Uh… WP? Hello? *taps mic* “Hello? WordPress? Anybody Home?

Answer Yer Goddamn Telephone! I Pay You Indian/Pakistani Assholes Four-Hundred Quid Per Year! For What? For Fuckin’ What??

And What do I get for My money?

Just another day older

And deeper in debt!

Roger!

My Main Man!

Fuck You Word-Press!

I Got No Nada to Show For My Money,

Except My Frustration

State of-Nation!

I Love My Life!

Caint Take That Love Away From Me!

Fuck Off Word-Press!

Why Cannot I Edit This POS?

Fuck You Word-Depress’d! You Ass’holes!

“I Love My Life. I’d Like to Hang Onto it for Just a little While Longer. Heart Attack ACK ACK ACK!” (You oughta know by now…)

Sade is The Most Beautiful Woman-in-My World–Just sayin’!

imgres.jpg
 

(“It seems such a waste of time.”)

I really *like* this post. (guess I have no choice)

Some of Y’all may have seen this one coming. 

Some  also may have discerned one salient fact  point of my perception of myself:

‘I think I am bulletproof.’ *insert BUD/s here*

Hell! I have always lived my life that way, embracing that one paralyzed fact. I just know I am such:

‘Bulletproof’.

“I think, therefore I am… bullet proof.”

(So sorry, René )

Hey! Just walk away Renee:

Vid Credit: hawkmoon03111951

(How many times have I cheated death? *insert Ronnie here*    *insert Minefield Here*    *insert Shark Fishing  here*     *insert Iraq here*

And on and on…

Yep.

How could anyone get past that and ever even know how fragile even I may be? *insert Shonnie here*

(Smirk) It begs credulity.

Well… I had my Bulletproof Ass handed to me a few days ago.

The consensus around the Camp Fire that is my GF’s workplace (Saint Jude—Lot of smart folks work there—mostly doctors an’ such) is that Lance had ‘experienced’ a minor heart attack. Now ain’t that funny? Ain’t that rich? AAD (“Also a Doctor”—stolen line from Wolfe’s ‘The Right Stuff’Also a doctor. The words the first schmuck said to Chuck Yeager right after he parachuted from one hundred thousand feet and crash landed:

“You look like shit” – misquote, but you get the drift: just look it up and move on…

(I was all gray an’ shit and I had all the symptoms, and my BP was… approaching escape velocity, but… shit! I was just ‘funnin’.)

Ed note: Just received an email from my… doctor… ok, she is not MY doctor, only an old friend. Anyhow, she is a pharm-assist. She says I had a Myocardial infarction. 

“A what?” I had to ask.

“You had a fucking heart attact! Dig it, ASSHOLE?”

“Yeah, I dig. So What?”

And then I invited her to not use profanity on my Blog Page. (she hung up on my dumb ass after that. I cannot imagine why)

My  Grandfather died, at ’55 of a “Myocardial infarction. ” Think I am not scared? Naw! Ain’t.

Ain’t that rich? Been there; done that. No T-Shirt, alas. Nothing to hang on my “I Love Me Wall.”

“He, most likely, has ‘experienced’ a heart attack.” Kinda like I ‘experienced’ ‘Six Flags Amusement Park. Or Four Years in Iraq.  Or a year and a half in Afghanistan, not to mention three years in Sinai, back when nobody had even ever heard of it—now that, dear reader, is sorrow:

“Hey Good –Lookin’, where do you work at?” asked she, The Hot Babe. (The ‘at’ shoulda told me she ‘weren’t’ for me anyhow, but when you’re young, who gives two shits for grammar? I axe you.)

“I work in The Sinai Desert, for the State Department” answered I, lonely guy on R&R, too far from Texas where I did not even need to employ my bullshit.

“Oh… Sorry. I only date guys who work in cool places. Bye!” She said, as she followed on over to the Fraternity Asshole House…(s) Doubtful she found cerebral stimulation there, but what the hell, eh?

***

Yeah, I ‘experienced’ those too. Those were great… experiences.

Point is, my personal health issues notwithstanding: I am back. (for now)

And am back to comment, torment, regale, impale, exhale, exhalt, vent, rant, recant, apologize, criticize, proffer, pro-offer, disclaim, disdain, mock, muse, love, confuse, confer, confide, and certainly collide.

And all that shit above is denied.

Yet…

I have this pain… in my… ass. (and me chest)

More later… assuming I get over myself tonight.

Peace,

Lanc’d

P.S. Let us just call this a ‘Stream of Consent’ Or a ‘Babbling Brook of Mind’.

Vote on it: Get back to me.

-L

DAMN!

I almost forgot the best part of this post:

Hit me like a slow bullet

SADE:

And…

All of you “likers” don’t get the ‘jist’ of the ‘jisters,’ now, do you? I don’t often ask for a lifeline, but…

Honestly now, I feel as if I am living on / my  borrowing time.

