Hahaha! I Should Seek Council and Then Be ‘Put Away’ For Permanent! “Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!”

You Got the Heart, But You Ain’t Got the Tools

****

Ever seen a grown man cry?

My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog!

Those who claim to know me…

Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me!

****

I’m old enough, and ‘country enuff’ to remember having a ‘party line.’

Any of Y’all remember those?

(Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) :

I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete.

OOPs!–Over Did It!

************

But, in the doing of that… I may spill some of that, that, that I need so much!

Ever’ Drop!

(Lance is an alcoholic, doan’cha know—and Juicers are very good at rationing their Booze Provisions—we plan ahead!)

But There are always ‘options.’

And ‘work-arounds’

Just requires some ‘critical thinking’ and ‘Critical Drinking’—

and a Brain–

None of which I have readily available to me at this moment.

“Hello! DT Me!–

(DT’s — Self-imposed!)

Been a while!

Long time no see!

How’s the family?

How’s the wife and kids?

(I have a bit of Scottish in me… but it came out of a bottle—not out of Scotland…)

The Drunk Scotsman

Cred for Share Vid: Saine Tarasind

***

Since we are travelling about the UK…

Irish Rovers-Drunken Sailor

Best line from the Song:

“We’ll put him in a long boat ’til he’s sober.”

Vid Share Cred: John Kenton

***

I love my life.

I love that I am, by nature, a happy person.

Forget It: I Need To Die Soon–I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….

Below is just a ‘Short’ Collection of a Few of My Favorite ‘Things

My Humble Tribute to All The Girls

******

I Really Do LOVE You Stevie! You’re the Best of All the Rest.

I Adore You Stevie Nicks! (In Spite of my Recent (playful) Bashings of you)


“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh! I’m getting older too”

*****

Let’s Get On With it. Shall we?

“I Regret Nothing”

—Edith

“They put in a Nickle and they want a Dollar Song.”

Beautiful, Beautiful Joni

“When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go…”

Sexy Grace

I tried to make a ‘short’ list of all the women whom I love and admire:

“Yeah! Good Luck With That!”

(The ‘Short’ Part)

  1. Joni
  2. Linda
  3. Barbra
  4. Catherine
  5. Sheryl
  6. Carly
  7. Cher
  8. Ex-wives (all four)
  9. Melanie
  10. Janis
  11. Mom
  12. Christine
  13. Grace
  14. Julie
  15. Madonna
  16. Lanie
  17. Edith
  18. K.D.
  19. Jill
  20. Dolly
  21. Holly
  22. Tanya (Native Texan!)
  23. Judy
  24. Liza (With a ‘Z’ “Not ‘Lisa’ With an ‘S'”)
  25. Dorothy
  26. Camila
  27. Shakira
  28. Stevie (Honorable Mention)
  29. And of Course, My “Lisa With an S” My Third Wife:

Then I ran out of virtual ink

Stray Tuned!

I shall expand!

But I’m in over my head!

Most people who write about ‘Fleetwood Mac’ Write about Stevie.

I write about Christine.

“Christine has such a rich, deep down dark chocolate voice . I love her”

–Lance Marcom, Circa 2021

(Stevie is such a condescending little bitch during this video—Watch it closely. Then you will see what I see)

Song-Bird! No Shit!

Cher! She’s All There:
The Whole Perfection Package.

Carly!

Bat-Shit Crazy & Wild Tanya.
I Love Her Like Cash Money!

Bella Madonna!

Babs!

Joni!!

Grace!

I have not the words to describe how I love this woman.

Catherine! Zeta-Jones!

Love YOU Girl! Lanie!

Linda Baby!

K.D. Yes!

Jill Clayburgh!

First time I saw The movie (Silver Streak) at the Grove Theatre, I thought Jill Clayburgh one of the Most Beautiful and Charming Women in the Entire World.
(And I still Do)

Dolly, A Natural, National Charmer Treasure:

Holly!

