I Have a Very Complicated Personal–Historical Relationship With Religion–Needless to Say–And Yes. I Have Been To The Holy Land, Jerusalem. Far Too Many Times to Count

I was ‘Moved’ in Jerusalem, but not by God.

Mostly ‘Moved’ by the Arab Street Vendors

Peddling their

‘Jesus Trinkets’

***

This Shall Be A WIP. I was Once a Christian in My Youth–Then I Grew Up. And Learned to Read. I Have Been to The ‘Holy’ Land! Have You?

R.E.M. – Losing My Religion

“That Was Just a Dream”

Then I Woke Up.

Cred for Vid Share: remhq

Give Me Some Time.

“You Are Not Me”

***

P.S. I LOVE Jerusalem

Two Missionaries Came, Un-Solicited A-Knocking, Actually Pounding, Rather Vociferously, at My Door–I Was Endeavoring to Take-A-Much-Needed Nap

Yet, I Aswered their Much needed / Heeded Call–Might Have Been a Damsel-in-Distress–For All I Knew…

Oh, Hell No!

Just two Morons!

“Oh Lord, Please Forgive Them—For They Know Not What They Do, Nor Who They Were Fukken With”

And of course I was Respectful–I am NOT a Complete Moron! Had They Been Mormons From Utah, I would have introduced them to the under-side of my boots, but these were Texans, and being same, deserved some semblance of my respect. I invited them in…

I AM Only a Half-Way Moron.

And Let Me ‘En-Lighten Y’all:

Neither One Looked Even Remotely Like Emmy Lou.

If’n They Had,

Things May have Gone Off Some-What Smoother for Them…

But, Alas.

I DID Try To Explain to These Two Idiots How Much I Respected Folks of Faith.

But I am an Atheist.

“Forever how long?” One inquired.

“Ever since I learned to read,” I responded.

Our ‘Conversation’ kinda went South after that.

FAITH:

There’s a Hallelujah on The Lips Of All Good Dyin’ Men

The High-Women

“Heaven is a Honky-Tonk”

My Relationship with ‘God’ is rather, shall we say, ‘Complicated’

Flew, Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Right Over Their Heads…

Again, Alas. I gave Up

And then I Cordially Invited Them to Go Get Fu*kd

Emmylou!

I love You!

For You and You Alone,

I would go to Church

FAITH

Bull-Shit Department:

Cred: Carlin

****

NO! I Learned to Read

Story at Eleven

To Be Continued.

I Have Only Scratched the Surface of

This Holy Encounter

Stray Tuned

I am so sick of Lance! He is Beginning To Bore Me. Je Sweee Malad et Fatigue’d, Or… Pass The Biscuits & Ammunition. I Do Grow Weary of my Endeavors to Edit This: Screw It!–Allow It To Stand Alone As Original Writ

***

Twisted Sister –

We’re Not Gonna Fake it

Anymore 

***

, BUT nEVER CAN GET FUCKIN’ LAID! & FUCKIN’ FATIG yEAH!’D=odd dam (Dat’s French! Y’all! I am so fukkin’ sick of LANCE! sOMEONE SHOOT this FUCKER! rIGHT bETEEN THE FUK-in’ EYES! IN THE FUKKIN G EYEE!

so Pissed off at that God! You know the one! THAT ONE WHO NEVER EXISTED! HE SOLD ME A BILL GOODS! hIS ASS was writing writing was writing Checks He Was Never Gonna CASh!

What as ASS! hOLE! What’s It All About?

THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful,

And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF! I really wante to FUCKING BELIEVE! BUT I LEAR’ND TO READ! MY HUGE FUKKIN’ MONU-MENTAL FUCK-UP!!!!! Fuk this! My mental mind is BLOWN!!! AWAY! (i may be havin’ some “issues”)—insanity ones! And I cannot spel nor typy fer caca!

i should learn how to

MEND MY FUCKIN’ SPEECH A BIT!

naw!

FUK THAT! tHAT would BORE y’all! My Largess fukking FEAR is to become “borin’ & Dict-able!— Pre-Dict- Un-able! to wRITE THE true Shit Surfaces in my FUKKING BRAIN

 

 

What’s it all about?

I am Atheist,

Capital A

Have Been

Ever Since I 

Learned To Read

This will never change.

Everyone knows this.

I am Not

Militant About it!