(and my bank is broken)

(and if anyone out “There” ever misconstrues that, THAT, as a plead for money, for me, well, fuck, Nay FUCK you!. I was merely communicating my status.

Words Hurt.

I know this now (“Took you long enuff Asshole.”).

I never mean to hurt; I just spew… stuff… outta my mind…

Keep yer ‘symphany.’ And your musical parades for the poor.

Give your money to Palestine… 

Yeah:  “Too Busy Drinking…” 

(Bastardized Quote.)

That’s the “Lance” we sorta, love.

Rock on, LM!

As long and as has (he?) been long (and boring) as has this post, I will never delete it.

Why? Not?

Because I love Sade.

That is the simple truth, Ruth.

Or perhaps ‘Truth #2’

But then, those of you who know… know.

It’s my page…

 “Love is a gun.”

My Head Hurts. My Feet Stink. And I Don’t Love Jesus. Someone, Anyone, Please Save Me. (From Being All Alone!) Yeah, I Know: Pipe Dream

Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend Was A

Freak

Like Me?

Doncha?

Oh Hell Yeah I Do!

My Girlfriend Attends Church.

Pretty Sure Y’all Do Not.

Thank God!

(No pun intended)

The Pussycat Dolls

“Ladies Disaster”


Terminally Related: and a Retarded Re-Tread

Disclaimer:

This Be A Lame-Ass

Pity-Party Post

But I’ll Cry If I Want To

(You Have Been Properly Advised)

***

Loneliness is a Bitch I Can’t Stand!

Don’t Wanna Live With Her!

Can’t Live Without Her

No Mas!

Gonna Toss Her Out!

But When It Comes Right Down To it:

“We Walk Through This World All Alone”

Desperado

Fuck You Jimmy Buff[-Aye!

What The Fu*k is WRONG  With Me?

I should be GRATEFUL 

For Just still walkin’ about, breathing air.

Still Standin’ Here

Still Standing, But all alone…

But yes! We’re All of us… All ALONE

Lenny! My Main Man!

All Alone!

Rita Rita R-I-T-Ahhh!!!

I ain’t! Grateful

Why not?

Because I am an asshole!

That’s Why

***

“Lance! You’re an Asshole!”

“No Shit? Got any more Breaking News?”

***

I suppose I expected more out of my life than this.

Whatever!

I have coin in my purse.

I gots my health (such as it is)

I have not yet run outta booze

What’s not to be thankful for?

I’ll get back to Y’all on this emotional crisis I am experiencing

Cheers

And Just Be Thankful for what you’ve got

Y’all!

That’s all!

Bye Now!

Bonus

On The House

(Yer Welcome!)

***

Not At All Germane To This Post

But Soon it Will Be

When I Get My Eviction Notice

No Phone, No Pool, No Pets.
I Ain’t Got No Cigarettes

****

Stupid Fun Fact:

My Best-Ever HG Girlfriend was third cousin to Roger Miller..

Truth,

But Y’all caint look that up–guess you’ll just havta take my word on it.

Or… Try This Version of an Aversion. See? I Give Y’all Options. Yer Welcome. “Natalie Would, If She Could….”

Have Had Me!

“Sorry Nat. I was already ‘taken.”

And of course, That is bull-shite!

“Natalie! Take Me Away!”

****

How Many times Have I Re-Posted This One?

Screw it!

Please Re-Read It Again.”

I will if You Will.

I am Over-Proud of it!

“Tonight Tonight!”

(Tried to Edit it. But Guess What?

WordPress is STUPID!!)

 

Premise of a Promise… 

Straight out of Romeo and Juliet.

(But of course, you’d know that.)

And know this too: Lance is in-love with being in-love—Just gotta find the right girl…. ‘Tis a life-long quest. Kinda like the search for the Holy Grail.

 

“O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable…”

And, surprise! I wrote a paper on this as well.

For University.

Got an A-Plus.

Then I moved in with my Prof, My Shakespeare Prof.

Got a B-Minus on that endeavor.

My Goal ‘Tonight’ is to catch up.

Yep

To catch up with my blogging friends.

I aim (good Texan verb, ‘aim’) to read and comment on one thousand! Posts! Shazam!! “Gall Eee Sargent Carter!”

Gomers found here

gomer-1-and-gomette-2

Amman Jordan, 2007 Me and Gommett

 

Now of course even y’all Yankees out there recognize that as hyperbole at best and bullshit at real.

Only people who use WP Reader can even ‘like’ a thousand posts a night with the simple-minded click of a simple-minded mouse. And Hell! It ain’t the mouse that is simple. It’s the mouse driver.

So, I just say: I will try (jes’ as soon as I post this here post) to get to readin’ ‘stead of writin’.