“Judy Judy JUDY!”

(SORRY, Cary Grant, And Rock Hudson)

********

Liza!

Dorothy: Epitome of The Perfect American Woman

Vid Creation Cred: Wat Bradford

Camila Darling!

Sexy Shakira!

*****

And This Beat Goes On…

********

I ‘Construct’ My Posts to Entertain.

No other hidden desire resides within me.

If you have come this far, I hope you enjoyed this post at least half as much as I enjoyed constructing it.

‘Twas a “Labour of Love

What Went Wrong With Lance? I Have But Few Words… That’s Bullshit. I have lots of Words. I Purchased Them. I Have the Receipts. Lots of shit added to this post. Now I just need to fly away Renee from it. Fast as I Can. As Fast As My Little Wings Will Fly Me.

Four Tops – Walk Away Renee (1968)

*******

Fake Bitch Below

Fuk You Jolie!

Not Fake:

Ethiopian refugees who fled Tigray region, queue to receives treatment within the Fashaga camp on the Sudan-Ethiopia border, in Kassala state, Sudan December 14, 2020. REUTERS/Mohamed Nureldin Abdallah

Not Fake:

NEVER FAKE:

Never Fake:

Joni Darlin’, you are for reals

The below powerful vid, put together by Leeshan is a motherf&cking ‘must-watch’, otherwise you got no business here.

You miss the entire fu%king point of the exercise.

Your top soil flies away

People die.

Ethiopia

Best best best written lines from Joni’s song:

“A T.V. star with a P.R. smile
Calls your baby “it” while strolling
Through your tragic trials
On and on–insanities”

Angelina Jolly… go fuck yerself! Sanctimonious Bitch! Take that asshole you married with you…..Brad something or other — who left a wonderful wife, Jennifer,

Jenny, I Love You!

for a whore! Not much more. Whore. Naw! Slut. Bitch! Naw…..

Fuk this. Angelia, I respect your father. He made great movies. Fuck have you done? Lara Croft? With your fake tits? Gimme a fucking break! Go get wrecked! You cannot ‘act’ your way out of a paper sack.

You will NEVER ever live up to this performance. Guess your nut fell too far from the fucking tree…. next county….state….world….

“Uh. Lance? Don’t sugar-coat it; tell us how you really feel.”

***

Midnight is All Right

This Film is so….

“Texas!”

‘Midnight Cowboy’ Only X-Rated Movie to Ever Win An Oscar–Not that any of that matters, but, it still makes me smile inside to think about all the pompous asses in Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Morons

***

“Midnight Cowboy was the first and only X-rated film to win the Academy Award for best picture, a fact that’s useful to know on trivia night, but otherwise needs to be appended by about five or six asterisks.

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) originally rated the film an R, changed it to an X for its depiction of prostitution and homosexuality, and then changed it back to an R only two years later, a tacit acknowledgement that the board had gotten it right the first time. Seeing the film today,

50 years later, the ratings controversy seems all the more curious, given the relative timidity of its nude scenes and a gay hustle at a Times Square theater that’s all uncomfortable glances and implication.”

–Source: The Guardian–Left Wing Mag Rag

(Vid Cred: Leeshan)

Since I retain my Third World Mode…

And counting my blessings…

Yet I possess/retain empathy.

I have been to Africa.

I have seen it.

Up Close

Have you?

Very fucking related:

Sorry.

It just angers me that ninety-nine percent of the wealth in the world is owned by one percent of the population.

Yeah, I am not the first to piss moan and complain about this…. but I want to be to loudest asshole in the room.

And we should ALL get our fifteen minutes and be the girl with the most cake….

Even though it is fleeting.

“I Fake it so real I Am Beyond Fake”

And yes.

I have been to Ethiopia, Kenya, Somalia, Ghana, Iraq, Afghanistan, Philippines, ….. Egypt… All the fuckin’ world over….

Ah

Fuck it!

I am no ‘sit-on-my-ass pontificator’

I have seen too fucking much.

Far too fucking much.

This is my problem

Not yours.

Since I Remain In U.S. Navy War in the Pacific Posture… “Something Wrong” Ronstadt? Are You There? Do You Care? (And FU WordPress! Why Cannot I Edit This Chocolate Mess? Fuck You WordPress!!)

(This Post Is A Chocolate Mess–All Over The Place)

There must be something inherently wrong

Something inherently, just wrong, with a man who can love Joni Mitchell–Mitchell and LBJ all in the same virtual ‘sentence’

I have seen idiots from ‘Both Sides Now’ And… I have been the ‘Both Sides’ Idiot. Still am, I suppose.

Well, there you have it: My virtual dichotomy.

I love ‘em both.

Surely it is a Southern/Texan thang.

I surely do hope so.

For, if so, there is still hope for those of us who call ‘Texas’ our home.

We do ‘sailor on’…

There will be some commentary on “The Atomic Cafe” soon…

(http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/atomic_cafe/)

Bonus ‘Added Value’ Below

Credit: ClassicPerformances2

OOO! Atom Bomb Linda Baby!

Cred for Vid: ClassicPerformances2

Street cred for vid: ClassicPerformances2

Thank You Linda for helping me Tie a Bow on This One

And Put It To BED

OK. I lied.

(Never trust any words that come out of a sailor’s mouth.)

*****

I have expended a lot of virtual ink on Linda.

But I ain’t no where near to being done here.

Vis-à-Vis Linda

******

I Love YOU Linda!

Street Cred for Vid: skychurchify

****

Cred for Vid: RHINO

*******

Joni is On-My-Mind!—Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.” I have Lost My Mind! Do Not Read This Vanity Post! It Is Only For Joni

Danger! Will Robinson!

This post is

RAW!

I ‘might’ edit it later

(But Do Not Count On It!)

I have no fucking idea why I am posting this.

Actually,

I do.

It is because Joni Mitchell has shaped my life (in the best way) more than all the women (combined) who so desperately tried (and failed) to do so.

******

There will NEVER be a woman I love more than Joni Mitchell,

And I have never even seen her in person,

But I have never even seen Shakespeare either.

In person.

So… Fucking What!

Recent FB Stupid post of mine:

I’d just be happy with a sideways glance from her at me from 200 meters as she bordered her Lear Jet. I would be happy and sated enough to just lie down and die right then and there.

Right fucking there on the tarmac.

My last happy dying thought: Joni looked at me. Ever so briefly, but that is all I deserved.

I do not believe in God.

I do not believe in Yoga.

I do not Believe in Ghost-Busters

I do not believe in Chocolate Milk

*****

But I do believe in Joni.

I can hear/see/watch Joni.

Cannot do that with any God.

*******

More convoluted FaceFuk Shit:

I love Joni.

Joni don’t love me

Why not? You may ask.

Because She doesn’t even know I exist.

(I am about to spill A-LOT  of Virtual ink on Joni—- Once again)

Why? Because I love her so much more than all the Tea In China.

Stay tuned!

It ain’t raining here, but I don’t care!

As in general,

WordPress is Fucking Stupid!

There is a Great Link Below To A wonderful Complexation/Complication/Compy-lication, Complied Collection… of Joni Music….

But Y’all gonna have to don them Coke-Bottle-Bottom glasses to see it.

Joni! I love love LOVE You!

You have  continuously and always Enriched my Life!

When I die… I want the two people at my funeral as they spread the dirt over me… One would be Joni. The other is a person to be named later… to listen to “Circle Game”—-(see comments if you give at least one fuck)

*****

Just a little more FB Fun…

Quite Honestly

And quite Frankly…

I do not understand…

Why the FUCK…

I waste even one second of what little, finite time…

That remains for me

On This...

Blue, Beautiful Blue Marble…

On Fukkin FaceBook!