But Some

“Hyper Christians Keep Trying to “Save” Me!

Save Me From What?

Yes, I have Theist Friends.

I live in a State Flush With Theists!

I RESPECT THEM!

They Need to RESPECT ME!

(Is This Not What They Are Supposed to DO?)

Faith

What’s it all about?
Alfie?

I really wanna know.

cRED! here:

Catherine Mamontova

569 subscribers

happy NoW Markie??? You supercilly-ous prima-donna,

wanna-be Donna

ASSHOLE! gO Fuck yerself! Use This With My Blessing! You’re Welcome! Don’t EVEN MENTION IT!

 

i Can AdMit When I’m WroNg. evEn When I Don’t KnOw WHen I’ve BeEn wRonG

 

OH! Here is THE FUCKING LINK!

(tHAT Satisfy, sate you? Mark? Asshole)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48oLsDImC5A

BITCH!

FAKE BITCH!

HITCH PUTS IT BEST!

If You Be Not Afraid & Not Scared!

And Have a Fukkin’ Brain,

Watch THIS!

GODDAMN IT!!!

WORDPRESS!

THE TOTAL TONNAGE

OF

YOUR STUPIDITY

COULD / AND WOULD

SINK

THE

MIGHTY

FUCKING

BISMARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll get to the MOTHER-FUCKIN’ Credits LATER!

i AM IN pissed off mode RIGHT NOW

AND i HAVE

ZORO

000000

ZRRO ZORRO

NO

Fucks

Worth

Givin’ a single fuck

ABOUT!

AND Y’ALL KNOW I DO

NOT

LOVE ME

WHEN

I FIND ME

HERE!

GODDAMN YOU GOd!

DO SOMETHING!

INSTALL

UPLOAD

DOWNLOAD

A NEW

FUKCIN’

ALGORY-RHYTM!

I’M TIRED OF YOUR

SAME OLD

FUKKIN’

SONG

SO WRONG!

SO FUCKIN’

LONG

HAVE A

CHAT

WITH

YER

BRAT!

WHAT WAS

HIS

FUCKIN’ NAME A=GIN?

hEY-ZEUS?

FUCK YOU GOD

GET

OUTTA MY HEAD!

YOU ARE NOT

WELCOME

FUCKIN’

HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Appears Quite Within The Realm of Possibility That I Could Have Been (Oh Horror) Mistaken All-My-Life.

I May Have Found Religion. Or It Found Me. Or We Found Each Other. –Can’t Say ‘Re-Born’–

Because I Wasn’t Born:

I Was Squeezed Out Of A Bar Rag

*Heavy Sigh*

Seems The Ironic Joke Is On Me

Perhaps There Actually Is-A-God?

At This Point, I Am Ready To Believe In Just About ANYTHING

Lord Knows I’ve Been Wrong About Shit

Once or Twice Before

****

Ian Prowse sings:

‘Maybe There Is A God After All’

Cred For Vid: Liverpool Philharmonic

***

I Am Certainly Feeling Quite BLESS’D

Right About Now.

So Maybe

Just Maybe

Or Maybe… I am Just Lucky

Please Allow Me To Explain:

I Ran Outta Booze Days Ago

Not Really a Big Hairy Deal

(Just As Long as DT Man Stayed Away–He Did–Thank Baby Hey Zeus)

But I Had

ALSO

Run-Out-OF-Copenhagen!

Smokin’

(Empty, Try Another)

Credit: The Lovely Joni Mitchell

*****

This Was Bad Beyond BAD For Your Humble Author

I will have No Money Until The 10th of Never (SS Check June)

Copenhagen Cost Seven Bucks & Change Theses Days.

And Ninety Percent Of That Is State Tax!

Fu*k Me!

Anyway, I had been drinking Lots of Coffee–trying to Keep My Sanity Intact and Tryin’ to keep My ‘Snuff Jones’ at Bay.

Running Low On Coffee, I remembered My Savannah GF had sent me a case of Instant Hot Chocolate.

So I went rummaging about in My ‘Chocolate Box’

***

And Lo & Behold!

FOUND THREE CANS O’ COPENHAGEN

Residin’ Within!

Which I had apparently knocked into during an earlier inebriated state of Physical State and Forgotten All About.

Go Figger

Went Immediately Into MY HAPPY DANCE!