This is my goal and it is an honorable one. I may get to fifteen, but my likes and my comments are the real deal… so take that with some grain of… humble

And yes, I hope to prosper by my efforts (i.e.,  get more of y’all to read MY shit—tit for tat, eh? Yeah, that is what it is all about, ain’t it, Alfie?

Tits.

Yep

Tits and tats

Or, my personal favorite:

Tits and ass

It is always about tits yet, I am a ‘leg and ass man.’ Go figger her figure…

Cheers Y’all

And I will be seeing you in all the familiar places (That is a song! Get yer minds outta them gutters, fer fuck sake!)

Here Dear:

Vid credit:

warholsoup100

Cheers Again,

Lancers

***

Since I seem to have swerved back into my Nat Wood kick….

And no. Nat did NOT do her own singing.

But, Y’all knew that too.

It was this Fine Lady:

Marni Nixon

Classically trained, Ms. Nixon was throughout the 1950s and ’60s the unseen — and usually uncredited — singing voice of the stars in a spate of celebrated Hollywood films. She dubbed Deborah Kerr in “The King and I,” Natalie Wood in “West Side Story” and Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady,” among many others.

Cred: I don’t remember from Where I stole This From….

I Re-It-errr-ate! — Love to Re-Share. So There!

When You’re ‘Gifted’, Then You’re Gifted!

You Got No Ax To Grind!

“Hey! What are You, Blind!”

Do NOT EVER Attempt to Rain On MY Parade!

I Will Hurt Your Feelings

And Yes!

I Completely Mucked-Up This Post.

Please Fore-give me and just try to slog through it. Thanks

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7xTvb-FAhQ&t=4s

 

Premise of a Promise… 

Straight out of Romeo and Juliet.

(But of course, you’d know that.)

And know this too: Lance is in-love with being in-love—Just gotta find the right girl…. ‘Tis a life-long quest. Kinda like the search for the Holy Grail.

 

“O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable…”

 

And, surprise! I wrote a paper on this as well.

For University.

Got an A-Plus.

Then I moved in with my Prof, My Shakespeare Prof.

Got a B-Minus on that endeavor.

 

My Goal ‘Tonight’ is to catch up.

Yep

To catch up with my blogging friends.

I aim (good Texan verb, ‘aim’) to read and comment on one thousand! Posts! Shazam!! “Gall Eee Sargent Carter!”

Gomers found here

gomer-1-and-gomette-2

Amman Jordan, 2007 Me and Gommett

 

Now of course even y’all Yankees out there recognize that as hyperbole at best and bullshit at real.

Only people who use WP Reader can even ‘like’ a thousand posts a night with the simple-minded click of a simple-minded mouse. And Hell! It ain’t the mouse that is simple. It’s the mouse driver.

So, I just say: I will try (jes’ as soon as I post this here post) to get to readin’ ‘stead of writin’.

This is my goal and it is an honorable one. I may get to fifteen, but my likes and my comments are the real deal… so take that with some grain of… humble

And yes, I hope to prosper by my efforts (i.e.,  get more of y’all to read MY shit—tit for tat, eh? Yeah, that is what it is all about, ain’t it, Alfie?

Tits.

Yep

Tits and tats

Or, my personal favorite:

Tits and ass

It is always about tits yet, I am a ‘leg and ass man.’ Go figger her figure…

Cheers Y’all

And I will be seeing you in all the familiar places (That is a song! Get yer minds outta them gutters, fer fuck sake!)

Here Dear:

Vid credit:

warholsoup100

Cheers Again,

Lancers

***

Since I seem to have swerved back into my Nat Wood kick….

And no. Nat did NOT do her own singing.

But, Y’all knew that too.

It was this Fine Lady:

Marni Nixon

Classically trained, Ms. Nixon was throughout the 1950s and ’60s the unseen — and usually uncredited — singing voice of the stars in a spate of celebrated Hollywood films. She dubbed Deborah Kerr in “The King and I,” Natalie Wood in “West Side Story” and Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady,” among many others.

I Despise This Ass-Hole, But I Love His Music! Jackson Browne Was / Is A Misogynist. And An Idiot! But I Kinda, Sorta, Forgave Him That. Not Really! Do NOT Even Ask Me How Nor Why. Never, Ever Ask Me Questions!

(Not really—He is An Asshole–I Do Not Tolerate Abuse of Women–Well-Documented By Me In These Pages)

But Also Documented By Me:

I Appreciate The Art,

Even If The ‘Artist’ Is An Asshole.

 

But I liked him anyway

Or/And His music.

I really did like his music.

(I could not help it)

Run Away Idiot

Cred for Vid Share: Megan Smith

The Pretender!

Pretending To Be a Real Man:

Fuck U Jacs–Off – Browne

You Fake-A-Zoid Worthless Mother-Fucker!

