It Appears Quite Within The Realm of Possibility That I May Have Been (Oh Horror) Mistaken All-My-Life.

For You See, When I First Got Into This Bloggin’ Biz, I Thought People Would Actually READ & COMMENT, AND FEED-BACK.

How Naive I Was Thirteen Years Ago!

Now, I Just Say, ‘Fuk it!’

I Write For My Own Edification.

***

I Always Drop Vids In To Accentuate/Expand/Make The Point of My Posts. I Know Most, if Not All of Y’all Never Look at them.

This Hurts My Heart, Because I Choose Them Carefully…

Whatever.

But Now, I Have Reached The Escape Velocity of Not-Giving-A-Fuk.

Have A Day.—A Nice One!

I May Have Found Religion. Or It Found Me. Or We Found Each Other. –Can’t Say ‘Re-Born’–

Because I Wasn’t Born:

I Was Squeezed Out Of A Bar Rag

*Heavy Sigh*

Seems The Ironic Joke Is On Me

Perhaps There Actually Is-A-God?

At This Point, I Am Ready To Believe In Just About ANYTHING

Lord Knows I’ve Been Wrong About Shit

Once or Twice Before

****

Ian Prowse sings:

‘Maybe There Is A God After All’

Cred For Vid: Liverpool Philharmonic

***

I Am Certainly Feeling Quite BLESS’D

Right About Now.

So Maybe

Just Maybe

Or Maybe… I am Just Lucky

Please Allow Me To Explain:

I Ran Outta Booze Days Ago

Not Really a Big Hairy Deal

(Just As Long as DT Man Stayed Away–He Did–Thank Baby Hey Zeus)

But I Had

ALSO

Run-Out-OF-Copenhagen!

Smokin’

(Empty, Try Another)

Credit: The Lovely Joni Mitchell

*****

This Was Bad Beyond BAD For Your Humble Author

I will have No Money Until The 10th of Never (SS Check June)

Copenhagen Cost Seven Bucks & Change Theses Days.

And Ninety Percent Of That Is State Tax!

Fu*k Me!

Anyway, I had been drinking Lots of Coffee–trying to Keep My Sanity Intact and Tryin’ to keep My ‘Snuff Jones’ at Bay.

Running Low On Coffee, I remembered My Savannah GF had sent me a case of Instant Hot Chocolate.

So I went rummaging about in My ‘Chocolate Box’

***

And Lo & Behold!

FOUND THREE CANS O’ COPENHAGEN

Residin’ Within!

Which I had apparently knocked into during an earlier inebriated state of Physical State and Forgotten All About.

Go Figger

Went Immediately Into MY HAPPY DANCE!

Pharrell Williams – Happy 

JUDY GARLAND AND BARBRA STREISAND –

Happy Days Are Here Again

Cred For Vid Share: George John

*****

Copenhagen & Copenhagen Angel Live Ned Ledoux:

Cred For Share: Ryan Horacek

***

First words out of my mouth–Spoken aloud in Fact–almost shouted:

“Hallelujah! Thank You GOD! Thank You JESUS!”

Oh Happy Day

Sister Act 2 

I Reiterate:

Maybe There Is-A-God

This Changes EVERYTHING In-My-World-View!

****

I am A Simple Man:

Simple Wants, Simple Desires, Simple Dreams, Simple Addictions, Simple Character Flaws.

Simple

And Yes! I Am A Sinner

Just Ask My Maternal Grandmother.

Bitch Was Always Tryin’ To Shove A Bible Up-My-Ass

You’ll Need A Ouija Board–Bitch Done Been Dead

****

Hint: She’s The One On The Right,

er…

Left

***

This Is VERY Insulting: Proceed With CAUTION. YEAH! I’M A FU*KIN’ MORON! GET THE F*CK OVER IT!

MORE Sailor – Shit! Fuk OFF! go gET Wreck’d, Wet, And Sandy! Andy! (Esoteric SEAL Training Ref)

Think I GiVe a Fuk? IF YoU ArR Hear Hear You DO.T HEaR To(o) FukKin’ Good. And take Toto Too With You! Do ya! You are Readin’ ThE Wrong FuCkin’ BlOg! What’s It All About?

THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful, And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF!

You Think I enjoy Living with Lance? If you Do, You are Fu*king STUPID!!!! AND YEAH! I LOVE TO Shit WHERE I eat! tHIS is JUST hOW i fuckin’ ROLL!

(iF You are concered for my SANITY or lack THEREOF, Your CONCERNS are WELL, well-founded. But never fear:

I WW2 WILL BE DEAD SOON!) But not today. OK? I still HAVE some assholes in my fucket bucket who have pissed me off!

And are in serious need of an ass-kickin’. Which I will be more than happy to administer. Believe me: They will miss me! Later! Much Later! But they will harbor fond memories of that ass-kickin’

Fuck ‘Leeky’ Buckets!

(Y’all think I’m ig’nor-ant?)

Caint spel?

Then yer two stupid to read me!

Go away!

OH

Fu*kin’

K?

Don’t waste yer fukkin’ dime

Yeah!

I shit where I eat!

So Fuckin’ What!

I am not here to tiptoe thru the fu*king two-lips!

“I was missing who I was” Guess What George? Me Too. But Not Any Longer.

I Know Exactly who/What I am:

An Asshole–Not Proud of it;

G’damn Sure NOT Ashamed of It!

“It’s Important In Life To Not Give-A-Shit”–George

Go ahead!

Flame me!

Good F*ckin’ Luck!

With

THAT!

I will hurt yer Fu*kin’ FEELINGS!

 

“Lean on me Baby!

“Fu*k You!! You Stupid  Bitch!”

“Goin’ To The Chapel…”

WordPress is Beginning to GET/Approch 

MY BAD SIDE!

mY last fu*kin’ NERVE!

hEY! You are APPROACHIN’ DAN’GER’ US F*CKIN;’ THERE!

TRUST ME

When I say this:

This is

a

Place

You do NOT

want

TO 

FU*KING VISIT!!!!!

WordPress!

Do NOT TRY

My

Gracious

GOOD

NATURE!

YOU WILL RUE

THE FU*KIN’ DAY!

THEY ARE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE

A VERY UNHAPPY EXPERIENCE!

MY FUC*IN’ TREAT! I MAY if NEED BE, DROP MY LAST

MOTHER-FU*KIN’ DIME

JUST TO Fly half-Way

‘Round The Whurl.

Just to have that satis-faction

of depositing round in yer dome

and 

watchin’ you bleed the f*ck

 out as I laugh  at yer

dumb ass thinking to yer

dumb ass-self with your last dying

breath

“Fu*k did I do to him?”

“You fu*ked up my posts Asshole! That is why I am killin’ yer dumb-ass! You are too STUPID TO BE STUPID! AND YOU NEED TO DIE MOTHER-F*CKER!”

Die MOTHER-FU*KER! Die!!!

Bye! Bye Bye!

good

FU*KIN’ BYE!

BE DEAD MOTHER-FUKER!

aND now

You shall!

Go ahead!

Kiss yer

ASS

Goodbye!

Bye fu*kin’ BYE!

Purple Haze!

Worthless Mother

Fu*ker!

You worthless!

Fucker of Your Mther!

You worthless

Piece-o-Shit

Cock-Sucker!

Kiss the 

SKY!

Kiss that Mother-Fu*kin’ 

Sky!

What’s it all about?

I am Atheist,

Capital A

Have Been

Ever Since I 

Learned To Read

This will never change.

Everyone knows this.

I am Not

Militant About it!

But Some

“Hyper Christians Keep Trying to “Save” Me!

Save Me From What?

Yes, I have Theist Friends.

I live in a State Flush With Theists!

I RESPECT THEM!

They Need to RESPECT ME!

(Is This Not What They Are Supposed to DO?)

Faith

What’s it all about?
Alfie?

I really wanna know.

cRED! here:

Catherine Mamontova

569 subscribers

happy NoW Markie??? You supercilly-ous prima-donna,

wanna-be Donna

ASSHOLE! gO Fuck yerself! Use This With My Blessing! You’re Welcome! Don’t EVEN MENTION IT!

https://texantales.com/2021/10/16/i-can-admit-when-im-wrong-even-when-i-dont-know-when-ive-been-wrong/

OH! Here is THE FU*KING LINK!

(tHAT Satisfy, sate you? Mark? Asshole)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48oLsDImC5A

BITCH!

FAKE BITCH!

HITCH PUTS IT BEST!

If You Be Not Afraid & Not Scared!

And Have a Fukkin’ Brain,

Watch THIS Hitch ‘Bitch-Slap’

GODDAMN IT!!!

WORDPRESS! THE Total Tonnage

of

Your

YOUR YOUR

TOTAL

STUPIDITY

COULD

SINK

THE

MIGHTY

FUCKING

BISMARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yU ARE Cordially

INVITED

TO

KISS MY ASS!!!!

Yeah!

I MISS MY MADELYN

SHE WAS THE ONLIEST ONE

WHO EVER

“UNNER-STOOD ME”

AND ‘GOT’ MY FUCKED-UP CENTS-O- HUMOR!

MOIST OF Y’ALL ARE PUT OFF BY IT! ASK ME HOW MANY FUKS I GIVE ABOUT YER LAME-ASS OPINIONS! MADDY’S OPION OF ME IS THE ONLY OPINION I EVER GAVE A FUCK ABOUT!

GOGGMN HER!

BITCH

DIED

FIRST

SHE VIOLATED OUR

FUKKIN’

CONTRACT!

SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEEP

ME

SAFE

FROM

ME!

I SUX

AT

FLYIN’

FUKKIN

SOLO

GOD

DAMN

YOU!

MADELYN!

YOU BROKE OUR

PACT!

You Broke My Heart All To Pieces!

YOU FUKKING BITCH!

yU

CUNT!

MOTHERFUCK!

HOW MUCH

I MISS YOU! YOU YOU BITCH YOU

WONDERFUL BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

YOU BITCH ON WHEELS!

Madelyn!

Go fuck you!

For dying on me!

You fukkin’ cunt!

The Greatest Bull-Shit Story Ever Sold (I’m Just Gettin’ Warmed Up For Easter) With ‘Sin’ Seared Apologies To Any ‘Readers-of-Faith’ I May Have Left. This Is Mainly ‘Tongue-In-Cheek’–And Humor. Shalom Y’all!

When I was a wee chile, tryin’ to survive in Fremont CA, Mother dragged me to theater, to screen “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”

I was NOT properly impressed.

Fu*k u Mom! Just Kiddin’!! I LOVED My Mother–Very Dearly–And As Previously Reported: My Mother Was The Original ‘Hippy-Chick’– She called herself a “Christian” But In Reality, She was an Atheist. Precisely why I Loved my Mother; I was an atheist, since I was first born, or hatched, Your choice.

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

Click at your own risk.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Continue reading

Two Missionaries Came, Un-Solicited A-Knocking, Actually Pounding, Rather Vociferously, at My Door–

I Was Endeavoring to Take-A-Much-Needed Nap But, Oh Hell No! They Would Not, Or Could Not… Be Sated. So, What Did This Cowboy Do? Decided To Fu*K Wid Dem!

Yet, I Aswered their Much needed / Heeded Call–Might Have Been a Damsel-in-Distress–For All I Knew…

Oh, Hell No!

Just two Morons!

“Oh Lord, Please Forgive Them—For They Know Not What They Do, Nor Who They Were Fukken With”

And of course I was Respectful–I am NOT a Complete Moron! Had They Been Mormons From Utah, I would have introduced them to the under-side of my boots, but these were Texans, and being same, deserved some semblance of my respect. I invited them in…

I AM Only a Half-Way Moron.

And Let Me ‘En-Lighten Y’all:

Neither One Looked Even Remotely Like Emmy Lou.

If’n They Had,

Things May have Gone Off Some-What Smoother for Them…

But, Alas.

I DID Try To Explain to These Two Idiots How Much I Respected Folks of Faith.

But I am an Atheist.

“Forever how long?” One inquired.

“Ever since I learned to read,” I responded.

Our ‘Conversation’ kinda went South after that.

FAITH:

There’s a Hallelujah on The Lips Of All Good Dyin’ Men

The High-Women

“Heaven is a Honky-Tonk”

My Relationship with ‘God’ is rather, shall we say, ‘Complicated’

Flew, Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Right Over Their Heads…

Again, Alas. I gave Up

And then I Cordially Invited Them to Go Get Fu*kd

Emmylou!

I love You!

For You and You Alone,

I would go to Church

FAITH

Bull-Shit Department:

Cred: Carlin

****

NO! I Learned to Read

Story at Eleven

To Be Continued.

I Have Only Scratched the Surface of

This Holy Encounter

Stray Tuned

Just Shoot Me! In the Head–Twice! “Just in Time for Easter (OK It’s Late–Sue or Screw me… Only if you are a red-headed female, that is. I mean the screwing part. The suing part? Have at it. Good luck)”

Someone once asked me,
“Lance, when did you become an Atheist?”
I replied,
“When I learned to read.”
Actually I think even before that.
It is genetic
From my Father
Only Useful Thing He Ever Gave Me.
And it Did Not Cost Him One Dime.
But, Thanks Dad.
And Before You Get All Bent Out of Shape:
Read My Views on People of

Faith

HITCH SLAP!

RUN TELL THAT!!

BADA BING

BOOM!

Some Bonus ‘Added Value’:

JONI!

Joni is a super-dishious super cillious, SELF-sERVING

CUNT

i LOVE HER

Butt…

sHE HAS NEVER bEEN to Ethiopia

I haVe

Been There

Thr’wice


Video Credit: Leeshan

Poignant

***

(And if you don’t know who’s song this is, you must be new here)

*****

For Those Planning An Easter Egg Hunt Today

Ponder The Clip Below

(LOL)

Credit: Sam O’Nella Academy

Happy Easter
Y’all

I am Re-Posting This For The Benefit of a Like-Minded Fellow Blogger–I Hope She Sees it.

Only A Reminder That You’re Just Not Good Enough

“The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Sold” With My Humble (cough cough) Opinion

Joni Love Letter Thrown in at the End.

Tread Softly. And I’m sorry the text don’t line up properly with the images. WordPress is Stupid. I cannot fix stupid.

(Most likely offensive to ‘People of Faith’–read at your own annoyance) 

****

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

The video is germane. Watch it.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Cast of Characters:

Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.

Woodstock_Mary

Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.

Woodstock_Joeseph

Ya gotta love Joe. Ya just gotta.

Baby Jesus, aka Baby Hey Zeus, aka, Christmas… Pre-sents

Woodstock_Baby_Jesus

Not even gonna comment on this one, but, be my guest.

Woodstock_Saint_Peter

Saint Peter

Woodstock_Young_Jesus_Struggling_Musician

Jesus Playing with the Mothers of Immaculate Conception, circa 0014 AD

Jesus grew up; tried to make a living, Playing Gigs.

But then…

Father told him to hang a right at Albequerky: Go to Max Yasgur’s farm in Bethel; see the people they will love your act. (He said)

Jesus_Arrives_1

You Really Didn’t Believe That “Rode Into Town on an Ass” bit did you?

“Would Jesus wear a Rolex on his TV show? Fuck Yeah!”

No! Seriously,”

“Check it out”

Jesus_Arrives_2

“I’m There Dude!”

falwell

Brother Failwell

Then Dad said, “Go Preach Your Ass Off!

Woodstock_Sermon_On_The_Mount

Sermon on The Mount

(Chip off The Old Block)

And Jesus Said, “We’re there Dude! Just look at ‘em!”

Woodstock_Flock

Case Rested

Woodstock_Decided

Yay! Jesus!

“They’re eatin’ this shit up!
Hey! Judas! Come check this out!

Woodstock_Judas

Judas: Enema needing to Happen. “Nothing to see here; move along…”

Mary Mag! You too! (C’mere Baby!)”

“Sorry Dude. Busy. Get back to me, Yeah? Laters…BFF!”

“But Mary!? You carry… My Mom’s name! And now you tarry? Don’t make no sense!”

Woodstock_Mary_Mag2
“Ah shit!
Here come those Romanians Again! Don’t these people ever give up? Gotta go!”

Woodstock_The_Romans

I love the smell of burnt Jesus in the morning

“As God as My Wit-less-ness, I shall never be hungry again! (As long as I have these radishes)”

Last Supper

Last Toke, I mean Last Munchies

Woodstock_Last_Supper

Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!

I did not put in The Crucifixion/Resurrection, (mainly because I don’t believe that shit and also because I could not find an example in the show) and also, mainly because at

Woodstock… drum roll please:

nobody had to die to save me.

It’s OK Jesus: I’m doin’ fine, but Thank You for askin’.

And Thank YOU to anyone who has travell’d this far with me.

Cheers,
Lance

 

Added Value: George Carlin vs. Religious Douchebag

In The Bullshit Department…

***

Bonus

Just for Fun:

CSN & Young

JONI!

Woodstock

She Wrote it

Didn’t ‘Physically’ live it

But as much as anybody

Embodied it

Duh

***

I can count on one hand and one toe

All the ways I can be made to be pissed off

I will not list all six

But

Know this:

At the top

Is

Being disrespectful

To

Joni

Do Not Go

There

Trust me

You will not like me

I will

Hurt

You