Pharrell Williams – Happy 

JUDY GARLAND AND BARBRA STREISAND –

Happy Days Are Here Again

Cred For Vid Share: George John

*****

Copenhagen & Copenhagen Angel Live Ned Ledoux:

Cred For Share: Ryan Horacek

***

First words out of my mouth–Spoken aloud in Fact–almost shouted:

“Hallelujah! Thank You GOD! Thank You JESUS!”

Oh Happy Day

Sister Act 2 

I Reiterate:

Maybe There Is-A-God

This Changes EVERYTHING In-My-World-View!

****

I am A Simple Man:

Simple Wants, Simple Desires, Simple Dreams, Simple Addictions, Simple Character Flaws.

Simple

And Yes! I Am A Sinner

Just Ask My Maternal Grandmother.

Bitch Was Always Tryin’ To Shove A Bible Up-My-Ass

You’ll Need A Ouija Board–Bitch Done Been Dead

****

Hint: She’s The One On The Right,

er…

Left

***

For Some Bizarre Reason This Moldy Old Post Gets ‘Hits’ Everyday. I Have No Clue as to Why. Surely I Have “Written” Better Shit. Which Goes Mostly Un-Noticed & Ignored

–Save For A Few ‘Die-Hard Fans’–(Thank Y’all Die-Hard Fans) But Alas. Woe Is Me. I’d Like to Reach A Larger Audience.

(This is Mainly Just A ‘Puff-Piece’–Constructed of Stuff I Callously/Un-Abashedly/Shamelessly Stole Off the Internet)

***

Whatever–I Do Not Look Gift Horses in Their Mouths.

“Christopher Hitchens: On The Suicide of His Mother”

Yeah. That’s The Title Of this Shit-Post

***

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:

This seems to be popular.

Of late.

fuk it.

Perhaps it is just the sign of the seasons….

“What’s Your Name?

Who’s Your Daddy?

Is He Rich Like Me?”

People Seemed to Have More fun In the Sixties.

But isn’t that Always the Way It Is?

We Always hearken to Our Past.

Why?

Our Future Is Right Now–

Meow

Cred: Some Walking Dead Zombies

***

Maybe we all want to commit suicide.

I have Pondered it Too Many Times

(But I Am A Coward)

Yet…Relinquish the world back to the roaches.

Surely they could do no worse, management – wise.

“To Die–Sleep No More”

The below is transcribed from Hitch’s book “Hitch-22”

Hitch 22 cigs

***

…because most of what I know about manic depression I first learned from Hamlet.

“I have of late,” the Prince of Denmark tells us, “but wherefore I know not—lost all my mirth.” Everyone living has occasionally experienced that feeling, but the lines that accompany it are the best definition of the blues that was ever set down.

(“Tired of living, scared of dying” is the next-best encapsulation, offered in “Old Man River.”) Who would carry on with the unending tedium and potential misery if they did not think that extinction would even be less desirable or—as it is phrased in another of Hamlet’s mood-swing soliloquies—if “the ever-lasting” had “not set his canon ‘gainst self-slaughter”?

There are fourteen suicides in eight works of Shakespeare, according to Giles Romilly Feddnen’s study of the question, and these include the deliberate and ostensibly noble ones of Romeo and Juliet and of Othello.

It’s of interest that only Hamlet’s darling Ophelia, whose death at her own hands is not strictly intentional, it is the object of condemnation by the clergy. My own indifference to religion and refusal to credit any babble about an afterlife has, alas, denied me the hearty satisfaction experienced by Ophelia’s brother Laertes, who whirls on the moralizing cleric to say:

“I tell thee, churlish priest,

A ministering angel shall my sister be,

When thou liest howling.”

Memorable to be sure, but too dependent on the evil and stupidity of the heaven/hell dualism, and of scant use to me in deciding how it was that a thoughtful, loving, cheerful, person like Yvonne, who was in reasonable health, would want to simply give up.

I thought it might have something to do with what the specialists call “anhedonia,” or the sudden inability to derive pleasure from anything, most especially from the pleasurable. Al Alverez, in his very testing and demanding study of the subject, “The Savage God,” returns often to the suicide of Cesare Pavese, who took his own life at the apparent height of his powers.  

Don't stay here

“In the year before he died he turned out two of his best novels… One month before the end he received the Strega Prize, the supreme accolade for an Italian writer. ‘I have never been so much alive as now,’ he wrote, ‘never so young.’

