Really Strange Situation I Find Myself In… I Wanted to Re-Publish a Bob Marley Post, But I cannot find It. Alas My Ass! This Will Have to Suffice.

A Rather Strange Strange BoY

C’est Moi!

“Grow Up! I Cried”

“Give me one good reason why”

Cred: Joni

Who The Hell Else Were You Expecting?

Volume is fuked; Crank it up!

Nation War Against Nation!

Check Out The Real Situation

Uncle Bob!

Strange

“Women Seem Wicked When You’re Un-Wanted.”

So What? I’m Stupid. Israel is on my Mind. Uniquely Random Memories from the Middle East Continued

“We made love in that birdhouse after sundown. And with the door open. And why not? We were young. (And we had all that ‘Diplomatic Immunity’ bullshit to boot)”

Thus ended my last ‘serious’ transmission regarding my recently orphaned series, bits of which may be found here  here  here  here…

WordPress is not Facebook and I would do well to remember this, yet if memory serves, the above is indeed how I did in fact, end my last sober transmission regarding this never-ending (Insha’Allah) story I still call without shame or sham, My Life.

Why did I NUKE My FaceBook?

Because FaceBook Irritates me.

That’s Why!

***

Guess what Friends.  I am gonna end it now. Hang onto yer butts.

All true, but I have a tendency to grow bored with my own writing and this does not bode well, well…

I have just recently been returned from my Sabbatical, (kicking and screaming) which was spent in some dark happy place looking for answers. Finding none, save one, I have returned to these pages more or less now unobstructed and with fresh thoughts unobscured.

“Whatever does he mean, “Unobstructed”? “Hey Y’all! Come look he’ah! Lance done lost his mind!” (a-gin)

Means, Dear Readers that I am just gonna tell “THE TRUTH” from now on. Not that I have not ‘til now been telling same but, now I am gonna tell the Whole Truth, because by omission, I have been lying.

No Sugar, no mas.

This I gleaned from my Sabbatical. “So thanks Sabra. And thanks for the lobotomy, and gee! That shock therapy was da bomb!”

Stay tuned…

Oh! And to tie up that last loose end:

Janet and I spent a wonderful day or two at Sharm, then went back to SFM and carried on. Things kinda went to shit after that… for a spell.

But then we got married and it was all copacetic–For about two hours.

Yes it was on our honeymoon and we got into an argument and ended up after the ceremony un-ceremoniously sailing our newly purchased and vowed-upon wedding rings off the balcony of the Sheraton Hotel, (tenth floor) gleefully watching them bounce on the sand in front of the Mediterranean Sea, to wait there for some intrepid happy beach comber to later discover and claim ‘pirate treasure’ no doubt from Sodom and Gomorrah… (Yes, American tourists are stupid)

After we had ‘dissolved’ our new marriage in that ancient simple way,  we went back to drinking and fucking, and for some I suppose that is what one could call a decent marriage, at least in the early stages.

And honestly, I think that is all way too much information about my time spent with her and Moses in Sinai and in the ‘Rest-of-the-Holy-Land.’

But perhaps not.

(See? I am sharing “deep thoughts” here) with you thanks to my newly ended Sabbatical. Now don’t you feel ‘very unique’? (Ed. Note: I HATE that! There are no degrees of ‘unique’. You can look it up)

If ya wanna…

 Addendum:

I really don’t want to write about Janet but… damn it! She is such a wonderful, truly true, truly colorful, truly unique, one-hundred-and-one pounds of fun character, especially after we arrived in Nacogdoches Texas and began our ‘unique’ married life.

We are all, all of us, ‘very unique individuals’.

Ain’t we?

Or aren’t we all just deluding our own unique selves?

Probably will be continued when They let me out again for ‘Social Time’

mscientist 

And Finally I leave you with a good Sunday Morning Song. We used to sing this as we ran in formation to chow when I was in BUD/s Class 158. Can you imagine? Probably not.

Video Credit: 

 tnDianna

Now I sing this every morning… in the shower… with the hot water… so no one will ever hear…

Vid credit? I suppose Sheryl…

And the final finally, I leave Y’all with the most perfect’est Sunday Morning Song:

(Yeah! Sheryl is a sxy Goddess. Ain’t she?!)