Joni has written, sung & performed some of the most beautiful songs in The History of Song,
but I say this w/o apology:
This is my favorite:
‘Circle Game.’
The older I grow, the more it moves me to tears.
I listen to it over and over again.
At least five or seven, or twenty times a day….
Every fukkin’ day.

****

Sometimes…

I wake up…

And this song is playing in my head!

So guess what I do!

I queue it up, and listen.

Star-Struck

And perpetually

Amazed!

(And re-enforced just once more in love with, with Joni–As if! As if, I ever would need a booster shot!)

That is a Ridiculous Thought

******

JONI!

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU!!

(Huge Surprise, n’est-ca faux ‘paw’?)

*****

Precious Few Catch My Twisted…

Sense Of Humour.

Vid Cred: JoniJourney

PPS 2021

There is too much ‘Joni’ running about (on the internet)

Of late.

Why????

Because we are about to lose her.

She is dying.

I do NOT wannna live in a world without Joni.

But…

If offered the option…

I chose life.

Just as I chose Shakespeare.

Joni

Dead or alive.

I love.

I love her.

I will always love her.

On my death bed…

I will say

“At least I knew Joni”

This Repost is For An Almost Friend. She Knows Who She is And Since She is NOT Stupid, SHE Will GET The Joke! And Someday Regret The LOSS of a MAN Who Tried to Adore her, even from afar! And She ain’t even pretty! But she intriqued Me! I will take intrigue over preety eight days of the week! Great Songs for a Rainy Day (Goddamn Fucking Dammmnit! I MISS Madelyn!!!!! we Both loved Joni! Almost equally, but it really wasn’t a competition!—Fuk Her! I was suppossosed to die FIrST! Then I would not have to SUFFER!)—mADDY! yOU Bitch! You skinny cunt! You had NO Right to die and leave me!!!!) Fuk Life and death and fuk me for falling in love with so many bitches I could never be in the same room with for more than five minutes! Unless it was in a bedroom or in the backseat of my car. In those rare cases I could stretch the time to six minutes!

BACKSEAT OF MY CAR

(This is Some of Paul’s Best Work—So Many Memories of Memories I Cherish of Listening to This Fuckking Album With Mostly Now Dead Lost Friends—I am Gonna Go Cry Now For A While—BRB!)

“Here in Savannah  Memphis it’s pourin’ rain
“Palm trees in the porch light like slick black cellophane.

“Will you still love me when I get back to town?”

vid credit: Christian T. Davies

Not really melancholy, but if I were, this song just might push me further that way, in that direction.

Peace,

-Lance

Real sorry, but I am now officially delirious with tooth pain. This tooth is some kind of bitch, let me tell ya.

Obviously sleep is not an option.

(The pain is just too overwhelming)

So… I just sit here and post stupid shit to take my mind away.

“Calgone! Take me Away!’

“I am as constant as a Northern Star.”

Vid credit: novaultrano1

“Constantly in the darkness? Where’s that at? If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.”

I guess it’s just a Joni kind of day…

“Laughin’ an’ cryin’. You know it’s the same release.

“I told you when I met you, I was crazy.”

Vid credit: Christian T. Davies

OK, last one and then I’m done (I really need to find something else to do with my hands)

“Diving down to pick up on every shiny thing.”

Video credit: JoniJourney

“Fell in hate and called it love”

One of her BEST Below

A beautiful tribute to an American Icon: Amelia Mary Earhart

(And yes. I know there is A LOT more going on in this song. I am not stupid.)

“Like Icarus ascending
On beautiful foolish arms”

–Joni

One of my favorite Amelia quotes:

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life and the procedure. The process is its own reward.”

Video Credit: sonicboy19

Bonus on “Hissing of Summer Lawns”
A great and respectful analysis

Vid Cred: For Most of the above: JoniJourney

(I am too lazy to Break it Down)

*****

Don’t let this Bring You Down. It is a Beautiful Song, Performed by a Beautifully Sensitive, Thoughtful Lady.

Street Cred for Vid: Leeshan