Category Archives: Joni

Moldy Old Posts. A Re-Visit: Shit Holes

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Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo

Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo

How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment

Transcribed from an Old Post:

*****

I moved out within a week; a one-bedroom frame house had come available and it was a bargain at just ninety bucks a month.

It was within fifty yards of ‘the crash site’ of my Monza, just across the road from the ‘Commerce International Dirt Strip’.

The pipes would freeze, but at least I did not have to enter my digs via the shitter.

The bedroom (yes! there was a proper bedroom!) had real wood paneling and I put carpet down in the kitchen (scrap bits I had ‘liberated’ from somewhere.)

My friends mocked me for carpeting the kitchen. Never sure why; seemed perfectly normal to me.

And the living room! I decorated with an old couch and chair I had also liberated from some place. (Probably the Commerce city dump / landfill.) I built a table out of some old lumber I picked up out of some pasture.

The whole place could best (euphemistically) be described as ‘Nineteen Thirties Era Dust Bowl’–or simply–‘Rustic’. And I loved it!

Had no Television, but I had a fifty gallon aquarium and my record-player.

Many happy, drunken, pot induced munchie chili cook-offs happened at this venue and life was grand: Some of my happiest memories to this day. In truth, I enjoyed my poverty.

I could go on and on, but my mind is tired today, so you’re lucky….

Thank you very much for taking the time to visit (even though I cannot help but sheepishly, shamelessly feel I nudged, goaded, prodded you into doing so).

Nonetheless, you are very gracious and generous with your time and your kind comments have made My Day. (I am a big fan of your writing, as you may have surmised.)

Cheers to you and do not forget to hug a vet this weekend.

(I am available for hugging on a first-come-first-served-basis by the way, and it won’t cost you a dime—just send one dollar, Postal Money Order…)

****

Just Had To!

Joni!

Such Grace! Such Class! Such Beauty!

There must be a God!

To Have Blessed Us With The Treasure That is She!

Joni!!

Joni!

Joni!

She is such a beautiful, class act.

I shall remain forever in love with her!

Vid Cred: Kehlog Albran

I Have But Few Words

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Fake Bitch:

Not Fake:

Ethiopian refugees who fled Tigray region, queue to receives treatment within the Fashaga camp on the Sudan-Ethiopia border, in Kassala state, Sudan December 14, 2020. REUTERS/Mohamed Nureldin Abdallah

Not Fake

Never Fake:

Since I retain my Third World Mode…

And counting my blessings…

Yet I possess/retain empathy.

I have been to Africa.

I have seen it.

Up Close

Have you?

(Vid Cred: Leeshan)

I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?!

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Below is just a ‘Short’ Collection of a Few of My Favorite ‘Things‘

My Humble Tribute to All The Girls

******

I Really Do LOVE You Stevie! You’re the Best of All the Rest.

I Adore You Stevie Nicks! (In Spite of my Recent (playful) Bashings of you)


“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh! I’m getting older too”

*****

Let’s Get On With it. Shall we?

“I Regret Nothing”

—Edith

“They put in a Nickle and they want a Dollar Song.”

Beautiful, Beautiful Joni

“When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go…”

Sexy Grace

I tried to make a ‘short’ list of all the women whom I love and admire:

“Yeah! Good Luck With That!”

(The ‘Short’ Part)

  1. Joni
  2. Linda
  3. Barbra
  4. Sheryl
  5. Carly
  6. Cher
  7. Ex-wives (all four)
  8. Melanie
  9. Janis
  10. Mom
  11. Christine
  12. Grace
  13. Julie
  14. Madonna
  15. Lanie
  16. Edith
  17. K.D.
  18. Jill
  19. Dolly
  20. Holly
  21. Tanya (Native Texan!)
  22. Judy
  23. Liza (With a ‘Z’ “Not ‘Lisa’ With an ‘S'”)
  24. Dorothy
  25. Camila
  26. Shakira
  27. Stevie (Honorable Mention)
  28. And of Course, My “Lisa With an S” My Third Wife:
The Flat-Bed Truck and The Pastel Sun-Dress

Then I ran out of virtual ink

Stray Tuned!

I shall expand!

But I’m in over my head!

Most people who write about ‘Fleetwood Mac’ Write about Stevie.

I write about Christine.

“Christine has such a rich, deep down dark chocolate voice . I love her”

–Lance Marcom, Circa 2021

(Stevie is such a condescending little bitch during this video—Watch it closely. Then you will see what I see)

Song-Bird! No Shit!

Cher! She’s All There:
The Whole Perfection Package.

Carly!

Bat-Shit Crazy & Wild Tanya.
I Love Her Like Cash Money!

Bella Madonna!

Babs!

Joni!!

Grace!

I have not the words to describe how I love this woman.

Love YOU Girl! Lanie!

Linda Baby!

K.D. Yes!

Jill Clayburgh!

First time I saw The movie (Silver Streak) at the Grove Theatre, I thought Jill Clayburgh one of the Most Beautiful and Charming Women in the Entire World.
(And I still Do)

Dolly, A Natural, National Charmer Treasure:

Holly!

