Broadcast News.

Love the Eye-Candy ‘Info-Babes’ on Broadcast News. (Broadcast News puts the ‘Broad’ in News)

Andrea Tantaros CNN Bra Size & Measurements

Andrea Tantaros: CNN, Bra Size & Measurements

Guys, you know you want me to drop the link.

No!

Suffer in Silence

*******

Love that I harbor no true malice toward Broadcast News, but G’damn! they are so transparent with their bias.

Added Value: Holly-Go-Lightly

I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this brief interlude shit post I wrote while cooling my heels waiting for MS Muse to respond to my Proposal of Marriage

Cheers!

(‘Story at Eleven’)

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’

Credit to John Ward: Genius Man

“No, it’s awful.”

My Cross to bear

My Spirit ‘Man-able’: Ted Koppel

Video Compilation Credit Below: iLoveChrisCuomo

Uh… Homo-Erotica?

CNN: The Most Trusted Name In News?

Am I homo-phobic?

No! But these two wear me out!

Some of my Best Friends are Fags (This is a JOKE BTW!)

“I love you Don Lemon.”

You never fail to entertain.

Now Please Excuse me while I puke—‘vacuate’ my stomach.

And my mind.

“The Memes Become Reality”

–IanMilesCheong

Don & Chris:

Two Marshmallows Colliding in Mid-Air:

Ignore the below, the last on your radio dial, because WordPress is FUCKED UP!

Won’t let me delete it!

It just keeps spinning ‘round an’ ‘round sucking up bandwidth.

Bandwidth I have not to spare,

Nor desire to share.

Fuck you WordPress!

“Uploading” it perpetually says.

Hey Whore-Press!

How ‘bout I ‘upload’ my Nine Millimeter into your dome?

How would that grab ya?

Add-Din-Dumb:

I got ‘on the horn’ w/WP

Kind service rep fixed my problem:

Toot Sweet!

Un-Fun Facts:

Dick Van Dyke was an Alcoholic

(And So is Lance)

Vid Share Cred: TheRatbasher

All-in-all, WP has Great Customer Service.

No denying that.

I take back my un-happy words hurled at WordPress… until the next time…

***

This Post Requires Mo’ Luv: It is All About Alchohol-hisem’es “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”

My childhood was kinda messed up.

***

“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”

-Janis Ian

This post is for Teela

Teela

******************

My grandfather beat his wife. He was a jealous man. He was a boxer in his youth, and his beatings were top-notch.

He could beat:

This man. That man. Any man. (He could beat women too)

And he did; he beat my grandmother.

For fifty years.

He was a jealous man.

He hated me, but more important, he hated the spring I had sprung from.

He hated those “Marcoms.”

“Who the hell do they think they are, Boy? Doctors, lawyers? Scum! That’s what they are!”

“Yes, gran-dad, they are scum.”

“That old Doc Marcom… he is communisss.”

“Yes, Grand-dad, surely”

“If’n you sass me Boy, I gonna send you there to live among ‘em.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

“Go on in there and do yer homework.”

“Yes, Granddaddy.”

That conversation happened in 1969, if memory serves.

In 1974, when I had ‘matured’ and I was spending a summer there (in Winnsboro), late one night, my Grandmother came flying through my room:

“Lance! Lance! He’s trying to kill me! Help me!”

I jumped out of bed, followed them onto the porch, and confronted my so old nemesis:

“Hey! You son of a bitch! Don’t be hittin’ my grandmother!,” I shouted.

He took a swing and a miss.

I countered and decked him. Knocked him off the porch actually.

He gathered his wits and said,

“Boy! I am gonna shoot your ass!” And  I believed him.

He ran into the house, as I was grabbing my Grandmother by the arm and dragging her to the road. He reappeared with his deer rifle and shot at us. We dived into the bar ditch, an’ cowered.

He missed.

But he did not miss the mark that I would have some difficulties lookin’ at him as ‘Gran-dad” anymore.

But… we forgave him.

We should not have.

(I know this now)

****

OK

Just to try to tie this one up since some have wanted to know the ‘ending’.

Somewhere about sunrise Gran-Ma an’ me made our way back home.

Granddaddy was up (kinda). I warily looked at him.

He had sobered up by this point.

I said something profound like “Good Day Sir”—I used to be a smart-ass kid—guess I still am.

Anyway,

Grand-Ma packed some clothing into a suitcase.

I grabbed all my books.

We loaded ourselves and all our stuff into the car and headed south.

To Houston where my mom lived (she was more crazy than her father, but if you have ‘read’ me, you already know this)

But at least she was usually ‘un-armed.’

***

“You who are so good with words….”

Diamonds & RUST

Vid Cred: Dave Bing

(And, once again Dave! I don’t need the fuckin’ words! I have Functional EARS!)

Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?”

Vid Compile Cred: Funny Fancy

It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’

I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.
Okay?

*****

I Can Relate:

Never Hesitate

*****

Bonus Track.

Don’t Even Ask Why.

Cred for Vid: Chadman2000

OKAY! LAST ONE! Then I will MOVE ON! To Something NOT So Depressing! “Pap, Huck, Peanut, Delirium tremens, and Lance”

Oh Man!

I have been here/there

Do NOT wanna go back there.

Dealing with the DTs


Cred for Vid: Beeston Media

 

I post a lot of shit. I post a lot of off the wall shit. If you have read my ‘By Way of Introduction’ page you will know this. But, OK,  most of you have not (read that). Therefore, I will be brief here (“More matter and less art,” Yeah yeah yeah…) More matter below:

And here is some ref: Peanut, stuff, more stuff, and even more stuff.

I stole this from Sam Clemens. I hope you like it a lot. (I do)

I don’t know how long I was asleep, but all of a sudden there was an awful scream and I was up. There was pap looking wild, and skipping around every which way and yelling about snakes. He said they was crawling up his legs; and then he would give a jump and scream, and say one had bit him on the cheek–but I couldn’t see no snakes. He started and run round and round the cabin, hollering “Take him off! take him off! he’s biting me on the neck!” I never see a man look so wild in the eyes. Pretty soon he was all fagged out, and fell down panting; then he rolled over and over wonderful fast, kicking things every which way, and striking and grabbing at the air with his hands, and screaming and saying there was devils a-hold of him. He wore out by and by, and laid still a while, moaning. Then he laid stiller, and didn’t make a sound. I could hear the owls and the wolves away off in the woods, and it seemed terrible still. He was laying over by the corner. By and by he raised up part way and listened, with his head to one side. He says, very low:

“Tramp–tramp–tramp; that’s the dead; tramp–tramp–tramp; they’re coming after me; but I won’t go. Oh, they’re here! don’t touch me –don’t! hands off–they’re cold; let go. Oh, let a poor devil alone!”

Then he went down on all fours and crawled off, begging them to let him alone, and he rolled himself up in his blanket and wallowed in under the old pine table, still a-begging; and then he went to crying. I could hear him through the blanket.

By and by he rolled out and jumped up on his feet looking wild, and he see me and went for me. He chased me round and round the place with a clasp-knife, calling me the Angel of Death, and saying he would kill me, and then I couldn’t come for him no more. I begged, and told him I was only Huck; but he laughed SUCH a screechy laugh, and roared and cussed, and kept on chasing me up. Once when I turned short and dodged under his arm he made a grab and got me by the jacket between my shoulders, and I thought I was gone; but I slid out of the jacket quick as lightning, and saved myself. Pretty soon he was all tired out, and dropped down with his back against the door, and said he would rest a minute and then kill me. He put his knife under him, and said he would sleep and get strong, and then he would see who was who.

So he dozed off pretty soon. By and by I got the old split-bottom chair and clumb up as easy as I could, not to make any noise, and got down the gun. I slipped the ramrod down it to make sure it was loaded, then I laid it across the turnip barrel, pointing towards pap, and set down behind it to wait for him to stir. And how slow and still the time did drag along.

Shoot at me you son of a bitch!

“Lately I been thinkin’, I just might quit drinkin’…

now I don’t know, all in all…”

***

Jerry Jeff Walker – I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight/Morning Song To Sally

Vid Cred: Jan Hammer

Yep!

Grace!

Love You!

JUST One More on My Adventures With Alcohol: “Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’” “In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”

This is such a wonderful movie, but I saw way too much of myself in it. That is not vain vanity from me. Just fact. If you do not watch the vids, why are you even here wasting your time?

P.S. Fun Fact and spoiler alert: Sandra is prettier than me.

Just thought you should know.

You’re welcome.

***

How many people have I hurt?

How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine?

How many loving wives and good women have I cast away?

Got a Super-Duper Calculator?

You’ll need it.

Life Imitating My ‘Art.’

Hits a little too close to My Home:

If you only have time for one vid, this one below is it.

WATCH IT

IT IS BRILLIANT

And it makes me cry every time I watch it… hits me right through my heart

“In My dreams I don’t die.”

Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock

******

******

Some say beauty is just skin deep
Most of the time, this is true
But not with Sandra Bullock!
She is beauty
Through and through!

******

My fervent wish is that I had not cast away all the good people who offered a shoulder for me to lean on…

******

Trust Me. The below works

It Works.

Just Deploy A Little Imagination.

Credit: CCR

DUH