The Recent Death of the Queen and My Remembrances of Lady Di… Fuk it! Y’all Can Plainly See Which Direction This Train Wreck Is Heading. Or, If You Profess To Profess Professor, You Should Already Know

***

****

I LOVE The Lovely Linda! McCartney/Eastman.

Try To Keep Up–Lots of ‘Lindas’ Have Blessed My Life Thru The Years & Beers & Jears & Tears

****

Welcome To The Lance Anthony Marcom

‘Free Rant-City Emporium’

Free Coffee and Gin

Dive Right In!

****

Why Must Death be so Permanent?
Now I FINALLY Understand the Want, The NEED for Religion.
We Must Have an After-Life!

We Needed One.

So We Invented One

****

Peggy Lee – Is That All There Is?

“Well Then, Let’s Break Out The Booze and Have A Ball”

God’s Not Makin’ Broads Like this Anymore.

Why The Fuck Not God?

U So Goddamn Smart

Sorry for the Fun-Pun God.

LMFAO!

“Why Doesn’t She Just End It All?” Oh No. Not Me. I’m Not Ready For That Final Disappointment.”

Cred for Share: I Don’t Care. So There!

****

If Truly True, I Need to be Taken Out Back

And Shot.

In The Head.

Five Times.

“Linda & Lance Went To Mars”

(And They Lived Happily Ever After)

Linda McCartney interview, December 10th 1992

Cred For Shares: promosounds

I’m an Asshole!

I Cannot Help it!

I Have Strong Opinions.

Be They Right or Be They Wrong, They’re Mine. I Own Them. Lock-Stock & Two Barrels—Better Watch Yer Ass!

‘Cause I’m Scrazy-Crazy

****

The Life and Tragic Ending of Linda McCartney

Makes Me So Sad

I Did Love Her

This Bullshit Vid Below

NOt Very good,

But it is the Only One I could Find

At the present time.

I’d cred this vid, but I have forgotten from Whom I Stole It

***

I Was in Love With Her Ever Since

“Wings Wild Life”

Shit! I’m lyin—

I was in love with her way before that!

“Some People Never Know”

I’d Like to Believe

That I Know

Paul Did Not Truly Love Her

But Her Untimely Death Really Fucked Him Up

Guess That’s Why He Married That Slut.

She Wasn’t a Slut,

But she Sold Her Soul for a handful of Promised Gold.

Slut? Not She.

“Whore” is The Better Descriptor

Heather Mills:

OK, Maybe She WAS A Slut

***

But Paul Was Definitely A Sad Old Slut.

And For Shit-Sure I Can Relate…

Me Being Same Same

****

Sir Paul Should Have Employed A Little More Discretion,

And Shown Some More Respect For The Memory of Linda.

Just Sayin’

Lovely Linda:

Maybe He Truly Did Love Her

Who Couldn’t?

Wouldn’t

Shouldn’t?

If any out there & reading this and don’t quite ‘get me’–I Have a word you might get:

‘Moron’

See? I Just Expanded Your Vocabulary

Feel Free To Thank me Later

And Send Me Some Cash Money

(Use The Dark Brown Envelope)

Cred: BeatlesWives

*****

Just Another Day???

Cred for Vid: Bertierocks1

****

Really?

Fuck You Paul!

You Never Knew What A Treasure You Had Been Blessed to Have

And Then Yu Got Re-Married to Some Slut in Yer Old Age–

Defiling the Memory of Linda!

U Worthless Cunt!

You Should’ve remained celebrate, uh–celibate

That’s what I would’ve done!

Hahaha!

Not Really,

But, at the very least, you could’ve stayed home alone with the Brand-Knew,

And no one Who would’ve ever known The Newest Missus McCartney. Or given a flying fuck. But no! We all had to suffer with you. You shoulda stood up, been a man. But I guess that ain’t in yer Jeans

Or Given a shit.

Forgive Me Paul, But You are So

‘Yesterday’

****

YeaH!

I BURIED THE FUCKING LEEED.

This vid below is the entire point of this pointless post.

Took me a little ‘minuet’ to git to it, but at least I finally did

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post:

“I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:

At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time.

Thank you Johnny:  My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The Old HG Daze”.

Thank you Johnny. You have brought joy back into my life.

Joy was missing in action.

Now she has returned.

“Welcome back Joy. I have missed you.”

(Muse sitting on the ‘Nasty Couch’ looks up and glares at me)

I am sincere in this statement .

You have not  an idea.

But actually, I’d wager you do.

“Linda Went to Mars.”

And Lance was on that same spaceship….

We were shit-mates

Me and Linda.

And we ENJOYED  the ride.

We did not so much enjoy our “arrival”

You see…

Life is all about the “journey”

Never about the final destination arrival.

Very much so

MERRY  CHRISTMAS”

Oh shit!

I made an esoteric reference

Here is the link:

Shit that makes me happy

Added value: