Sailors Are all Assholes: Trust me! I know! “Part Six of A Sailor’s Scholarly History of the South Pacific: Mary-Lou and Mama-San and Gainful Unemployment”

Here is how Bar Fines are designed to work in Olongapo:

  1. You pay the girl’s bar fine to the Mama San
  2. You get a receipt.
  3. You take your ‘rental’ to your room.
  4. You fuck her.
  5. Sometimes you feed her first.
  6. Thusly sated, satisfied, you cast her away.

Here is how bar fines are not designed to work:

  1. You do NOT Lose it. (Your receipt)
  2. You broke it; you bought it.
  3. You hand over your receipt to your rental so she can leave you.

Well, that is the short version.

The thing is, in Olongapo, Bar Girls walking about on Magsaysay Blvd, alone, without a bar fine receipt are considered in the eyes of the law to be ‘common’ street walkers. And subject to arrest.

And thrown under the jail.

For months.

So what was the very first thing I did with Mary-Lou Perucho?

I handed over my Bar Fine Receipt.

“Here ya go Darling. Put this in your pocket. Don’t lose it. Now shall we go to my hotel?”

“Sure.” She said nervously.

So we went to my cheap hotel. I had no intention of having sex with her. I was just lonely as I have mentioned. I just wanted to talk with her. Get to know her (not in that biblical sense—in that humane sense—I was lonely and she reminded me of an old High School sweetheart…)

I had been drinking (duh), so I excused myself after I had parked her in front of the television. I went to the head, took a piss. Came back. She was gone.

She had left me.

Guess she thought I was gonna try to fuck her.

( I had no such intentions)

But who could blame her for leaving?

I weighed in at two-hundred pounds and change.

She was, soaking wet, about ninety eight.

If I had fucked her, I might have broken her.

But apparently caution  being the better part of smart told her to bug out.

And I had given her, her pass:

The Bar Fine Receipt.

It made me sad that I had not expressed well enough my benevolent propensity.

Of course, like the asshole I was, I went back to Viva Young the next afternoon and complained to Mama San. I wanted my money back. My rental had left me.

Mama San was not amused, but in the spirit of good customer service, she fired Mary Lou.

This was NOT the outcome I wanted.

So now was I not just an asshole, but a stellar asshole.

I would have to search out Mary Lou and attempt to make things right.

All I truly wanted was a pretty girl to lay down beside me and hold my hand and listen to my stories…

And keep me company.

And pretend as if she cared.

Just pretend.

I’ll pay you.

To pretend.

To Just Pretend

And hold my hand

Linda is so beautiful.

To Be Continued

Part Five Maybe? May Be Discovered Here:

Still in Sailor Mode! “Sea (Somewhat of a Stream of Almost Consciousness)”

The scariest thing to me…

Was at sea.

In the Indian Ocean, late one night

(That “IO” That Ho!)

Late at Night.

And the ship was tight.

And the waves were big.

Real big.

IO, She was angry.

And I was scared.

(No! HE Was scared).

I was never scared!

I was drinking coffee… And in between, walking on the bulkheads—all you sailors out there—can relate, and compare…

Never scared, but aside from my ‘coffee mates,” I knew, did, had done… the same drill… Too many times. (Fuckin’ Black-Shoe Navy!)

And if any of y’all find any of my  ‘Sea Stories” unbelievable…The preamble to any good sea story is “This is a no-shitter…”

And then there was Melville…I’ve been around the world and  once saw two white whales fuck.. I did. And there were dolphins… standing by… giggling.

 I have been to Australia.

Twice

And it follows, I have been to sea before:

And here, (for you purists) is the original, stolen from “Hejira”:

My Thanks to

“I’m just a simple soldier Son.

“With one more Year to Go.””

I am reposting this simply because I want her to see it. I don’t even know if she has a computer “Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)” She is about to drive me to the booze store (I asked if she would—I won’t drive drunk—don’t wanna acidrntally kill some innocent one. Cynthia said she would drive me in my car–she don’t have a car. She is such ‘good people’. I love her!

Song Dedicated to My Cynthia.
She works her butt off, looking out for all the inmates here @ Lion’s Den.

She is My Guardian Angel in Disguise.
I do not want to live in a world without her, now that I’ve found her.
And she me…

*****

I had a package delivery today
My neck collar/embracement
But more important:
Thank You Cards—Blank
I filled out three:

One for that dude who helped me into my house last week

One for Deb, The Warden.

And of course one for, the main one of course … for Cynthia, The Walking Boss.

I shouted her down as she was making her rounds.

Asked her to deliver my cards. Then gave her hers.
She threw her arms about my neck.

(We do not wear WuFlu Face Diapers in Texas)

While Locked in her embrace I said, “You know I love you.”
She said, “I love you more.”

Then she untangled she from me and walked away.

I watched

****


Fun Fact: Donna Married two, count ’em, two, White Boys.
Maybe there is hope for me!
Alas, but she be dead…

And Hopefully in Heaven.

If there exists such a place.

******

Just for fun, for all you folks out there in

‘Radio Land’

A Little ‘Bonus’ Content:
(Are you ‘Content?’)
I know I am.

******

Beautiful, Wondrous Lady!

Donna!

And My Girl:

Cynthia

My Girl! (In my dreams)

“What you don’t know about women is a lot Lance-a-Lot”

–Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis)

In This Vid Clip, You Will Discover Lance.

Video Cred: Ted Reinert

Lance loves women;

He just cannot help Himself.

He does not understand them.

Therein lies that magic…

“Moonlight in a Martini.”

(Volumn is fukked. Crank it up!)

Lance Romance.

Added Value:

“Breaks Your Heart Just Lookin’ At Her.”

Snakes and Ladders

–Joni

(If you do not listen carefully to the song… I dropped it in For A Really, Really, Really Good Reason)

(Figure it out–If You Can)

I am flying SOLO NOW!

WISH ME LUCK!

https://texantales.com/2021/02/26/farewell-forevermore-to-my-best-ever-friend-my-abusive-muse-i-am-sad-but-also-happy/

“He Gave up Happy Hour For Her.”

Joni/Muse!

Musing…

Had to Re-Post! That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It! “Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!”

Astrud

*****

I’ve had too many “Ipanema Girls” in my life. Enough For Two Life-Times. In fact.

Now I grow weary.

And smartly wary.

Vid Cred: catman916

Vocalist: Astrud Gilberto

(Love The Classic Beehive Hairdo, By The Way… Just sayin’.)

*****

Post This Because I love Them!

And Just Because I LOVE Them!

Every Shape, Size, Matter and Form!

All of them!

I love the Species!

(Street Cred for Vids: catman916)

******

“The Girl from Ipanema” (“Garota de Ipanema”) written in 1962 by Antonio Carlos Jobim with lyrics in Portuguese by Vinicius de Moraes and in English by Norman Gimbel was recorded by Astrud Gilberto, João Gilberto and Stan Getz, in March 1963 as part of the album Getz/Gilberto, released March 1964 on the Verve label.

An abbreviated single version was released reaching number one on the Pop Standard chart and was named Record of the Year in 1965.

The album won the 1965 Grammy Awards for Best Album of the Year, Best Jazz Instrumental Album – Individual or Group and Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical.

The personnel are Stan Getz – tenor saxophone, João Gilberto – guitar, vocals, Astrud Gilberto — vocals, Antonio Carlos Jobim – piano, Sebastião Neto — bass, and Milton Banana – drums.

The version presented here is the long one from the album and is, in my opinion, superior to the shortened one which received a great deal of play on the radio during the summer of 1964.

The album is available on CD on Verve. This sound recording is administered by UMG. No copyright infringement is intended.

This purpose of this upload is for viewer enjoyment and education not for monetary gain.”

–Credit for Share: catman916

***

See why I LOVE Women so much?

Cred for Vid: Wat Bradford

*****

Stan The Man!

******

Added Bonus Value: Phoebe

Vid Credit: Gary Larson

Euphemisms, Clichés, ‘Nice-Polite-Speech,’ Trite Sayings, Bullshite! Fuck That!

I yam what I yam!

I use A LOT of Profanity

I’m a fucking sailor!

What else would you expect?

From a fuckin’ sailor

And saying “I’m sorry” for what I am ain’t in my repertoire, or bag of tricks.

Some shit that needs to be removed from the writing/speaking vernacular:

“At the end of the day…”

(I heard some asshole use this one three times on CNN during a ninety second interview. I wish I were making this up. I ain’t.)

“Think outside the box”

“As we speak”

“All that said”

I could go on, but pretty sure you caught my drift (another trite Cliché–sometimes, I will admit, they are ‘useful’

Anyway…

I have high hopes for us as writers.

To be more original.

I know we can do it!

BECAUSE I HAVE HIGH HOPES!