Video Credit: Public Domain (I hope)

My Head Hurts. My Feet Stink. And I Don’t Love Jesus. Someone, Anyone, Please Save Me. (From Being All Alone!) Yeah, I Know: Pipe Dream

Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend Was A

Freak

Like Me?

Doncha?

Oh Hell Yeah I Do!

My Girlfriend Attends Church.

Pretty Sure Y’all Do Not.

Thank God!

(No pun intended)

The Pussycat Dolls

“Ladies Disaster”


Terminally Related: and a Retarded Re-Tread

Disclaimer:

This Be A Lame-Ass

Pity-Party Post

But I’ll Cry If I Want To

(You Have Been Properly Advised)

***

Loneliness is a Bitch I Can’t Stand!

Don’t Wanna Live With Her!

Can’t Live Without Her

No Mas!

Gonna Toss Her Out!

But When It Comes Right Down To it:

“We Walk Through This World All Alone”

Desperado

Fuck You Jimmy Buff[-Aye!

What The Fu*k is WRONG  With Me?

I should be GRATEFUL 

For Just still walkin’ about, breathing air.

Still Standin’ Here

Still Standing, But all alone…

But yes! We’re All of us… All ALONE

Lenny! My Main Man!

All Alone!

Rita Rita R-I-T-Ahhh!!!

I ain’t! Grateful

Why not?

Because I am an asshole!

That’s Why

***

“Lance! You’re an Asshole!”

“No Shit? Got any more Breaking News?”

***

I suppose I expected more out of my life than this.

Whatever!

I have coin in my purse.

I gots my health (such as it is)

I have not yet run outta booze

What’s not to be thankful for?

I’ll get back to Y’all on this emotional crisis I am experiencing

Cheers

And Just Be Thankful for what you’ve got

Y’all!

That’s all!

Bye Now!

Bonus

On The House

(Yer Welcome!)

***

Not At All Germane To This Post

But Soon it Will Be

When I Get My Eviction Notice

No Phone, No Pool, No Pets.
I Ain’t Got No Cigarettes

****

Stupid Fun Fact:

My Best-Ever HG Girlfriend was third cousin to Roger Miller..

Truth,

But Y’all caint look that up–guess you’ll just havta take my word on it.

Uh? Did I Actually Write This? I Must Be Rainman Without the Blackjack Skills. Bad Fortunes. Under-Achiever Me. And I Was Actually A Decent Count-Down-Artist. Once

Bad Dreams Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)

*****

But then comes along…

  1. I’ve had a rough week and change.
  2. That last big storm we’d had shot down a lightning bolt into my ‘back-yard’ and knocked out my internet.
  3. For FOUR DAYS!
  4. (Thanks so Much for THAT, Zeus)
  5. It tried to gasp itself back to life. I was powerless to help. No CPR for Internets, I suppose.
  6. Was damn near out of booze.
  7. Got behind the wheel of my little Chariot.
  8. Turned the ignition: ‘Click, Click. Fucking Click!’
  9. I did NOT need this!
  10. Early Next A.M.
  11.  Called Hoover’s Automotive Repair—Told them I was sending them a ‘Project
  12. Then I called Benson Brothers, Legendary Towing Service.
  13. Next day Hoover-Man Delivered My ‘Labomba. He drove us back to Hoover’s so that I could ‘Settle Up’—Six hundred Bucks!
  14. By this point I was suffering Delirium Tremens—Shaking so bad, I could barely Barely. But I had to get some alcohol in me, with extreme ‘pred-a-juice’ or I would surely die.
  15. It was a race-against-the-clock.
  16. Got to my beer/wine/Copenhagen Store. My Man knew what I wanted (I always purchase the same items—he loaded them to my vehicle)
  17. Made it home. Now shaking uncontrollably. No way I was going to be able to unload my purchases.
  18. Happily (and luckily), I saw Cynthia sitting around a table with some friends of hers. Saw me & greeted Me, “Hey Baby, How Y’all doin?”
  19. I replied, “Not so good. Will you help me?”
  20. She walked over and asked, “What’s up?”
  21. I cannot unload  this stuff.
  22. She said, “Don’t worry. You go on in and I’ll bring it to you. Can you make it into your house?”
  23. “I think so,” I replied. 
  24. I was wrong.
  25. I could not make it up the only step up to my porch.
  26. One of Cynthia’s friends rushed over to help me and to my front door.
  27. I tried to get the key into the door knob—No dice—He took my key and unlocked the door.
  28. I shook over to my bed an fell half-way into it.
  29. Cynthia arrived with my ‘items’. I apologized for the state of my room, trying to explain that I had been in so much pain, that I could only manage a little bit of house-keeping at a time.
  30. She said, “I’ll clean it for you on Tuesday.”

Words failed me.

Wonderful , kind, generous woman.

I found my tongue, but  ”Thank you,”   Was best I could muster

*****

Out of All The Women I Have Known,
I Can Count On-One-Hand
The VERY FEW
Whoever Let Me Down….
And No!
I won’t be naming names

But on that flip side, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to add up all the women I have let down

*******

And Yes

My Nekke Bone Still Fukked!

—-Chaucer

Lance is a Chaucerian Fraud

(This ain’t no secret)

*******

Bonus:

Yeah.

I’ve had some ‘Bad Days’

“At Black Rock”

(For Film Buffs Only—Most likely)
I ripped this off because it is loosely related to this post.

I wrote a ‘scholarly’ paper on it and did a ‘Presentation’ too.
Complete with videos.
Guess my propensity to drop in vids started early
.

Oh, and BTW, I got an ‘A’ for my effort.

I did not have the heart to inform My Professor—Head of the English Department–that I wrote it drunk, in 45 mins, since he was so proud of me…

Cheers!

Yes! ‘The Asshole Boy Is Back In Commerce-Town’ Or ‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation.’ Obviously This Will Be Another WIPID–‘Work In Progress–I Digress.’

Author’s Moron Ed. Note: This Post is in Serious Need of

An Edit Enema

So… Check Back Early & Often.

I Tend To ‘Edit-As-I Go’–Horrible ‘Writer’s Bad Habit’

Be There A ‘Glen Oaks’ For That?

Naw. I Will Never Find ‘Help’ For My Bad Writing

Mais, Bonne Chance Mes Amis, et ‘Me’

The Boy Is Back In Town

(Best To Hide Yer Daughters)

Street Cred: Thin Lizzy Official

***

So… Check Back Early & Often.

I Tend To ‘Edit-As-I Go’–Horrible ‘Writer’s Bad Habit’

Be There A ‘Glen Oaks For That?

Naw. I Will Never Find ‘Help’ For My Bad Writing

Et Bonne Chance, Mes Amis

***

I Am Frantically Trying to Accurately And Honestly Recount My Recent Events As Fast As I Can: While They Are Still Fresh & Alive & Bubbling In My Mind.

Bare With Me. And Please Stay Tuned!

And Y’all Already Know By Now…

This is a ‘Rough Draft’

(Ain’t They All?)

***

DT’S Comin’ On Soon–Monsoon!

Glen Oaks, Take Two, Three, Four, More?

At This Point, I Have Lost Count, Or…

A Sailor/Texan Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest-

Once More

***

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Thug Notes Summary & Analysis

“In My Dreams At Least I Don’t Die”

Thank God I Have ‘Frequent Flyer Miles’ W/Them:

“Glen Oaks Loony Toons Hospital”

They Know Me There,

But Never in That

‘Biblical Sense’–

NO TOUCHING ALLOWED!

Damn The Rotten Luck!

I Had a Major CRUSH On A ‘Thirty-Something’

Brilliantly Wicked-Smart,

Beautiful Young Lady

Yes! She Knows Who She Is, But You ‘Casual Readers’

Will NEVER Know–Ever! Not Ever!

Happily Married “Girl”

99.99 Percent of Y’all Will Never Deserve to know.

Jes Sayin’

****

“Outside The sun is up and The Wind Blows me like a paper cup,

Down the High-way”

Here is My Stolen Song for Her:

i.e., I was almost old enough to be her grandfather!

(Story-of-my-Life: Always just a little too late)

Have I used this ‘line’ before?

Note to self: ‘Move this BS Line UP a few lines

Probab-ally,

YES!

Anyway, It Fits

For you see, I just Recently Checked in

AGAIN

To Discover what my current condition was in

***

“Gutter Balls”

For You See,

I Was Never Worth A Shit At Understanding The Lame Game

And Even If I Did,

I’M Shit At Bowling.