“Judy Judy JUDY!”

(SORRY, Cary Grant, And Rock Hudson)

********

Liza!

Dorothy: Epitome of The Perfect American Woman

Vid Creation Cred: Wat Bradford

Camila Darling!

Sexy Shakira!

*****

And This Beat Goes On…

********

I ‘Construct’ My Posts to Entertain.

No other hidden desire resides within me.

If you have come this far, I hope you enjoyed this post at least half as much as I enjoyed constructing it.

‘Twas a “Labour of Love“

Credit Card Companies PISS Me OFF

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Song Credit: Dick Feller

Recent email to me:

“Lance, thank you from Capital One. You’re invited to pre-qualify for auto financing with no impact to your credit score.”

Since when do Credit Card Companies think they are allowed to be on ‘First-Name Basis’ with me?

I wrote their Customer Service Back:

“Hey Cap! Come to Commerce.
We’ll do lunch and then go on a Bar Crawl.”

Next statement, I ‘Discovered’—Pun intended—Cap One had raised my interest rate.

Fuk ALL CC Companies.

*******

Bonus Added Value (Kinda – Sorta Related)

Best Way To ‘Use’ Credit Cards:

Max ‘em out on Shiny Toys.

Then Never Pay The Bill.

Worked for Me.

After Seven Years, You Get a ‘Reset.’

And they start sending you CC Offers Again.

Rinse & Repeat

(Yeah, Larceny Runs in My Veins)

Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.”

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Danger! Will Robinson!

This post is

RAW!

I ‘might’ edit it later

(But Do Not Count On It!)

I have no fucking idea why I am posting this.

Actually,

I do.

It is because Joni Mitchell has shaped my life (in the best way) more than all the women (combined) who so desperately tried (and failed) to do so.

******

There will NEVER be a woman I love more than Joni Mitchell,

And I have never even seen her in person,

But I have never even seen Shakespeare either.

In person.

So… Fucking What!

Recent FB Stupid post of mine:

I’d just be happy with a sideways glance from her at me from 200 meters as she bordered her Lear Jet. I would be happy and sated enough to just lie down and die right then and there.

Right fucking there on the tarmac.

My last happy dying thought: Joni looked at me. Ever so briefly, but that is all I deserved.

I do not believe in God.

I do not believe in Yoga.

I do not Believe in Ghost-Busters

I do not believe in Chocolate Milk

*****

But I do believe in Joni.

I can hear/see/watch Joni.

Cannot do that with any God.

*******

More convoluted FaceFuk Shit:

I love Joni.

Joni don’t love me

Why not? You may ask.

Because She doesn’t even know I exist.

(I am about to spill A-LOT  of Virtual ink on Joni—- Once again)

Why? Because I love her so much more than all the Tea In China.

Stay tuned!

It ain’t raining here, but I don’t care!

As in general,

WordPress is Fucking Stupid!

There is a Great Link Below To A wonderful Complexation/Complication/Compy-lication, Complied Collection… of Joni Music….

But Y’all gonna have to don them Coke-Bottle-Bottom glasses to see it.

Great Songs for a Rainy Day

Joni! I love love LOVE You!

You have  continuously and always Enriched my Life!

When I die… I want the two people at my funeral as they spread the dirt over me… One would be Joni. The other is a person to be named later… to listen to “Circle Game”—-(see comments if you give at least one fuck)

*****

Just a little more FB Fun…

Quite Honestly

And quite Frankly…

I do not understand…

Why the FUCK…

I waste even one second of what little, finite time…

That remains for me

On This...

Blue, Beautiful Blue Marble…

On Fukkin FaceBook!

Joni has written, sung & performed some of the most beautiful songs in The History of Song,
but I say this w/o apology:
This is my favorite:
‘Circle Game.’
The older I grow, the more it moves me to tears.
I listen to it over and over again.
At least five or seven, or twenty times a day….
Every fukkin’ day.

****

Sometimes…

I wake up…

And this song is playing in my head!

So guess what I do!

I queue it up, and listen.

Star-Struck

And perpetually…

Amazed!

(And re-enforced just once more in love with, with Joni–As if! As if, I ever would need a booster shot!)

That is a Ridiculous Thought

******

JONI!

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU!!

(Huge Surprise, n’est-ca faux ‘paw’?)

*****

Precious Few Catch My Twisted…

Sense Of Humour.

Vid Cred: JoniJourney

Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!

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My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog!

Those who claim to know me…

Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me!

****

(Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) :

I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete.

OOPs!

************

But, in the doing of that… I may spill some of that, that, that I need so much!

Ever’ Drop!

(Lance is an alcoholic, doan’cha know—and Juicers are very good at rationing their Booze Provisions—we plan ahead!)

But There are always ‘options.’

Just requires some ‘critical thinking’ and ‘Critical Drinking’—

and a Brain–

None of which I have readily available to me at this moment.

“Hello! DT Me!–

(DT’s — Self-imposed!)

Been a while!

Long time no see!

How’s the family?

How’s the wife and kids?“

(I have a bit of Scotch in me… but it came out of a bottle—not out of Scotland…)