A few days later he was dead. Perhaps the sweetness itself of his creative powers made his innate depression all the harder to bear.”

***

Thank you for reading.

-Lance

(We now return you to our regularly scheduled…)

For Reference:

I love Helena Bonham Carter… Cannot help myself. (This scene is disturbing: do Not Watch)

If You Watch Nothing Else, Please Please PLEASE  Watch This:

Credit: And watch it AGAIN!

Here now (I hope) is the proper credit:

https://www.youtube.com/user/jakuerika

Cred: jakuerika

I am so sick of Lance! Je sweee malad aNS DESOLAAID

, BUT nEVER CAN GET FUCKIN’ LAID! & FUCKIN’ FATIG yEAH!’D=odd dam (Dat’s French! Y’all! I am so fukkin’ sick of LANCE! sOMEONE SHOOT this FUCKER! rIGHT bETEEN THE FUK-in’ EYES! IN THE FUKKIN G EYEE!

so Pissed off at that God! You know the one! THAT ONE WHO NEVER EXISTED! HE SOLD ME A BILL GOODS! hIS ASS was writing writing was writing Checks He Was Never Gonna CASh!

What as ASS! hOLE! What’s It All About?

THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful,

And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF! I really wante to FUCKING BELIEVE! BUT I LEAR’ND TO READ! MY HUGE FUKKIN’ MONU-MENTAL FUCK-UP!!!!! Fuk this! My mental mind is BLOWN!!! AWAY! (i may be havin’ some “issues”)—insannity ones! And I cannot spel nor typy fer caca!

i should learn how to

MEND MY FUCKIN’ SPEECH A BIT!

naw!

FUK THAT! tHAT would BORE y’all! My Largess fukking FEAR is to become “borin’ & Dict-able!— Pre-Dict- Un-able! to wRITE THE true Shit Surfaces in my FUKKING BRAIN

 

 

What’s it all about?

I am Atheist,

Capital A

Have Been

Ever Since I 

Learned To Read

This will never change.

Everyone knows this.

I am Not

Militant About it!

But Some

“Hyper Christians Keep Trying to “Save” Me!

Save Me From What?

Yes, I have Theist Friends.

I live in a State Flush With Theists!

I RESPECT THEM!

They Need to RESPECT ME!

(Is This Not What They Are Supposed to DO?)

Faith

What’s it all about?
Alfie?

I really wanna know.

cRED! here:

Catherine Mamontova

569 subscribers

happy NoW Markie??? You supercilly-ous prima-donna,

wanna-be Donna

ASSHOLE! gO Fuck yerself! Use This With My Blessing! You’re Welcome! Don’t EVEN MENTION IT!

i Can AdMit When I’m WroNg. evEn When I Don’t KnOw WHen I’ve BeEn wRonG

OH! Here is THE FUCKING LINK!

(tHAT Satisfy, sate you? Mark? Asshole)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48oLsDImC5A

BITCH!

FAKE BITCH!

HITCH PUTS IT BEST!

If You Be Not Afraid & Not Scared!

And Have a Fukkin’ Brain,

Watch THIS!

GODDAMN IT!!!

WORDPRESS!

THE TOTAL TONNAGE

OF

YOUR STUPIDITY

COULD / AND WOULD

SINK

THE

MIGHTY

FUCKING

BISMARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll get to the MOTHER-FUCKIN’ Credits LATER!

i AM IN pissed off mode RIGHT NOW

AND i HAVE

ZORO

000000

ZRRO ZORRO

NO

Fucks

Worth

Givin’ a single fuck

ABOUT!

AND Y’ALL KNOW I DO

NOT

LOVE ME

WHEN

I FIND ME

HERE!

GODDAMN YOU GOd!

DO SOMETHING!

INSTALL

UPLOAD

DOWNLOAD

A NEW

FUKCIN’

ALGORY-RHYTM!

I’M TIRED OF YOUR

SAME OLD

FUKKIN’

SONG

SO WRONG!

SO FUCKIN’

LONG

HAVE A

CHAT

WITH

YER

BRAT!

WHAT WAS

HIS

FUCKIN’ NAME A=GIN?

hEY-ZEUS?

FUCK YOU GOD

GET

OUTTA MY HEAD!

YOU ARE NOT

WELCOME

FUCKIN’

HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!