I Think I Do Not Quite Understand the Physics

OF

The Game

***

TBC

I always meet the most fascinating, interesting folks in Re-Hab

P.S. This Time I Met ‘Medusa

And King Kong

And A Real Cowboy

And A Native-American Meth Head

with three, count ’em, Three ‘Baby Mamas

And BTW, when did ‘Baby-Mama’ become a ‘thing?’

I am so far behind the times…

Anyway, I loved them ALL

And I Shall Expand Upon

This ‘Cast-Of-Caricatures’,

NO!

That is Bullshit Writing From Me!

They Are ALL Real/Decent/Wonderful/Intelligent People

NEVER Caricatures!

And I Shall Carry Them All Around in M hip Pocket

Until The Day I Die

***

Even If It Hare-Lips The Pope

****

To Any Left Out There in Glen Oaks ‘Radio-Land’ Who May Still Give-A-Shit:

I Found My ‘Mouse-House’ Just as I Had Left It:

A Crime Aghast Nature!

(But At Least it was Still My House)

“And A Very-Very Fine Mouse House”

And if You Evah Think I Take LIFE Too Seriously,

Ponder This One Y’all:

OH_MY GawD! How I Do LOVE & RESPECT “Amelia! It Was Just A False Alarm, My Darling Dear Brave Amelia, I Do SO Wish! It Were–And You Still With Us. Merde Alors!

Yes! You Will Have to Scroll Down To Discov’r The

“Un-Happy”

Bit.

Screw It! This Post Is All Over Some Place–I’ll NEVER ‘Fix’ It–NEVER Ever! Read it as-it-Stands, Alone! All Nekkid and Alone!

***

When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…

Then Yu Are Lost At Sea—-

Don’t Yu See?

****

I have spent no less than fifteen years in war zones.

All over the world.

Does this make me special?

Bet your ass it does.

I’ve see some shit.

Lived some shit.

Lost good friends.

Made new ones.

Moved on.

I’m gonna ‘Unplug’ for a spell:

For Mental Health Reasons

(Of Course All Y’all Faithful, Regular Readers Know I’m Lying–But It was Fun To Type That Lie: Just One of Life’s Simple Pleasures.)

Catch Y’all On The Flip-Flop…

And don’t forget to follow the white rabbit-Ribbit!

Down The rabbit hole—

If you dare,

I’ll meet you there.

Or if you require a second opinion…

Go ask Alice.

(I think she’ll know.)

*****

(Or The The Dormouse)

And Just-In-Case Somebody Wants to ‘Call Me Out’ On My Spelling:

dormouse is a rodent of the family Gliridae (this family is also variously called Myoxidae or Muscardinidae by different taxonomists). Dormice are nocturnal animals found in Africa, Asia, and Europe, and are particularly known for their long periods of hibernation

*****

(“Hibernation” is probably an option I should Explore.)

****

*****

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll Go.”

****

*****

Go Ahead: Feed Your Head.

Feed Your Head.

Feed Your Head!

******

For Amelia, Grace, Janis, Karen, Janet, Ela, Sheila, Rhonda, & and Five Dozen Others & More:

Too many mountains and not enough stairs to climb
Too many churches and not enough truth to find
Too many people and not enough eyes to see
Too many lives to lead and not enough time

She’s gone too far

She’s lost the sun

She’s come undone

Vid Street Cred: jthyme

******

Too many lives to lead and not enough time

Too many lives to lead and not enough time

Too many lives to lead and not enough time

*****

And when she found out she couldn’t fly

It was too late

MS Icarus

Justin Case…

(Well, You Already Know)

*****

Like Icarus Ascending,

Amelia,

It Was Just A False Alarm.

“Then Your Life Just Becomes A Travel Log”

Please Just Listen To The G’Damn Song!

And Watch The Fukkin’ ViD!

***

Joni Is SO Un-Pretentious!—

So Much Like Amelia!

I Absolutely

ADORE

Her!

Both of Her!

This Asshole Guitarist is a WASTE Of Time!

Sorry!

I am too Lazy to Edit Him Out

(Street Cred Vid: sonicboy19)

A most beautiful, wonderful tribute.

Sung by a most beautiful wonderful woman.

Thank you Joni:

“Maybe I’ve Never Really Loved:

I Guess That Is The Truth…

Ruth!

*****

Anyone Who Reads Me

Knows How Much I love & Admire

Great Women.

Guess What?

Amelia Earhart

Is One of the Greatest, Bravest vet o’ Of Them ALL!!